Categories: The RulesThe WorksV-Announcements

The Rules: Coming to the US May 5

The Rules endpapers

We recently lost our beloved Great Dane, Kirki, who we nicknamed Beene for reasons that elude logic. She was a good dog, more sweet than clever. A sad side effect of big dog breeds and their short lives is that it wasn’t until nearly the end of her life that she made certain key discoveries about the world. Such as that weighing nearly 65 kilos meant she didn’t necessarily need to be terrified of things like shadows and doorways. Nevertheless, throughout her life she somehow managed to skirt through challenges completely unscathed, utterly oblivious to her shortcomings. In an effort to immortalize her spirit, the VMH and I have taken to referring to situations where we succeed despite our breathtaking incompetence as being “All Beene”. For example, on the occasion that I skied over a cliff I had failed to notice, subsequently rode my tails through a stand of pine trees at unprecedented speed, and emerged the other end without so much as a hair out of place – that was All Beene.

You might say that Velominati itself is All Beene. We Keepers didn’t intend to become the stewards of class, style, and etiquette on the bike; we just mainlined the Word of the Prophet and the Apostles and jotted it all down. The rest just happened because of the Community who caught on to the fun we were having and joined in. Same goes for our writing; we’re just passionate about this stuff; we obsess about it all the time and want to share our love for the sport with others in the hopes they might identify or – better yet – catch the bug themselves. All the while, the truth is that we have no idea what we’re doing. English isn’t even my first language, for Merckx’s sake.

But the journey continues. The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple was originally released in the Commonwealth on June 20, and surprised us with how well it was received despite various mistakes and errors throughout. In fact, it did well enough that some bright spark got the idea to release the book in our home US market as well, and we subsequently duped WW Norton into bearing that cross.

The Rules will be officially released in the United States on May 5th, 2014. We’ve put quite a lot of work into the US Edition with the following results:

Greg LeMond, the only American Tour de France winner, graciously wrote the Foreword.
We added four new Rules and supporting content, bringing the tally to 95.
We revised some sections like the Prologue because we do what we want.
We stayed sober during the editing process.
We actually proofread it this time (also sober), so we are reasonably sure we got the mistakes out. (Many thanks to the scathing review on Amazon and its comprehensive listing of the errors in the book, it was a great convenience having all that work done for us and neatly catalogued in one place.)

There will also be several book events across the country which is part of the reason we are not doing a Keepers Tour this year due to the time constraints the book tour imposes. Each event will start with a group ride and conclude with a signing at a local bike shop. Events are planned for the Rapha stores in New York City and San Francisco, as well as one in Minneapolis, Boulder, Seattle, and Portland. Details forthcoming as the event schedules are confirmed.

From the bottom of our hearts, we’d like to thank everyone in our Community, those who bought (and didn’t burn) the book in the UK and Commonwealth, and everyone who comes by here every day to read our musings. This is all a lot of work, but it is work we gladly do because of each and every one of you and the fun you bring to what is Velominati.

Tune in during April as we’ll be publishing one new Rule per week in the lead-up to the book’s release. We have also added a landing page for both the US and UK editions of the book including information on where to buy; post insults and corrections on there.

All Beene.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

TheVid says:

Mar 17 2014 at 12:27 pm

Condolences on your loss Frank. I echo @Ped's comment above. Though not a veterinarian (though I am a son of one), there was a lot of that kind of loss when I worked for my dad. There is no easy transition to losing a family member, regardless of species. The memories remain and therein lies the real value in their lives and your relationship to them. You are not the same person you would otherwise have been without them, instead, you are undoubtedly better.

Regarding the new book, I must say it will be b+1 for me (I'll probably try to head south of the 49th next time I head that way). Congrats on getting a foreword by LeMan. Super cool.

I have to wonder though, having not really paid attention enough to the Commonwealth version. Does the current version use 'u's in proper places such as colour and honour, etc? And does the US version follow their convention by dropping the 'u'?
frank says:

Mar 17 2014 at 1:33 pm

@Harminator

@wiscot Its a fair point you make there @wiscot. Their are some good stretches of road. Usually out of town leading to obscure locations of no significance. The main roads are hairy enough that taking rolling pics is not recommended. Its difficult to explain the contradictions here. The donkey cart may well be followed by a Range Rover. Good roads get trenches across them or makeshift speed bumps or dug up week to week with no backfill or repair. Potholes get swerved around for months with no regard. Last ride we passed a hole from a missing road hatch that had been "repaired" by putting a lounge chair in it. Short cutting roundabouts or driving on the wrong side of the road now and again is considered normal. I stuck to the MTB or rollers for 6 months before trusting that Friday before prayers was inside acceptable limits of risk. It is - just.

