My goal for 2012 is to just have fun with cycling. I need to focus on a lot of other things in my life off the bike (wedding the VMH, finishing my degree) so I want riding to just be fun & a release/relief from the other stuff. Plus, if I focus for a few months on my work, I’ll be finished and still have plenty of time to snap myself into form for cyclocross in the fall.

I’m going to do my best to ride as often as time permits, but to just ride and not worry about distance, speed, etc.

Nothing like sitting on the beach surrounded by fat and drunk Canadians and Russians to make you want to put down the mojito and get on the bike. “Nothing like” and “actually doing something about it,” however, are two very different things. After Marko’s Sensei piece from a week ago, big respect also needs to go out to Gianni, who clearly has a DS style all his own.

Lots of teams seemed to be training around Varadero. Cuban or from some other Latin American country? Of course, the roads around the touristy parts were terrific””and the only decent roads on the island…

Well done, sir… an inspiration to us all. In the time taken to run a typical marathon time you cycled uphill the entire time.

xyxax :
@frank
Wow, Frank, that image is an inspiration.particularly if those stains on your shoulder are due to Rule V-related brain melt dripping from your ears.

precisley put

Good work mate, hills are not a friend to us fellows over 6 foot two. You represented. I am thinking it was Eros Poli-esque yes? My “how fit am i really” 5km, 8% climb is embarrassing now!

I am waiting to see the video. If recorded well, it should be “epic”.

I went on a little jaunt yesterday, and while climbing a 200 meter hill I was certainly contemplating Frank’s hardman feat.

I am wondering if we have been played? Think about it, the build up, the tweets and then images that seem to good to be true? I mean there is no bike, there is no VMH, there is frank doing an impression of Tyler Hamilton on top of Mt. Washington and what the fuck is Gianni doing???

This may be the biggest hoax since Pharmstrongs escapades, I want proof – real pictures, videos, eye witnesses. Now!

I think the dried liquid on frank’s shoulder is lava from the volcano itself.

Thank you for making the weekend totally riveting – hehe – You are our hero and have laid down the V for the future attempts by Velominatus on the Volcano.

Nice work young lad, the V-dribble on your shoulder is testament to your effort.

Wow, Frank, that image is an inspiration.
particularly if those stains on your shoulder are due to Rule V-related brain melt dripping from your ears.

@Ron

Flu? Infectiousness is a good way to get a break from the in-laws. As is going to Prague, for that matter.

Looking forward to the video.

Thanks to everyone in the community for turning this into a sadistic suffer fest rather than a nice Saturday afternoon ride up a hill. Everyone’s support is appreciated.

Gianni and my VMH apologize for the stop in Twitter updates when the signal died. There’s only so much “hope” can do in terms of cell reception.

Full account coming, but here’s a teaser.

DS Gianni:

Frank in agony at the summit:

@ G’phant. Yeah, I’ve steered very clear of twatter. Would have used it for this if I’d been around. Yep, I agree – only something as significant as our Founder doing this ride would make me go near that thing.

@ Rob. What movie? I was dragged to the King’s Speech last week and was bored for, oh, just about all of it. Not my type of movie.

Nice going, Steampunk.

I just got from a Sunday morning ride. Visiting the (future) in-laws and was able to find a local ride. A lot of these people ride often and a lot of them do this particular ride weekly. Somehow, which I can’t figure out, they have absolutely no clue how to work in a paceline. It’s fucking bizarre. One guy sits up front for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, then someone finally pulls up on the left and starts sprinting ahead, breaking up the group. Huh? It’s not that hard. I’m baffled by it. Done it twice now and there is absolutely no working together. Weird.

And bugger, can’t recall the last time I’ve been sick but feel week, have the chills, and feverish and I leave for Prague on Tuesday. Maybe it’s just the in-laws making me feel this way.

Happy Sunday all!

Good work, Frank!!

Nice work, Steampunk!

Trojan work by Michell and Gianni, it was fun reading the reports until I had to accompany my VMH to a very bad movie. Can’t wait for the video!

Steampunk you are genius, how did you know?

Chapeau, Steampunk, that’s kind of scary.

Wow @steampunk gets it to the minute. Well played to you sir as well

Way to go frank! You got at least a few dozen people living vicariously through you today. Nice.

