Big Mig, cards close to the chest as always
Cycling is all about energy. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It can be sucked out of you as quickly as a Dyson sucks up dust. Even on those days when you feel a million bucks, use your energy unwisely and you’ll be spat out the back and struggling to make a piece of toast when you get home. You will be the toast, but no-one will be rushing to spread themselves on you.
Conserving energy can be more difficult than expending it. Any fool can sprint off up the road in a flurry of whirling legs and heavy breathing with 100km to go, but a wise rider will listen to their body, not their brain; a bit like sex really, you want to be there at the end, when the real action takes place. And like sex, making weird faces not only tells the other party(s) that you are giving it everything you have, but it wastes a lot of valuable energy.
One of the best ways to conserve your beans is by thinking of your face muscles as a limp dick. (Sorry ladies, I have no perverted metaphor for you, and I’ll resist the temptation to attempt one. I’ve dug enough of a hole as it is.) The less strain you put on your face, the less energy you use. Let your mouth relax by keeping it slightly open; don’t grimace and try not to inhale wasps. Of course, this isn’t always possible, but even when deep in the box (I’m talking Cycling now, ok?), a conscious effort of reminding yourself to relax the face muscles will instantly feel like you’ve saved not only a small hive, but a fair bit of useless expenditure. Try it now… see?
One of the masters of Poker Face was the great Miguel Indurain. Not only was he possibly the best looking Cyclist of the modern era, what with his deep tan guns, perfect short and sock length, impeccable cap placement and awesome steel bikes, he was rarely seen with anything more than a slight curling of the lips adorning his face. You knew Mig was in trouble if he looked like he was smiling… in fact, the only times he looked like he was working hard was in the race against the clock, with opponents nowhere to be seen and he could do like he damn well pleased. It was particularly telling that in his last Tour in 96, he regularly sported a whale shark visage, and was badly beaten, a sad way to end his run of five wins. Even in his Hour Record attempts, he kept up his blank expression until Casual Deliberation was no longer possible.
After the end, Big Mig knew the time for facial expression was nigh. He could finally put away the Poker Face, and let his mere presence remind those around him who held the cards. We will never crush fools and Look (as) Fantastic as he, but we can learn from him that a blank face is as valuable as good legs and lungs the size of basketballs.
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@litvi
I'm looking at my stingers right now, and they don't make me look like I'm one of the sand people. Briko did come out with some kookie ones around that time though...
Watching that video from '95 was something special. He just sheds the group. His grimace just before hitting the line when he's in the drops, oh man.
And his Cap never moved a millimeter.
@Ron
Never let them grind you down, man
I believe you will find Indurain in the dictionary under the word " Locomotive"
Nate, not me! While I do sometimes grow cynical, it's nothing a bit of riding can't cure. I'm also tough, hence why I ride a Diamante. I can't be ground down!
It was just funny on Sunday. I rode a big country loop to do some volunteer coaching next town over. Opted for my cross bike with road tires, as I needed to carry a backpack for a clothing change. Passed some roadies along the way, out in the middle of nowhere and all of them were intent and not offering any cheer. I don't say hello to everyone riding in the city, but out in the country, other cyclists are a rare and pleasant sight.
best rider never caught.
@piwakawaka
Why do you hate our sport?
I'll start with a strong case of stem envy and take it from there. Also, caps people. I realise the brain is a sensitive instrument but I'll be damned if the mandatory inclusion of the bone dome is not the most cyclo-sartorial buzz kill yet devised. Worse than long black socks in my book.
I always enjoyed Basso's poker face, not so much blank and expressionless as lazy, squaline grin. Displayed to majestic effect whilst farting out the Cadelephant on the Zoncolan some years back. The contrast was magnificent. Old Camelchin chewing on a bag of spanners while leaky cranked up the gas with wonderful panache. I think that was his clean come back year. Stylish ride.
@Oli
not the sport, just the cheats.
I guess you could say they are the sport, but I prefer to think it is greater than the failings of some of the principal players.
@piwakawaka
You might well have your suspicions about Indurain, but why constantly smear the doping brush on riders when the fact is you don't actually know if they doped or not?
In the context of this article and the rest of the thread your comment is completely unnecessary and just rears yet again the thing that all my non-cycling friends constantly harp on about - "They all do it!". Why not save it for the conversations that are actually about doping and leave the pointless innuendo out of it?
I, for one, am utterly sick of every conversation about riders of the past turning to doping ... and let's face it, it's not like you or I are squeaky clean, is it?