I know as well as any of you that I’ve been checked out lately, kind of like Luke Skywalker hiding away on Ahch-To. But unlike Luke – who cut himself off from The Force – I haven’t cut myself off from The V, so I find myself compelled to take a moment out to celebrate Billions and Billions’s sock and shoe game.
Massive love happening here.
They are yellow, obviously.
I cannot overemphasize the next riding precept: COMMANDMENT NUMBER 6: BE EXTRA SAFE ON DOWNHILLS. Unfortunately, when you ride a bike, sooner or later, you are bound to crash—even if you have bike handling skills akin to Peter Sagan (you don’t, see Commandment Number 3). The higher the speed of your crash, the greater the probability of injury (and pain hurts). Conversely, the lower your speed, the greater your chance of avoiding a crash in the first place. All things being equal, you go faster on downhills as compared to flats or climbs. (It’s a matter of simple physics.) Thus, you need to pay extra attention to managing your speed on downhills. Apply Commandment Number 2 (Take It Easy), work your brakes often (what else are they for?), don’t try to pass, and you’ll make it just fine.
There’s one more on riding — COMMANDMENT NUMBER 7: OBEY THE TRAFFIC RULES. Why is it that this one is ignored by the so-called experts? Most often, when you ride a bike, you share the roads with cars, trucks and motorcycles. They are bigger and faster than bicycles, and if they hit you it hurts. Minimize that probability. Obey the traffic rules (e.g., stop at stop signs), they are there for everyone. (Also, related to Commandment Number 6, why do you think your desire to take the best “line” when you bike downhill allows you to veer into the left \ uphill lane? That’s not in the traffic rules and it is very unsafe.)
Now, let’s switch gears (no pun intended) to COMMANDMENT NUMBER 8: GET A HEALTHY BALANCE. Biking should not be your only form of exercise or sports. You’ll develop freakish, oversized legs with skeletal arms. The t-rex is extinct. You won’t develop hand to eye coordination or much interactive teamwork (again, Commandment 3). Mix in some running, tennis, basketball, squash, curling, lacrosse or weightlifting with your cycling. Also, make sure to take plenty of rest days from cycling.
We’re almost near the end, to COMMANDMENT NUMBER 9: SAVE YOUR MONEY. Money is not just for spending on bikes; it is needed for food, shelter, clothing, and charity. N + 1 < 0. You can only ride one bike at a time. There are many cheaper components than the top of the line brands. The marginal cost of weight reduction is very high.
Finally, and related, is COMMANDMENT NUMBER 10: RESPECT THE ADVERTISERS. You’re not a pro, but bike companies and other businesses sponsor the pros. They spend money so can relax as a couch potato and watch your cycling heroes. Pay some goddamn respect for a change. Buy and wear a kit from your favorite team, and if you have two favorite teams you can wear a jersey from one team and shorts from the other team (so what if they clash, see Commandment 1). Buy some Soudal glue, Bora kitchen products or Segafredo coffee, and play the lottery from time to time. Fortunately, Oleg Tinkoff has left the sport and you no longer have to support him, because you can’t afford to stay at La Datscha.
One got left off, out of order. It’s a riding precept that is important but poorly understood: COMMANDMENT NUMBER 4: STAY OUT OF THE RAIN. Didn’t your mother teach you anything? You can catch a cold in the rain, or even pneumonia. Moreover, wet roads leads to slips and crashes. Why would you want that? More to the point, why would you think it’s virtuous to make a special effort to ride in the rain. Do you also rush to your car to drive in a deep snowstorm because it’s cool to fishtail? Use your common sense. Stay indoors, drink hot chocolate, and work on crossword puzzles. It’ll clear up soon. If you really must cycle, hop on your indoor trainer. (It’s not an answer that the pros ride in the rain on race days, see Commandment Number 3. Also, truth be told, the pros would like the day off too.)
In sum:
The Cycling Commandments: The New And Improved Testament.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 1: GET A LIFE.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 2: NOBODY GIVES A CRAP.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 3: TAKE IT EASY, YOU’RE NOT A PRO.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 4: STAY OUT OF THE RAIN.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 5: DON’T RIDE ON ROCKS.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 6: BE EXTRA SAFE ON DOWNHILLS.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 7: OBEY THE TRAFFIC RULES.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 8: GET A HEALTHY BALANCE.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 9: SAVE YOUR MONEY.
COMMANDMENT NUMBER 10: RESPECT THE ADVERTISERS.
@Stendhal
… or just ride your bike to how you feel.
@sthilzy
I could not have said it better. Peace.
@Stendhal
What a load of crap. Leave the site. Step away from the keyboard. You missed the comet. Don’t show up now and try to redefine the vibe. You might have better luck trying to redecorate Graceland.
Cobbles an anachronism? Yep. Stick with that. Stay away. Roubaix? Flanders? Nothing to see here.
You have so many golden ideas and such stellar writing. Why don’t you start your own site and build up a following for your original, witty and insightful commandments. I, for one would visit, well….never!
@Harminator
The French diplomat Talleyrand said, “I never abandon a party before it has abandoned itself.” Velominati abandoned itself. What vibe is active? My comments are obviously facetious although valid in some aspects. If they stimulate this site to revive itself, so much the better. I have a copy of The Rules signed by a principal author.
The faithful are still here. Just like the Force, the Velominati is not something anybody owns or controls, but an entity that binds our community together. We have no need for new Rules or new cult leaders. We seek suffering and the faint moments of glory (even if only imagined by ourselves) that result from that pursuit.
@Stendhal has had his Martin Luther moment. He can now start his own site and those who care to follow are welcome to do so.
It is worth nothing that Phil Gaimon has some “new rules” and his are actually funny. He’s got a great community, and I encourage you to try and troll that.
@sthilzy
“There is a pain between my ears that I do not understand—Stendhal.”
Need to get the “V” going stronger….. It would be great to have some new jerseys…… my older long sleeve winter jersey gets serious respect / comments….. what will it take to get he jerseys and this site going again???
Regards
Bill
(Duntov)
@Duntov
You’d have to get Frank to pull his head out of the sand and engage with his community again. Good luck with that.
Pop on over to https://ontherivet.net/ while you are waiting though.
Mr. Stendhal in the comments is either a troll (and he got me!) or wrong, and I respond:
While some of your opinions appeal (Healthy Balance), the rest are rubbish. Instead of being extra careful on downhills, being uniformly careful during all parts of the ride would make much more sense. Riding in the rain is fun and exhilarating, and it is part and parcel of long-distance touring. And yes, I purposely drive in snowstorms to enjoy fishtailing. Life is to be enjoyed, not feared. Furthermore, why not ride on rocks? I don’t understand. As for obeying traffic rules, I’m pro-choice on that issue. Obeying ALL of them would be absurd. SAVE YOUR MONEY seems to be an appeal to adopt your exact system of value; no thank you. RESPECT THE ADVERTISERS: the logic of a merchant! “I have spent money on advertising, so that gives YOU the obligation to buy my stuff!” Please, no commercial messages here.
As a troll, you’re a pretty good one. As a cyclist, your priorities are suspect.