We here at the Velominati have our own set of nicknames and terms which have developed over time through our comments and correspondence. Some of these are names of landmarks or terms in cycling; others are nicknames for some of the riders in the pro peleton. While not intended to be offensive or derogatory, the nicknames in the list represent the riders’ personalities or their reputations; usually little more than a play on words, these are intended to be just a bit of fun in the sometimes too-serious world of cycling.

*Of course, names such as The Cannibal, The Badger, Mr Roubaix, Der Kaiser and Il Pirata are taken as read, and should be well enough recognised by any Velominatus to warrant their non-inclusion in this list.

Jump to: Terms • Nicknames

Terms

1. 

   Velominatus // A cycling disciple of the highest order.
2. 

   Velominati // Plural form of Velominatus.
3. 

   Velominata // Female cycling disciple of the highest order.

   See also: related video.

4. 

   Velomihottie // Velominata who is also a Velominatus’ significant other.
5. 

   VMH // Velomiskrit shorthand for Velomihottie.

   Velominata who also happens to be a Velominatus’ significant other.

6. 

   Mount Velomis // The mountain within whose fiery depths were forged The Rules.
7. 

   The Rules // The canon of cycling’s etiquette

   These are the simple truths of Cycling, compiled and maintained by the Velominati.

8. 

   Hardman // The tough-as-nails cyclist.

   Often spotted gliding over cobblestones or mashing up the Koppenberg in the Big Ring in all kinds of weather. This one is not ours, but it bears inclusion here since we use it so much.

9. 

   Cogal // A meeting of Velominati for a day of cycling and beer.

   Just as the Illuminati would stage their fabled, and somewhat feared Cabals, the Velominati stage our own modern-day versions, the Cogals.  A meeting of like-minded misfits brought together by the promise of beer, preceded by a bike ride. A Cogal distinguishes itself from other group rides by the following criteria. First, Cogals are organized and supported through Velominati, though not necessarily a Keeper (legally speaking, however, we have no involvement, so if you crash or die, it’s your own problem. Second, a Cogal is a day-long undertaking that focuses 100% on the bike. The rides are categorized (Casually Deliberate, Rule #5, Rule #10, for example) but are long. This is what you’re doing today, nothing else; see Rule #4. Third, Cogals always include a session of Malted Recovery Beverage Consumption after the ride. Whenever possible, it should also include a pre-ride espresso.

10. 

    Cognoscenti // The sect of Rule 5 Fundamentalists.

    We don’t strictly endorse their interpretation, but like the Catholics and Opus Dei, we recognize them as part of our own.

11. 

    Cognoscentus // A Rule #5 Fundamentalist.
12. 

    Cognoscentrix // A female Rule #5 Fundamentalist.
13. 

    Hardmanifesto // The Fundementalist Manifesto followed by the Cognescenti.
14. 

    Rule Holism // The notion of embracing The Rules in their entirety.

    The Rules are simultaneously simple and complex. They are consistent yet rife with contradiction. To embrace them all is to walk the path of La Vie Velominatus.

15. 

    A-Merckx // A declaration of affirmation used by a Velominatus

    This can be used in many conversational instances or when in worship as a concluding word for prayers and hymns to the Great Gods of Cycling.  (This is not to be confused with the first initial and last name of Eddy’ Merckx’s son, Axel.)

16. 

    V-Meter // The fictitious cylcometer which only reports on The V.

    No confusing read-out. No buttons to push. No debate as to what you need to do. Just look down, ruminate briefly on the message conveyed to your oxygen-starved brain and lactate-laden legs, and V the fuck outa there. What’s the gradient of the climb? V. How fast are you going?  V. What’s your heart rate doing?  Your V-max? You will instantly and unequivocally know the answer.

17. 

    V-Locus // The sacred point where rider and machine maximally channel The V.

    The Italians call this la posizione. The Flemish call this “riding your bike.”

18. 

    The V // Old Velomiskrit for Rule 5

    This has evolved to take on the greater meaning it holds within the Velominati. (Pronounced “The Five”.)

19. 

    The Anti-V // The forces in life that cause you to not observe The V.

    The Anti-V manifests itself in an absence of those things we love most about cycling: a combination of guts, class, and panache. Wheel-sucking, bragging, and poor sportsmanship are examples of The Anti-V. (Thanks to KitCarson.)

20. 

