Defining Moments: Sprinteur to Rouleur

As we grow older, humility takes it’s chilling hold. The little nagging questions like, “Will this next activity kill me?” start to weigh heavier on our minds.  It’s not that these questions weren’t asked when we gripped our youth like a toddler grips his penis; it’s just that they didn’t mean as much to us then as they do now.

You see, when you’re young and that particular question is asked, it is spoken in a wimpy voice which sounds a lot like it’s being a Pussy. As we get older, the Smart Ones realize that annoying sound is actually the “Voice of Reason” and that perhaps we should not ask our buddy to “hold our beer” while we attempt the as-yet-unaccomplished feat of jumping our BMX from the top of the interchange to that tiny little ledge an impossible distance away.

Such is the progression from Sprinteur to Rouleur. The devaluation of risk versus reward; of the pleasure of winning versus the pleasure of winning at all costs. We’ve seen it before; Sean Kelly wins Green at the Tour more times than I can count and then turns to winning the Classics instead. Eddy Planckaert starts as a sprinter, eases into winning Flanders, then wins Green, and turns to winning Roubaix. Johan Museeuw wins Green and becomes the Lion of Flanders, never to ride the Tour again. George Hincapie made the same transition, albeit without any of the aforementioned results. I feel strongly that after a season of near-misses in the classics and taking a beating in the gallops, Tom Boonen is about to follow suit.

It’s a natural move from Sprinteur to Rouleur, but often it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact time when the transition happens; Kelly, Planckaert, and Museeuw made the  change gradually. I don’t know who the guy is pictured here in front of Jalabert – he appears to be either Dutch or Luxembourgian, based on the cuffs of his sleeve. Whoever he is, he looks completely fucked – not to mention that we never heard from him again after such a nasty crash. I can make an educated guess that, based on the apish look on his face, he’s probably Dutch. (I’m Dutch, so that’s not racist. If you lash back in kind, I’ll sic the Anit-Dutch Police on you. They are mean, and will get the Swiss to write you an angry letter, so don’t tell me you weren’t warned.)

Between the two subjects in the photo, the Dutchemburg guy looks by far the better off. The crash was caused by a Policeman wanting to photograph the finish of the 1994 Tour Stage to Armentieres, and who in his idiotic Darwinism stepped into the path of the charging bunch. Jalabert required extensive facial surgery in order to stop looking like a stand-in for a horror movie, but nevertheless returned to win the Dotty Jumper a couple times in the Tour – distinguishing himself as the only rider besides Eddy Merckx and Bernard Hinault to win both the Spotted Dick and the Green Willie.

For that, I thank the ape-man in the sweet Cinelli hairnet for offering us the Defining Moment in Jalabert’s career when he became an all-rounder who won our hearts.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @ash
    Baden Cooke's selection for the Aussie team in the World's was on the basis of him being "a workhorse". Long way from his green willie too.

  • b

    @ash

    Sun Tour some (many) years ago, Stuey O finishes Mt.Buller stage (16km climb ave 6% I think from memory), goes out drinking with a mate of mine. Approx. 6am my mate gives up and his last 'memory' is O'Grady still drinking playing pool. Some time later his Team mechanics are interrupted as Stuey stumbles into the room and falls over the team bikes they are working on, they put him to bed for a couple of hours and he rides into Melbourne with the peloton for the final day's stage.

  • @frank
    I mean...obviously Jalabert stole Fontanelli's banana. Fontanelli went ape-shit. Jalabert went to hospital while Fontanelli sat sulking in the road, right?

  • @Rusty Tool Shed

    His "superhuman" ability to retain his sunglasses was probably caused by his direct violation Rule 37. Doesn't make it right, but there his glasses are. Just as sometimes a bank robber gets away with the goods, he benefited by throwing caution (and The Rules) to the wind.

  • Sweet observations and even more poetically penned Frank!

    Even though the observation of the human physiology repeatedly notes the transition over our lives from the 'red' fast twitch fibers to 'white' slow twitch, I don't think that has a damn thing to do w/the Rouleur. It has everything to do w/the Rouleur's legs and will, which both tend to be hardened over time.

    Summed up: don't jack w/billion mile legs

    Every sophmore cyclist does jack w/the old man, at least once, more if your like me and need a few beatings before learning a lesson. We laugh at the black socks, the brooks saddles, the unassuming physique. Yet its a pitiful thing to be pummeled by some old man, not in a 100m, but over his choice of a distance and that is the beauty of V-cut calves that have seamlessly ridden over a billion miles.

    The Rouleur has much more in his arsenal than the opportunists last '200m' to kick your ass. He may choose a long lonely headwind w/a gradual slope to suppelly grind your guts into smitherenes. He may choose to let you pull like 'the diesel you think you are' to only up the ante if you will w/20k to go, you studmuffin you. He may descend w/the finesse of 'el Falco', not taking risks for himself, but for the novice using a skillset others have not assumed.

    However, for some of us, we just do not learn. My last lesson was in the master category race that I was the newbie 40 y/o. I should have physiologically been most apt, logically, to win. Right. Immediately however, the line was single file, through the technical crit corners, the snake careened. One by one was dropped. I was on the back, in difficulty the whole way. A 50+'r on the front, pulling comfortably..all race. In the finale', I dropped, in a 1/2 hr, our speed was 45kph average. The stud on the front, raced the next race Pro 1-2 and won it also! That is the Rouleur not Sprinteur.

    The Rouleur comes down to ones will, and as cycling is, whose will will be imprinted on the peloton that day. The Rouleur makes his choice on that. The Sprinteur hopes for a chance.

    Don't jack w/the billion mile Rouleur.

  • What bones have you all broken in crashes? I know collarbones are common. I've broken mine once (but in two places, so not too shabby). I heard a rumor that Sean Kelly broke his left and right collarbones a total of twenty-five-ish times during his career.

  • @ZachOlson
    Hey man, welcome. I have yet to break a bone on a road bike. However, when I like 13, I was giving this kid a buck in the dark on the seat of my Mongoose, hit a pothole, went over the handlebars, and the kid landed on the back of my head and ground my nose into the gravel. Broke my nose, still crooked. Still made it to the movies that night though, I think it was "Fast Times..." Take that Sean Kelly!

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