Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

The Grande Fondue says:

Nov 9 2013 at 2:00 am

@Mikael Liddy

@PeakInTwoYears I don't know, have a look at the two guys flanking Lemond here. They're in pretty good shape.

Hinult. Casually Deliberate.
Buck Rogers says:

Nov 9 2013 at 2:23 pm

@Chris

@Buck Rogers

@Chris

Way too much smiling here to be Casually Deliberate but this photo made me laugh.

This is a GREAT photo. What post-race is this?

It's from this years British Road Championships in Glasgow, Cav took the win with Millar in third.

A soon as I'd hit submit post I realised I should have captioned it. "Dave and Mark think you're all taking yourselves too seriously with this no smiling nonsense..."

Man, I love Millar, no matter what his past. I think that that sums up my take on doping. Rule 43 paraphrase: If you're going to dope, at least don't be a jackass and dope (a la the COTHO).
meursault says:

Jan 18 2014 at 7:59 am

Big bernie
meursault says:

Jan 19 2014 at 9:12 am

Only took me three days to workout how to post an instagram pic. Well worth it though.
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Jun 6 2014 at 12:36 am

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I am not suggesting your content isn't good., but what if you added a title that grabbed a person's attention? I mean Velominati › Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate is kinda vanilla.
You should look at Yahoo's front page and see how they create article
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