Alright bitches. I rode tonight sans bandana. Sweat rolling down the sunglasses and dripping off my nose.

“Hey, Dr. Joyce Brothers! Flick that sweatball off your nose!” –

So what’s a boy to do?

Halo headbands and skull caps. They have a nice little silicon strip aboves the eyes that directs the sweat away, works for me.

“Hey, Dr. Joyce Brothers! Flick that sweatball off your nose!” –

So what’s a boy to do?

@Cyclops
Those flowers sure are nice, but what happens if you just wring it back out into your mouth?

Is that “recyclopsing”?

Cycloserverdown: what happens to a private cycling blog when mentioned on a Eurosport world-wide broadcast of the TdF.

Cyclohaze: The combination of sleepiness, excitement, and panic as tweets, sms messages, and emails pour in saying the site’s down but it’s because a couple of your heros just mentioned your site.

I had a question: I ran across “Sabotaging the Saboteur’ (frackin’ crazy Frank!!), and someones GOT to point me towards more stuff where I can read comments from Adrian? Jezzus, comedy gold right there.

I think that’s Adrian best and only work, although there might be something in The Rules…if you dare sift through all those posts!

What about Cyclopphilia (double P intended): when an post about a club race generates over 140 comments!

Addition to the Lexicon? The verb TO CYCLOPS
To Cyclops: To smile while laying down The V. (This, of course, confuses and ultimately crushes the will of all the other members of the peloton and leads to a podium finish.)
Example: Horner cycloped throughout the entire Tour of California.

hehe fun with tenses:
Cyclopsed: the greater demoralisation that occurs asCyclops spins away from you grinning,
Cyclobbered – being lapped in a crip by the cyclopsee.

@mcsqueak
I think it was taken by Leonard Johnson @ Hotfootphoto. Bad crash.
so back from vacation and got to ride McKenzie Pass which is currently closed to cars, only open to peds and bikes. 112K with 1525 meters of climbing. Single best ride I’ve ever done. Period. Thing is I broke the rear shifter the day before, and couldn’t fix it, being in the woods and and the 4th of July and all. Set the rear @ 17 and did it on a single speed. In 20+ years of riding, I’ve never broken one even after crashing. Anyone else? It’s a SRAM.

Hah, thanks for the photog’s name. Yeah there were some bad ones at that crit, for sure.

Why is McKenzie pass closed to cars right now? Do they do that every year?

Those flowers sure are nice, but what happens if you just wring it back out into your mouth?

@frank @Marcus
It’s not a bandana, it’s a V-Juice recycling accoutrement.

Doing your new jersey proud. No curse of the +1 jersey here.

It’s not a bandana, it’s a V-Juice recycling accoutrement. It collects all the V that squeezes out of me head when I’m Cyclopsing. Then I ship the squeezin’s to France and they water the flower along the Tour routes with it.

With Cyclops V-Squeezin’s

Without

@Cyclops
Then i respectfully suggest there should be a new rule. Bandanas are for pirates and biker gangs

I’m inclined to side with @Marcus on this one. Bandanas are cool when you’re climbing like an angel in the alps with an unhelmeted head. If you need to keep something over your skull to keep your bald head from burning, that’s what Merckx invented cycling caps for.

Not sure if it merrits a Rule, but it very well could. Might also be an addendum to Rule #22.

Cyclops’ club is a pirate biker gang. On bicycles.

Kind of, but not really. We just have a cycling club in our town. We’re not a team per se. In fact I’ve only been able to get them to ride as a team in one race. I would like to say that the guy in the Yellow Princesses is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet. He usually hands my ass to me but he’s pretty humble and always has nothing but good things to say about me and my riding. The really cool thing he used to be the county prosecutor and now he’s a district judge. That’ll be my ace in the hole when I get brought up on murder charges for taking care of the sandbagger. He also just got back from doing an Iron Man Triathlon in France. He said that riding in France was awesome.

To Cyclops: To smile while laying down the V. (This, of course, confuses and ultimately crushes the will of all the other members of the peloton and leads to a podium finish.)

Example: Horner cycloped throughout the entire Tour of California.

You’re thinking goatee not bandana…

Rule #50
Facial hair is to be carefully regulated.

No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.

That is why I am clean shaven now.

@Cyclops
I coulda sworn there was a rule prohibiting bandanas – unless of course your name begins with “il” and finishes with “elephantino

@Jeff in PetroMetroYeah, the dude in The Yellow Princesses said “You’re smiling and I’m at the limit, what’s up with that?” Usually when I’m climbing I put the Ullrich look on but as I’ve told Frank in the past the faster the pace the bigger the smile.

+++eleventy-bazillion
That has got to be the most discouraging thing you can do to another racer. YOU.ROCK.

@RedRanger
SRAM has been very cool about getting it fixed (replaced), and claim it’s never happened before. You’ve heard of it? My 15ish y/o Dura Ace, on my we weather bike, still works like the day I bought it. And to be quite frank, I abuse the shit out of it.

Not sure about that, but I’ve heard loads of complaints about SRAM bits breaking. Not sure about your specific breakage.

Umm, yes?

@mcsqueak
It’s a SRAM.

indeed

@Cyclops

is that a fucking bandana on your head?

Flying the colors!!!

