Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
@Souleur, @Buck Rogers
The 10-minute rule was originally created to protect against a rider who has a crash in which they sustain bad enough injuries to fall out of contention but not so bad that their pride won’t let them ride on. Gesink fits this mold perfectly; he crashed, he’s hurt, but he’s soldering on.
On the surface it seems like the Pussy Principle, but upon further inspection (and jumbling the ol’ brain cobwebs to recollect why we came up with something that sounds so Anti-V), I think it makes sense and I stand by the rule.
That said, I think we should carefully consider if a rider qualifies or not. LL Cool Sanchez should not have qualified since he just sucked yesterday. Gesink does because it was crash-related. We’ll be more careful moving forward, but I think it’s a good rule.
In fact, in the spirit of the logic behind the rule, moving forward, we’ll only award DNF changes for riders who DNF for crash-related incidents for riders who were in contention before the crash. If they just drop out because they feel like watching the tele instead of riding, you don’t get a swap – it’s just your bad luck for picking a rider who’s a pussy. On the other hand, if they are already out of contention, crash, and DNF, then no sub.
@frank
This new ruling will be applied starting after the Tour; the rules will remain as they were prior to the event until the event concludes.
@Frank
So because Christian Vandevelde crashed/crashed because other crashed/caught in a crash/etc. and sits 10:20 behind, I could swap him without penalty? Am I right on that?
Apologies to all the pros I seem to have cursed… Kloden now out, brings my total up to four.
VSP PICKS:
1. The Beefeater
2. Andy Schleckanical
3. Evans
4. Frank Schleck
5. Basso
@benjamin
Only if he lost those 10 minutes in one shot, which he did and you had the chance yesterday. But you missed it:
@frank
I’ve finally submitted to reason and picked Frankie to replace Kloden. Andreas was kind enough to pull out.
VSP PICKS:
1. Cadel
2. A Schleck
3. Basso
4. Sammy Sanchez
5. F Schleck
Awesome! Thanks to a spoiler alert text from frank this morning I didn’t just log on here after Rule #9-ing it all morning. So I was able to watch the full stage unfold as it happened. I gotta say, that’s what the Rainbow bands are really all about. A rider that’s capable of doing pretty much anything on any given day making it happen, a true rouleur in rainbows. Not a Rainbow Turd sprinter like Cipo (no offense Cipo, you’re awesome) or climber but a guy like Thor. And here I thought today’s stage wouldn’t be all that spectacular. Vive le Tour!
frank,
Mobile won’t let me change picks, if I can I’d like my VSP picks to be:
Andy
Cadel
Frank
Basso
Cunego
If not, que sera.
VSP PICKS:
1. Andy Schleck
2. Cadel Evans
3. Frank Schleck
4. Andreas Kloden
5. Basso
@Marko
I pretty much have to put myself on Velominati/Twitter/Facebook cold turkey after catching the first hour on my lunch. And then I opened Tweetdeck by mistake and someone ruined it for me. Fucking fail. Thanks TelegraphCycling.
Per der Klodenplosion, Basso in.
VSP PICKS:
1. Simple Jack
2. Cuddles
3. Andy Schleck
4. Basso
5. Sanchez
Tweeted by Ride Argyle:
VSP PICKS:
1. Contador
2. A. Schleck
3. Evans
4. F. Schleck
5. Basso
itvcycling ITV Cycling
According to Garmin-Cervelo Hushovd was clocked at 112kph descending yesterday! Or 69.6mph. That’s quite fast #tdf2011
@snoov
Yeah!!!!!! God of Thunder, God of Speed. Roy and Moncoutie never stood a chance.
As ugly as it is, maybe that speaks wonders about the S5. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s still pretty ugly.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
I don’t think I’ve made it up to half of that speed, and when I’m going at my max speed downhill I am terrified :D
@snoov
Rule #85 – the God of Thunder and little Tommy Volkler are great examples of the discipline. The only thing to hold you back is lack of Rule #5. Sometimes you have to go harder down hill than you went up and the only way is to learn to love it.
Liggett was just talking to JV about Thor de France’s speed yesterday. Nuts. I’ve crept somewhere just over 70 kph but was too scared to look at my computer for too long.
Poor Cav – Bernie Eisel was riding no-hands zipping up his jersey and signalling to the car and Cav was still struggling to stay on his wheel.
Gonna be a looooong day for the Maillot Vert.
112kph is faaast. I’ve hit 90kph, but those extra 20kph would be harrowing.
