The Bikes

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The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.

It seems in some ways like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome, the way we honor our machines. We love them to a point that lies well beyond obsession. Upon these machines upon we endure endless suffering, but also find an unending pleasure. The rhythm, the harmony between rider and machine, the outdoors, the wind in our faces and air in our lungs.

The Bikes is devoted entirely to our machines. Ours, The Keepers, and yours, the Community. It features articles devoted to our bikes, and proves a forum for uploading photos of your own machines for discussion. We will be harsh, but fair; this is a place to enforce and enhance our observation of The Rules.

If you’d like to submit an article about your own beloved bike, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

  • Rule #12 and the Cascade Effect That is a very reasonable opening salvo for the Rule about bike ownership. Three is good and certainly a minimum, and we are talking road bikes here, if there was any doubt. They naturally become ordered: the #1 is ichi-ban, top dog, go-to bike for every and all rides. #2 was the old #1, it ...
  • Guest Article: Black Is Not The New Black  @kogalover is singing my song here. Bikes are beautiful. ’nuff said. VLVV, Gianni With all those posts on riding in winter and being visible, either by putting Eyes of Sauron or other car melting devices on one’s steed, or by even considering a YJA instead of donning plain black kit, it was about time to finally get ...
  • Dialing in the Stable This was going to be an article about Rule #45. It is amazing how much time is wasted and matches burned when professionals stop for that second bike change to get back on their #1. With all the jigs available to team mechanics it would seem they could set up five bikes exactly the same. And ...
  • Matching the drapes to the rug As a longtime titanium bike owner, I’ve always been jealous of a beautiful painted frame but Ti and carbon frames don’t need paint like a steel frame needs paint. But I want some painted beauty. It’s like buying a white car; I can’t do white, need some color. So between a Ti frame and a ...
  • Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. – Mike Tyson The one thing everyone should always plan for is that however well-conceived a program might be, things will never go to plan. The high level plan for my Festum Prophetae Hour Ride was as follows: Have a custom Hour Bike built by Don Walker. Because reasons. Reasons like custom ...
  1. @RobSandy

    Oh yes, this needs sharing. Chapeau Buck, chapeau Brett.

    http://chainslapmag.com/2018/06/insider-rides-bucks-hinault-custom/

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    That is really cool. I remember him discussing the project here.

    @BuckRogers if you’re still out there, what’s with the TA Competition inner chainring?




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  2. @MangoDave

    @

    That is really cool. I remember him discussing the project here.

    @BuckRogers if you’re still out there, what’s with the TA Competition inner chainring?

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    Oh, I believe it’s @Buck Rogers if I want to tag him.




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  3. @MangoDave

    @RobSandy

    Oh yes, this needs sharing. Chapeau Buck, chapeau Brett.

    http://chainslapmag.com/2018/06/insider-rides-bucks-hinault-custom/

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    That is really cool. I remember him discussing the project here.

    @BuckRogers if you’re still out there, what’s with the TA Competition inner chainring?

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    This is what he had to say about it on the ChainSlap Facebook page:

    I have the original Campag SR 42 inner ring but I wanted to drop down to a 39 but the smallest that you can get is a 41 made by Specialites TA, an old French company that has been around since the ’40’s. Not sure when they started making 41’s but I am pretty sure it is peroid correct (and my knees are thankful even for one less tooth, esp with the largest rear cog a 25!!!).




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  4. @MangoDave

    @chris

    *if anything is going drag Frank out of exile, it would be the use of that word.

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    I’ve tried to anger him out of exile by the flagrant use of emoticons, but it didn’t work.

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    I know he’s gone full recluse but that word is the most offensive word in the English language.

    Maybe if we criticise his coding. @frank I Quote or Reply without refreshing the page after each post!




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  5. @chris

    @MangoDave

    @chris

    *if anything is going drag Frank out of exile, it would be the use of that word.

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    I’ve tried to anger him out of exile by the flagrant use of emoticons, but it didn’t work.

