Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s Liege-Bastogne Liege 2017

This guy. This fucking Valverde guy. How can you make it look so easy? Dan Martin was right to look like a little bitch on the podium, because that’s exactly what Valvecap made of him: his little bitch.

What kills me about him is he looks totally awesome, but I can’t find myself liking him. What’s the matter with me? Looking Fantastic is normally all I need. Maybe its because he’s bald. But that hasn’t stopped me before. Chalk it up to the great mysteries of life.

Liege is a race that’s dear to my heart; my dad and I did it together when I was seventeen and it was one of the greatest rides of my life. It’s a great classic, but today’s era of specialization means we rarely see riders contest the cobbled classics as well as the Ardennes classics. Yet, this year we’ve got Greg Van Avermaet lining up after winning Roubaix in the true Hardman style of Eddy Mereckx or Sean Kelly.

So lets make this happen people: I’m voting for GvA, nearly assuring everyone he won’t be anywhere near the podium. Appologies in advance. You know the drill: get the picks in by the time the clock goes to zero. Good luck!

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Here is what one pro thinks of the descending prize:

    In related news, Band-Aid brand will be sponsoring the new "most spectacular crash" classification. Seriously, who came up with this shit?

  • @Rick

    Good call. The last thing RCS need during the 100th Anniversary of the Giro is some horrendous accident or death caused by an unnecessary competition. I understand the need to keep things fresh and vital and racing lively, so why not bring back (as in Giros past) the black jersey, or the Regions jersey? Maybe a combine jersey like they had in the Tour back in the 80s? A couple of other classifications could be added that would attract sponsors without putting rider's lives at risk.

    On a lighthearted note, the following prizes could be awarded at the end of the race:

    The Moser Prize. For the biggest, heaviest rider to do well in the mountains.

    The Ricco Prize: for the biggest douche in the peloton.

    The Schepers Prize: Most loyal domestique (Gregario?)

    The Freuler Prize: Best facial hair.

    The Cipo Prize: Most fined rider for wearing unauthorized team kit

    The Contini Prize: Fattest rider

    The TJ Prize: most disappointing rider

  • hi@wiscot

    Great ideas! Am glad this was cancelled, I was already considering to move to Conti instead of Pirelli tires (on the car).

  • @KogaLover

    hi@wiscot

    Great ideas! Am glad this was cancelled, I was already considering to move to Conti instead of Pirelli tires (on the car).

    Ha! These other awards could also be on offer:

    The Quintana Prize: for the race leader who wears the most pink gear.

    The Gimondi Prize: For the most casually deliberate rider

    I'm sure I can think of others . . .

  • @wiscot

    Excellent list.

    I think I might be in contention to win the Contini prize at this weekend's gravel race.  I definitely feel too fat to climb after a horrible April (lack of) training schedule.  Looks like there will be a good turnout of local Pros, even Ted King is supposed to race.  I will be off the back by mile 0.5, maybe I'll see them at the finish line if they wait around long enough.

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