La Vie Velominatus: The Gifts of Rule #9

An early morning ride on Keepers Tour 2013. Photo: Brett Kennedy

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9.

Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most often about riding in the rain, with the drops of water dripping from my cap acting as my personal metronome as I carve a path through the chaos towards a happier self. But sunny days in the cold can provide their own glorious solitude.

On Keepers Tour 2013, we had unseasonably cold weather, and some of the best rides we had were early morning spins before heading off to the races. With the sun hanging low over the horizon, we rode through our frozen breath, together in close formation yet each of us retreating inward as we steeled ourselves against the cold. These were beautiful, peaceful rides.

This winter in Seattle has been relatively dry, but also cold. On the weekends, the country roads are nearly deserted and all that is left is the silent, still air and the burning of cold air as it enters my lungs. On a recent solo ride on Whidbey Island, I spun down the same roads which only a few months earlier I had ridden with friends on the annual Whidbey Island Cogal. The island seems a full place then, now it looked like an entirely different place – empty and beautiful.

There is something about the way the bike handles in the cold. The tires are firmer, the rubber less supple. The connection between bicycle and road seems simultaneously harsher and more fragile than in the warm. The muscles in my arms and hands are also more twitchy in the cold. Not twitchy like I can suddenly sprint; twitchy like I have difficulty controlling what they are doing – where normally I pride myself on holding a clean line, in the cold a small bump in the road might trigger a spasm that sends the bike into a wobble. Its an exciting way to ride.

Quiet roads, a still harbor, an early morning sunrise; these are the gifts reserved for those who ventured out when others stay in. These are the gifts of Rule #9.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Frank - a bell? If I was your size I'd just tell people to get the fuck out of my way.

    Oh wait, I do that now and I'm about half your height. Maybe the bell is the way to go...

  • @ teleguy57

    @wiscot

    It's been a tad chilly here in WI the past few days. Got the first ride of the year in on Saturday - a cold, damp, windy 28 degrees. Needless to say I saw no other riders. Today was a Rule #9 for the books: with an outside windchill of around -40 degrees or so, I headed for the garage and the trainer. Merckx knows what the temp in there was but I could see my breath as clear as day. I'm thinking it was in the teens. Even with tights, jacket, gloves and a hat I got warm but not hot. It might not truly qualify for Rule #9, but in my book it does. Going outside was not an option, no matter how loud Rule #5 might be ringing in my ears.

    Supposed to be low 30s by the weekend. THAT'S riding weather!

    Amen, brother. Being a few miles north of you similar weather. Thu 2 Jan did some evening ski patrol training at the local hill west of Oshkosh at -7F. Today was 4F in my garage this a.m. so I'm in the basement on my rollers.

    Got outside Saturday 4 Jan as you did, and had the roads to myself. I took advantage of new pre-owned winter shoes and the great Showers Pass softshell trainer Santa left under my tree for a comfy 90 minutes. I felt quite proud of myself for picking the right day for my first 2014 outdoor ride...

    Went out to fill the bird feeders (about 30 miles north of you) on Saturday and ended up riding. Came in just as my Mrs was about to go looking for me. Said that she expected to find me frozen in a snowbank. Indoors this week but plan on getting out on the weekend.

  • @frank

    Seriously, wasn't that the best? We had another couple of those rides that week for reasons that escape me at the moment because we normally had a ride planned for the day. But those early morning rides were fantastic memories.

    The complete polar opposites of the Roubaix (tm) ride on the Saturday and the early morning Sunday ride pretty much sum up the beauty of the sport for me. On the one hand a ride that you're not sure if your you're enjoying it at the time but you know you'll look back on it as one of the most awesome things you've done; on the other, a ride that so stunningly beautiful that you know you'll remember it for ever.

    This has to be one of my favourite cycling photos. Apart from truly capturing the moment, it really reminds me of frosty mornings in Gloucestershire near my Grans when I was a kid on holiday back from Hong Kong. That sort of weather was completely alien to me back then.

    @frank

    Alex, on his fucking 9cm stem, in the drops toujours, just pedaling away on the front like a metronome. I love how he rides.

    Indeed, the guy's a fucking legend. And so completely Gallic in the way that he puts up with William's French/Irish abuse.

    Happy days. Next year.

  • @Chris

    Top memory from KT2012:

    William [sing-song voice]: Aaaaahhhhhhh-leeeeexxxx? Aaaaahhhhhhh-leeeeexxxx?

    Alex [coming down a flight of stairs to come find William in the kitchen]: Oui?

    William: FOOOOK OFFF!!!!

    Alex: What do you need?

    William: Oh, I just wanted to tell you to fook off, you fooking koont.

    Alex: OK. [Returns to what he was doing.]

  • @frank

    @Barracuda

    What's the opposite of #9?

    I don't know, but it doesn't involve a Rule #29 contravention. P.S. Beautiful photo and I hate you a little bit for having good weather.

    Yeah, apologies  for my indiscretion !

    I meant to throw the damn thing away, but held onto it due to my neck injury whereby the stuff normally reserved for the jersey goes in the said violation.

    It was an early morning moment of weekness.

    Rest assured it will be gone by the Fleurieu Peninsula Cogal !

    Can I apply for some sort of permit in times of need ?

  • @scaler911

    Portland is probably like a lot of other rainy places where the use of "mudguards (or fenders)" is a hotly debated topic. Showing up for a group ride without any means you'll be relegated to the back of the bunch for the entire ride, and probably bitched at because you're also not doing your fair share of the work on the front by said relegation. So you lose either way. Or you ride alone. But here's a handy guide that's been going around locally.

    Well find a better bunch/tell them to HTFU. Around here we only have two seasons: Dry and Wet and I've yet to see a single mudguard on a bike in a bunch. When it's wet (every single day in the wet season), you just move slightly to the side so said rooster is on your shoulder, not in your face. Guy behind does the same thing but in the other direction. Never been an issue and if you turn up to a ride with guards fitted you won't be relegated to the back, you'll be asked to go home, remove them and try again next week.

  • @Puffy

    Oh the lot of us are full to the gunwales with shit. If we had two fucking neurons to rub together, we'd agree that that a) there is more than one way to deal with shit weather, solo or in bunches, and 2) it's just community standards, anyway, ever.

    I'm talking about fenders/mudguards, mind. If the topic is EPMS, that's another thing. There's no fucking excuse for those, ever, not even on MTB's.

  • @PeakInTwoYears

    Yeah, because they go right to camelbaks. But who gives a fuck? They're wearing fucking baggies and have visors on their helmets.

    If you're serious about Mountain Biking, you ride in your fucking road shoes and pedals. Walking is for losers anyway.  And with aero bars. Because if you really commit to riding off road, you're going to want to get low and aero.

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