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    I know he’s gone full recluse but that word is the most offensive word in the English language.

    Maybe if we criticise his coding. @frank I Quote or Reply without refreshing the page after each post!

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    So, back to discussing http://FTP...




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  6. @RobSandy

    Oh yes, this needs sharing. Chapeau Buck, chapeau Brett.

    http://chainslapmag.com/2018/06/insider-rides-bucks-hinault-custom/

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    That is just classic !! Deserves a big Fuck Yea… #MuchRespect. Cheers all




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  7. @RobSandy

    So, back to discussing http://FTP...

    Form is temporary, class is permanent.

    I never had much class but after a very busy couple of weeks at work including two days of endless meetings in Paris and perhaps half a martini and a glass of sherry more than I should have, it feels like whatever form I had (and any FTPs that go with it) has evaporated.

    It’ll take some work and a lot of hurt but I’m sure it’ll come back as soon quickly as it’s faded. I hope so. I’ll back in the UK and racing at the weekend and foolishly I thought the Cat 2, 3 & 4 race would be a better bet than the No Cat Newbies race.

    I’ve then got an FTP test the Wednesday after I get back and to make thins worse there’s a one minute power test just beforehand.




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  8. @chris

    @RobSandy

    So, back to discussing http://FTP

    Form is temporary, class is permanent.

    Errrrrr……..




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  9. @Teocalli

    Errrrrr……..
    Errrrr, indeed. I really don’t know what to say about that.




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  10. @Teocalli

    @chris

    @RobSandy

    So, back to discussing http://FTP

    Form is temporary, class is permanent.

    Errrrrr……..

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    Man, that thing has to be a bit of a bugger aerodynamically, non? ;-)

    And yes, I’m using an emoticon. Who cares anymore, right?




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  11. @wiscot

    Especially as the rear wheel was set in a block of concrete……………




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  12. @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Especially as the rear wheel was set in a block of concrete……………

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    I know how that feels!




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  13. A nice article on Drillium from Rouleur…..

    https://rouleur.cc/editorial/the-beauty-of-drillium/?mc_cid=ccca96e679&mc_eid=7e3c4ee51d




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  14. @Teocalli

    A nice article on Drillium from Rouleur…..

    https://rouleur.cc/editorial/the-beauty-of-drillium/?mc_cid=ccca96e679&mc_eid=7e3c4ee51d

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    In an earlier life I was a lightweight backpacker so I used to saw off toothbrushes etc. Not anymore, some of the pics in the article were too much for me.




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  15. Today’s ride. Experimenting with 38/58 mixed depth combo Irwin AON TLR wheel set. Just my first time out, but like the ride and think the look is kinda badass. Will have an article on PEZ forthcoming comparing AON TLR 38 to 38/58z

    Looking forward to tomorrow’s Stage 9. Expect G to be wearing yellow and Nibs to move up quite a bit.




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  16. @chuckp

    Looking forward to tomorrow’s Stage 9. Expect G to be wearing yellow and Nibs to move up quite a bit.

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    Though stage 9 is playing in GVA’s domain.




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  17. @Teocalli

    @chuckp

    Looking forward to tomorrow’s Stage 9. Expect G to be wearing yellow and Nibs to move up quite a bit.

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    Though stage 9 is playing in GVA’s domain.

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    Don’t see GVA losing yellow tomorrow But hopefully G can put the hurt on some of the other GC guys.




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  18. @RobSandy

    Don’t see GVA losing yellow tomorrow But hopefully G can put the hurt on some of the other GC guys.
    Not unless things are going a bit pear shaped for Porte and he’s given babysitting duties.




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  19. @chris

    @RobSandy

    Don’t see GVA losing yellow tomorrow But hopefully G can put the hurt on some of the other GC guys.
    Not unless things are going a bit pear shaped for Porte and he’s given babysitting duties.