    Five and Dime // Laying down The V in the wholesale commitment to Rule #10.
21. 

    Rule V // Rule #5
22. 

    Rule VV // Rule #10
23. 

    V and VV // Velomiskrit shorthand for Five and Dime.
24. 

    VLVV // Velomiskrit shorthand for “Vive la Vie Velominatus”.

    Thanks to Roadslave525.

25. 

    The V Bank // Some days you make deposits, other days you make withdrawals.

    But remember this: this is a bank with steep inactivity fees. Thanks to King Clydesdale

26. 

    Velominazi // A dogmatic enforcer of The Rules.

    This individual misinterprets the humor and intent behind The Rules and has likely missed their daily dose of humility and humor. They are also not likely to actually ride a bike very much or very well. See also: Adrian. Thanks to Jonathan via @CyclingTips.

27. 

    Flemish Mirror // The reflection of a rider caught in the shiny, rain-soaked tarmac.
28. 

    Flandrian Best // Arm warmers, vests, Belgian booties, and a cap under the helmet.

    While church goers will dress in their Sunday Best for a sermon, when a Cyclist goes to worship in bad weather, they dress in their Flandrian Best.

29. 

    Flemish Tan Lines // Artificial tan lines caused by mud, grit, and cow shit.

    After a Rule #9 ride, the contrast between one’s clean and grit-covered skin is directly proportional to how awesome the ride was.

30. 

    The Principle of Silence // The notion that your bicycle must always be quiet.
31. 

    Goldilocks Principle // Ensuring that bibs and sock length are not too long or too short.

    Also applies to any other matter of Good Taste and Sensibility where extremes are unpalatable.

32. 

    Gun Check // An assessment of the state of your legs.

    How much hurt have your legs absorbed, and how much hurt they are capable of dishing out at any given moment. Whatever you’re doing now, can only be sustained for V more minutes. Own your guns.

33. 

    Carbone // That feeling you get when you see a beautiful bike.
34. 

    Climbone // That feeling you get when you see a beautiful climb.

    (Thanks to Collin)

35. 

    Cobblebone // That feeling you get when you see an roughly paved road

    This is most acutely felt in the presence of rough cobblestones.

36. 

    Barbone // That feeling you get when you see a beautiful set of handlebars.
37. 

    Rimbone // That feeling you get when you see a beautiful set of rims

    This can be either deep dish rims or handbuilt three-cross spoked wheels. (thanks to TexasRouleur).

38. 

    Piti Principle // Punishment for violating the spirit of the law.

    A model of punishment wherein a competitor is sanctioned for abusing the system while still technically staying within the specific guidelines.

39. 

    Dotty Jumper // The Polka-Dot jersey.

    The spotted jersey given in the drug-riddled King of the Mountains competition at the Tour de France.

40. 

    Peaking in Two Months // Being out of form and overweight.

    A universal acknowledgement that one is out of form and overweight, while at the same time asserting that you are following a strict training plan and diet and that when you do peak – in two months – you will dish out pain in overwhelming proportions. See also: related video. (Thanks to Andrew)

41. 

    Nearly Peaking // Assertion that you are no longer Too Fat To Climb.

    Also may mean to imply that you are in training and approaching form.

42. 

    Train Properly // Controlling your pace when riding.

    This figures heavily into the assertion that you are only being passed on a climb because you are following a strict training regimen.  See also: related video.

43. 

    Too Fat To Climb // Being too heavy to climb well.

    The assertion that one is overweight and will not be able to climb well. See also:related video. (Thanks to Andrew)

44. 

    Climb Well For My Weight // Being a good climber relative to your weight/size.

    The assertion that despite your size, you are still a reasonable climber.  See also:related video. (Thanks to Steampunk)

45. 

    Belly Breathing // Excusing a gut as a breathing technique.

    The assertion that one is not sporting a protruding gut but is in fact using a highly sophisticated respiration technique called diaphragmatic breathing.

46. 

    Rode Like a Lion // The assertion that you rode like a hardman.

    See also: related video. (Thanks to Steampunk)

47. 

    Magnificent Stroke // A rider’s smooth, powerful stroke.

    Pedal stroke.

48. 

    Tapering // Not riding in preparation for a big ride.

    Refusing to do any ride of substance because one is Tapering to time one’s peak.  See also Train Properly and I Am Nearly Peaking.

49. 

    Recovery Ride Specialist // A rider who never participates in hard rides.

