Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@versio
What’s the difference between a computer and @versio?
You only have to punch information into a computer once…
@frank
Ha that’s cleared it all up for me and my big mouth.
I’m not a big Twiggo fan but anyone who calls the press carnts goes up several notches on my ladder of esteem. He and Cadelephant look very even, I don’t think there will be any big gains or losses in the TT.
@Daccordi Rider I agree. I think (hope) we are in for a great duel between the two and as stated by others earlier I agree with others that Nibali might be there as well.
@all did you guys notice that Jens was running a black saddle with white bar tape today? I like Jens a lot actually and he is a true hardman, but the combo kept bugging me.
That post barely made sense. I meant to agree with @daccordi rider that cadel and wiggo look even to me. It all came out sort of incoherent….I am drinking some Leffe right now so that will be my excuse. But is probably just me.
@graham d.m. It’s perfectly legit combo. @frank runs that. I’ve run it. Rule #8 isn’t as straight forward as most think.
@RedRanger ah I see. Fair enough. That’s good to hear actually, I like it when the riders I like are rule compliant. Jens is all class to me, thus my surprise.
Tour organisers have wrecked this Tour Рour one proper mountain-top finish (on a big mountain) happens on Thursday. And that is it. For the rest of the time, my boy Cuddles is going to be forced into making these dinky little attacks hoping that one sticks. Although I cannot wait to see how hard Nibali and Evans go on the descent into Bagn̬res-de-Luchon on Stage 16.
And whilst I am venting, fuckers making posts about the changes they may or may not make to their VSP picks reminds me of dining with fuckers who tell me what they are going to order before the waiter comes to take their order. If I care about what you are going to eat (or who you are going to pick), I will take listen when you make your order. Up until that point, keep that shit to yourself.
And whats with all this tennis palaver? Australians are to tennis a little bit like what the French are to cycling – we used to have the best in the world and now we are shit. But we still hold a big Tournament. However tennis will continue to decline until they slow down the balls. We need serve-volley.
@Marcus, Hahaha, d’accord!
Was a great race today, no?
@graham d.m.
I thought I was the only one that noticed that, at least it had a white cool stripe, but then again, Jens gets to do whatever the fuck he wants
@Marcus
i wholeheartedly agree, the ASO should fire the whole tech crew that laid this sucker out and simply cordially ask a few Keepers to point out the Cols
I have said (IMHO) since i saw the route that they designed it so a lesser French rider would have 1/2 a chance since they haven’t won for over a decade….aka Voeckler, & after his valiant showing last year.
But now it really plays into Wiggo’s hand, and in that he will be deserving if he can hang on, and it will be tough on Evans
@Souleur
I vote this as a Rule.
Gentlemen (and VMHs), it is time to start taking note not only of VSP results, but who we will nominate for the Hardman award this year. We need to find a worthy successor to Johnny Hoogerland. Lots of racing still to come in the Big Show, and plenty of races this year, but let’s start taking note.
Gotta say I wanna put Vos on my shortlist.
@Marcus I have strong opinions about slowing the speed, that’s why I’m such a fan of Roger. He has a clasic style.
@eightzero
Can’t forget De Gendt.
@Souleur right on, my friend. I think Jens pretty much gets to do pretty much whatever he wants. You were even more observant than me , though because I didn’t notice the stripe.
@eightzero second that!
@Marcus
I’m gonna have the steak. And change my pick to Wiggles cos Leaky gas is fucked. No Wait, I’ll have the pasta, what are you gonna have Marcus? Rage? Furious anger? Sagan’s gonna win and Cancellara’s gonna get second. He’ll crush them all in the TT and put 20 minutes into Wiggo and then I’ll change my pick to whoever Marcus picked just to piss him off.
I love this place.
@minion Fuck it. I’m not changing my order. Grilled kangaroo with HP sauce, a side of pasta, a glass of cabernet, and a side of back bacon. Damn. The waiter says they just ran out of back bacon yesterday and the cabernet is a little too young.
@DerHoggz
Hardman.
@brett Stop being such a fucking wanker, you cunt! Same goes for you too, @versio
@Oli
Right, that’s it, I’m obviously not appreciated around here, I’m leaving you fuckwits to fend for yourselves!
@graham d.m.
Can’t remember what Der Jen’s bike looks like, but if the decals are right, its a good look. Remember, Leaders Run White Bar Tape.
(that’s a transmitter not an EPMS)
Ok, I’m back… I love you guys.
