Categories: The Rules

Irreverence: Starting with Rules 48 and 49

The sturdiest seat post clamp in the world?

My work has me spending much time on college and university campuses. Among the myriad fads that are sweeping the dirtbag and hipster college student sets these days is riding the retro bike around. My feelings on this fad is “more power to them”. I’ve got no qualms with college students on meager incomes recycling old steel bikes found in landfills or yard sales.

Every once in a while a really cool old bike will find its way onto the rack outside my office building. One of my students, a kid named Mike, rides a classy old Flandria fixie. Mostly what I see though are dilapidated rides that leave me wondering if they would even work. That is until I see the bike’s owner pedaling across campus to their dorm or next class.

The Rule violations on these machines are countless. Just look at the picture above. The rider of this bike obviously has no awareness of Rule #48 and Rule #49, let alone an attempt at following them. I ask though, do the Rules even apply to bikes and riders such as this? Probably not. Like the coffee trader in Rwanda, the bike taxi in India, or the messenger in the city, these bikes are merely beasts of burden and serve their riders only in function, ignoring form.

Far be it from me to critique these dedicated cyclists using a canon of Rules they know nothing about. Whatever their motivations are for riding, whether it be retro-posuer style, some ideal of being green, utility, economy, etc., they are undoubtedly riding more than I am through the winter months. I can’t fault them for that.

Marko

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term Rainbow Turd.

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View Comments

Il buccaneero says:

Mar 29 2011 at 1:07 pm

I'm picturing reverse Mary bars on that thing with a basket hanging from the front.
G'rilla says:

Mar 29 2011 at 1:08 pm

I'm relieved that the owner secured this machine with a gigantic chain, wrapped in protective plastic so as not to damage the paint job.
ZachOlson says:

Mar 29 2011 at 1:12 pm

mcsqueak:
@sgt
Can it be Meghan McCain instead?

packfiller:
tell me the bars weren't upside down, tell me the bars weren't upside down...

UGH, just ugh. That one drives me crazy. I know not everyone needs to ride a bike that has what we would consider an appropriate bar-to-saddle height ratio, but drop bars turned upside down is just silly. Get a taller stem or something. Or a bike that fits properly.

Graeme might disagree...
mcsqueak says:

Mar 29 2011 at 1:23 pm

@ZachOlson

Good picture find! However, I still think it's weird. He's holding onto a place in the bar that never moved... so what's the point exactly? He could have the same exact position if the bars were mounted properly. I can't imagine it being more aerodynamic?
Dan O says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:29 pm

All PRO rules suspended for cheap transportation steeds. If the hipsters wanna cruise on retro beater bikes, more power to 'em. In a sense, they're making up their own rules and uniforms. We humans are funny that way.

I'm from the more bikes is always good school of thought. Gets people out there, plus gives more fodder to dis on each others rules. And that's always part of the fun.
frank says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:29 pm

@packfiller

tell me the bars weren't upside down, tell me the bars weren't upside down...
That is the kiss of death for any 'former' bicycle.

Not always...but yes, usually.
frank says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:33 pm

@ZachOlson
Nicely played. Didn't see your post until after mine updated.

@G'rilla
A++
frank says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:38 pm

@mcsqueak

Good picture find! However, I still think it's weird. He's holding onto a place in the bar that never moved... so what's the point exactly? He could have the same exact position if the bars were mounted properly. I can't imagine it being more aerodynamic?

Follow the link I put under always...or read/watch The Flyiig Scottsman. Obree was just in that position for a moment; he used the tops to get into a better tuck, but the bars weren't low enough, so he eventually built up a custom machine that took him to the Hour Record.
frank says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:47 pm

I ask though, do the Rules even apply to bikes and riders such as this?

@Dan O

All PRO rules suspended for cheap transportation steeds. If the hipsters wanna cruise on retro beater bikes, more power to 'em. In a sense, they're making up their own rules and uniforms. We humans are funny that way.

I would say that The Rules can really be classified into two core groups; the Rules that are governed by Good Taste and Sensibility, and the Rules that are governed by Looking Pro. To that end, absolutely, the second category of Rules are suspended for Beast of Burden bikes; but that isn't to say that Good Taste doesn't apply.

This shit is tasteless no matter what - same goes for squeaky chains and the like; accessibility to money doesn't impact your ability to maintain your bike, treat it with respect, and put the saddle in the right fucking place.

@Dan O

I'm from the more bikes is always good school of thought. Gets people out there, plus gives more fodder to dis on each others rules. And that's always part of the fun.

Spot on, mate.
frank says:

Mar 29 2011 at 2:50 pm

@mcsqueak

Here's another shot of Obree in his initial stages of innovation:

One of my all time heros, that. Fucking stud. Fantastic man, struggled with some incredible demons. Hopefully he's getting over them for good now.