A. FUCKING. PLUS. FUCKING. ONE.

Again, Cyclops, chapeau!

Just buy her some shoes.

The Kit looks great off the front too! I was next door in Laramie Wyoming for a while and I missed the chance to pick you for the win. Strong work.

My LBS is going to give me employee purchase privileges for doing a website for them and since Seattle Bike Supply is the U.S. distributor for Lapierre I could probably get you one pretty cheap. :)

But I’m a function first kind of guy: recently traded in a 22-year-old Volvo for a Saab. Swedes: meatballs, furniture, social welfare, and cars (and I’ve got a bit of a hankering for a Lapierre…).

It’s just one of those things. I’ve never been a big Cannondale or Specialized fan and about the only Trek I could see myself on would be a vintage 950 with a C-Record gruppo. It’s not based on anything objective really, just that little voice down deep that tells you that “Brand X” while being able to hold its own just doesn’t have, as you say, “the panache” of other storied brands of a Eurosnob nature. People see my LOOK and ask what I did with the C-Dale? “Oh, it just my crappy rain bike now.” My crappy, worth about $3500, 7.5kg, rain bike that’s nicer than most of the bikes I see on the road. I’m just one of those wannabe arrogant roadies that likes to look down his nose and over his fat belly at “common” bikes.

Just like I’d rather drive a Mopar than a GM or Ford. Same thing.

It’s all good though.

My wife said he finished about 22 seconds ahead of us but I’m sure he just got a lead and then cruised around.

Ha, no I don’t blame him at all. But maybe the LOOK would been so frickin’ awesome he would have zoomed past the Cat 1 for the first place finish. How much ahead did that dork finish over you?

Here is a photo from a local crit that I watched last year (photo is not mine, no idea who the photographer is, sorry):

I don’t think I’d risk my new six grand baby either.

We’re just a cycling club so I don’t think they care one way or the other.

Exactly! I had my Zipps as back up wheels but I didn’t want to put them in harm’s way either. I hadn’t ridden the C-dale in a few months and when I got on it I was like “Wow, this is actually a really nice bike… …but it’s still a Cannondale.”

@Cyclops
I also notice you’re rocking the Canondale. Didn’t want to risk your new ride on a crash-prone race?

Can you blame him? Awesome job rocking the V kit. How did your team feel about that?

I also notice you’re rocking the Canondale. Didn’t want to risk your new ride on a crash-prone race?

Speed!

The Yellow Princesses came up short.

The interesting thing is that the guy with me in the first image and the guy in the Y.P’s are in the photo at the top of the article that was taken at last year’s A.B. Crit. I wasn’t able to go around the guy in the Y.P’s last year.

Beats my showing at the us fencing summer nations. I suck.

Cyclops, chapeau!

Turns out Mouse was caught with performance-enhancing picks. The results are updated and (hopefully) correct.

It was special spanish cheese that my brother bought for me.
I have high naturally occuring pick levels.
It was due to an ointment to treat my saddle sores.
I want my B sample tested.

Nice work, Cyclops!

Yeah, I never understand the Cat 1s who show up to a ride or race where they can just blow everyone else out of the water. Why bother?

@Cyclops
A bit slow but it only just occurred to me that on the V-meter, the Allan Butler Memorial Crit is given the same weight as races such as MSR and Paris-Roubaix. So according to the Rules (or, more accurately, the sub-rules as they relate to the VSP Super Prestige), Cyclops, you just podiumed at a Classic!!

[vsp_results id=”8735″]
[/vsp_results]

There always seems to be some mis-categorized rider at every race i have ever done. Thats why I picked Bat-shit-crazy Cat3 but forgot Mastercat1dumbbuttwhopicksonCat5’s…completely slipped my mind

BTW…every dog has his day, the Cat 1 master stud….well…one day…just remember one day….

IMHO, cat. 1″²s really should show a little class and restrict themselves to racing category races and not age-graded.

Agreed. But if he can sleep well knowing he beat a bunch of Cat 5’s then what can you do? He was racing in the Master’s A class too (he took 2nd) and I was wishing I had a Campy headed Silca frame pump to throw in his spokes as he went by. It would have been awesome!

As for the sandbagger, he clearly doesn’t know the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of The Rules: Ride hard (check). Look PRO (check). Don’t be a dick (fail).

IMHO, cat. 1’s really should show a little class and restrict themselves to racing category races and not age-graded.

Again, well done Cyclops!

On the basis of my awesome lack of VSP skill, I knew that picking you ifor 3rd would would push you up a spot or two!

Let me be the first to lodge a formal protest against cyclops getting points on himself. We all know he sandbagged for the points.

I raced in the Master’s C class which is 35+ Cat 5, 45+ 4/5, 55+ open. There just happened to be a 55 year old Cat 1 in our class so he took off never to be seen again. Me and two other guys rode away from the rest of the pack by the end of the second lap. One of the guys didn’t do any work but that’s OK. I was being all pro and shit when I would pull our group down the front straight with my forearms on the tops of the bars at 43 kph. Coming out of the last corner on the last lap I was in the #2 spot of us three and I sprinted around for 2nd place.

I won $30 cash money, five VSP points, and I get to keep my V-level for podiuming! Not a bad night except for the sandbagger.