Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
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@Frank
What sort of hotel of the damned are you in ?
Secondly, actually according to the same W. Fotheringham Eddy complained a lot, and was frequently to be heard saying he wasn't feeling well, things weren't right etc.
The difference, as I think you illustrated once before with the "trick is not to mind" quote from Lawrence of Arabia is that he never let it stop him.
Would love to hear anyone not Dutch pronounce zacht gekookt ei.
Also the guy without muscles sounds like me, except I'm in the Netherlands right now and I AM carrying my computer.
Fucking orange t-shirts! GRR!
Righter than a right thing that just came first in competition for being right Frank
@ChrisO
Boom! Bang on! On all counts.
Love that pic of Van Looy. Would anyone have the guts to tell him his shorts were too short? I doubt it. There's also something about a WC jersey devoid of sponsor names or logos. The haircut is bad ass too. The only thing that's missing is his crisp white (real) cycling cap worn perfectly with the brim up. Nice article on him in this month's Peloton magazine.
If I'm misreading this, let me know, but this is quite the departure from your usual tongue-in-cheek lessons on the Rules, @frank. Did you just dig out the old soapbox from under a pile of old copies of Roleur, or something?
While I don't necessarily disagree with your overall message, I wanted to put in my two bits on the comment you make about raising kids with the help of childcare providers. I'm fortunate enough where my wife only has to work part time, so she is in the house with the kids most of the week, and my sister-in-law watches them at our house while my wife is at work. But there was a time where we had no choice but to put my son in childcare full time when he was a small child. Although obviously it is preferable for a parent to be at home, we simply don't live in an age where that is always possible. The world is different than it was 100, 50, or even 25 years ago. I think it is a mistake to look askance at parents who have to make that difficult choice without first knowing all the details.
And by the way, even the best kids who have great parents and don't go to childcare have tantrums in public. I was in a store with my daughters a while back, and they both were having a cruddy day and carrying on, but I needed to get some stuff done, so I took them out. I overheard some douche make a comment to the salesperson about "having a good day except for the screaming kids." He was being a judgemental prick (who turned out not to have had kids, big fucking surprise) and I let him know it. It burns me that people who have never had kids seem to think they can give advice on how best to raise your kids in this complex, morally-grey world we live in.
If a screaming kid is bothering anyone in public, I suggest you remember that every kid has bad days just like grownups, but unlike grownups, kids simply aren't equipped to control their emotions very well, and that the parents are likely just as frustrated as you. Before you get all high and mighty and judgmental when you hear a kid crying in public, remind yourself that being a parent is fucking hard work, and then remember Rule 5 and suck it the fuck up before making some d-bag comment.
@The Oracle
My own experience is that there're screaming kids and then there're screaming kids. One sort I can understand because I know what its like from my own tribe's growing pains and I know that they'll grow up. The other sort keep screaming until they get their entitlements from society and even then they don't shut up - they also tend to be the one's who drive two tonnes of metal like douches from what I can see. I reckon your judgemental guy was one of the latter - I'd rather have the screaming kids.
Fuckin' Spot on!
I remember meeting one of my Green Berets in my unit at a team house in Iraq and finding out that the guy had an advanced degree, was really brilliant, and could be making a LOT of money on the outside but he left it all joined the Army as a low ranking enlisted soldier and trained for, and was selected for Special Forces training and then made it all the way to being a full Green Beret on a small "special" team. I asked him why he left all his money and easy life of prestige behind and he looked me square in the eye and said, "To make a difference". Said his life was meaningless, that he did not do anything of substance and felt like he was only taking from society. He wanted to give something back. Just amazing. And the guy was only 27.
Wish I could have him talk to my 20 year old nephew who is living in my sister's basement without a job, not going to school and smoking as much dope as he can his hands on.
Sooo many leeches in society. Man, this thread hits a nerve with me, better to stop now.
But well fuck'in said, Frank!
@The Oracle
I agree, only 10 years ago my mother stayed at home to take care of my younger siblings. But today, even though the youngest is only 11, both my mum and dad need a full time job just to be able to pay for the house etc.