    One who is always on a recovery ride everytime you go out for a spin because they ‘hit it so hard the previous day’. Of course, no one is ever with them when they actually do a hard ride.  See also Train Properly. (Thanks to Souleur)

50. 

    Yellow Jacket of Authority // A fluoro yellow wind/shower jacket

    In the wild, this is sported by many commuting cyclists and gets its moniker from the smugness and perceived aura of invincibility that seems to emanate from wearers of this garish garment.  Also comes in sleeveless version the YVA.

51. 

    YJA // Shorthand for Yellow Jacket of Authority.
52. 

    Cycleway Hero // Cyclists who treat their daily commute as races.

    The commute is seen as a way to prove their manhood by wheel-sucking, or blasting past on their squeaky MTBs whilst wearing a YJA.  Never says ‘hello’. Considers fellow commuters to be their competition and sworn enemies.

53. 

    Commuter Grand Prix // The domain of the Cycleway Hero.

    Only they know where the intermediate sprints, KOM and finish line is, and they are never beaten.

54. 

    Sit Up and Beg // A high, upright riding position.

    The riding position of a cyclist whose bars are placed absurdly high.  (Thanks to Gillis.)

55. 

    Vampire Tactics // Using a blood-doping ring to win bike races.
56. 

    Oscarito Principle // Gaffer-taping a mini-pump to your frame.
57. 

    Huangism // A trite and/or clichéd remark about a bike

    Commonly made by CyclingNews.com technical editor, James Huang, whose reviews are sometimes nothing but cliche-riddled re-hashs of manufacturers press release. An example of a Huangism is a statement like “laterally stiff, vertically compliant”.

58. 

    Lando // Maintaining current rate of climbing.

    While riding on the rivet, forcing yourself to climb at your current pace “just a little higher”. Based on the scene in Star Wars where Lando Calrissian is caught by the Sarlacc‘s tentacle and the semi-blind Han Solo is about to shoot him free; Lando repeatedly yells for Han to aim, “just a little higher, just a little higher”. In the (paraphrased) words of Brad Wiggins[/term][definition]“You’re always a minute from cracking. So all you have to do is hold on a minute more.”

59. 

    Breeding and Blimping // Having kids and gaining weight.

    The process of gaining weight after becoming a parent due to a shift in priorities.

60. 

    Like Fuck You Will // A partner’s level of faith in a Cyclist’s follow-through.

    A spouse’s assertion that any promise made towards post-ride activity will be superseded by laying on the couch, complaining about your guns. (Thanks to Marcus)

61. 

    COTHO // C*nt Of The Highest Order.

    See also Pharmstrong, Roid Landis, Veino, Pharmstrong, Basso, Millar, Pharmstrong, Piti and Pharmstrong, depending on your perspective. (Thanks to Geof)

62. 

    COTHO2 // Johan Bruyneel.

    Because he’s an even bigger c*nt than any of those guys making COTHO status.

63. 

    Rainbow Turd // Wearing over-matched rainbow kit.

    Wearing full matching white rainbow jersey with white rainbow bibs, and then being crapped out of the back of the bunch when the road goes uphill, as Mario Cipollini did in the 2002 Giro d’Italia.

64. 

    Cadelephantitis // A sudden increase in toughness and aggressive riding.

    Specifically, the increasing in size of one’s gonads to gargantuan proportions when exposed to rainbows, as was the case with Cadel Evans.

65. 

    White Ladies // White cycling shoes

    Preferably made of patent-leather and by an Italian cobbler.

66. 

    Yellow Princesses // Yellow cycling shoes.

    Made by the only company willing to do such a thing, Mavic.

67. 

    Red Damsels // Red cycling shoes.

    Preferably made of patent-leather and by an Italian cobbler. Thanks to @RedRanger for the photo.

68. 

    Black Widows // Black cycling shoes.

    Preferably made of patent-leather and by an Italian cobbler.

69. 

    Dark Knights // An alternative moniker for The Black Widows.

    Thanks to Omar for his Batman-inspired dissertation.

70. 

    Aristocrats // White/black cycling shoes.

    The combination of white and black in a fine Italian patent leather shoe, as perfectly demonstrated  here.

71. 

    Silver Bullets // Silver cycling shoes.
72. 

    Inhaling a Wasp // Gasping for air whilst climbing.

