Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@the Engine
coolness I’ll check it out
The fb page for the USA procycling challenge has been doing daily contests this summer as well
@the Engine
‘We’ being ???
@ChrisO
Scotland
Ah well, Murray outclassed by Federer.
@frank
it would be beyond insane. He is a magician with his racquet.
@the Engine
You’d better get in and rewrite the WIkipedia entry then… another sassenach conspiracy.
@snoov
I’m really gutted for him. Jusy got a text from my aunt in NY who says she is crying watching him.
@RedRanger
Poor guy was choking back the tears during his speech, he’ll maybe win the Olympics!
In future I’m sticking with my first guess in the VSP. Why did I replace Menchov with Hesjedal? Still, two weeks to go …
@ChrisO
Nearly had you though didn’t I?
@frank Ya, BABY! Now can I hold the form for two weeks?
Good news is that the knees are healing and I have been able to do three 40 km rides over the last three days. Taking it easy for a few weeks while I try to find myself after leaving it all over the state of Vermont.
@San Tonio
Holy SMOKES it is hot here in San Antonio. i rode yesterday afternoon and almost heat stroked out. My cyclocomputer was reading 42 C. Had to stop after 1:15 as I was starting to get nauseous and had a killer headache. Brutal heat here. I was smarter today and rode in the morning but still hot. Guess we’re paying for all that winter riding weather we get, eh?
@Pedale.Forchetta
Stage 11 looks interesting.The scenery in this short preview is fantastic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPzf1kaBBZ4&feature=plcp
If you go back to May post in Lloyd series,shots of Stelvio are really breathtaking.At least if you’re not enjoying the racing you should enjoy this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORQZWGyvYUY
Did anyone mention the length of the sleeves on the Sky jersey? Way too long! Wiggins’ go all the way to his elbows.
@TommyTubolare That guy needs to apply more Rule #5, Even the French road signs say so 0.24
@TommyTubolare thank you!
It make me remember the Giro, where I saw Daniel Lloyd while I was walking to the top of the Pian dei Resinelli, too bad I made a crappy photo of him…
Would someone please tell me where BMC is when the race reaches an end? There is this poor skinny Aussie with a dent in his chin turning himself inside out and up against 3 or 4 guys in black. Certainly George understands how this works. Where is BMC? Are they racing for the white jersey.
Maybe I’m just angry about my picks but Cadel can outride Wiggo but he can’t outride Froome, Wiggo, Porte, Bos Hogg, etc. combined.
Of course, it is making for interesting racing. So that is good.
@Trobs
Pussy 5! Awesome!!!
@TommyTubolare I’m hoping that was intentional by the camera man.
After today’s monster TV sportfest, I think Nibbles will win the tour, much as it pains me – agree with Marcus, Sky need to let someone from FDJ or Rentacar up the road and let BMC chase them down
Murray going for Sports Personality of the Year ratherthan Olympics after today’s loser’s speech
Wiggo the new COTHO? Getting pretty riled when suggestions of doping come up… all class.
@Buck Rogers
i hear ya buck, the only benefit is with the heat here in the midwest, i can’t stand to eat, and am loosing weight faster than Rasmussen on amphetamines. Cold front here passed though today and knocked it down to 34-35C
hang in there man
@erik
Buddy and i were talking about that after yesterdays stage when BMC was singing like crickets in the dark at 6k to go. I assume, and please, i know..big fat assumption here, but I assume Evans is saving his men for later, that he is gutting it out now, saving his matches to be struck later. The burden for now is in Sky, and I think they have the yellow early and will have to defend a long time now. BMC may be relaxing??? but i may be stupid wrong too?? will see in paris’
I figured out how Cuddles got that chin of his.
First ride on the MTB yesterday. I drove off the trail into some bushes and clocked my chin on the bars. Ended up with a swollen left chin just like Cadel.
I’m going to try for the right side next so I have the full set.
@Souleur
Yeah its brutal. don’t go riding between 2 – 6pm June – September.
You know what don’t go OUTSIDE from 2 – 6pm June – September !
@brett
I love him calling doubters cunts! and wankers. What a press conference. Americans aren’t ready for that, heheheee.
