The Bikes

by / / 13319 posts

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.

It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.

The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.

If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

  • On Rule #12: The Bike #1 Paradox This helps make a bike special.The only parents who proclaim to have a favorite child are the ones who have only one; all the other ones pretend they don’t have a favorite because they are each “different and special in their own way”. It’s complete bollocks, that, and we all know every parent does in fact have a favorite, but we ...
  • In Memoriam: The Funny Bike The FunnybikeSummer, it appears, has been snatched abruptly from Seattle’s grasp, like a squeak toy from a puppy’s mouth. A week ago, we were setting record temperatures which were sadly playing their role in producing the worst wildfire season the state has ever seen. On the plus side, I haven’t ridden my Nine Bike in so long both its ...
  • Guest Article: Testing Rule #12 The MasterIf Rule #12 does not smolder deep in your soul, you might not be a Velominatus. I’ll still be riffling through bike magazine porn, from the inevitable wheelchair, in the old folks home. Some of us have hidden new bikes from our better halves. Every known bit of subterfuge has been employed to downplay the ...
  • La Vie Velominatus: Santoku The three virtues: Mind, Body, Machine.In Japanese, “Santoku” means “Three Virtues”. Exactly which three virtues it is referring to is unclear, but I am fascinated by the idea of a single word with such a rich, if ambiguous, meaning. I have several kitchen knives that goes by this name, and within the scope of knives the three virtues are generally accepted to ...
  • Weight Weenies Parting the waters on a 24 pound bike.My bike weighs about 6 kilos. It is no waify little thing either, with it having a 61cm frame and and three stories of seatpost. It has beefy tubes, a stiff bottom bracket and steerer, and deep section wheels which are laced 3x in the back and 2x in front. This bike has never made me go faster; ...
  1. Velocolour – Noah Rosen delivers a total Merckx whiteout

  2. @Puffy

    Yeah, I still have that helmet hanging in my parents basement!

    -Eddie

  3. Velocolour – Noah Rosen awesomeness. This will be one hell of a build for myself.

    Most all components will be dominantly black other than a featured anodized grey 3ttt Record stem and anodized grey 3ttt Super Competition bars — Merckx bend.

  4. Super Competizione

  5. @universo These teaser photos are exactly that.. I’d traveled over to the Velocolour site for more but alas was nothing there? Something tells me that this ride will be really, really nice. Cheers!

  6. @wilburrox

    Facebook [scroll]

  7. @universo

    Nice. The white really excentuates the beauty of the frame details.

    Used to have a set of those bars. Alas, I found the drops way too deep for me, so I sold them on. I still regret it to this day. It’s practically sacrelige to wrap them with tape, they are that beautiful.

  8. Accentuates!

    Curse this phone. Excentuate is not even a real word.

  9. @Teocalli

    Well this sucks if true.

    http://pelotonmagazine.com/feedzone/femke-van-den-driessche-motor-discovered-found-in-u23-woman-bicycle-zolder-2016-cyclocross-world-championships/

    If this is the case, it should be a life time ban, not 6 months. To me, motor doping is far worse than the cheating all the other riders are doing.

  10. @Teocalli

    Well HELL! Yup, confirmed this morning.

    http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/uci-confirms-motorised-doping-uncovered-at-cyclo-cross-world-championships/

    Nice fucking family, eh? Brother is currently suspended as well for doping. Wonder what Grannie is up to at the races? Throwing tacks under the others racers tires???

  11. Well there was I thinking CXers were a cut above all that nonsense.

    Just a thought, if van den driessche is only the first to be caught, then who the fuck else has been doing it? This news lends serious support to all those previous claims of motor doping, which I admittedly always thought were a bit far-fetched.

  12. …..and the daft excuses start. My mechanic cleaned a friend’s bike and nether of us noticed I’d got the wrong one. Some mechanic.

  13. Watch the young lady simply smash it up the Koppenberg

    Nahhhh… no motor in that bike ?!?

  14. @wilburrox

    Watch the young lady simply smash it up the Koppenberg

    Nahhhh… no motor in that bike ?!?

    Whoa! That was “impressive!” Koppenberg? Nae problem with my hidden friend. I find the rider’s excuses to be bullshit. Apart from being responsible for your equipment, the whole “it was my old bike that belonged to a friend that somehow ended up in my pit being taken care of by my mechanic, and oh, by the way, my friend never changed any of the settings on my bike so I didn’t notice it” is lame to put it mildly. Ok, so she didn’t start the race on the doped bike, but why would you? You need that extra help towards the end when you’re getting tired or as a wee “pick me up” switch-out during the race. Ban her for life.

  15. @Teocalli

    Was already getting worried that this site had not picked up on this news. Learnt a lot today about mechanical doping by just looking at a couple of sites. 2700-3000 EUR and you’re in business (ah well, as a pro, you’d be Out of Business then of course). I was surprised that such a motor can give you 150-200 Watts extra, that’s huge. I read months before an article referring to 5-10 watts, which when it counts, still helps. We need new words for the Lexicon me thinks: “To pull a FvdD”: defraud competition with lousiest of arguments that it wasn’t me.

  16. @wiscot

    What I have not been able to detect: did she use the e-bike at all during this race?

  17. @KogaLover

    @wiscot

    What I have not been able to detect: did she use the e-bike at all during this race?

    I don’t think she actually did, but I suppose it’s the equivalent of finding a bunch of syringes and other pills in a rider’s suitcase. May not have been used, but sure shows intent.

    Frankly, I think that after her display on the Koppenberg and her brother’s issues, she was under “observation.”

