La Vie Velominatus: Ritual

My shoes go on left, then right, then left strap, right strap, left buckle, right buckle.

Along the lines of what Bruce Dickinson famously decreed while espousing the medical benefits of cowbell in the remedy of rare types of influenza, I put my shoes on one at a time – just like you. But after I’ve got my shoes on, I ooze fluidly harmonic articulation.

As Cyclists, we wield the mighty power of The V, yet lay victim to the nagging whispers of Doubt, from which the Anti-V draws its strength. We train our bodies, keep our machines in perfect order, and maintain a variety of kit for every type of weather, only to waver as this poison bleeds into our minds. We counter by seeking to control the uncontrollable through a strict adherence to ritual prior to and following each of our rides.

The ritual surrounding the ride is unique to each of us, and evolves over time, and perpetuates those actions which yielded better-then-usual rides. For instance, despite being right-handed, I slip into my shoes left first, and moving through a systematic process of buckling them up prior to each bike. I sit down on the front steps, pause for a moment to draw in a breath, slip out of my Adilettes, and slip into my shoes.

I start by arranging the tongue of first the left shoe, then the right. Then I secure the front velcro strap on the left before moving to do the same on the right. Once I’m satisfied that both straps are of precisely equal tension, I will move to tighten the left buckle, then the right until similarly satisfied of tension equality. Changing this process in any way, I’m convinced, would yield utter chaos.

Ritual goes far beyond how we put our shoes on; it reaches into the maintenance of our machines as well as their preparation for a ride as well as preparation of bidons and our kit. Bits of my ritual change based on whether I am riding from home or some other location, whether the ride is a big one or just a daily jaunt, or whether it is a formal event for which I have prepared carefully. Other things, however, remain fixed.

I always inflate the rear tire first, never the front. I’ll pull on the front and rear brakes to make sure the cables didn’t fall out overnight, and run through all the gears – listening for silence – even though I’ll have tuned it after arriving home last time if any tuning was required. When I pull on my kit, bibs go on first, socks second, under-vest third. Only at this point do I consider other elements such as whether I’m wearing arm and/or knee warmers, or which jersey to put on. Lastly, I’ll carefully inspect my toolkit prior to tucking it into my middle rear pocket.

I suppose that at the center of this lies a simple belief: in a world wherein much lies out of my control, I represent but a simple cell of a larger organism. I cannot say what influence these actions have, but if the past is any indication of the future, these actions have helped keep me happily pedaling my bike. To stop would be to tempt Fate itself.

Therefor, I wrap myself in ritual to control the uncontrollable. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Off topic: @frank, @the Engine: lucky Bont owners! They look wicked sexy! 

    As always Frank thanks for posting! I'm too new to have fully developed my rituals, I guess. I asked my wife if she noticed any and she just shrugged.....oh well.

     

  • It wasn't until reading this that I realized I have a complete lack of ritual. Which is probably why I always forget something.

  • A piece of video gear I bought came with a free bag, just large enough for helmet, shoes, gloves, white rag, and a few cowbells.

    There's even a pocket in the back that holds a few race numbers for the various local leagues.

    It took me a few weeks to trust my "night before the race" ritual, but now it helps me sleep better the night before and relax the morning of.

    My only other ritual happens right after the race. One bidon has water, the other a scoop of protein powder. Pour them together and chug it.

  • Too many OCD-like rituals for me, or at least that's what I'm told by those around me. They just don't get it, but to Frank's point... yes... it matters, and yes it's necessary.

    I like to point out from time to time, that I'm repetitive or ritualistic as a means to an end. That end is to achieve a state of involuntary action, much like the act of breathing or blinking. The more unconscious the mundane actions of preparation become, the more cognitive devotion I'll have at my disposal for the practical application of Rule 5.

    Makes sense to me...

  • I am constantly bemused by my ritual. It genuinely pisses me off to take so long to get ready for a Ride. Thus, as you have alluded, it is important to place the accouterments near the place they will be needed next: helmet, gloves, hat, shoes, eyewear etc near the door, near the bike. Everything in it's place, properly maintained. Time is a commodity, not to be wasted in time off the bike. Work is merely something one must do between Rides.

    I have actually counted the minimum number of clothing articles needed for a ride: 11. Add a toolkit and cell phone (the latter a required safety device) and you hit the door.

    Ah, I love the smell of chamois cream and sunscreen in the morning. Smells like...victory.

  • I am frequently referred to as "Captain F*ck-around", on account of the time it seems to take me to get my sh*t together before a ride.  I'd like to think this is because of the tme it takes me to observe all of those important pre-ride rituals.  But as the term is liberally applied to me in most other areas of my life, including by people I never ride with, I think it may have more to do with a distinct lack of ritual.  Still, I admire the weird combination of brutal efficiency and Zen calm which emanates from those more ritualistic than me. 

  • My complete and total lack of ritual is my ritual. I never actually though about it till I read this. Thinking about it, I do get ready (bibs, embro, , HRM, base layer, jersey, socks blah blah) in some kind of order though. But really the act of getting kit on is just a means to an end. To go turn over the pedals. The only time I ever really think about it is when pinning on race numbers. Then I take special care.

  • @graham d.m. Thanks! The bike had been sitting in this guy's garage in a small village near where I live. I guess it was his son's but my French is shitty enough that I didn't really understand what he was saying.

    I went to school at Grinnell College (in Grinnell, IA), halfway between DSM and IA City. I miss the rolling hills and long rides of my Iowa summer, especially because the part of France that I'm in is very hilly and the streets are a lot more narrow and winding. Ah well. Guess that just means it's time for Rule #5.

    As for the pedals, there are a lot of Look style pedals here, I think they're almost more common than Shimano. Are they any good? I think my Cycling Sensei was a proponent of Speedplays, but I understand those are more pricey.

  • @zeitzmar

    @graham d.m. Thanks! The bike had been sitting in this guy's garage in a small village near where I live. I guess it was his son's but my French is shitty enough that I didn't really understand what he was saying.

    I went to school at Grinnell College (in Grinnell, IA), halfway between DSM and IA City. I miss the rolling hills and long rides of my Iowa summer, especially because the part of France that I'm in is very hilly and the streets are a lot more narrow and winding. Ah well. Guess that just means it's time for Rule #5.

    As for the pedals, there are a lot of Look style pedals here, I think they're almost more common than Shimano. Are they any good? I think my Cycling Sensei was a proponent of Speedplays, but I understand those are more pricey.

    I had a very similar Peugot 25 years ago and it was the first steed that I put my trusty red Look Carbons on.

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