    Mouth agape, snarling, dishing out the V. (Thanks to BigRingRiding.com)

73. 

    Communing with Butterflies // Climbing so slowly that butterflies nest in your spokes

    “The last time I climbed it a butterfly flew through my front wheel completely unscathed.” (Thanks to Cyclops)

74. 

    Out of Dish // When someone is acting out of order

    “Hincapie was really Out of Dish blaming the others in the break for not chasing. What a COTHO!”  (Thanks to Cyclops)

75. 

    Fluidly Harmonic Articulation // Riding in harmony with the bicyle.

    This refers to the symbiotic relationship between oneself and one’s machine. It is characterised by an immovable torso combined with effortlessly gliding pedal rotations. A revelation of harmony and elegance for you resulting in high doses of Rule 5 pain for your fellow riders. This is a state only obtainable when peaking, and is sometimes referred to as La Volupte. (Thanks to Marcus for twisting Jørgen Leth’s words as narrated in The Impossible Hour.)

76. 

    Adrian // Being an annoying, if harmless, twatwaffle.

    An Adrian also exhibits poor spelling and grammar while attempting to make points.

77. 

    Glorious Steel // The exclamation that steel is the finest material for a bicycle.

    See also, Steel is Real. (Thanks to Rusty Tool Shed)

78. 

    That Fucking Bike // A derogatory sleight to the Velominatus’ tool, the bike.

    A Velominatus’ domestic partner’s reference to The Craft, who obviously does not understand The Work we do nor have any appreciation for Rule #11. A sample “That Fucking Bike” conversation may be reviewed here. (Thanks to Roadslave525)

79. 

    Handlebar Dingleberry // A loose, loopy bit of handlebar tape.

    See also Hasidic Handlebars. (Thanks to McSqueak.)

80. 

    Hasidic Handlebars // Handlebars with loose, loopy bits of handlebar tape.

    See also Handlebar Dingle-Berry. (Thanks to Steampunk.)

81. 

    Belgian Style // Riding primarily with hands positioned on the hoods.

    “Look how clean the tape is on that dude’s drops! He must be a Belgian Style specialist.”

82. 

    Velominatus Budgetatus // A Velominatus who finds great deals on expensive kit.

    This is a wily creature who always figures out a way to satiate the need for expensive kit using low-cost means. (Thanks to Cyclops)

83. 

    Velominatus Violatus // A Velominatus who contravenes the Rules.

    Penance is paid in the form of hill repeats and heavy helpings of The V. (Thanks to Geof)

84. 

    Fendangelist // Fender (mud guard) evangalist.

    A rider who insists on pointing out and scolding riders in a group who fail to ride with fenders, pointing out the many reasons they should do so in the future.

85. 

    Three-Point System // The proper way to wear a hat.

    The system isa  repeatable and reliable process to ensure you Look Fantastic wearing fundamentally ugly objects on your head: the front should be low to the eyes, sides running close to the ears, and the back no deviating below the nape of the neck. More details here.

86. 

    Toad Head // Wearing the helmet too high upon the head.

    The mushroom-like appearance of wearing a bicycle helmet too high upon the head. (Thanks to Collin.)

87. 

    Dork Disk // The useless plastic guard that is installed on bicycles

    This part exists for the same reason as blue M&Ms: one we can’t explain.

88. 

    European Posterior Man Satchel // A saddlebag.
89. 

    EPMS // Velomiskrit for European Posterior Man Satchel.
90. 

    Millarcopter // The arcing, spinning motion of a thrown bike.

    This is normally taken on by a bike when ejected over a fence, or the destination of your choice. *Of course, we would never treat our bikes like this, because we pay for ours.

91. 

    Schleckanical // Suffering an ill-timed mechanical during the height of competition.

    Extra points if the mechanical could possibly be the rider’s own fault. (Thanks to Xponti.)

92. 

    Schlecanical // Alternate spelling of Shleckanical.
93. 

    Casually Deliberate // The easy sense of style and calm exuded by a Velominatus.

     This is true whether they are on the bike, off the bike and is exhibited by a sharp dress sense and air of confidence. Details here.

94. 

    Gyllenhaal Syndrome // Buying gear with no appreciation for its quality.

    This is usually demonstrated by celebrities purchasing top-end gear in the misguided belief that it will somehow help distract from the fact that they suffer from a chronic lack of The V.

95. 