  18. And if the UCI sniffed her out as a result of Strava uploads and power meter data…seems like one more reason to just ride your bike and forget about data! (though in this case it helped catch a cheater, but my point was to confirm that being a Cycluddite is the way to go)

  19. @sthilzy

    I assume it’s matching fake gold?

  20. @sthilzy

    A bike that screams: “I attack with my wallet!”

  21. @Quasar

    A bike that is flat out ugly. But I’m a a guy that likes black bikes.

  22. Gross. Hideous.

  23. @sthilzy

    Have a look at Vino’s bling bike!

    I wonder if it has Kolobnev’s name on the top tube in tribute?

  24. @sthilzy

    @Oli

    @wilburrox

    Golden Turd?

  25. It’s a shame after the recent motor bike discovery that folks are still choosing to give Vino press coverage. Tune out and it’ll be easier to make him go away.

  26. @sthilzy

    Have a look at Vino’s bling bike!

    If Donald Trump rode a bike, it would look like this.

  27. @wiscot

    @sthilzy

    Have a look at Vino’s bling bike!

    If Donald Trump rode a bike, it would look like this.

    If Donald Trump rode a bike it’d probably make him a much more likeable person.

  28. @sthilzy

    Have a look at Vino’s bling bike!

    Vino is know to sport the “gold chains, skinny designer jeans, and white hightop sneaker ” look, so the gold bike is about right. Plays big in Khazakstan, I guess.

  29. @Oli

    Gross. Hideous.

    I know, I hate that seat post, too.

  30. @frank

    Are you saying that apart from the seatpost you like it???

  31. @RobSandy

    @wiscot

    @sthilzy

    Have a look at Vino’s bling bike!

    If Donald Trump rode a bike, it would look like this.

    If Donald Trump rode a bike it’d probably make him a much more likeable person.

    Yes! And speaking of the Donald you have to see this and just wonder… how in the world??

    >>> Very much rival the Tour de France <<< ?? Classic.

  32. @universo

    Can’t wait to see this thing fully built. This looks amazing!

  33. @kixsand

    Planning to build up this next Friday — Lincoln’s Birthday. And also formulating an idea to bring this frame back to Toronto to ride with Noah Rosen. We’ll see. Are you near enough to Toronto — or South Carolina to join up??

  34. @universo

    Velocolour – Noah Rosen awesomeness. This will be one hell of a build for myself.

    Most all components will be dominantly black other than a featured anodized grey 3ttt Record stem and anodized grey 3ttt Super Competition bars — Merckx bend.

    Holy fuckballs. That is going to be way hot. I wanted Don Walker to make my l’Heure in predominantly white but he refused.

  35. @kixsand

    @universo

    Can’t wait to see this thing fully built. This looks amazing!

    Is it an effect of the lens, or my imagination, or is there a dash of pink in there? If not, there ought to be because it so works!

    Ditto. Looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

  36. @DavyMuur

    @kixsand

    @universo

    Can’t wait to see this thing fully built. This looks amazing!

    Is it an effect of the lens, or my imagination, or is there a dash of pink in there? If not, there ought to be because it so works!

    Ditto. Looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

    You should name this one La Volupté. It looks like… an angel.

  37. @frank

    At first we talked super-glass-black. I wanted Velocolour to create what Noah wanted to see. Second talk after some prep work Noah was very firm on staying with original super-glass-black plans. I mentioned touches of pink and “do what you are seeing.” The next thing you know, I realize that I’m not the only one thriving in opposite world.

    @DavyMuur

    Pink? There’s a spot on the fork crown cutouts too. Hoping that I’ll find some on the bottom bracket. Either way, it is exactly the way it is supposed to be and whatever it wants to be. Waiting to see the total effect when it arrives from Toronto.

    @litvi

    I think you’re right. La Volupté {need to see the pronunciation — phonetics}

    Tempted to think of this one as Zoso after Velocolour’s logo mark became Led Zeppelinized on this frame. White is hard to photograph under hard light.

  38. @universo

    @litvi

    I think you’re right. La Volupté {need to see the pronunciation — phonetics}

    la vɔlypteLa (lah) vo (like ‘go’) – lu (like ‘few,’ but without the demi-y after the f) – pteh (like ‘way’)

  39. @universo

    @kixsand

    Planning to build up this next Friday — Lincoln’s Birthday. And also formulating an idea to bring this frame back to Toronto to ride with Noah Rosen. We’ll see. Are you near enough to Toronto — or South Carolina to join up??

    I’m in Toronto proper. Noah’s shop is about a 25 min ride from my house.

  40. @universo

    Led Zepplinized… oh yea… The sooner you get this bike built up and w/photos posted here the better all of our new year will be just to see that bike. The Giro Pink touches. Nice. I love black bikes and I can only imagine what this cat painting bikes could do w/super gloss black but dang… that’s a white that is just flat out gorgeous. Cheers

  41. Meanwhile in Scotland

  42. @the Engine

    Black is Best! Do I see a 1×11 ?? W/canti’s and mtn bike pedals is a bike made for racing. Very cool.

  43. @wilburrox

    @the Engine

    Black is Best! Do I see a 1×11 ?? W/canti’s and mtn bike pedals is a bike made for racing. Very cool.

    She’s in #9 bike mode just now but she also races in CX with DT Swiss/Mavic Open Pro rims.

  44. Ritte bikes Spencer Canon FYI

    http://petrolicious.com/this-lotus-esprit-is-a-light-rider-reborn

  45. @Barracuda

    cool. Love the way he models his carbon frames in clay.

  46. I trust they are paying royalties………

  47. @Teocalli

    I hear there’s a couple of Specialized Lawyers out of work and looking for a new gig. Get them on the case !

Leave a Reply

Skip to toolbar