La Vie Velominatus is a life spent in the sway of the push and pull between function and aesthetics. The former, of course, is paramount, but not necessarily at the cost of latter. A prime example is the European Posterior Man-Satchel; many feel that its use is dictated by functionality, that to abandon the saddle bag is to abandon the tools and supplies required for the ride. But it is also a crutch. A crutch that allows us to forgive ourselves of poorly maintaining our machines. A crutch that allows us indulge in excess, to indiscriminately carry tools and supplies that are not required. Tools and supplies that will only serve to weigh down both rider and machine, disrupting the harmonious balance between the two.
Riding our bikes is about simplicity. The simplicity of flight. The simplicity of silence. The simplicity of self-reliance. To amputate the saddle bag is to sever the last remaining tie to excess. It requires that we distill our needs to the essential and choose tools that are functional and lightweight, yet unfailingly reliable, for while a well-maintained machine should require little roadside maintenance, those incidents which do befall us are often critical and it is in these moments of need when our tools must not fail us.
Enthusiasm got the better of me when I elevated the Pro Mini Tool 11 onto a pedestal that it would later prove unworthy of. While it is remains a fine tool and still holds a place in my quiver of multi-tools, after 6 months in use, it has failed me on several occasions; a crime for which it cannot be forgiven and for which it has been demoted from my daily riding kit and, as a consequence, from it’s Reverence status. Twice it has occurred, once for a derailleur mishap riding the cobbles of Queen Anne and once during my 90km commute, that the tool was required desperately and failed to answer the call due to imprecise machining of the 3mm and 4mm allens. Unbecoming of a Velominatus not to notice such a thing earlier, I know; for that I humbly apologize.
But when Merckx closes a door, he opens a window, and with that I have returned to the unofficial Velominati tool brand of choice, Lezyne. I have owned it for some time – I’m not even sure how it came into my possession – but for reasons I can not fully explain, my Lezyne RAP6 tool sat idly in my tool box. It sat there, resplendent in its lightweight aluminum body and its 6mm, 5mm, 4mm, and 3mm allens, with its screwdriver and its Torx T25. Compact, and meticulously crafted, this tool is classic Lezyne: small, light, and with the complete set of required functionality. It fits neatly into my center jersey pocket, just underneath the spare tube, C02 canisters, and Lezyne tire irons. The Lezyne C02 chuck continues to live happily in my left pocket, with my key and patch kit living in the right.
Balance has been restored. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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Big call to demote a Lezyne due to manufacturing issues and promote... a Lyzene. Are the 3 and 4mm allens even different parts or are they shared between the two tools?
Still, pretty unlucky to have allens on a multitool fail. My first, a Topeak something or other, was used for ten years, tucked in the camelback (MTB days), without any stresses.
@Blah
The demoted tool is made by Shimano, not Lezyne.
Yeah, it's a monster when your tools don't work. The issue with both the 4 and 3 was that they were not perfectly hexagonal, in one case they would not fit in the bolt at all, and in the other they stripped it because it wasn't seated properly. Massive bummer. Had to get a screw extractor to pull the bolt.
Yet another article that provides another moment of clarity. Like Morpheus said so famously, "there is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path." I eliminated the EPMS from my Machine, adopting the tool pouch as required by the Rules. But again, I have erred, and greatly erred, as my pouch clearly has too many tools. Multi tool, 2x CO2+chuck, one tube, one lever, and patch kit. And no fucking tube caps or tube stem nuts.
The person that figures out how to securely carry CO2 canisters in the seatpost so they don't rattle around in there will be hailed as the next Tullio.
Thanks Frank. And may Merckx bless.
Awesomeness. Like a gift from Merckx, since you can't pinpoint when you got it, Frank.
Sheeit, what did you do when the Shimano 11 failed you? Phone the Broom Wagon? Take the bus with your bike on the front?
I'll have to check this tool out. I like Lezyne pumps and am pretty happy with my Crank Brothers m.t., but one can always upgrade.
It's total garbage when a tool doesn't work. "You fucker, you were built to do one thing, and you can't do that right. Bastard you are."
Frank, it's a rest day! Go take a rest & quite writing awesome articles!
@frank
My bad right there. Learning to read. It goes slowly...
Looks nice! I use this in the road satchel, and this in the mtb satchel. Both bike are now Rule 29 compliant. And that, I think, is Frank's not-so-subtle admonition for us. A-Merckx.
Speaking of Lezyne, however, I recently added this bad boy to the road satchel, and it's everything it's cracked up to be. I also picked up this for long mtb rides. Maybe I'll write up a review, if it wouldn't cause too much discomfort for everyone...
@eightzero
You can always carry CO2's above the seat post, and they won't rattle either. I don't recommend it though.
@eightzero: Valve stem caps keep your tube from getting self-punctured from rubbing on the metal core whilst bundled in your seat bag. Once the tube is installed into the tire their presence is no longer necessary.
@Mark
All true. Good tip.
@Ron
I can take Adrian all day long, I can have Slash come by every fifteen minutes and call me a bitch, and it will never scratch the surface. But an inanimate object that disobeys my will? Fucker is going down. I have no patience for that shit. Little basterd should do as I say, and that's it.
I managed to hobble home in both cases, but I did so angrily. I keep my bikes in tip-top shape and find it inexcusable to have a mechanical on the road, let alone one I can't repair quickly.
@Blah
No worries, you can be forgiven for the assumption that the old tool was also Lezyne.