    Bel Mezzo // Mezzo in Italian vernacular stands for means of transport

    I’m showing you my new bike and you say: Bel Mezzo!  (Thanks to Pedale Forchetta.)

96. 

    Well Hydrated // Consuming large quantities of alcohol (beer)

    This is usually prior to a ride in an effort to stay properly hydrated. Thanks to Jeff in PetroMetro

97. 

    Flanders Facial // Covering your face in mud and grit while riding.

    The fashionable “in” look of the Spring season whereby the cyclist’s face is caked with mud in the tradition of the Spring Classics.  Note: any mud will do, not just Flandrian mud.  (Thanks to BIGRINGRIDING.)

98. 

    Luggs // Lugs so sexy they deserve a second “g”.
99. 

    Mini-pumps at Dawn // Challenge to a duel.

    Them’s fightin’ words!  A Velominatus’ version of the “Gentleman’s Duel” of the past.

100. 

     Sprinters Muscle // The middle-aged male gut.

     The monolithic protuberance rising above one’s waist and below one’s rib cage which is a source of explosive power.  Ironically, it is the opposite of a six pack but typically acquired by drinking beer. (Thanks to Minion.)

101. 

     Brommer // Motorcus’s bike.

     Derived (read:taken wholesale) from the Dutch word for moped.

102. 

     Belgian Toothpaste // The thick, sticky spit you get when laying down The V.

     Thanks to ZachOlson.

103. 

     Spinal Tap Black // All black, all the time.

     When something can be none more black, like the color of your cables, bars, saddle, tires, or your soul.

104. 

     Schlecklette // A meal consisting of two teammates or brothers

     Usually savored by an outnumbered but superior rider.

105. 

     Sur La Plaque // French for “Put that thing in the big ring, fucktard.”

     (Literally, to move sur la plaque means to move onto the plate, or the BIG RING.)

106. 

     Carbon Craplet // The carbon framed bikes that are passed on a climb or sprint

     This is best emphasized as you hammer on your Old Skule steel. e.g “I dropped a half dozen Carbon Craplets on the River Road sprint.” Thanks to Ray Bransky.

107. 

     Mach V // The speed attained by maximum application of Rule 5

     This requires whole body commitment to Sur La Plaque; a profound Knowledge of Rule 85 and Rule 64 are especially important. Thanks to Wilbur. (We wish his name sounded more Rule Fivish for recommending such a cool lexi entry.)

108. 

     Delgado // Missing the start of the VSP or any other event.

     Inspired by Pedro Delgado’s 1989 late Tour start (as defending champion.)

109. 

     Cycling Sensei // A velominatus’ highly revered mentor

     This mentor teaches and guides us in the finer ways of our Sport.

110. 

     Pedalwan // A Cycling Sensei’s protege.
111. 

     Pedalwan Learner // A Cycling Sensei’s student.
112. 

     Starter Pistols // The Guns of Navaronne in their primordial state.

     Thanks to mcqueek.

113. 

     Schleckulation // Speculation on how a rider will perform.

     Specifically as it related to predicting if a rider’s less-than-stellar pre-TdF form foretells disaster or represents a ploy to fool rivals. Thanks to Xyxax.

114. 

     Phantom Aerobars // Resting the forearms on the tops of the bars

     Getting low and aero on standard road bars as if they were riding on aerobar extensions, ala Fabian Cancellara. Thanks to Joe.

115. 

     Pre-Race Kelly // Going without sex

     Usually involuntarily and often a result of some action involving That Fucking Bike. This can also be a deliberate, voluntary pre-race preparation technique in the spirit of Sean Kelly. Thanks to Buck Rogers.

116. 

     Post-Ride Recovery Drink // A nice, cold, hoppy ale.

     Consumed after a hard ride to restore carbohydrates, proteins, sugars, and Awesome to the body.

117. 

     Post-Ride Recovery Ale // See Post-Ride Recovery Drink.
118. 

     Fuckness // Any manner of negative physiological effects caused by weather.
119. 

     Dirty Schleck Love // The illogical hero-worship of any cyclist

     Particularly one who has yet to make the most of his ability. It is the velomotion that daren’t speak its name. (Thanks to Marcus)

120. 

     Chicked // Getting your ass dropped by a Velominata.

     We’re all Peaking in Two Months; set your male insecurities aside and train harder, jackhole. (Thanks @Jen)

121. 

