Categories: FolkloreLook ProNostalgiaTechniqueThe HardmenTradition

Look Pro: The Hunchbacks of Notre V

The flat back position is perhaps the greatest lie ever told in sport, provided you ignore any of the racing we’ve seen in the last decade or two.

It is possible, I suppose, that when we talk about a flat back, what we really mean is that on an elementary level, all curves are really just a series of straight segments connected at an angle; while a rider’s back may look arched, it really is flat in an existential sense.

Because no one really rides with a flat back. Even riders who famously rode with a flat back, like Greg LeMond, actually rode with only the upper portion of their backs flat. In fact, the only rider I can think of who was as happy as a Texan in an Amgen factory while riding with a truly flat back was The Gypsy himself. It bears mentioning, however, that a search through the Velominati Archives shows only intermittent evidence of him riding with a truly flat back.

If you’ve ever tried to get your back completely flat, you’ll have noticed that it feels awful. Your shoulders tense up, your hips roll forward. It certainly doesn’t do your bits any favors. As you try to accelerate, your shoulders and hips tense up even more in an effort to keep the back as flat as possible.

There is a very simple explanation for this: The V abhors a straight line; it requires smooth curves in order to flow freely from the various V-Receptacles spread throughout your body and into the guns where it is processed and converted into Monumental Devastation.

As you pursue the V-Locus, keep the following points in mind:

The key to a Magnificent Stroke is to find a tension-neutral position on the bike.
Let your hips find their natural position. It will likely be somewhat vertical, causing your lower back to arch.
Tension is the enemy. Relax your shoulders, elbows, hips, and neck. Even relax your fingers if you find them trying to strangle the bars.
Like a Jedi uses the Force, let the power of The V flow from your arms through your lower back and hips, and down into the cannons.
The harder you are hammering and the closer you are to achieving nuclear V-ission, the more important it becomes to keep your back and shoulders relaxed; you are wasting precious energy on staying tense. Use that energy to fire the the guns instead.

And yes, Cycling is hell for your posture. If that’s what you’re after, take up yoga.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

the Engine says:

Dec 3 2012 at 12:36 pm

Is the title picture of Le Blaireau the perfect Velominati picture of a man on a bike?

Apart from the de rigueur slightly out of focus dead body in the field right behind him and the possibility that it might just look ever so slightly better (but only ever so) if the cranks were slightly past the 6 o'clock and the picture had been taken from the drive side - is there anything Le Patron could have done to look more fantastic or more pro (given that this was presumably 1979)?
Oli says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:08 pm

1978
Oli says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:11 pm

Nice post, Frank, and sound.
wiscot says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:18 pm

Oli, you beat me to it! 1978 it was. Interesting discussion here. Riders back then had a much smaller differential between their bars and stem heights. There's maybe a 2-3" difference for Hinault in the picture. Compare that to some of today's riders who have a 6"+ difference.

Charly Mottet had a very "flat" back. Didi Thurau did too.On of the flattest was Moser.
Giles says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:24 pm

@wiscot did you mean seat and stem?
frank says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:25 pm

@the Engine, @Oli

1978

Indeed. '78 was quite a year for the little frog. Second year as a pro and he won the Tour, Vuelta, and the Nationals. They don't make them like that anymore. Here's a shot from a second later.

More '78 Bernie goodness:

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@Oli

Nice post, Frank, and sound.

I have to say I'm shocked, I didn't think you'd buy into this one bit! I'll try harder next time, I was a bit rushed this time round.
frank says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:30 pm

@wiscot

Only on his commuter

Not his racer

Chuck Flop was flatish, though, but not entirely, the base of his back was always positioned for maximum V, like LeMonds.
VeloVita says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:31 pm

Recently I've grown to learn that to adhere to Frank's V-step plan above requires more functional core strength than I currently possess. Countless tweaks have been made to bike setup and position to prevent pain or discomfort that would have probably been entirely unnecessary had I spent more time working on my core. Sadly its taken a lower back injury that kept me from doing any substantial riding for the past several months to force that realization.
frank says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:31 pm

@the Engine

Is the title picture of Le Blaireau the perfect Velominati picture of a man on a bike?

Apart from the de rigueur slightly out of focus dead body in the field right behind him and the possibility that it might just look ever so slightly better (but only ever so) if the cranks were slightly past the 6 o'clock and the picture had been taken from the drive side - is there anything Le Patron could have done to look more fantastic or more pro (given that this was presumably 1979)?

Check out the transition of his cap. Perfect Three-Point System here:

And now its completely slipped back in terror as he's laying it on thick.
Marko says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:32 pm

Must be an early in the season photo of Uli. He's looking rather fat to climb in that one.