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    No danger of that now. Richie Porte crashed out before the cobbles. Guy has worse luck than Dan Martin.




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  20. @Rick

    @chris

    @RobSandy

    Don’t see GVA losing yellow tomorrow But hopefully G can put the hurt on some of the other GC guys.
    Not unless things are going a bit pear shaped for Porte and he’s given babysitting duties.

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    No danger of that now. Richie Porte crashed out before the cobbles. Guy has worse luck than Dan Martin.

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    Damn. I wonder if I can apply the commentator’s curse to riders not in my VSP picks…

    I’ve never been convinced that he would make the step up from super domestique in a grand tour but his jour sans are getting worse.

    Gutted for him.




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  21. @chuckp

    Today’s ride. Experimenting with 38/58 mixed depth combo Irwin AON TLR wheel set. Just my first time out, but like the ride and think the look is kinda badass. Will have an article on PEZ forthcoming comparing AON TLR 38 to 38/58z

    Looking forward to tomorrow’s Stage 9. Expect G to be wearing yellow and Nibs to move up quite a bit.

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    It’s not just me. Julian Alaphilippe rode a mixed depth wheel combo to victory today in the first TdF mountain stage. I think maybe I might be at the bleeding edge of a new trend.




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  22. Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.




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  23. @fignons barber

    That’s what I would have thought but now one of the Pros has been seen doing it the Big S will market it and all the muppets will buy in.




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  24. @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    It’s not whether the front wheel per se is good in crosswinds, it’s whether the front wheel for the rider in question is good in crosswinds. Burlier manly men rouleur types can better manhandle deeper dish wheels than lightweight climber types. As the latter, a shallower depth front wheel makes sense from a handling standpoint. The aero gain of a deeper depth rear wheel probably isn’t as much as if it was on the front, but there’s still probably some (marginal) aero gain. And how the air flows off the back of the bike actually matters from an aerodynamic standpoint. So it’s a compromise set up for certain types of riders. The question is whether the weight penalty (in the case of my Irwin wheels, about 115 grams) is worth any aerodynamic gain?




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  25. @chris

    @fignons barber

    That’s what I would have thought but now one of the Pros has been seen doing it the Big S will market it and all the muppets will buy in.

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    Julian Alaphilippe copied me, so I’ll take credit for the hordes of muppets that follow suit.




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  26. @chuckp

    @chris

    @fignons barber

    That’s what I would have thought but now one of the Pros has been seen doing it the Big S will market it and all the muppets will buy in.

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    Julian Alaphilippe copied me, so I’ll take credit for the hordes of muppets that follow suit.

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    I noticed that and thought Alaphillippe must have had a puncture at some point and got a wheel from neutral service.

    Shows what I know.




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  27. @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    Nope! Rode 303’s in X-wind, struggled to stay on the road.

    Also when #26 on 303’s, next to the sea, the wind WILL blow over your steed!

    Happy to run AL 24’s on Beach Rd and seeing blinged up 808 riders end up on the wrong side of the road!




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  28. @sthilzy

    @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    Nope! Rode 303’s in X-wind, struggled to stay on the road.

    Also when #26 on 303’s, next to the sea, the wind WILL blow over your steed!

    Happy to run AL 24’s on Beach Rd and seeing blinged up 808 riders end up on the wrong side of the road!

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    I have no idea what this means.




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  29. @fignons barber

    @sthilzy

    @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    Nope! Rode 303’s in X-wind, struggled to stay on the road.

    Also when #26 on 303’s, next to the sea, the wind WILL blow over your steed!

    Happy to run AL 24’s on Beach Rd and seeing blinged up 808 riders end up on the wrong side of the road!

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    I have no idea what this means.

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    Me neither! But Zipp’s are a MF if not chosen well!




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  30. @sthilzy

    @fignons barber

    @sthilzy

    @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    Nope! Rode 303’s in X-wind, struggled to stay on the road.

    Also when #26 on 303’s, next to the sea, the wind WILL blow over your steed!

