Photo: Jim Fryer / BrakeThrough Media | brakethroughmedia.com

Photo: Jim Fryer / BrakeThrough Media | brakethroughmedia.com

FFS Friday: Rule #95 Violations

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  1. Rule #95 //
    Never lift your bike over your head.

    Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one's machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car's roof-rack.

This festering blight on the Cycling landscape seemed to start with cross-country mountain bikers, who often finish their race alone and have time to stop at the finish line, look around to see if there are any spectators in attendance, then bend over like a shaved praying mantis to struggle with the 7 kilogram heft of their carbon hardtail, holding it aloft for the mandatory three seconds until their imaginary judges give the green light to drop it back to earth…Should you be neck deep in a river or for some reason need to throw your bike over a prison wall, exceptions can be made -Brett Kennedy. The Rules

Exceptions can be made as Brett points out, and how could one end up in prison with one’s bike?

Far be it from us to criticize Fabian Cancellara’s Strade Bianche antics. Doesn’t he read The Rules? He would have had to read all the way to page 228 to get to this gem and admittedly, he is a busy man.

Well if Fabian can do it, I can do it. That is how the trouble begins. Tim Wellens couldn’t resist. He had a solo victory and time to kill and maybe deep in every professional’s contract there is a clause that says one is paid 10,000 euros for raising your bike over your head. But damn it, professionals are supposed to act like professionals or every school yard kid will be trying it. And then where will we be?

If you want to hold your bike over your head, you can; find a deep river to ford or when being incarcerated, bring your bike.

 

// FFS Friday // The Rules

  1. @tmgrasso

    Well of course we have had this already elsewhere…..

  2. @wiscot

    Did Coppi, Bartali, Van Looy, Merckx, Hinault, Kelly or Lemond ever lift their bike? No. As someone said somewhere about winning: you should always make it look like you’ve done it before.

    I believe it was (or has been attributed to) the legendary Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry, said in reference to extravagant touchdown celebrations.

    It was along the lines of them being supposed to score and not making it look like it was something out of the ordinary.

  3. @wiscot

    I was on the fence on this one since I have never won a Giro stage. You convinced me that the rules are the rules! Well said!

  4. Thank goodness he didn’t pull a wheelie or stick a baby pacifier in his mouth.

    For pure class on how to cross the finish line in first place you can’t find better examples than Lance Armstrong.

  5. THE Gorilla should have lifted the 2nd place rider over his head and thrown him back. That we would applaud!

  6. I wondered if this was going to be mentioned. aside from shoving his saddle up his arse while riding, I’ve enjoyed watching the kid but hopefully, Greipel and Hanson gave him a bunch of shit for that one.

  7. @GoldenGorilla

    THE Gorilla should have lifted the 2nd place rider over his head and thrown him back. That we would applaud!

    Drop the second place guy on his bended knee…ouch. The Gorilla looks like he could lift a human over his head actually.

  8. @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Did Coppi, Bartali, Van Looy, Merckx, Hinault, Kelly or Lemond ever lift their bike? No. As someone said somewhere about winning: you should always make it look like you’ve done it before.

    For the first half of that list the bikes were probably too heavy!

    A-Merckx next we will have baseball caps on the podium. Oh wait……….

    Indeed, bikes too heavy. I hefted an 1980s De Rosa frame recently, fucking heavy as hell, we forget what steel frames used to be.

  9. @Scott

    @wiscot

    I was on the fence on this one since I have never won a Giro stage. You convinced me that the rules are the rules! Well said!

    The whole point is to look fantastic regardless of what you’ve won. Wellens undid all his soul crushing by looking douche-tastic. I hope the Lotto boys gave him a ration of shit on the bus (probably not though since it is a payday for them regardless of his transgressions).

  10. @hudson

    Actually, it might be pretty funny to see a domestique dump what’s left in his bidon over the helmet of the winner he pulled most of the way up the mountain..

  11. @Danimal

    Or better still, the winner baptizing the runner-up… “I beat you, and with 500ml of superfluous weight – suck it.”

  12. I have to admit I enjoyed both celebrations, perhaps Rosa’s more as his was a real Rule #9 ride, I like the genuine sense of joy at achieving what is so very difficult to do, I can understand how it might get old for some regular winners, COTHO always looked a little defeated to me, maybe if you know you cheated, you will never know if it was you or the drugs that won, which is why he always looked a little sour on it.

    Nothing like the look of pure joy that comes from a great Solo win.

    Diego Rosa

  13. @Taffy Tart

    Diego Rosa and Tim Wellens……both great stage victories completely ruined by such blatant violation of “The Rules”. Merckx (I would imagine) is less than impressed. :-(

  14. It was an amazing ride. As soon as I saw it I wondered how long it would take for one of the Keepers to write up a violation. I loved watching his performance and I was fine with the lift. Good to see some genuine elation, and so it didn’t bother me at all. It could get old fast though if it becomes highly contagious.