And thanks Gianni and Michelle

3.52

I expect a nest of wasps to be inhaled.

Your in Beev, maybe the last.

I’m pumped to see how you do. That video of Ryder is pretty good. Damn, 89 rpms when he broke it. Only the PROS can spin like that up a volcano for 57 km. Incredible.

I hope Gianni has the right embrocations for the guns and has prepared his secret bidon mixtures to help you fly to the top.

Good luck!

frank :
@allMy wonderfully amazing VMH (who just demonstrated how to open a beer bottle with a Leatherman and have it hold onto the cap) has agreed to provide live updates via our Twitter feed @velominati.
Cheers.

Very nice! Best of luck!!! Go Pantani on it’s ASS!!!

“Frank Vs. The Volcano”
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13
16) Cyclops – 3:29.0
17) Gianni – 3:36:00
18) Oli – 3:44:15
19) Brett – 4:52.0

The times are still in the 3:35 to 5:01 range so we all think Frank will ride honorably and not bonk – or at least recover enough to finish within 5:01. Geoffrey is an old hand here and wise as a fox – does he know our man – maybe he understands that Franks Dutch Monkey self will start fast but fade to a crawl…

Could he do a 3:35? Jeff in PetroMetro has shown a depth of understanding of the Metier and perhaps he can judge the variables from his intellectual heights.

The rest of us may only be projecting our own overblown imaginary or past hill climbing abilities… but will Frank match or surpass our fantasies??

Now we wait.

“Frank Vs. The Volcano”
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13
16) Cyclops – 3:29.0
17) Gianni – 3:36:00
18) Oli – 3:44:15

Allez, Frank!!

Are you going to do the proper start, all the way down at the ocean with a toe in the water?

Anyway the twitter thing has just been explained to me and I thank Ms.M in advance.

Go well Frank! May the wind be at your back, the hill seem to rise up to meet you as your guns fire in perfect synchronicity with the effortless grace that we all have come to expect from our fearless leader!

And Gianni hold that camera steady when your shouting “Venga, venga, venga” we want a Federico Fellini la Dolce Velominati film.

Cheers.

I will be the DS behind the wheel and Michelle will be typing in the tweeted updates from the co-pilot seat. I’m installing the cheap megaphone on the car roof so I can yell “venga, venga, venga” for hours on end. We will shoot video from my lame little flip video camera and it will require a day or two to edit it down to something slightly cool. But there should be a lot of footage of him chewing on his aluminum handlebars as he climbs for hour after hour after hour.

I hope he easily breaks four hours. I hoped I could break five hours so at least I’m giving him credit for beating me by more than an hour. He may climb well for his weight but damn it’s a lot of up and there is no place to hide. Better him than me.

“Frank Vs. The Volcano”
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13
16) Cyclops – 3:29.0
17) Gianni – 3:36:00

“Frank Vs. The Volcano”
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13
16) Cyclops – 3:29.0

When you get to the parking lot at the top, roll straight through and pedal up the walking path to the observation hut at the top. That’s an extra 20-30 vertical feet that I know you wouldn’t want to cheat yourself out of…

The climbs on the Big Island are different in that they are not just one climb. The Saddle road between them rolls up and down (mostly up). Haleakala is almost completely – except for maybe 200m – uphill with no respite. Also, neither Mauna Kea nor Mauna Loa are paved all the way to the top and the pavement on both stops well short of the 10,023 foot mark.

Often, people say, “Oh I’m going to Hawaii” and I respond, “I’m not in good enough shape to go to Hawaii.” Which always draws a quizzical response, as to a typical (read: lazy) American, I appear fit. But on Hawaii loom the three monsters: Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, and Haleakala. The three sisters that represent three of the longest paved climbs in the world (if not THE three longest). A dream vacation would include climbing all three in a glorious week of suffering. Someday.

Nate has a good point that bike of yours is way better than a lousy ring that could rule them all.

Lastly we are still looking for Gianni’s prediction and any one else – ?

@frank
Just don’t go all Lord of the Rings, throwing your bike into the volcano at the end.

She is a sleeping giant, a massive lump of rock. I can sense her everywhere I go, much like Obi-wan sensed the destruction of Alderan and Vader sensed his old master on the Death Star. The volcano is dormant, but it is a place strong with the v. The path lies before me, and I am prepared to take the first step.