     Dutch Gel Shot // A packet of mayonnaise.

     (Thanks to @Mcsqueek)

122. 

     Brian // Brian will crush your ego and is of the same sub-species as Adrian

     The guy who bridges up to you on a ride, usually a climb, wearing items like khaki shorts, a camelback, and clip-ons, breaking any given number of Rules and then proceeds to ride you off his wheel. (Thanks @sgt and @Nate)

123. 

     Vonk // Failure to find your Rule #91 happy place.
124. 

     Steerectile Dysfunction // A large stack of spacers or a steep-angle stem.

     The inefficient and aesthetically displeasing setup leading to a Sit Up and Beg riding position. This also applies to any unnecessary stack of spacers piled above the stem, like some sort of Rule #45 safety-chute. (Thanks to @VeloVita)

125. 

     Gruppo // Campagnolo.

     Since gruppo is an Italian word, the only Gruppo is Campagnolo. Shimano is a Group-san, and SRAM is a Bro-Set. Thanks to Ken Horsnby as nominated by @Daccordi Rider

126. 

     Group-san // Shimano.

     Since gruppo is an Italian word, the only Gruppo is Campagnolo. Shimano is a Group-san, and SRAM is a Bro-Set. Thanks to Ken Horsnby as nominated by@Daccordi Rider

127. 

     Bro-Set // SRAM.

     Since gruppo is an Italian word, the only Gruppo is Campagnolo. Shimano is a Group-san, and SRAM is a Bro-Set. Thanks to Ken Horsnby as nominated by @Daccordi Rider

Nicknames

1. 

   The Prophet // Eddy Merckx

   The Chosen one, the Hardest Man of Them All, the man who, by the very sweat from his mighty guns, etched into stone The Rules.

2. 

   Brothers Grimpeur // Frank and Andy Schleck

   Like the Brothers Grimm, except instead of writing scary tales, these brothers are scary grimpeurs.

3. 

   Brother Grimpeur the Younger // Andy Schleck
4. 

   Brother Grimpeur the Elder // Frank Schleck
5. 

   Grimpito // Andy Schleck, the younger of the Brothers Grimpeur.
6. 

   Grimplette // Andy Schleck, the younger of the Brothers Grimpeur.
7. 

   Grimpelder // Frank Schleck, the older of the Brothers Grimpeur.
8. 

   Good Cadel // Cadel Evans

   Depending on the results he produces, Cadel Evans can be good, bad, or almost good enough. This one comes from his comment at the 2010 Amstel Gold Race, “I was good, I was good, I was good and then I was bad.” Other variations of this moniker include, “Almost Good Enough Cadel”, “Not Quite Good Enough Cadel”, and his first name often is exchanged for his last name.

9. 

   Bad Cadel // Good Cadel’s alter-ego.
10. 

    Cadelephant // The result of a mixture of Rule #5 and rainbows.
11. 

    Cuddles // A soft, stuffed Cadelephant.
12. 

    The Ego-testicle // Lance Armstrong

    Makes up for his lack of balls with an inflated sense of self-importance.  Who else could it be?

13. 

    Pharmstrong // Lance Armstrong

    For his (and his team’s) alleged but unproven (as yet) involvement in doping throughout his career; his organization could easily have doubled as a pharmaceutical business.

14. 

    Huevo Lancheros // Lance Armstrong

    … do we really have to explain it?

15. 

    Huevos Lancheros // The irregular spelling of Huevo Lancheros.

    Who is Lance Armstrong… do we really have to explain it?

16. 

    Huevos // Shorthand style of Huevos Lancheros.
17. 

    Huevo // Shorthand style of Huevo Lancheros.
18. 

    Veino // Alexandre Vinokourov

    Because he never doped, but now obliquely refers to “the dark years” of his career and insists that he is now honest and wants to prove bike races can be won without the use of the Vampire Tactics.

19. 

    Piti // Alejandro Valverde

    For his code name in Operación Puerto.

20. 

    Christian Banged-and-Felled // Christian Vande Velde

    For his unfortunate proclivity towards falling off his bike and breaking important bits of his body.  Also known as Twistin’ Banged and Felled. (Thanks to Geof)

21. 

    The Russian Rug Salesman // Vladimir Karpets

    For his name and the sports the world’s worst haircut.

22. 

    Motorcus // A power-assisted Spartacus.
23. 

