Technology Simplified: The V-Meter.
Training Properly clearly isn’t everyone’s bag, baby. Heart rate, power, cadence; it’s all bollocks if you are being told to hold back, or are put into a place where you don’t want/aren’t supposed to be. If it hurts, and you’re flying, it’s working. If it hurts, and you’re crawling, it’s not working. No amount of handlebar-mounted gadgetry can convince us of what we already know; no matter how hard we may think we are going, we are probably going nowhere near hard enough. So, armed with years of field testing and a plethora of poor performance to draw upon, the team at V-Lab have developed the ultimate training tool for the discerning proponent of Rule #74.
Enter the V-Meter.
No confusing read-out. No buttons to push. No debate as to what you need to do. Just look down, ruminate briefly on the message conveyed to your oxygen-starved brain and lactate-laden legs, and V the fuck outa there. What’s the gradient of the climb? V. How fast are you going? V. What’s your heart rate doing? Your V-max? You will instantly and unequivocally know the answer.
Accordingly, the V-Meter is intended as a single-use device; after your first ride using the V-Meter, all the important and relevant numbers will be ingrained on your psyche, and the V-Meter should be removed from your bike and placed in the nearest refuse receptacle. Not only will you be freed from the burden of irrelevant numerology, so too will your steed be clean, sleek and 74 compliant.
*V-Meter not an actual product. Results may be fictional. Rule 5 sold seperately. If pain persists, good. Send V dollars to V-Lab for full program.