@Gianni
Totally! My respect for him after reading the article only grew. Got to love the unfiltered types. Can you imagine what Cuddles would hve said? Some PC bullshit.
@Buck Rogers
I’m pretty certain he used the F bomb during his post race interview on Eurosport too, not sure if it was him or Cav that said the only 100% way to not get caught cheating is to not cheat.
@brett
Article and quotes don’t read that way at all. You are reading what you want. Wiggo just uses straight talk.
@versio
I’m “reading what I want”, but you are reading what’s correct? Gotcha… I’ll run everything I read past you guys so I know what the proper interpretation is.
@brett
Your complex will end one day.
About time too, Wiggo, someone needs to hold the press up to account. I’m getting fed up with fucktards who clearly have no idea writing lazy poorly researched pieces that full of snidey inference but don’t have balls to make direct accusations and give the public, who don’t know any better, the view point that cycling is still rife with drugs.
@versio
It was just a link to an article, you fucking wanker cunt.
@Dr C That was the most eloquent I’ve seen Murray. He’s slowly dragging himself out of the miserable petulant brat category but he’s got a way to go.
Had a family do on today, loads of tennis fans so had to tell the kids to go and play in the rain so I could watch the other telly. Son #2 joined me and made his dad proud when he asked why the BMC team weren’t helping their rider. Didn’t think he even new which teams were which apart form Sky.
@brett
You abused the COTHO too loosely. And wrongly. And you are really riled here as well.
@Chris
So why do you come here? That stuff you listed is kind of our specialty. Except maybe not the shying away from direct accusations.
And besides, he’s got to be doping, right? He hasn’t stopped peaking since last August.
*runs off and hides*
@G’rilla
Wiggo knows about riding a bike batshit fast, but has no clue about the Goldilocks principle. Between the socks and sleeves…
@versio
Where’s the abuse?
@brett
I asked a question, and put in a link. Then used the same language you defended Wiggo for to facetiously and ironically answer your claims I have a complex.
You stupid fucking wanker cunt!
@brett
Your intersocietal charm is on level with riding a bus to reform school.
@versio
Once again, I give up…
@frank There’s a huge difference between the fine but generally misguided Velominati and the gutter press; we do what we do in the noble Corinthian spirit of the amateur. and most of us have bicycles.
I wouldn’t be surprised if everybody on KT12 was doping. You were all peaking considerably more than me.
The VeloNews article said Wiggo “tossed the table” and then got up and left. Now, knowing the British euphemism that could mean something else, but I like to imagine him flipping the table.
I “tossed the table” once in college, but it was just once and was experimental….we all did in college….right…er….no?
@snoov
Taking the Rest day opportunity to replace Hesjedal with Menchov.
@brett
Chapeau! Well played!
@versio
I change riders in the giro but the -20 points really hurt, not doing it again.
Also, I thing you and @brett agree if I understand correctly, @brett thinks Wiggins isn’t the new COTHU and respects him for calling out the twitterati and thought you were suggesting that Wiggins is doping.
He’s just been tested so I guess we’ll find out soon, I reckon he’s clean though.
If you just meant that his foul language made him a cunt I’d point out that he took his turns like everyone else in the group late in the stage. Not a COTHU.
AND, when he had to stop for some reason and the Sky boys slowed the peleton down nobody attacked which I thought was a mark of respect from all the riders, unless they were glad of a rest. It’s a classy sport.
@snoov
You read it backwards. Brett suggests COTHO. I applauded the straight talk of Wiggins. And before the end realized, Brett and Buck Rogers are Amoureux.
@versio
Naw, I just appreciate a witty remark like Brett’s. Although I must admit that I have not met him yet ….
@snoov
You are confusing me and an @brett, and @versio has confusing everything else covered.
Not to open a can of worms, but I think anyone paying attention should know that testing means fuck all at this point. Lets not worry about the doping and just enjoy the bike racing, which could very well start sucking if he opens a massive lead in the ITT and just Indurains his wait to Paris.
@Chris
I’m still waiting for @roadslave525’s tell-all confession to be published.