A-Merckx, thanks for the support, and may the v be with you all.

A++1

Every one Last chance today for times, copy and paste…

“Frank Vs. The Volcano”
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13

If I had a velodrome nearby with a Six Day I’d be there in a flash but that is indoors with lots of beer.

In a funny way Franks challenge is just the right combination of winter entertainment as you could wish for! And your right Milan San Remo is only sixish weeks away but it can’t come soon enough.

Steampunk:
@Rob
Centipedes?

Yes Centipedes, Steampunk??

@3cross
Good call.

@Buck Rogers
We try – thanks.

@xyxax
Ah-um yes and very useful I’m sure…

@ALL, not counting 3:35, 4:42, 4:45 and 5:01 there are 5 grouped around 3:51 – 3:57. The next grouping of 6 go from 4:06 – 4:25.

I have no idea what this means but get your guesses in!

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13

Arggh! Given gravity’s fatal effect on my cycling, how could I have left that out?
Just to level the playing field for everyone, the gravitational constant G (elucidated by Cavendish!) is 6.673 x 10-11 N m2/kg2.

and “centipedes”, in metric, are “trentimetres”.

PS – I know, the saddlebag violation…

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36
15) 3cross – 3:57:13

Jeff in PetroMetro:
@Rob
Hey. Are we using “The Price Is Right” rules?

After the TTR seminar I am afraid to ask…

@Gianni
This is true insider info and gives my prediction gravitas!

@G’phant
Frank say’s Saturday is the day.

@ALL
From his post above there are many signs that he might be psyching himself out.
I will name a few for folks who have not put up a time yet, it may make some think about a time higher than the current 5:01.01 of Geoffrey’s.

His height tops the list (if you did not know he is fucking 6’5″, I had some beers with him and got a crook in my neck by the end of the evening)

He has peaking ISSUES… no comment.

He next lists 3 other issues, centipedes, dirty white socks and various squeaky noises on the bike. This says to me that his anal compulsions maybe getting the better of his Dutch Monkey brain – a very bad sign I think.

Lastly, he is driving and riding his bike all over Maui, which must be just incredibly mind blowing but add to that being constantly pissed on great brews (Gianni is a wizard at finding rare IPA’s with alcohol levels off the charts and brown drinks with names like Dogs Bottom that will make you go blind) and all the while the mountain looms ala Orodruin, the volcano in Mordor and he is like Frodo (Who if you remember was a tallish Hobbit). I think it is wearing him down?

Can’t wait for Saturday and the videos!
Get your times in.

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36

In fact, Brett, how about adding “properly hydrated” to the The Lexicon? Definition: consumed many beers. Used in a sentence: Not wanting to shrivel up like a prune during his ascent of Wannahakkalugi, Frank spent many days prior to his epic climb getting properly hydrated with Gianni.

Oh, and the best of velomiluck to you, Frank. Slay that beast.

To keep his training up we are doing a killer West Maui ride tomorrow, out on a secluded coastal road, lots of headlands to climb over and it all ends up at the Maui Brewery. I try to help the humans now and again.

Can we get some specifics, Frank? How many beers have you had?

In all seriousness you guys should know that this is such a fantasy for us snow bunnies. I mean it is seriously cold here and there is more snow on the ground than has fallen altogether for the last 3 winters, plus more of a dumping coming tomorrow. So this awesome Frank effort really is making these long winter nights a little shorter.

OK enough sappy stuff back to biznus you need to commit, add your guess, he hee!
Every one else too.

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36

Frank is 34 years young. He has a huge motor. He has a bike Jens himself would be proud to throw a leg over. I believe he will kill himself to do a good time.

I am the support car with flip video so we will have a nice little movie out of this. I can’t imagine why I will be doing any hula but during the annual race there is a fine group at 5280 feet dressed up as airline pilots and stewardesses who cheer you on as you go past the “mile high club” banner.

BTW, I am V foot 19.

Ok I understand if you won’t post up a prediction but I think it is only fair if the ladies and Gianni pony up because they are our eyes and ears and can feel the wind and if the Volcano is acting up.

Everyone else you have time to research and cogitate – lets say entries must be in by midnight on Friday or if you got really drunk but can get up by 6:00 am on Saturday that will work. So copy and paste your time onto the most recent list:

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36

I won’t weigh in on my prediction because I want to play things a little close to the chest. But here are some stats for all y’all to ponder.