This trench got cut 4 months ago. Apparently the dentist is helping to backfill it.

Wow, looks like India. Amazing. India's traffic amazed me; the cars driving just every which way, no concept of lanes - even the direction of traffic was a just loosely-observed concept.

And crossing the street...its not that the cars try to hit you. Its just that they don't try that hard to avoid you. Just keep a steady pace and they'll navigate around you.

I love India; I miss going there.
frank says:

Mar 17 2014 at 1:37 pm

@TheVid

Condolences on your loss Frank. I echo @Ped's comment above. Though not a veterinarian (though I am a son of one), there was a lot of that kind of loss when I worked for my dad. There is no easy transition to losing a family member, regardless of species. The memories remain and therein lies the real value in their lives and your relationship to them. You are not the same person you would otherwise have been without them, instead, you are undoubtedly better.

Well said. Or, as the t-shirt says, I hope to be the person my dog believes I am.

I have to wonder though, having not really paid attention enough to the Commonwealth version. Does the current version use 'u's in proper places such as colour and honour, etc? And does the US version follow their convention by dropping the 'u'?

Yup, the Commonwealth Ed uses proper English spelling like tyre and colour; the US Ed uses the 'murcan (correct) spelling of such things. It involves little more than a search-replace when you get down to it, which is how I believe the copy editors handle it.
G'rilla says:

Mar 17 2014 at 9:38 pm

Published on 5/5. Ace!
fenlander says:

Mar 19 2014 at 6:36 am

@frank

@fenlander

First post here and firstly condolences to you with your dog,we lost our 14 year old cat last year and we still(and always will) miss her.

Welcome mate, and thanks. Independent bookstores keep getting scarcer but also cooler.

Thanks for the welcome.

This shop is doing really well(it has another branch in Bath) and has regular events with some well known authors,writers etc at local venues (including the Cathedral here).I just popped in for a look and they had it in stock.
fenlander says:

Mar 19 2014 at 6:46 am

@Chris

@frank

@fenlander

First post here and firstly condolences to you with your dog,we lost our 14 year old cat last year and we still(and always will) miss her.

Oh and I bought my copy in the UK in an actual independent book shop.

Welcome mate, and thanks. Independent bookstores keep getting scarcer but also cooler.

That's because nobody in their right minds, let alone a commercially astute chain, would go anywhere the fens. It's a bleak windy place without hedges to hide behind and populated by web footed inbreds.

Only a really stupid twat would think that a 100km straightline point to point ride across the fens with the wind somewhere between a head wind and a crosswind would be a good idea after six weeks of no riding and only a complete dickhead would find out, mid route, that his energy bars were in fact protein bars. The Man with the Hammer is no stranger to the fens.

@fenlander Good to see someone else relatively local to me (near Warboys). We may have to organise a Cogal.

Hey nothing wrong with the fens!Certainly gives plenty of instances of rule #5 to come in to effect.

I'd take you up on a cogal but I think you'd be on your own for most of the ride as I've only been back to this since last year so you'd probably drop me like a sprinter on a climb.
ChrisO says:

Mar 19 2014 at 8:26 am

@fenlander

@Chris

I'd take you up on a cogal but I think you'd be on your own for most of the ride as I've only been back to this since last year so you'd probably drop me like a sprinter on a climb.

I just don't know where to even start with that one... whose bubble should be the first to pop ?
Chris says:

Mar 19 2014 at 8:38 am

@ChrisO Are you suggesting that I'm not capable of dropping someone without even having any idea of the strength of their guns or their ability to dish out the V?

Thanks.
Chris says:

Mar 19 2014 at 8:53 am

@fenlander For @ChrisO it starts and ends at going very quickly. The more enlightened amongst us have come to understand that whilst speed is important, sacrificing style to achieve it is, for the Velominati, a Faustian Pact.

One day I will be fast, but I won't resort to wearing my granny's tights to do it. In the meantime, you don't have to worry about being dropped by me.
Teocalli says:

Mar 19 2014 at 9:12 am

@Chris

@fenlander For @ChrisO it starts and ends at going very quickly. The more enlightened amongst us have come to understand that whilst speed is important, sacrificing style to achieve it is, for the Velominati, a Faustian Pact.

One day I will be fast, but I won't resort to wearing my granny's tights to do it. In the meantime, you don't have to worry about being dropped by me.

Ha Ha - What timing! Classic off the bike example that should be moved over to The Dig article just posted.