Categories: Anatomy of a Photo

Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

The Rules, of course, are a sort of reference guide for those of us who may need a little bit of help making sure we act and look Fantastic at all times, whether on or near the bike. However much they are steeped in the history of our sport, they are by their very nature incomplete and always evolving, subject to the continuous development of the sport. They are also greatly influenced by the little things the Pros do, mostly because they invariably look better than any of us and, due to the immense number of hours they spend on the bicycle, have figured a thing or two out that we can learn from without having to interrupt our beer drinking or stop critiquing them from the comfort of our sofas.

However influential the Pros may be in determining The Rules, their actions are still subject to Good Taste, and should they violate that ever-important element, their actions will never find their way into the cannon. Conversely, they may also – through the sheer volume of the V they are able to channel – transcend The Rules and venture into Velomitopia despite any garish choice of aesthetics they may choose. Il Pirata’s bandana comes to mind, as does Gilbert’s up-flipped cap; if we are to try such things ourselves, we would be damned to an eternity of indoor windtrainer intervals.

Which brings me to the subject of the Carrera Jeans bibshorts. Taken out of context, these are perhaps the worst idea anyone has ever had since putting an ejector seat in a helicopter with no detachable rotors. But put in the context of Il Diablo and his 232 km escape to Sestriere, those fake denim bibs are, in my mind, some of the coolest bits of cycling kit ever created. Rule Violation? Absolutely. Looked all kinds of Awesome on Chiappucci? Fuck yeah. Horrible helmet notwithstanding.

You just won’t be seeing me sporting a pair, is all.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next V-Kit: Zwarte, Witte, Winter »

Previous « Reverence? Tubs

View Comments

mouse says:

Aug 26 2011 at 11:58 pm

Gentlemen;
I give you Lisa's Mum.
A sage meditation on the very subject upon which we are currently deliberating.
mouse says:

Aug 27 2011 at 12:00 am

@mouse
Whoops, and Ladies, women, wymn, and other members of the gender not composed of men....
Alex says:

Aug 27 2011 at 1:09 am

@mouse

Gentlemen;
I give you Lisa's Mum.
A sage meditation on the very subject upon which we are currently deliberating.

perfect explanation!
Minion says:

Aug 27 2011 at 1:55 am

@Ron
Don't want to harsh your buzz, but I mentioned in a previous post that the pockets on the kit cracked me up - you know they're painted on right? Non functioning pockets? Like the painted on zipper?
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Aug 27 2011 at 3:03 am

@mouse

Gentlemen;I give you Lisa's Mum.A sage meditation on the very subject upon which we are currently deliberating.

LMFAO!!! That is awesome.
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Aug 27 2011 at 3:17 am

@Ron

I have found a U.S. dealer & shall place an order quite soon. They'll be awesome on "fancy dress" rides, like when I roll on the Tommasini on Sundays; Italian steel + Italian "pre-bulged" denim = class! Now I just have to decide if I want to pay that much for denim bibs when I could have a new pair of daily wearers, not just some wacko once-a-monthers. Oh well, style can hurt one's wallet.
While I observe a Zero Denim Rule off the bike, how can I resist form-fitting faux denim on the bike? Especially if it comes with pockets for my tubes and smokes.
I shamelessly admit I also love the Castorama kit.

Oh, oh, oh. Whoa is me. My friend, Ron, is lost.

Seekers, what constitutes an exorcism for a Velominatus?
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Aug 27 2011 at 3:31 am

EDIT: ...Woe is me.

I got my Texan all mixed up with my proper English. This happens a lot.
Roadslave525 says:

Aug 27 2011 at 3:55 am

@mouse... Lisa's mum is awesome... NOT what I was expecting when I clicked that link... I thought, since the article was about painted on denim shorts, it would take me through to some MILF heaven... And actually was way better.

@all... Come on, playtime is over. Put the taste specs back on and start talking about racing and shit. It's a given, since we all don tight Lycra regularly, that we have no fashion sense whatsoever... Let's just not boast about it. Hoping this article is a one-off aberration
Teeceboy says:

Aug 27 2011 at 4:36 am

I thought Carrera was something Halfords made...?
Abdu says:

Aug 27 2011 at 6:28 am

Perfect timing, as I have just started a retro build project in homage to my teenage hero Il Diablo.

Unfortunately, extensive Googling only seems to yield recent photos of the great man with various models slash p0rn stars. All attempts to find the decals are coming up with donut. Anyone?

I must say I can recall the denim nicks, but for some reason don't recall Claudio being in anything but the royal blue nicks (like a '70's Roos jumper, if any Aussies like me remember). The Carrera Vagabond Jeans jersey was a much treasured part of my kit back in the day.

Apart from his fantastic exploits in '91 and '92, there was a story about Chiapucci in a fairly decent race heading off on a breakaway, but jumping off into the bushes for a leak. He got the idea that it would be funny to stay there and watch the peloton chase past. Story is he rejoined quietly, no one noticed (including DS') and the bunch wound up a fairly desperate chase before the jig was up.

Suggest you look up the 2011 model Carrera Phibra, Teeceboy. It's a pretty aggressive looking bike, very schmick to my eyes.