Big Mig, cards close to the chest as always
Cycling is all about energy. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It can be sucked out of you as quickly as a Dyson sucks up dust. Even on those days when you feel a million bucks, use your energy unwisely and you’ll be spat out the back and struggling to make a piece of toast when you get home. You will be the toast, but no-one will be rushing to spread themselves on you.
Conserving energy can be more difficult than expending it. Any fool can sprint off up the road in a flurry of whirling legs and heavy breathing with 100km to go, but a wise rider will listen to their body, not their brain; a bit like sex really, you want to be there at the end, when the real action takes place. And like sex, making weird faces not only tells the other party(s) that you are giving it everything you have, but it wastes a lot of valuable energy.
One of the best ways to conserve your beans is by thinking of your face muscles as a limp dick. (Sorry ladies, I have no perverted metaphor for you, and I’ll resist the temptation to attempt one. I’ve dug enough of a hole as it is.) The less strain you put on your face, the less energy you use. Let your mouth relax by keeping it slightly open; don’t grimace and try not to inhale wasps. Of course, this isn’t always possible, but even when deep in the box (I’m talking Cycling now, ok?), a conscious effort of reminding yourself to relax the face muscles will instantly feel like you’ve saved not only a small hive, but a fair bit of useless expenditure. Try it now… see?
One of the masters of Poker Face was the great Miguel Indurain. Not only was he possibly the best looking Cyclist of the modern era, what with his deep tan guns, perfect short and sock length, impeccable cap placement and awesome steel bikes, he was rarely seen with anything more than a slight curling of the lips adorning his face. You knew Mig was in trouble if he looked like he was smiling… in fact, the only times he looked like he was working hard was in the race against the clock, with opponents nowhere to be seen and he could do like he damn well pleased. It was particularly telling that in his last Tour in 96, he regularly sported a whale shark visage, and was badly beaten, a sad way to end his run of five wins. Even in his Hour Record attempts, he kept up his blank expression until Casual Deliberation was no longer possible.
After the end, Big Mig knew the time for facial expression was nigh. He could finally put away the Poker Face, and let his mere presence remind those around him who held the cards. We will never crush fools and Look (as) Fantastic as he, but we can learn from him that a blank face is as valuable as good legs and lungs the size of basketballs.
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View Comments
@Ccos
That's Peter Luttenberger - never quite got his moment in the limelight, but pretty solid rider. Understandable you wouldn't know him... but asking "what's up" with the Briko Stingers? C'mon, kid. Demerit.
@litvi
Luttenberger was short-listed for an Evanescent Riders article. He may yet get his day in the sun.
Is that ONCE rider getting dropped Jalabert?
@wilburrox
That seemed to be a more common look back in the days of unlimited EPO; granted Indurain was still beefier than most.
Big Mig is well known for his poker face, awesome time trialling, and 5 Tour wins, however I do have one thing in common with him. The propensity for massive weight gain over the winter that then requires large amounts of suffering in the spring to shelve it!
@Jason
Nope, that's Johan Bruyneel. He sat on Big Mig all the way into Liege then rolled him in the sprint.
Bruyneel said it was like sitting on a motorbike ...
The lead photo of Big Mig is how I wished I looked on a bike.
I often feel the same when I see a photo of RDV. Even captured in a still image they exude cool, control, power. And speed.
Friends don't let friends wear Briko Zens... or Stingers... or Shots....
Luttenberger is wearing Briko Zens, not Stingers. Stingers were a little more svelte but both were still travesties of their time yet they were pretty popular in the bunch. They remind me of people wearing lumberjack plaid flannel in the early 90's in order to look 'grunge' and cool when they had no clue what grunge was. Tryin' too hard to look cool and completely missing it
@Gianni
This. All you kids, hipsters and wanna bees, Study this photo well. You want to look good on the bike? You call yourself a Cyclist? This is a Cyclist. Holy smoke, Big Mig is showing everything he’s got.
He was so The Man for so many years but now, nearly forgotten.
You know what kinda pisses me off? It seems like far too many fixsters have traded in their track bikes for road and gravel bikes. They used to hate roadies...and now...they've transformed into roadies! Tattoos and beards and Lycra? Weird. It's like skateboarders from the 80s suddenly giving up their wheels and wanting to become a QB on the football team.
Then again, plenty of roadies 'round here are far too into themselves, so maybe so anti-blood is good for the mix.
Oh well, not gonna affect my Following. Nor Rule adherence.