1) The climb is tentatively scheduled for Saturday.
2) I am 6 foot V
3) Many months from peaking
4) Horrified by the centipedes that live here
5) Dirtied up my perfectly white socks yesterday on an incredible ride along the coast
6) Something got in my cleats and they are squeaking (this could lead to me going blind, deaf, and abandoning simultaneously)
7) We bought more beer on Saturday than we thought we could drink before we left. It is already gone
8) It will be windy
9) It will be cold
10) The mountain taunts be daily, sitting there like such a big fancy lump of rock, like that’s something to be proud of

I think that’s some good data. Lets think up a good prize (liking @Marko’s suggestion) for the winner.

@Marko
I’ve surmised it to be something about being closer to the equator, which is sort of like your warm weather theory. I think your theory is more accurate. I’m changing my theory to yours. Yep.

Marko–I sort of feel like a sensei, just ’cause you took the time to calculate your TTR.

I think if a person keeps his TTR under one, that’s perfectly acceptable in this era of body art.

Before accident, injury, illness, and orthodontia, an adult should have 28 teeth, not including wisdom teeth (which makes 32). That gives a person a lot of leeway.

I’d probably need to get a ruling if a person loses teeth over time. Wait. No. I don’t need a ruling on this one. If a person loses teeth but takes the time, spends the money, and contemplates the V in the dentist’s chair to get replacement implants, there’s no increase to the TTR, and there’s no asterisk next to your name in the Hall of Shame.

BTW, I have 24 teeth, but I have no ink–yet. I really like Marko’s V. But I think I’ll buy all the V Gear before I get inked.

As for Frank’s Death March, maybe I was too optimistic, but I still believe. Now hurry up Frank! This is the best race I’ve followed since the Tour of Lombardy! Why is this not being broadcast? This should be on steephill.tv. In Flemish.

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30
14) Buck Rogers – 4:25.36

Collin, loved your logic. Mcsqueak and B.R. can any of us really say we know Frank – in the Fight Club sense of it??

JFT, I am so with you on this one – next year I say we all show up in tents in Gianni’s back yard!

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01
13) JFT – 3:58:30

I, also, have never met him but it sounds like a hell of a ride! No matter what, he’ll be bringing the “V” to Hawaii!

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29
12) mcsqueak – 4:45:01

Frank has 15cm and at least 15kgs on me. I climb a 5% grade in the 16-18kph range, so I’ll give Frank 14-16kph, as it is out-of-season. I don’t know if he’s going to go true V and not put his foot down, though, so that’ll add 10 minutes. Going on the low end of speed, that puts my guess at 4:17:29.

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36
11) Collin – 4:17.29

Sort of sorry you answered this one I was looking forward to Jeff tackling it…
This site has a way of landing posts in far away places from their original intent.

So back to the joy of riding and Franks imminent display of V and joy in one 3,333 meter slog – I still do not know when it is happening… maybe he has gone already and six hours with 700 meters left he has to be carried to the mighty Gianni team car, babbling about how he is better than Tommy Simpson and let him finish or leave him on the volcano.

But I expect that is no closer to the truth and that the real scenario has copious amounts of micro Hawaiian brew involved and tactics being discussed…

If anyone still wants into the pool add to the list.

Frank’s Time Up the Big One
1) Rob – 3:51.25
2) Jeff in PetroMetro-3:35:35
3) Steampunk – 4:27.18
4) G’phant – 4:14.9
5) Marko – 4:06.46
6) xyxax – 3:52.12
7) Chris – 4:12.37
8) Nate – 3:59:45
9) Geoffrey “” 5:01:01
10) sgt – 4:42:36

Just wondering if any of the Velominati could be numbered – Marko comes to mind??

I have to take this opportunity to thank Frank, Gianni and the VMH’s. Here it is -5 F and since there is no racing in the northern hemisphere they, by riding and supporting the ride, are providing a great service. I for one feel as excited as if it was Roubaix time and the VSP was in full swing – I think we should take a poll and make this a yearly event, with all welcome?? I for one am in for next year.

@Geoffrey Grosenbach
Glad someone is being realistic – I mean about Gianni.