  15. Not excusing wee Tim’s mindless rule violation but it was a brilliant solo victory, his first grand tour stage victory, and he’s just 25 years old (if memory serves). A rush of blood to the head, perhaps, as we say around these here parts.

  16. How to celebrate after scoring the greatest try ever……..

  17. @Gianni

    @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Did Coppi, Bartali, Van Looy, Merckx, Hinault, Kelly or Lemond ever lift their bike? No. As someone said somewhere about winning: you should always make it look like you’ve done it before.

    For the first half of that list the bikes were probably too heavy!

    A-Merckx next we will have baseball caps on the podium. Oh wait……….

    Indeed, bikes too heavy. I hefted an 1980s De Rosa frame recently, fucking heavy as hell, we forget what steel frames used to be.

    I was out on The Butler yesterday – 1967. Just a tad heavier thane Pina.

  18. @Teocalli

    How to celebrate after scoring the greatest try ever……..

    Couple of nasty high tackles in there! Amazing team try though. The best ever? By a Welshman maybe! Hehe! No but seriously, the timing of the final pass and the speed Edwards was carrying – phenomenal.

  19. @DVMR

    Yeah in the modern game that try would have been stopped at least 3 times along the way for dangerous play.

  20. @DVMR

    PS – I’m not Welsh so no bias there. Though I do remember watching it live.

  21. @DVMR

    Ok, ONE of the greatest tries, but undoubtedly THE greatest game. Both teams were stuffed with all-time greats. Saw many of the Ba-Bas playing for their home teams in the late 70s, early 80s. One tactic clearly employed by the All Blacks was to remove JPR Williams’s head. Brilliant stuff.

  22. Good to see some Italians still know how it should be done, Brambilla was much better today.

  23. @Teocalli

    Ha, I totally thought you were Welsh for some reason. Must’ve been because of a previous rugby related discussion.

    @wiscot

    Ahh yeah, definitely one of the greatest tries. And most probably the greatest ever, I was just poking some fun at @Teocalli‘s Welshness, or non-Welshness for that matter! That particular match was a little bit before my time, but I must try and watch it in full some day. Love how the game was played back then. Less brute force, more skill.

    @Mikael Liddy

    One word for Brambilla today:

    Classy.

  24. @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Best moment in the whole sequence of play is when Phil Bennett catches the ball, looks up and sees the whole All Black team running at him…and decides to run rather than kick.

    I’m getting drawn into discussions about guitars, music, rugby…can you tell I’m on holiday and I’ve been away from my bike for a while?

  25. I’m going to swim against the tide and risk the wrath of @frank and the rest of you, but f**k the rules. I’m not saying do this all the time, mind you. But cut these guys some slack. Let them celebrate every once in a while and savor the moment. It’s like the 16th hole at the Phoenix Open. It totally goes against the grain of what golf is supposed to be because it’s loud and boisterous and golf is prim and proper. The fans are drunk and screaming. You don’t want that on every hole and every week, but it’s great spectacle, a nice change of pace from week in-week out pro golf, and part of what gives the tournament it’s character. Honestly, we need more “characters” in cycling. Like Sagan. So I say “chapeau” to Wellens.

  26. @chuckp

    I think you’re going to take some shit for that golf reference! It’s a blasphemous pursuit around here.

    Closest golf gets to a mountain ascent, fanwise.

  27. @chuckp

    you lost me at “golf”

  28. @Mikael Liddy

    Good to see some Italians still know how it should be done, Brambilla was much better today.

    Was a great stage, and I challenge you to find better commentators for the duration of a stage than Matthew Keenan and Robbie McEwen. Giro snacks allround

  29. @Danimal

    /delurking temporarily

    Many years (~30, iirc) ago I did well in a race, a big one. In a moment of pure exuberance and gratitude to my most helpful teammate, I dumped my bottle over his head, it being a sweltering summer day. Sadly, that was the bottle of my special coke and coffee w/ honey, save-for-the-last-twenty-miles concoction. I’m reminded of that special moment to this day.

    /back to lurk

  30. @Gianni

    @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Did Coppi, Bartali, Van Looy, Merckx, Hinault, Kelly or Lemond ever lift their bike? No. As someone said somewhere about winning: you should always make it look like you’ve done it before.

    For the first half of that list the bikes were probably too heavy!

    A-Merckx next we will have baseball caps on the podium. Oh wait……….

    Indeed, bikes too heavy. I hefted an 1980s De Rosa frame recently, fucking heavy as hell, we forget what steel frames used to be.

    My 1985 steel frame De Rosa with 36 spoke wheels comes in at about 10kg. I think most of us could get that over the prison wall.

  31. @Barracuda

    @Mikael Liddy

    Good to see some Italians still know how it should be done, Brambilla was much better today.

    Was a great stage, and I challenge you to find better commentators for the duration of a stage than Matthew Keenan and Robbie McEwen. Giro snacks allround

    Great racing to watch. That descent was terrifying! I feel a bit dirty because I almost liked Valverde today.

