Guest Article: Proposed New Rule #96, the Marcellus Rule

Roof racks Rule. photo-Honda

This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule? 

Yours in Cycling, Gianni

Dear illustrious members ,

I wondered if the members had a Rule for irregular removal of bikes from roof, off vehicle? I feel the need to explain a little incident that occurred after picking up my two Specialized bikes from storage after having moved house.

Both  bikes  were sitting comfortably on the Thule roof rack and we were making good headway back to my new residence in Bourne end. I had both my boys in the car and was a little distracted with a conversation with my eldest. Mentioned in the conversation was the issue of lunch. So it made sense to pull into Waitrose to get a bite to eat. Err need I go on? We entered into Waitrose at a good speed.

There was a horrendous noise that I cannot describe and still haunts me, followed by the sound of breaking glass as both bikes and roof rack hit the ground after briefly entering the boot through the rear window.

Some of you will remember an incident, many years ago, to a chap called Marcellus. I remember thinking I would never be stupid enough to drive my car through a barrier with a bike on top of my roof. Well I have exceeded this by wrecking my bike and my girlfriend’s bike. oops

Training is on hold for the moment.

Proposed Rule #96 -Twatting your bike.

Driver and also owner of bikes on roof of car, removes bikes from roof of car by driving through a barrier. Owner of bike shall be referred to as a twat until bike has been replaced, or repaired. Exceptions are if wife or girlfriend is driving car in which case a possible conspiracy theory may have to be investigated. This confirms the need for Rule #12: the number of bikes owned should be N +1. You can at least be sure of a spare available.

Waitrose are suing me for damaging their barrier

Bastards

*Two identical Alan CX bikes on the roof of my car as I delivered a racer to the airport after he won the cyclocross nationals many years ago. Luckily the handlebars lightly hit a warning sign as I ripped into the departure drop off. Had that gone badly, I would have had to find another sport.

View Comments

  • @ChrisO

    @sthilzy Yeah those sucker things are popular out here for people wanting to put bikes on their Porsches - they seem to work and I haven't heard any horror stories of them coming off.

    Friends of mine have them. When they fail (which, invariably, every suction cup has to at some point), you'll know about it in advance since it just won't hold to begin with before mounting the bike. With three cups per main mounting point and two for the rear wheel strap, it has some fallback security.

    Ridiculously easy to mount and even easier to remove, and for a suction cup to last nearly three years in middle-eastern weather is quite impressive.

  • @tessar No, no, no, no, no.

    Dear god that just looks horrible; and will probably wind up causing all kinds of seatpost/saddle issues. That thing is actually worse than this thing (which make the poor bike look like they're on their way to an abattoir)

  • I have something to add to this - If you're going to get a roof rack, get a cheap roof rack.

    I drove my bike into a height-restriction sign going into a car park in Cornwall. The impact on the front wheel neatly removed the bike from the £20 halfords own brand rack, firing it over the boot to land on the tarmac behind. As it landed on the back wheel a lot of the force was absorbed and the bike was actually still rideable, although I did end up replacing both wheels.

    If I'd done the same with a Thule carrier I would have probably completely destroyed the bike and ripped a chunk of my roof off.

    I'm going to make a sign to put on the dashboard in future.

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