    Faboo // A homo-erotic reference to Spartacus and his “dreamy eyes”.
24. 

    Twiggo or Jolly Naughty Wiggins // Brad Wiggins

    Do we really need to explain this one?

25. 

    Syrup // Brad Wiggins

    An odd evolution of the nickname starting with Twiggo going to Syrup o’ Figgo, to Syrup.  We can’t control these things.  We just roll with and document it.

26. 

    Levi Eggtimer // Levi Leipheimer

    For his egg-shaped noggin.Plus the time it takes him to get up a hill is like waiting for an egg to boil.  And like an underdone egg, Levi is soft in the centre and cracks easily.

27. 

    Bertie // Alberto Contador
28. 

    Bertie YouTube // Alberto Contador

    After a controversial attack on the Yellow Jersey, but then issuing a nice YouTube apology.

29. 

    She’s Legal in Amsterdam // Tom Boonen

    For his love of the party drugs.

30. 

    Plan de Cojones // Plan de Corones in Italy

    A stretch of terribly steep, unpaved road where an uphill time trial takes place in the Giro d’Italia.  You gotta have some stones to send a race up that bit of road.

31. 

    George Hincrappy // George Hincapie.

    Sorry – we love you (I Heart Hincrappy) and wish you all the success in the world, but while you ride like a hardman – when you start talking…

32. 

    George Butt-Hurty // George Hincapie.

    Because everyone is out to get George - always taking advantage of him and doing him wrong.  Do your own chasing and shut the fuck up, George. (Thanks to Ross and his spouse)

33. 

    Dirty Sanchez // Samuel Sanchez

    Because he’s dirty, and we simply couldn’t resist.

34. 

    LL ‘Cool J’ Sanchez // Luis Leon Sanchez.
35. 

    Damiano Can-he-go // For Damiano Cunego

    The answer to this question seems to be unclear.

36. 

    Rob-a-bank // Too easy, but given the economic climate, it’s rather fitting.
37. 

    Retirement Shack // Where old egos to to die.
38. 

    LeakyGas // Team Liquigas

    Because we’d hate to ride in the paceline behind one of these guys.   Old El Paso should consider sponsorship.

39. 

    Dickweed Giovanni // Team Diquigiovanni

    Because this is how the commentators on Universal Sports pronounce it.

40. 

    Tom Blownen // Tom Boonen

    Because he loves the white line fever.

41. 

    T-Bone Hamilton // Tyler Hamilton

    First for his tendency to break bones, and then for his tendency to suck.

42. 

    Tyler Shamilton // Tyler Hamilton

    For all the shams he tried to pull…disappearing twin?  Really?

43. 

    Count Dracula // Alexandre Vinokourov

    For his bloodlust.

44. 

    Roid Landis // Floyd Landis

    Does this really need explanation?

45. 

    Fraud Landis // Floyd Landis

    Or this?

46. 

    Floyd Slanders // Floyd Landis

    Or any combination of the above…

47. 

    LeMan // The young, combative, cool Greg Lemond

    He won three Tours, laid down the fastest ITT in tour history, and is responsible for probably the most exciting (surely the closest) Tour of all time. RIP LeMan.

48. 

    LeMelvis // The old, fat, Las Vegas style Greg Lemond

    Seems an ego-driven has-been and likely to have a heart attack sitting on the toilet.

49. 

    LeMonster // Greg LeMond

    The young, combative animal Greg LeMond who exuded class on the bike. (Thanks to Dan O)

50. 

    David A-Yo-Yo // David Arroyo

    For his off the back-back on again riding style as he gallantly defended his Giro d’Italia lead.

51. 

    Michael Rasjuicin // Michael Rasmussen

    They feed chickens hormones, don’t they?

52. 

    Michael Ras-missin’ // Michael Rasmussen

    The ‘Where’s Wally?’ of the peloton.

53. 

    Heinrich Sauceler // Heinrich Haussler

    For his “I’m out with an injury and thus will be going on the sauce” coping mechanism.

54. 

    Cavendouche // Mark Canvendish

    Because despite his formidible sprinting prowess, the kid is a bit of douchebag.

55. 

    Cavencantdish // Mark Canvendish

    Other variations include Caven-anything disparaging you’d like to add about the little bugger-dish.

56. 

    Manxgina Missile // Mark Canvendish

    For a play on his nickname of Manx Missile and Mangina.

57. 