I don’t get how Faboo hauls those massive guns up those climbs.
Man, if a nation needs to go to war, have Jens or O’Grady lead it out; when they’re at the front, things just blow up.
Incredible.
@RedRanger
I wonder how Robbie feels about ‘Retirement Shak’now? RS wanted GC not support a sprinter.
Ooh, that looked painful for Ten Dam…
Sean Kelly saying “good soft bush” after Jens hits the ferns. Awesome.
@earnest
+1 Good one!
Amazing pull by Jens!
Andy was Cyclopsing as he passed Basso on this latest dig. :)
Man, Voeckler’s hanging tough.
Tommy Fricken V!
Wow, pretty evenly matched.
No sign of Cuddles cracking. YEAH!
Angry Stomach has a bit of indigestion.
Perhaps we have to wait for the Alps for this race to really open up. Look at it this way, there may not have been much to write home about in terms of G.C. contenders in the past couple days but, wow, there’s a large selection of riders in that group. Certainly not a two-horse race and we can all agree that is a good thing.
[vsp_results id=”8758″]
[/vsp_results]
No two-horse race indeed!
Between Le Bros. looking dreamily into each other’s eyes instead of attacking, Evans’ & Basso’s steady-up, the question marks surrounding Conti’s form, Voeckler proving his surname doesn’t start with The V for nothing, Sanchez showing some nice panache, Phil Gil riding every stage like it’s a classic, and Thor doing the Rainbow Bands proud, this has been quite the exciting tour!
@earnest
David Harmon on Eurosport has some fantastic lines related to this exact thing.
Basso and the Schlecks have always been good on the alps, Voeckler and Cadel a bit less.
Thor Hushovd pushed Laurens ten Dam up the mountains today, after ten Dam had crashed.
Speaking of Ten Dam – Hardman or what?!
Link in case the photo doesn’t appear.
@Netraam
Maybe, but ‘always’ seems to be counting for a bit less this tour. Seems Cuddles Diesel has been turbocharged. He certainly has much more ‘snap’ this year and was consistently one of the first to react to each acceleration. He appeared to have everything covered and had a pretty good dig himself at the end.
Nobody was expecting Tommy V to be around still based on past performance. That’s what’s making this tour better than ANY other that I can think of.
@ralasdair,
Holy Merckx! Ten Dam is the epitome of a Hardman today!
@ralasdair
Certainly hardcore but he needs a better cutman.
Question: Is this what a clean tour looks like? Discuss.
@Collin
I loved Harmon urging Voeckler to attack inside the final kilometer. “Go on, Tommy””give it ’em!” Schlecks back to LBL form. Contador’s survived the Pyrenees””Schlecks won’t sleep well tonight.
@Marko: Perhaps
Another site (cyclosm) compared the recent stage 12 (i think) climb from last time it was (2006?), and the times were stupid in comparison. Last time the bunch went up 3:50 faster. Thats ridiculous, and yes, one can speculate the differences, but we must recognize one thing, Doping must have been there because logic would have it that now we should be faster, smarter, w/better goodies…yet now the peloton is slower?
Go figure
Contador is cooked
Cadel may have been clean the whole time
Schlicks are still stuck in LBL mode
Freaking Voeckler I hope sticks in there till Paris’! Go V!
@Marko
I thought that at the Giro, too, which was how Contodor was able to ride away from everyone. He might have decided boosting during the tour and smashing everyone was too risky, hence he’s – 4 minutes. Put a negative slant on how I watched the Giro, and when people started rhapsodising about how Contodor is the best stage racer ever blah blah blah love watching his attacks spank spank I was quite surprised that relatively few people thought he might have been on the gear. Or expressed that they didn’t care if he juiced or not. Now he’s undoubtedly not on whatever he was on, and look what kind of race we have. Fuckers.
@Souleur
@Marko
And similarly, from the Science of Sport on today’s stage, though they don’t address PED.
@Souleur
@xyxax
@Minion
Add this to those sources and the discussion furthers as well. The Science of Sport analysis is interesting. I was reading that earlier which spurred me to ask the question here.
@Cyclops
Gold
@Cyclops,
Man, I love that extranormal app.
@xyxax
That’s a great article but when you consider the context of Pharmstrong and the postal train…it’s no wonder I was off road cycling during the Pharmstrong era. By implication, and how I read the article, if you drop the drugs you increase the importance of tactics and the smart riders rise to the top, as we’re seeing Cadel, Basso, et al riding at the had of the field.
Sorry typo head of the field