The Hammer and the Nail

Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail. I was a cheapy little Ikea one today. It was terrible.

– Geraint Thomas

It is strange, the workings of a the Cyclist as an organism. We are of three autonomous parts, Head, Body, and Legs. In the short term, there is little that fundamentally changes between them, yet their symbiosis can vary wildly; one day we are an unstoppable force and the next, little more than a tourist.

Condition is built gradually over a the length of a season or many seasons; it does not arrive in the post on a prescribed day just as it does not depart the train station per a schedule when its stay has come to an end. Yet, somehow, our performances can vary as though this were the case. This dramatic change is most commonly driven by the mind, a fragile beast that balances upon a knife’s edge where the slightest push can send our performance sky high or plummeting into the fiery depths of despair.

This is what drives the Cyclist as an aesthetic creature; clean bar tape, freshly shaven guns, and neatly arranged kit is the most effective way to control our form from day to day; no sense fooling with diet, or power meters – neither of those will tell you how Fantastic you look.

Which is why our investigative team, Research Unit for Logical Explanations of the Velominati ( RULEV ) has concluded that Geraint cracked horribly due to psychological injuries caused by losing his trademark white Jawbones, which were obviously his hidden Scepter of Morale. He looks magic in those shades, and complete crap in the Radars he was forced to ride in the following days. Our study also indicates that he could have avoided disaster by paying to overnight his new Jawbones in time to race in them again at the Tour; there are only so many days you can look crap before you start riding like crap.

To expand on Paul Fournel’s famous line: to look good is already to go fast, and to look crap is already to go slow.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Gee is a boss, i just hope he finds his white jawbones before the classics next year otherwise ill have to give him mine!

  • On the note of looking good, my misses mentioned that I don't have a rear reflector on my bike. Is this grounds for divorce?

  • no sense fooling with diet

    Agree with most everything except this. To me diet is totally part of the input that makes me hammer or nail on any given day.

    If I'm eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

    My head knows that I have suffered for this - I have passed up nutella toast, sworn off alcohol, said no to cake. I have eaten brown rice, made my own muesli and juiced beetroot until my ktichen looks like a CSI set.

    Tape and kit... pfft. Any fool with a Wiggle account can do that.

    But God help me if I know I'm overweight. Then the judgement shall be upon me. "Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting." Dr Ferrari will be perched on my shoulder as I climb, telling me I'm too fat.

    It's not only mental, it's aesthetic too. When I look in the mirror and see my breastbone and ribs, when that large Castelli kit looks a little baggy but the medium slips on nicely... then I'm ready.

  • @ChrisO

    +1 on this, the bathroom scale might say one thing- but if you look in the mirror and it says something else, then you either know you are on it or you have missed the mark and those few extra slices of pizza from the day or two prior just blew your mojo and even while you are riding and even if you are hammering it like a boss your thoughts will still be in the back of your head "cripes I'm fat" which of course totally intrudes on the while ride, rest of the day(s) following until you can again pass the mirror test.

  • Great post Frank and I have loved every page of Monsieur Fournel's book - 1 to read every year.

    I have to confess I have been dipping into the dark side and reading Ben Greenfield's (Tri-Guru) book called 'Beyond Training'. One of the things he recommends is tracking your recovery with a site called Rest Wise. Each morning you punch recovery data e.g. resting HR, # of hours slept, previous days training performance, weight, even color of your pee. It spits out a score based on an algorithm that tells you if you are good to go hard or not.

    Idea is that you are wrecking your ability to perform if you over-train or under-recover, and you need to work at recovery as much as you do at making deposits in the V bank.

    I've only been at it for 2 weeks so data is not totally accurate yet, but it is starting to give me a good indicator of how fresh I am. Also I am learning loads about how my body is adapting to hours on the bike.

    G is total old school and I am loving him as part of the peloton.

  • @ChrisO

    Spot on (although I've never quite got to the point I'd consider to be my optimal bike weight).

    It's a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. If I'm riding my diet is good and I'll steer clear of the booze but if I'm not riding, no amount of will power will maintain control.

  • @ChrisO

    I'm actually on orders not to lose any more weight. I've lost over 10 kilos in the last year, and now keeping my weight around a steady 86kg.

    I do feel when I've been eating well and when I haven't more than a bit of extra weight. Fortunately, my wife is on a diet which is motivating her to cook healthy, and I've got a few slightly healthier snacks for when I get hungry. Which is often.

  • @ChrisO

    If I’m eating right and at the right weight it helps my brain decide that I deserve to ride well.

    Yes, this...

  • What fucking timing! I'm in the market for some new shades and the Oakley array is positively fucking flummoxing. Prizm lenses? M2 frames now available? Stick with Radars? Well, there is now a NEW Radar lens shape, beyond the proven Path.

    How is a guy supposed to choose? And don't say get them all, I already have two drawers that I need for socks and t-shirts occupied with shades laid out, ready to ride.

    Been working weekends lately to finish up a project. My riding time has been severely cut into. Thus, when I do ride I have to look fucking fabulous.

  • I told my bathroom scale to fuck off this past weekend. I can feel I'm finally at my summer riding weight but it's telling me I'm not. I almost never get on it and I won't be back on it for awhile now.

    And while I'm happy to be in good riding shape, I have no desire to look like Froome. No thanks. I play other sports, need muscles to work around/on the house, and have already lost too much of the muscle I had in college from sports/lifting for that sport.

    I know I'm officially hitting mid-life because I'll catch myself when I think..."Oh, I was in great shape (muscle wise) a few years back, right after college." Right after college is officially not that recently. Ah well, I'm still having a fucking blast being alive, so fuck it.

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

6 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago