Riding Ugly: The Spider

Too low and too short. Photo: Montreal Gazette

There are lots of things to like about Vroomie Froomie, like his willingness to accept the fact that people are inclined to question his performances. Aside from me resenting him for leading a Tour which everyday becomes a little less exciting, he seems quite a likable guy; he is polite, respectful of the sport, wears team-issue bibs with his yellow jersey, his bike is only subtly yellow’d out, and he hasn’t publicly called anyone a c*nt that I’m aware of. That last point alone represents a refreshing change from last year.

When KRX10 and I worked together during the Dot-Bomb, we used to keep a miniature bike in our office, which we would use to do 6-corner time-trials around the office floor. I’m assuming someone must have made videos of those races and that they must have gone viral in Kenya, because it appears Froome modeled his position after ours on those tiny bikes.

I haven’t seen anyone ride in a position like his since Sean Kelly, except Sean always Looked Fantastic. His saddle is too low, his reach is too short, his back is too hunched, and his heels and elbows are pointed out like he’s trying to stomp on a Smurf. And, from the looks of his shoes, it appears he has been successful. I would very much appreciate it if he would sort himself out and attain a more pleasant position on the bike. I don’t care that he can make it go like a nutter; it’s an affront to my sense of aesthetics to see him hunched up like a spider humping a lightbulb.

And everyone knows that Science has proven spiders to be icky on account of having too many appendages.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Good call on Froome not being too pimped out in yellow everything. I see he is wearing Sidi's, as opposed to Wiggins' Bont's last year.

  • @Nate I caught the very end of stage 15 yesterday. I didn't really notice anything about his riding position or style. What I noticed was the way he - in the last minutes of the climb - turned up the V and went into spin-mode to the finish. I would have been dying by that point. (Granted, my too fat to climb ass wouldn't have been able to do that stage in anything less than 8.5 hours...)

    But judging by the photos that @Erik just posted, Froome-froome is definitely not utilizing the v-locus, but does it really matter? The guy is being a full-on monster this year.

  • As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the "regular" rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

  • Crap, I mean V-lotus. *sigh* I'm so out of touch it's not even funny. I'm destined to be 100% fail for Saturday's cogal.

  • Saddle too low - I noticed this on the ITT stage.  He still has quite a bend in his knees at BDC - but he is consistent on his regular and TT bikes, so I can't figure that out, either.   One half of P2 even said as much in yesterday's commentary right after he pulled away from Quintana.  One has to assume that he's tried different positions and this is his most efficient, but, strange, in general.

  • @Ron

    As humans, we are all different. So he looks different from the "regular" rider and maybe taking a different approach, but so what. Is he doing what he wants and well on his way to reaching his goal?

    Oh god, some sort of hippy spouting body image shite. Next you'll be telling me that people are likely to get anorexic if you call them fat.

    Looking good is the be all and end all of cycling. We don't particularly care how quick someone is along as the aesthetics are dialled. The same cannot be said of riding balls out quick without having your shit squared away.

    If the aesthetics of it all aren't the most important thing, you're effectively green lighting beards, spd sandals and helmet, mounted mirrors.

  • Though I never wanted to say this about any man -- "He does look pretty good from the back."

  • So far the most accurate description of Froome's riding position I've heard is that he looks like an old lady pushing a shopping cart with a mobile phone tucked between her ear and shoulder - but a spider humping a light bulb is pretty good as well.

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