    Happy to run AL 24’s on Beach Rd and seeing blinged up 808 riders end up on the wrong side of the road!

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    I have no idea what this means.

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    Me neither! But Zipp’s are a MF if not chosen well!

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    I ride 60mm rim depth on my race wheels in all conditions. Because I’m a strong MF and I don’t care about cross winds.




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  31. A month or so ago I replaced the FD and brakes on my hack commuter bike. I’m still beaming from the joy of effective braking and smooth front ring shifting each time I ride.




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  32. @sthilzy

    @fignons barber

    Actually, the only reason to use a shallower front wheel is if the wheel isn’t good in heavy crosswinds. From an aerodynamic perspective, the front wheel should be the deeper one.

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    Nope! Rode 303’s in X-wind, struggled to stay on the road.

    Also when #26 on 303’s, next to the sea, the wind WILL blow over your steed!

    Happy to run AL 24’s on Beach Rd and seeing blinged up 808 riders end up on the wrong side of the road!

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    Let me try and help my friend from down under to explain what I think he means.

    He rode 303s in crosswind, struggled to stay on the road. Also when making a nice picture of his steed (compliant with Rule #26), next to the sea, his steed fell over from the wind. (Presume swearing and crying about the scratches ensued)

    He’s happy to just use aluminium 24’s when riding close to the see and enjoy seeing riders with deep 808 rims getting blown to the other side of the road.




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  33. @RobSandy

    I ride 60mm rim depth on my race wheels in all conditions. Because I’m a strong MF and I don’t care about cross winds.

    I am a girlie man climber!




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  34. @RobSandy

    I ride 60mm rim depth on my race wheels in all conditions. Because I’m built like a brick shit house and I don’t care about cross winds.

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    I fixed your post…….




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  35. Ah Bollocks. Courtesy a drain cover set at the bottom of a darned great hole where they did not raise the cover when they resurfaced. Integrated bars, carbon tube is crushed so they are trash.

    Damage to self limited to skin lost from fingers, knuckles, forearm, elbow, shoulder, hip/thigh, knee, ankle and a black eye. Helmet trashed too – did a good job for sure. New jersey trashed. Shoe scuffed. Pedal trashed. Oh and a rib that hurts like $%£*.

    Finished the ride though!




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  36. @Teocalli

    Ah Bollocks. Courtesy a drain cover set at the bottom of a darned great hole where they did not raise the cover when they resurfaced. Integrated bars, carbon tube is crushed so they are trash.

    Damage to self limited to skin lost from fingers, knuckles, forearm, elbow, shoulder, hip/thigh, knee, ankle and a black eye. Helmet trashed too – did a good job for sure. New jersey trashed. Shoe scuffed. Pedal trashed. Oh and a rib that hurts like $%£*.

    Finished the ride though!

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    Lord above, the price tag of that photo, not to mention the greater value of your health. Do you have crash insurance?




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  37. @mulebeatsdrums

    Yes I do have insurance but I’m going to try to claim against the council for a dodgy road repair first.




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  38. @Teocalli

    Good move. Which council would it be for you? Best of luck with it




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  39. So my LBS fitted a new BB to my Nr#2. Now it goes creak, creak, creak when I pedal.

    Should I take it straight back?




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  40. @RobSandy

    So my LBS fitted a new BB to my Nr#2. Now it goes creak, creak, creak when I pedal.

    Should I take it straight back?

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    Of course, no question about it.




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  41. @Teocalli

    Chazbot; you also lost at least 1 V-cufflink and they are hard to come by nowadays.

    Been trying to visualise “Courtesy [of] a drain cover set at the bottom of a darned great hole where they did not raise the cover when they resurfaced” but cannot make sense of what happened. Did you end up in a hole where there was no drain cover? Or did you get stuck into a drain cover like a tram-rail?




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  42. @RobSandy

    What kind of BB? My #1 had a BB30. Worst. Design. Ever. Took it to a good shop who did the right research and fitted an external bearing BB. Problem solved – after I’d bought a new crankset too of course. But what price a silent ride?




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  43. @wiscot

    @RobSandy

    What kind of BB? My #1 had a BB30. Worst. Design. Ever. Took it to a good shop who did the right research and fitted an external bearing BB. Problem solved – after I’d bought a new crankset too of course. But what price a silent ride?

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    I replaced my Press Fit with a Praxis BB Converter. I would not buy a bike with press fit again. Particularly as I ride Gruppo with outboard bearings. Just a whole design that is bound to wear badly.




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  44. @KogaLover

    @Teocalli

    Chazbot; you also lost at least 1 V-cufflink and they are hard to come by nowadays.

    Been trying to visualise “Courtesy [of] a drain cover set at the bottom of a darned great hole where they did not raise the cover when they resurfaced” but cannot make sense of what happened. Did you end up in a hole where there was no drain cover? Or did you get stuck into a drain cover like a tram-rail?

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    I didn’t have V-Cufflinks they were Pinarello ones but I did save it but they come with the Pina bar tape anyway,

    I hit the below. Something about the angle, speed (?) and maybe I was too relaxed but I think the impact bounced my hands off the hoods and I went straight through the front door. It kinda looks innocent but its bite was definitely worse than its bark! (PS those are not my painted toes!).




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  45. @mulebeatsdrums

    @Teocalli

    Good move. Which council would it be for you? Best of luck with it

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    It was in Hampshire just over the county border from home. They have 90 days to consider my claim, so will see what they come back with.

    By the by – the red on the tape was mine running from an assortment of holes around my elbow. Everything has pretty much healed now.




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  46. @wiscot

    @RobSandy

    What kind of BB? My #1 had a BB30. Worst. Design. Ever. Took it to a good shop who did the right research and fitted an external bearing BB. Problem solved – after I’d bought a new crankset too of course. But what price a silent ride?

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    Tbh I don’t know. I previously had a Dura Ace one and it looks the same

    The whole drive train was pretty screwed so I agreed with the LBS that I’d replace it all with new and bring it back then if it still creaked.

    Made a very satisfactory start last night out in the garden under a blue sky. Replaced cassette, jockey wheels and chain rings, cleaning everything as I went. New chain will go on then I’m going to replace all cables and housings too.

    Whole new bike for autumn…




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  47. @Teocalli

    Thanks, now I get the circumstances and what you meant by resurfaces (I had visions of people resurfacing out of manholes; not putting a new layer of tarmac on the road). In line with Rule #24, if you had taken the picture with a cm ruler rather than inches, your chances of getting a claim accepted would increase since the number goes from 3 to around 9.

    But jokes aside, I once missed a bump in the road due to bad light, and my hands were also bounced off the bars, ending up me crashing into the side of a bridge. Fortunately my old vintage Koga only suffered minor injuries/scratches, but yours truly still carries some visible scars from that encounter. I had to take the train back home, since the crash also caused the chain to get doublelooped and back then I did not know how to fix that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iuLauaK0Ao




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  48. Wait until this cheese grater eats up your guns when you crash…
    https://www.ceramicspeed.com/en/driven/




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  49. @KogaLover

    Wait until this cheese grater eats up your guns when you crash…
    https://www.ceramicspeed.com/en/driven/

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    I’ve seen that a few times and I can’t make up my mind as to how it will react to wear and crud from riding in the wet. My instinct says badly to both.




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  50. @Teocalli

    @KogaLover

    Wait until this cheese grater eats up your guns when you crash…
    https://www.ceramicspeed.com/en/driven/

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    I’ve seen that a few times and I can’t make up my mind as to how it will react to wear and crud from riding in the wet. My instinct says badly to both.

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    Well since they haven’t actually made one that works yet I think those considerations are quite some way down the line.

    Those shots of people riding it are not real.




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