    The Manx Mouth // Mark Canvendish

    I think we were the first on this one, but in any case, this one also refers to Markie Mark.

58. 

    FedEx // Mark Renshaw

    For his delivery of Cavendouche to the line. (AKA ‘Butts’).

59. 

    GaGa // Phil Gibert

    The Belgian JaJa.

60. 

    Janes Addiction // Daniel Navarro

    (AKA Perry Farrell).

61. 

    Frandy // The collective Schlecks.
62. 

    RatPack // Tony Martin.

    The lovechild of Tony Curtis and Dean Martin. (Thanks to Jarvis)

63. 

    Invisible Denis // Denis MenchovRobert Gesink.

    For his hide until the time trial methods of getting a Tour podium.

64. 

    GaySink // Robert Gesink.
65. 

    Keep’em Gesink // Robert Gesink.

    Because you never know if he’s gonna suck, crash, or crush.

66. 

    Who-tarovich // Yauheni Hutarovich

    For his sprint from obscurity to a GT stage winner. (Thanks to Dermot K)

67. 

    Teeny Bettini // Paolo Bettini

    For the pint-sized Italian star.

68. 

    Clenbutador // Alberto Contador

    After his positive test for Clenbuterol. (Thanks to Dermot K)

69. 

    Cheatador // Alberto Contador

    For both his failed dope test and attacking when Grimpito dropped his chain. Fucking cheat either way. (Thanks to Shannon)

70. 

    The Spanish Steak // Alberto Contador

    The new poster child now for the organic, free-range, grass fed beef movement. (Thanks to KitCarson)

71. 

    Albutero Clentador // Alberto Contador

    No explanation needed. (Thanks to Eddy Merckx’s Ears)

72. 

    Clentador // Short for Albutero Clentador

    No explanation needed. (Thanks to Eddy Merckx’ Ears)

73. 

    Carlos Disaster // Carlos Sastre

    Because since winning the Tour in ’08, that’s what he’s been. (Thanks to Vaughn)

74. 

    Carlo’s Ashtray // Carlos Sastre

    Like a cigarette, one minute on fire, smokin’, then extinguished and dropped like a bad habit. Not cool anymore.

75. 

    Tricky Dickie // Richard Virenque
76. 

    Reeeshard Virenque // Richard Virenque

     (Thanks to Michael)

77. 

    Mark Wreckshaw // Mark Renshaw

    For his unorthodox leadout style. (Thanks to Marcus) or;

78. 

    Mark Reckshaw // Mark Renshaw

    For his unorthodox leadout style.(Thanks to Marcus)

79. 

    Mark Rickshaw // Mark Renshaw

    For his superb ability to drag Mark Cavendish to the line.

80. 

    Jacky Bobby // Jack Bobridge

    Young Aussie upstart gonna come at the peloton like a spider monkey.

81. 

    Potato // Filippo Pozzato

    You say Potato, I say Pozzato.

82. 

    Boss Hog // Edvald Boasson Hagen

    Who looks nothing like ol’ Boss Hog, but his name is irresitable.

83. 

    Gandalf // Alessandro Petacchi

    For his Gandalf-like violation of Rule #59 to keep Cavendish from passing him during the Stage 3 gallop in the 2011 Giro. Thanks to Steampunk.

84. 

    Judas Gadret // John Gadret

    For not only refusing to lend a hand to his team leader, Nicolas Roche during the 2010 Tour de France, but going on the attack when he suffered a puncture. Thanks to Marcus.

85. 

    Lenault // Lemond-Hinault

    In 1986 at La Vie Claire, vying not only for team leadership, but for Tour dominance.

86. 

    The Spotted Dick // Richard Virenque

    For his 7 stints in the Dotty Jumper.

87. 

    Johnny Prikkeldraad // Johnny Hoogerland

    For famously surviving a 60km/h introduction to a barbed-wire fence. (Prikkeldraad is the Dutch word for “barbed-wire”.)

88. 

    Gilbackwards // Philippe Gilbert

    For his riding style up the bergs in Vlaanderen in 2012.

89. 

    Pippi Longstockings // Bradly Wiggins

    For his too-long socks. See also: Goldilocks Principle. Thanks to @VeloVita.

The majority of these terms were coined by the Velominati or one of our readers, but for those terms which we have borrowed, we endeavored to give credit where credit is due.  If we missed you, please let us know and we’ll give you your well-deserved props.