Categories: Book Review

Book Review: Racing Weight

The Underwear Gnome Plan To Weightloss

I know it’s a bit misleading to call this article a “Book Review”, but “Book Review” soundsbetter than “Jump To Conclusions After Reading One Chapter and Publish Those Conclusions”.

Like most cyclists, I suffer from the belief that I’m overweight (I am).  In a world of rising obesity, I am thrown strange glances and receive accusations of “being anorexic” from my colleagues when I comment that I won’t have a cookie or slice of Birthday cake because I’m trying to lose some weight.  The fact is, despite being generally thinner and fitter than the average citizen, cyclists suffer from the same self-image problems that everyone else does.  Not only that, we struggle to lose weight just as much as our non-athletic friends.

Athletes generally lose weight through piling on more miles – a theory based on Physics and the wonderfully useful principle known as The Conservation of Mass; what goes in goes out and if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. (The Conservation of Mass is actually our best friend; it’s behind almost everything that makes bicycling possible and also being out of shape incredibly frustrating).  Owing to this simple theory, it’s generally unsurprising that there are very few diet programs for amateur athletes and as such I was thrilled to pick up a copy of “Racing Weight“, by Matt Fitzgerald, a book seeming written for just this audience.  I prepared to read it and readied myself to lose those last few (dozen) pounds.

I found the book very disappointing.  What I’m gleaning is that in order to loose weight I should “eat right,  “eat less”, “train more”, and – worst of all – “stop drinking like a fish”.  Not only that, but the book insists that I should diligently collect data on my training, diet, and weight and track it over several training cycles in order to even understand what my ideal weight might be in the first place.  Basically, by the time Winter sets in again and I’m ready to eat turkey and drink Scotch from the bottle, I’ll have some idea as to how fat I really am.

I’ll be honest: that’s not really the program I’m looking for. I was looking more for the program where I get to eat Cadbury Eggs, chips and salsa, and watch clever videos on the internet while dropping weight like a heroin addict with giardia and at the same time not losing muscle mass (it would even be nice if this diet even helped me gain some).  Isn’t there something I can inject or a pill to make myself a better cyclist? Come on, Matt, I’m getting tired of unhelpful authors.

And with that, I’m left with no option but to stick to my usual plan of eating hamburgers, drinking beer, and spending loads of money on lighter cycling equipment in lieu of losing weight.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Yeah, but that's the point, right? I mean, sure, the non-cycling folks wouldn't worry - or even notice - the weight, but as cyclists, it's those 5 pounds or so that are so hard to loose but that make a huge difference in our performance. What we as cyclists call "fat" is not the same as the rest.

    As one who did not really have to pay attention to my weight (until health + age issues) it was always fun to meet up for the first spring races and tell some insecure shlub that he looked "heavy" or "did you gain a lot this winter?" and they would completely freak.

    with my old 753

    Please tell me you're rockin' some downtube shifters. Please, please, please.

    Are you shitting me? I just broke down and changed the 7-speed to 9 and the Campy downtube shifters work a charm!

  • @Rob
    I tried to edit it for you, and I fucked it up, too! SHIT! Lost the bit about coming East...what was that again?

    Seems the limitations of this comment box are being realized. Must work on that, too.

  • Marko :@Rob
    So we're talking about Phase 2?

    Yes!
    And there but for the grace of Jaysus go I... I feel for those 2 gents pictured above, I mean they most likely were animals in the day and now all they can do is squeeze into some kit and bask in memories (and they are sort of cute - I didn't say that).

    As to Gnomes-underwear and phase 2, as Marko has stated else where see Rule #5.

  • @Rob
    As for the 753...we need pictures, STAT. It's funny, the myths created around cog spacing incompatibilities. So many configurations work that we are told by the manufacturers should not. Like, for instance, the spacing on the 7, 8, and 9 speed cassettes are all pretty much the same and can even be swapped between Campag and Shimano.

    It's all Shimano's ploy to totally integrate (STI stands for Shimano Total Integration, in case I haven't mentioned that before.)

  • @Rob
    Douché on Rule 5!

    My favorite bit about the Lampre guy is the floppy leg grippers due to the girth in the waiste not being designed in proportion to the girth of his guns.

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