I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
– Bill Hicks
That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Timeâ„¢ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to be more accepting of those who seem sent to test me, to try my patience, to see how far I need to be pushed before reaching breaking point and just coming out with an expletive-laden rant (or more likely just two words that have the same impact with much less output). But you know what? Fuck that.
When it comes to the riding group, the same principles apply: it doesn’t matter if our abilities are the same, because if I have to sit next to you and make mind-numbing, inane small talk for more than five minutes… well, this ain’t gonna work. Now, our tight-knit bunch has been refined over the nearly eight years I’ve been living in my adopted home city. There are some who drift in and out, but they are still a part of the group. Even if we don’t see them for months or years, they will easily slip back into the fold like a well-lubed sex doll (and if they find that kind of talk offensive, they’re slipping right out again). Sometimes, new recruits are either invited along or somehow just appear unannounced, possibly thinking that this is some kind of weird love-in where all are welcomed with an awkward hug and a patronising smile. We’re not the fucking church, ok?
So, what to do if this guy turns up? He’s been invited, so that’s ok, not his fault. You give him the once over, and alarm bells begin to ring: tri bike replete with aero bars, no socks, jogging shoes (combined with clipless pedals), a peaked helmet and board shorts over hairy legs. Well, you give him the benefit of the doubt, and introduce yourself. You afford him a chance, even as the sirens and flashing lights in your head are rapidly materialising into an angry migraine. Maybe he’ll break the ice with a fart joke or possess a stroke of such magnificent souplesse that he drops your ass on the first hill and you quickly disregard the myriad Rule violations. Who’s not to say that this day he just forgot all his riding gear, his real bike is in the shop getting a new Gruppo fitted, and he’s been on a week-long binge of hookers and blow and hasn’t had the time, inclination or requisite brain function to shave the ol’ guns. Reasonable excuses, one would think.
If it turns out that yeah, he can hang, but no, he doesn’t possess any bunch etiquette, but yes, he’s a decent chap, although no, he may not own an appropriate bike or cleated shoes and he’s not likely to shave/lose the visor/boardies of his own accord, yet hints at a similarly warped sense of humour and at least a couple of vices. A perplexing dilemma that gnaws away at you for the next week, until ride time rolls around again. What do I do? What do we do?
What would you do? Tolerate, integrate or expatriate?
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@Ccos this is a heartwarming story. Kudos
I suppose one way of looking at it is that they've shown up and expressed an interest in joining/riding. To me this opens the door to gentle advice giving. If their riding is dangerous to the group, it needs to be less gentle. For most of us on here I like to think we're well along the learning curve. You can learn a lot by just looking, but learn a lot more by listening. If they don't care to listen and carry on blissfully ignorant, cut them loose.
There's a guy in his 50's or so who shows up to our twice per week evening club rides on an 90's vintage mountain bike and is always clad in 90's neon splendor. He can mostly hang on climbs. In the flats, if the pace ramps up he barely hangs on - surging, veering, and letting gaps open. He is downright terrifyingly unpredictable when descending.
There are usually 10 or 12 of us on a ride. I always thought, "Who am I to comment on his style?" I am, however, not the only one who will do whatever is necessary not to be behind him or anywhere near him whilst descending, so he does spend a lot of time toward the back.
Dude doesn't even tell fart jokes. In fact, I'm not sure he ever speaks at all unless someone addresses him first.
So there you go Brett. I guess I'm looking for answers as well.
@VeloVita
Seriously. I can't be the only one who showed up for my first group ride on a $500 aluminum bike with mountain shoes and pedals, with an EPMS and an old mountain helmet. Guns unshorn, low socks, clearance PI shorts (not bibs), etc. Someone(s) took the time to initiate me and guide me onto the path of righteousness. I probably ought to afford newly minted freds the chance to become a pedalwan as well.
This fucking dude isn't allowed anywhere near me. On or off the bike.
That's it.
In my experience, you can follow all the rules, and still be an insufferable pedant. Stop worrying about the other guy and ride your own ride.
I remember my first ride with the Cyclists Touring Club in the late 70s/early 80s. Pishing rainy day. No one talked to me. I had a puncture. They all fucked off leaving me be. Never rode with them again. Joined the Johnstone Wheelers CC. Did a 100 mile reliability ride on a hot(by Scottish standards, probably the high 70s) We rode shirtless because we didn't know any better. I got a mild case of heatstroke with sunburn and dehydration. Two older club members waited for me to finish and get me a ride close to home. I'll always remember that.
A true Pedalwan will ask. Some, however, are shy and need to be gently instructed. If they're smart, they listen. Remember, if you're just starting out on the bike, seeing a bunch of fit guys with shaved legs on expensive bikes can be mighty intimidating. Some riders also have a serious dose of arrogance. If they're arrogant tossers go elsewhere - why would you put up with them in the cycling world? You wouldn't in other areas of your life so why in cycling? One of the great things about the bike is that you can do it solo.
I think the bottom line is: do you like him? I mean, on an emotional level, is there some sort of connection that gives you confidence that you could be friends? This is more important than the prima facie judgement based on compliance with the rules. If you basically like the bloke, then he might be worth some investment and guidance. He might learn, and he might annoy you less. If you don't really like him, then you probably won't like him any better just because he looks and behaves better on the bike, so it's not going to be worth it.
You could post this to his website, hold on its not about me is it. Nahh I dont think so but I do understand your dilema.
@Owen
Right enough. This fred will learn as most of us do: through unbridled teasing and becoming the subject of all jokes. Until he reforms and a new fred comes along. (For the record I never conformed, I just did it because I was born to.)
The trick is to know which ones to stick with, and conversation piece is key (but goddamn him if he makes me talk going up a punishing climb). This fred sounds like he's just weird enough to be a cyclist. I'd let him hang around.