Categories: The Rules

Irreverence: Starting with Rules 48 and 49

The sturdiest seat post clamp in the world?

My work has me spending much time on college and university campuses.  Among the myriad fads that are sweeping the dirtbag and hipster college student sets these days is riding the retro bike around.  My feelings on this fad is “more power to them”.  I’ve got no qualms with college students on meager incomes recycling old steel bikes found in landfills or yard sales.

Every once in a while a really cool old bike will find its way onto the rack outside my office building.  One of my students, a kid named Mike, rides a classy old Flandria fixie.  Mostly what I see though are dilapidated rides that leave me wondering if they would even work.  That is until I see the bike’s owner pedaling across campus to their dorm or next class.

The Rule violations on these machines are countless.  Just look at the picture above.  The rider of this bike obviously has no awareness of Rule #48 and Rule #49, let alone an attempt at following them.  I ask though, do the Rules even apply to bikes and riders such as this?  Probably not.  Like the coffee trader in Rwanda, the bike taxi in India, or the messenger in the city, these bikes are merely beasts of burden and serve their riders only in function, ignoring form.

Far be it from me to critique these dedicated cyclists using a canon of Rules they know nothing about.   Whatever their motivations are for riding, whether it be retro-posuer style, some ideal of being green, utility, economy, etc., they are undoubtedly riding more than I am through the winter months.   I can’t fault them for that.

Marko

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term Rainbow Turd.

View Comments

  • Yeah but what do you do when you see some Alternihottie on a fixie in southeast Idaho in a town that is 99.9% Republican?

  • Dare I ask the the length of the stem required to compensate for that saddle position?

  • @pakrat I think it's in that position so a small person can ride a big bike. Look at how little seat post even sticks out.

  • Well, if you saw the rest of the image you would see that it is a TT bike with aero bars.

  • Im no college student, but when I came back from Italy, I converted my old Schwinn Varsity into a single speed with just a front brake. Next time I go up to Tempe i am going to take it with me so me and my friend can cruise around to the local bars.

  • tell me the bars weren't upside down, tell me the bars weren't upside down...

    That is the kiss of death for any 'former' bicycle.

  • I'm in the process of rehabilitating a similar ride myself. An old 80s-era steel Raleigh. On the cheap. Will likely go with a flip flop hub and will try to adhere to the rules as much as possible, with the exception of Rule 11: Baby seat on the back of a fixie. And then teach my students how to Rule 5 as I blow past them, velomitoddler in tow...

  • @sgt

    Can it be Meghan McCain instead?

    packfiller:
    tell me the bars weren't upside down, tell me the bars weren't upside down...

    UGH, just ugh. That one drives me crazy. I know not everyone needs to ride a bike that has what we would consider an appropriate bar-to-saddle height ratio, but drop bars turned upside down is just silly. Get a taller stem or something. Or a bike that fits properly.

    Marko:
    what to make of the world champion stripes though?

    Obviously that bike was ridden by a world champion, because no one would wear those colors without earning them. The seat position probably reduced their time by minutes.

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