  32. @mtngoat

    @Danimal

    /delurking temporarily

    Many years (~30, iirc) ago I did well in a race, a big one. In a moment of pure exuberance and gratitude to my most helpful teammate, I dumped my bottle over his head, it being a sweltering summer day. Sadly, that was the bottle of my special coke and coffee w/ honey, save-for-the-last-twenty-miles concoction. I’m reminded of that special moment to this day.

    /back to lurk

    Ha! Nothing wrong with that as you are still going on about it 30 years later!

  33. @Harminator

    Yes exactly, me too.

    I won’t tell if you don’t !

  34. @Bespoke

    @chuckp

    I think you’re going to take some shit for that golf reference! It’s a blasphemous pursuit around here.

    Closest golf gets to a mountain ascent, fanwise.

    I know. But I’m not a one-dimensional, cycling-only kind of guy.

  35. @chuckp

    @Bespoke

    @chuckp

    I think you’re going to take some shit for that golf reference! It’s a blasphemous pursuit around here.

    Closest golf gets to a mountain ascent, fanwise.

    I know. But I’m not a one-dimensional, cycling-only kind of guy.

    Well then, get the fuck out.

  36. I hope the gentlemen at Mike Durfee State Prison are aware that they can apply for an exemption if required.

    http://gipsy.ninja/all-these-bikes-are-sent-to-prison-for-the-best-possible-reason-ever/

  37. @chuckp

    Nor am I, but golf? Really??

  38. Please ignore the above post, it was another ill-advised (I’m going to fire that idiot adviser) attempt at humour that turned to shit the minute I pressed submit. There’s nothing at all wrong with golf.

  39. @Oli

    Please ignore the above post, it was another ill-advised (I’m going to fire that idiot adviser) attempt at humour that turned to shit the minute I pressed submit. There’s nothing at all wrong with golf.

    No worries. Message received in the manner it which was intended. I will give @kixsand the same benefit of the doubt. I know 99% of the shit here is intended as good fun.

    That said …

    Yes … golf … really. Get over it and over yourself. Just because you love one sport doesn’t mean you have to hate on another. IMHO too many cyclists take on a holier than thou attitude and, honestly, that’s not good for the sport. Almost elite athletes in any sport have an appreciation and admiration of other sports. Would you belittle MJ (as in Michael Jordan) for being a HUGE golf fan (not to mention a very, very good golfer)? Oh yeah, LeMan is another big time golfer.

  40. @chuckp

    Seriously? Get serious.

  41. @chuckp

    glad to see that you’ve taken my post as it was intended – you must not golf that much.

  42. @Teocalli

    How to celebrate after scoring the greatest try ever……..

    Like you’ve been there before…

    Pantani’s salute was perfect.

  43. Welp, it would seem that I’m not the only one who wants to date that girl on her Bianchi on rollers. Seriously let down. Damnit.

    Hmm, who is the last Grand Tour stage winner to cross the line with colored tires?

  44. @BacklashJack

    I agree with you except that the logo on the underside of the downtube is visible in photographs taken from a low angle. I agree with everything else including his shirt and him and those pesky kids should get off my lawn!

  45. @kixsand

    @chuckp

    glad to see that you’ve taken my post as it was intended – you must not golf that much.

    I used to play a lot (30-40 rounds a year), but not so much the last few years. Mostly now watching my daughter develop as a golfer. I love playing with her and love that I have a golf buddy for life. We’re actually playing in a scramble tournament this weekend and I’m letting her captain our team (it’s a fundraiser for her high school). And I’ll take this opportunity to brag as a proud dad: she was selected to play in the pro-am for Tiger’s tournament (Quicken Loans National) at Congressional Country Club.

  46. @BacklashJack

    Ridley have always had a strong cyclocross connection, and as someone who works for another CX bike company, I know we always like a company logo on the underside of the down tube so it’s visible when the bike is being shouldered. I imagine Ridley uses one in house design team so it’s the same crayon handlers work.

    However, that’s not really a valid excuse for a road bike….wtf Ridley ;)

  47. How about today’s Giro finish? Etixx put the dope slap on young signor Moser…. and he’d be a classy rider were it not for the excessive facial hair and unfortunate POC accessories. But Matteo committed a major fashion faux-pas and possible Rule #80 violation. Or does he deserve a pass for not having zipped up the jersey prior to his counter attack in recognition of its devastating effectiveness?

  48. @Philonius

    How about today’s Giro finish? Etixx put the dope slap on young signor Moser…. and he’d be a classy rider were it not for the excessive facial hair and unfortunate POC accessories. But Matteo committed a major fashion faux-pas and possible Rule #80 violation. Or does he deserve a pass for not having zipped up the jersey prior to his counter attack in recognition of its devastating effectiveness?

    I think he gets a pass given the incredible amount of V he must have laid down in the last couple of kms. That last climb was nasty and he’s not a small lad. After the climb it was all about catching Moser and maintaining momentum. One of the best finishes I’ve seen in ages.

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