Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
I got a fast car and it goes; Froome Froome!
Faboo is a damn Stud. Let’s us never forget.
I lost the yellow today but Faboo did me proud!!!
@Marko
Zubeldia finished ahead of him I think, but it was a great ride by Faboo
@ChrisO Indeed – I was being a bit fecicious as he passed Klode and Schleck.
WHAT A FINISH!!
Provisional Race Results
1. WIGGINS Bradley
2. EVANS Cadel
3. NIBALI Vincenzo
4. TAARAMAE Rein
5. MENCHOV Denis
Provisional VSP Standings
1. Bill (50 points)
2. Fausto (48 points)
3. Buck Rogers (48 points)
4. San Tonio (45 points)
5. mrhallorann (45 points)
6. Trobs (45 points)
7. Smithers (45 points)
8. Modtastic (45 points)
9. Belgian Boys Club (45 points)
10. huffalotpuffalot (45 points)
11. taon24 (45 points)
12. SimonH (45 points)
13. Ron (45 points)
14. payaso (45 points)
15. Chuckk (45 points)
16. DaRCrider (45 points)
17. Mason (45 points)
18. roadslave525 (45 points)
19. G’phant (45 points)
20. xyxax (45 points)
21. MrLowell (45 points)
22. MJ Moquin (43 points)
23. Bianchi Denti (41 points)
24. CanuckChuck (41 points)
25. The Fish (41 points)
26. Skinnyphat (40 points)
27. Nic (40 points)
28. Mikel Pearce (40 points)
29. wiscot (38 points)
30. Harry (38 points)
31. Paco (38 points)
32. sar02 (38 points)
33. Rev.C.Mac (38 points)
34. ramenvelo (38 points)
35. nico (38 points)
36. meursault (38 points)
37. 936adl (38 points)
38. tony macaroni (38 points)
39. TomC (38 points)
40. VeloVita (38 points)
41. blue (38 points)
42. The Oracle (38 points)
43. Lepidopterist (38 points)
44. Roberto Marques (38 points)
45. JCS4 (38 points)
46. Azzurri Tim (38 points)
47. el gato (38 points)
48. ben (38 points)
49. Enoch (38 points)
50. mcsqueak (38 points)
51. cal (38 points)
52. Phil Schneider (38 points)
53. shep (38 points)
54. McTavish (38 points)
55. Gianni (38 points)
56. pink (35 points)
57. R00tdown (35 points)
58. Flying Crowbar (35 points)
59. tessar (35 points)
60. Oli (35 points)
61. mrdriftless (35 points)
62. TOM.NELS2120 (35 points)
63. Pirata with Pasta (35 points)
64. Ankush (35 points)
65. kowala (35 points)
66. Adrian (35 points)
67. Anais Ninja (35 points)
68. Vince (35 points)
69. razmaspaz (35 points)
70. Nosyt (35 points)
71. snoov (35 points)
72. al (35 points)
73. VirenqueForever (35 points)
74. Kyle (35 points)
75. Casey Arnold (35 points)
76. Steve Swift (35 points)
77. Jonny (35 points)
78. Papageno (35 points)
79. actor1 (35 points)
80. feef (35 points)
81. Blake (35 points)
82. Noel (35 points)
83. DerHoggz (35 points)
84. NRMontgomery (35 points)
85. Tartan1749 (35 points)
86. motor city (33 points)
87. Mark1 (29 points)
88. graham d.m. (29 points)
89. simonsaunders (26 points)
90. moondance (26 points)
91. Dr C (26 points)
92. Kedan (26 points)
93. Pablo Colletti (26 points)
94. sprider (26 points)
95. Geordi (26 points)
96. Ruskerdu (25 points)
97. J-hump (23 points)
98. Deakus (23 points)
99. Chris (23 points)
100. Eddie Bell (23 points)
101. Lindrop (23 points)
102. calves (23 points)
103. RedRanger (21 points)
104. itburns (21 points)
105. celestialdrive (21 points)
106. Don juan (21 points)
107. Marko (21 points)
108. Blah (21 points)
109. TraJoM (21 points)
110. imakecircles (20 points)
111. roleur510 (20 points)
112. Chasquimorgan (19 points)
113. ErikdR (18 points)
114. Nukatpiat (16 points)
115. napolinige (16 points)
116. mouse (16 points)
117. scaler911 (16 points)
118. versio (16 points)
119. VeloAU (16 points)
120. GProsser (16 points)
121. dancollins (16 points)
122. RayElVis (16 points)
123. Skip (16 points)
124. PRbadlegs (16 points)
125. Markp (16 points)
126. Mike Honcho (16 points)
127. Jeff in PetroMetro (16 points)
128. drewPjohnson (16 points)
129. Painkiller (16 points)
130. Lukas (15 points)
131. Marcus (14 points)
132. Alex (14 points)
133. sthilzy (12 points)
134. Rigid (12 points)
135. gino (12 points)
136. gaswepass (12 points)
137. DR5150 (12 points)
138. Karl (11 points)
139. Cchern (11 points)
140. Daccordi Rider (9 points)
141. Chappy McPappystackings (9 points)
142. Minion (9 points)
143. american psycho (9 points)
144. Duende (9 points)
145. Mikael Liddy (9 points)
146. il ciclista medio (9 points)
147. Erik (9 points)
148. RMK (9 points)
149. anotherdownunder (9 points)
150. Anast Demitt (9 points)
151. seemunkee (9 points)
152. Nate (9 points)
153. velomihottie (9 points)
154. Rick (9 points)
155. Frank Ramos (9 points)
156. Tomislav (9 points)
157. Heihachi (9 points)
158. Belgian Cobblestones (9 points)
159. Dan_R (9 points)
160. Jay (9 points)
161. ifurley (9 points)
162. Benny (9 points)
163. ChrisO (9 points)
164. Matt (9 points)
165. frank (6 points)
166. Giles (6 points)
167. Two Ball Billy (6 points)
168. eightzero (6 points)
169. Xyverz (6 points)
170. brett (6 points)
171. King Clydesdale (6 points)
172. ten B (6 points)
173. the Engine (6 points)
174. schmiken (6 points)
175. starclimber (6 points)
176. Tobin (6 points)
177. ralph (6 points)
178. LA Dave (6 points)
179. harminator (6 points)
180. Craig Chambers (6 points)
181. Lister (6 points)
182. brianc (6 points)
183. JC Belgium (6 points)
184. Souleur (6 points)
185. sean (6 points)
186. elrond (6 points)
187. Islandbike (6 points)
188. godsight (6 points)
189. pakrat (6 points)
190. Simon (6 points)
191. dunderleif (6 points)
192. Erik Olsen (6 points)
193. Kah (3 points)
194. noiyce (3 points)
195. Aidas (3 points)
196. Phil (3 points)
197. El Mateo (3 points)
198. sgt (3 points)
199. Bike Jonez (3 points)
200. Topcover (3 points)
201. Sauterelle (3 points)
202. Cyclops (0 points)
203. hammermama (0 points)
204. G’rilla (0 points)
Say what you will, Sagan is a class act. Comes in 12 minutes down and wheelies over the finish line. I am liking this kid!
I feel I may have peaked too early…
Wow, what a finish. And on “regular” TV too, in HD instead of a shitty internet feed. Well it’s on now (just in time for me to be out of wi/fi- cell service for a week). See y’all Friday!
@taon24
@Buck Rogers he sure does like to put on a show.
@Buck Rogers
Didn’t he do a no-hands wheelie on the Angliru last year.
36th! have it….. just need that lead out train to get me home now
@Buck Rogers
Meh.
I see him as an attention whore.
‘Tourminator’ paint job on the bike. A bell. His victory salutes.
Popping a wheelie coming across the line after losing 12 minutes is akin to doing a dance after sacking the QB when you’re team is losing by six touchdowns (forgive the American football reference).
I hope he grows out of it.
@Flying Crowbar
Wow! Really? I see him as a 22 year old kid who is coming into the fruition of years of hard work and just loving life and taking it for all it’s worth. Man, I hope he never grows out of it.
Oh well, to each his own.
I think we are being way to hard on Sagan. I doubt he really cares about “losing” 12 minutes as he isn’t a GC rider. He should be taking it easy and conserving strength to get trough the race. This is his first Tour after all. I think Millar, who is total class, said it best, Sagan has time to get old and dignified. Nothing wrong with entertaining the crowd btw.
My take on this is that the UCI must ban Sagan from cycling as soon as possible
David Millar “@millarmind
Been gone for a few days and I have one overwhelming observation:
STOP WITH THE FUCKING EMOTICONS, PEOPLE. This isn’t highschool.
People’s races are being ruined by crashes and a frowny face hardly tells the story, now does it?
Agreed, I don’t think we should be too hard on Sagan. I’d like to see him occasionally try the understated style approach, but at least he shows some humour and passion and a sense that he is there to entertain people.
What’s often struck me about reading some cycling biographies is that for many riders it quickly becomes “Just a job” and a day in a race is just another day at work, for which they are obliged to turn up and put in no more and no lesss than the effort needed to not be fired.
It seems odd to many of us who would love to not go to the office and ride our bikes instead but it makes sense when you think about it.
So if it keeps Sagan fresh and interested and the public amused, even if the aficionados find it a a little OTT, then I think he should be cut a bit of slack.
@ChrisO
Yes, but that’s only 4 or 5 bikes! Those R3ca’s are nuts expensive.
@Souleur
From the look of the overhead shot, Farrar was leaning, but Pettacchi’s wheel swept across and sent him down.
@Buck Rogers
That seals it, he’s just ripping of McEwan! The running man and now the wheelies…
@Marko
I might have let it slide but it’s “facetious” and it’s my favourite word in the English language because of what it means and because it has all the vowels in it in alphabetical order. This knowledge will help you spell it correctly in future.
Team Sky were pretty awesome today, I reckon Cadelephant will be thinking “Wiggo looks strong” from now until he goes to bed. Will he still be strong in two weeks time though? I hope so.
@frank hey, if he has to rip off someone, McEwan’s not a bad place to start. Sure as hell beats Cuntador’s pistol shots!
I’m loving Sagan. Watching him on TV, and following his alter ego “TweeterSagan” on Twitter at the same time is priceless, if you haven’t discovered him (pretends to be Sagan, with deadpan slovakian humour and podium girl addiction). Sky were awesome today. Really impressive…. irritatingly, so was Cadel…. this tour is shaping up to be excellent
@frank
@frank
Whatever you say, man ;-)
Holy shit! My avatar has changed into Frahnk! Does that mean that I have passed onto the next plain of existence in the life of a Velominati?
@frank
but Farrar wasn’t mad at Petacchi was he??
its racing, and Farrar made a mistake, he just needs to rest his hymen and follow Andrie the giant, and let his legs do the talking
@Buck Rogers
Alright, this is weird. The sidebar “recent posts” has my correct avatar but the actual threads have me as Frahnk, at least on my ipad. It’s like I’ve gone plaid or something,
Anyways, loved the Froome quote, “I’m chuffed to bits!” whatever the fuck that means, happy I suppose?
Also what’s AG2R all upset about Peraud losing so much time? They now have my man Roce in the top ten. Not feeling the love from AG2R for Roche this Tour.
Allez Wiggo!!!
Fucking awesome stuff.
@Buck Rogers
Love it!!!
Actually, I’ve just realised who Sagan makes me think of – roadslave525
As for today’s stage, I am blown away – go Sky!!
@Buck Rogers
Over in these here parts your usual avatar is showing up.
This may have already been said here. Levi’s post-stage comments were very “soft” spoken. He sucks.
@Nate
My ipad must being having Delusions of Grandeur and thinks it’s Frahnk. Good to know that it is just my computer. I’ll stop rambling about it now.
@Dr C
Love you, buddy…. love you.
BTW, I’m getting a BELL on my bike.
;-)
@Buck Rogers
Indeed. “Chuffed” does mean happy, with an implication of self-satisfaction.
@Buck Rogers
Debating whether or not to lie to you and say I am seeing frank’s avatar. Hilarity could ensue.
@DerHoggz
Dude, that would have soooo fucked with my head you cannot begin to understand. Nothing like a little OCD mixed with mild hyperactive personality to really bring out one’s best!
@Flying Crowbar Bloody punk kids should know their place!
@Flying Crowbar
You kids get off my lawn!
I say let him have his fun.
What I worry about – after the Jolly Green Giant finishes mocking the mystic of the Tour what next? Will Sagan show up for a Rapha ride and suck the Epic right out of it?
@Buck Rogers
Take @RR’s advice: dump the cache and start over. Check with Google for help on how to do it for your device; every spare moment I have is devoted to working towards a unified Velominati codbase that handles both the mobile and desktop sites (responsive design for you geeks out there) but while the other Keepers help write and run this asylum, its hard, as the one developer, to keep all the neurosis of all the different platforms/devices in check. So just dump your cache when shit gets weird; for the most part I’m making sure shit works everywhere and if it doesn’t work for you, it usually means there’s a cache issue. Or I’ve released a version of code to production which was untested, in which case I’ll ask you to dump the cache and let me know how it looks.
Cut out the middleman, and dump the cache. If the condition persists, take a extra-strength dosage of Rule #5 (most abundantly found in pint form) and let me know. I might get prickly (I’m not unknown for my inability to shoot the messenger in these matters) but we will all be stronger in the end.
@Dr C
Yeah, and just like with Sagan, I’m still waiting for the “Tell-All” Autobiography of “How I Doped to Awesomeness” from Roadslave as well!
@DerHoggz
Hilarity or homoerotiism. Its the same thing in some circles, and i’m not one to cast judgement; adulation is adulation as far as I’m concerned.
@Oli
Wait, no way. Not possible. Nuh-uh. You’re being sarcastic, right? You love Sagan’s antics, don’t you? Is The ‘Bar being facetious? Are you disagreeing with him? We can’t possibly agree on this matter. I might have to shut down the site if we do. Please tell me you love Sagan or hate me or hate Frankie Schleck or have a Robbie (Hunger, McEwan, Gesink – whatever. ) Actually, please do better than saying you hate Schleck, the bromance is running thin and I might not be able to blame you.
@Chipomarc
I dunno, some dipshit will cross the line pointing at his dirty dick and sweaty balls. Its disgraceful.
@Chipomarc
Even a blood-doping, steroid-sucking, one-balled douchebag knows emoticons suck. Doesn’t that tell you something? We’re a fucking cut above.
We’re the ones who ride clean, train clean, race clean, and lose clean. I mean, come on.
@frank Issue resolved! Although google called it a “flush” and not a “dump” in case you were wondering (insert smart ass emoticon here).
@frank I’m not sure if I agree with you or not – the sands are always shifting – but I’m all for wacky finishline salutes so long as they don’t involve props, and especially not if the prop happened to be something totally wack like a dummy.
I like Sagan’s chutzpah and love that he’s playing to the crowds, even if I don’t actually like all of his salutes (hated the first one, thought the Running Man was mildly amusing and enjoyed The Hulk)…