As we grow older, humility takes it’s chilling hold. The little nagging questions like, “Will this next activity kill me?” start to weigh heavier on our minds. It’s not that these questions weren’t asked when we gripped our youth like a toddler grips his penis; it’s just that they didn’t mean as much to us then as they do now.
You see, when you’re young and that particular question is asked, it is spoken in a wimpy voice which sounds a lot like it’s being a Pussy. As we get older, the Smart Ones realize that annoying sound is actually the “Voice of Reason” and that perhaps we should not ask our buddy to “hold our beer” while we attempt the as-yet-unaccomplished feat of jumping our BMX from the top of the interchange to that tiny little ledge an impossible distance away.
Such is the progression from Sprinteur to Rouleur. The devaluation of risk versus reward; of the pleasure of winning versus the pleasure of winning at all costs. We’ve seen it before; Sean Kelly wins Green at the Tour more times than I can count and then turns to winning the Classics instead. Eddy Planckaert starts as a sprinter, eases into winning Flanders, then wins Green, and turns to winning Roubaix. Johan Museeuw wins Green and becomes the Lion of Flanders, never to ride the Tour again. George Hincapie made the same transition, albeit without any of the aforementioned results. I feel strongly that after a season of near-misses in the classics and taking a beating in the gallops, Tom Boonen is about to follow suit.
It’s a natural move from Sprinteur to Rouleur, but often it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact time when the transition happens; Kelly, Planckaert, and Museeuw made the change gradually. I don’t know who the guy is pictured here in front of Jalabert – he appears to be either Dutch or Luxembourgian, based on the cuffs of his sleeve. Whoever he is, he looks completely fucked – not to mention that we never heard from him again after such a nasty crash. I can make an educated guess that, based on the apish look on his face, he’s probably Dutch. (I’m Dutch, so that’s not racist. If you lash back in kind, I’ll sic the Anit-Dutch Police on you. They are mean, and will get the Swiss to write you an angry letter, so don’t tell me you weren’t warned.)
Between the two subjects in the photo, the Dutchemburg guy looks by far the better off. The crash was caused by a Policeman wanting to photograph the finish of the 1994 Tour Stage to Armentieres, and who in his idiotic Darwinism stepped into the path of the charging bunch. Jalabert required extensive facial surgery in order to stop looking like a stand-in for a horror movie, but nevertheless returned to win the Dotty Jumper a couple times in the Tour – distinguishing himself as the only rider besides Eddy Merckx and Bernard Hinault to win both the Spotted Dick and the Green Willie.
For that, I thank the ape-man in the sweet Cinelli hairnet for offering us the Defining Moment in Jalabert’s career when he became an all-rounder who won our hearts.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
O'Grady and Eisel (again without as much glory) seemed to have gone down this path, and the new rainbow clad viking looks to be headed that way also with Boonen.. Haussler mentioned he was not looking for too many sprints this year. I wonder if Cuddles has thought about a different type of transition after his last few ' Le Tours' vs his victories in the last 13 months
Rouleur is the new black .. again?
ash
I'm thinking it may be more physiological. Seems after years of endurance training, a portion of our fast-twitch muscles convert to slow-twitch, scrubbing that awesome speed we had in our youth. Now I don't know if this can be prevented with specific exercises or if it just happens uncontrollably. I also have read that fast-twitch decreases with age, but not really read enough about this to know if it's true or not.
None of this explains why I'm so freaking slow though.
I had a somewhat similar experience last night when racing an open-age crit instead of my usual masters. Was thinking "gee these young riders are pulling some crazy moves into gaps that aren't there, etc. Better stay up near the front."
A loss of concentration, I find myself mid-pack, then some young bastard attempts a pass up the inside of a corner, bringing him and a guy on my inside down who then gets me and a couple of others. Will cost me a new helmet.
Arggh. But what are you gonna do? Get angry at the crazy fucker for trying? Nah. At least I could numb my road rash with beer.
@Frank: Man, that's an ugly pic - from the bloody face, to the crooked useless leather helmets - to that nasty road rash on the dude's arm. Yeah, that's gonna sting a little.
@Marcus: Nasty pic as well. What did you do with that balled up chuck of skin hanging there? Cut it off? Let it get crusty as is? Ouch.
@Dan O
I was going to say that I got the rabbi up the road to chop it off but thought that might offend someone.
...although I like to ignore all of Jalabert's achievements and especially his conversion into a "mountain goat" given who he rode for and what was going on in the peloton in those days. Never liked him though.
Jalabert was following the path of Sean Kelly in turning into a rouleur.
Frank, the jersey sleeve stripes are just the standard team strip - not national champ stripes. The poor chap in question is neither Dutch or Luxembourgese (?) as neither nationality had riders on the ZG-Mobili Team. I am pretty sure he is the team's Italian sprinter Fabiano Fontanelli.
@ash
O'Grady has one or two decent results in his palmares!!! One of the hardest in the peloton, and if half the stories are true, would do very nicely as a subject in Joshua's ongoing Beer in the Bidon studies. Or did you just mean Eisel?
Also, Cadelephant may do alright in a Grandie if he has Faboo riding with him (has where he's going been announced yet?), although I'm unsure he has the charisma of either Grimpeur to get Faboo to ride for him.
@Marcus: Wicked photo!!
@Oli Brooke-White
Got it in one: Fabiano Fontenelli. Notice how he's holding his left arm; Fontenelli withdrew after this crash with a fractured collar bone. He rode with Pantani during his annus mirabilis in 1998 and was subsequently busted for EPO in 2001.
So the Dutch want to look like Italians"”I guess there's that style element. But maybe that's what the Anti-Dutch police are for. I'd be curious to know how that would go down...
@michael
I wonder too if there's a psychological benefit to offset the slowing of fast twitch muscles. As we see riders gain age and experience they get a better understanding of their bodies and have the frame of reference to meter out pain. This is why most GT winners are older and tri athletes are older, no? It's evolutionary. Gotta be. How else could I outpace my students in the backcountry who are barely half my age with much more energy?
I also think this is why Cavenifheevergrowsupandstopsbeingsuchawankerdish could end up being a rider for the ages.