Maybe I’ve got the rose-colored Oakleys on, but I’ve been enjoying the crap out of the first week. Watching Pinot solo in today with Madiot screaming in his ear was fucking awesome. Froome yesterday was great too. Sorry to see Ryder crash out, but I stand by my earlier statement that JV deserves a lot of the blame for that, not putting his GC boy at the front with some teammates. Speaking of that, and sorry if I missed this discussion here, but what do you all think of Voeckler’s comments? http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/voeckler-blames-radio-earpieces-for-metz-crash
I think he’s got a point.
@frank
Rule #8 amendment?
@brett You fucking well better not be giving me shit, you pole-smoking wanker!
The only thing I can find about “tossing the table” is that Martha Stewart recommends doing it at weddings.
http://cache.stylemepretty.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/destination-wedding-4.jpg
It doesn’t even show up in the periodic table of swearing.
http://www.moderntoss.com/prints/print/periodic-table-of-swearing/
@frank Leaders Run White Bar Tape would explain why my bartape looks off, I still climb like a stone and never lead much of anything! Jens’ bike was solid white, but I can’t remember the decal colors so I’d have to reserve judgement but as others more wise than I have pointed out….either way it is Jens.
@G’rilla I had no idea there was a periodic table of swearing! Another awesome take on the periodic table matched only by the periodic table of professional racing from cyclocosm. Both far more enjoyable than the actual periodic table.
@brett
Hooray! Cunzor’s gone!
@brett
Dammit.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
JiPM – You are the perfect stereotype of someone who orders kangaroo – a stupid non-Australian Reg Hunt. Roo meat is no good at all. HP sauce is for British peasants.
@ Cyclops
Motivating photo and good work! Must have been a rewarding race! Motivated me to map out how to start gaining 300kms each week with days riding (6:00 to 8:00) after work. And more intensity with duration on Saturday. And Sunday recovery. 350kms as a goal. 2 rest days.
@Marcus What then? A drop bear steak and a Newcastle? Vegemite and eel pie?
@Marcus Don’t make me break out the old “shrimp on the barbie”. Wombat? Tasmanian devil? (Oh, wait. Y’all already ate all of them.) Ooooh, that’s right. Mutton.
@Jeff in PetroMetro Not sure exactly what makes Australian food – I do know that I hate Vegemite (the smell of it makes me gag) and that despite how many times we cook outside and call it a bbq, we actually don’t do proper bbq. We invariably just apply fire to meat.
Judging from our expanding waistlines and their prevalence across the country, I would say our favorite food is American fast food.
@Marcus
For an Australian you’ve got no fucking idea what you’re talking about, Roo is awesome. It’s cheap, lean, high in iron and cooks quickly. That and when I eat Roo, I metaphorically cut the Australian Rugby team to pieces.
Whoops Sorry JiPM I meant Marcus not you. I expect you may also have no idea about Roo, but at least you’ve got an excuse.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Have the Shiraz mate.
@Marcus
I could wait for one of our resident Texans to tell you this, bu they’re either sleeping or shitfaced at this hour: You’re right, you have no fucking idea what barbecue is. What you are doing is grilling. Barbecue is something else entirely.
@sgt
Totally agree. As a noob, I don’t understand all the nuances of the sport, but watched all the live footage while not at work, and highlights otherwise, and just loving it. The FDJ manager shouting Pinot on, was quality, really enjoyed that ride.
@minion “cheap, lean, high in iron and cooks quickly” – hardly a description that makes me want to run outside and eviscerate my pet Skippy.
I would take a “Kiwi Reverse Lamb BBQ” anyday of the week. And by that I mean you have your way with the girl before dinner. And then you cook her for dinner.
@Nate – guess that was the inherent point of my post. Must have hidden it too well. Sorry. Muricans definitely do BBQ pretty well – in fact I have learnt a lot from US sources. But your beef is crappy (too fatty with not enough texture as you fill your cattle with corn).
@minion
Roo is shite. It just is. Too gamey. Too many other things taste better to bother.
RE BBQs and Aussies: yep, we’ve no idea. Most Australians haven’t seen enough of the world to realise that just about every other culture does barbecue a lot better than we do.
The US really, really know their BBQ. Both the cooking style and the cookout dining event.
@minion @Nate @Blah
Forget all that – you want to see a nice climb in Victoria? Watch this clip of Phil Anderson and Simon Gerrans riding up Lake Mountain. They make it look a helluva lot easier than I have found it – esp the first few ks.
@eightzero
Marten Wynants of Rabobank gets a nomination for finishing Stage 6 with a punctured lung and a couple of broken ribs.
@frank
I actually have something in common with Jensie – white(ish) bar tape and a black saddle…
Watching last nights wrap up Scotty Sunderland says Wiggo has a large ego. At least that pronouncement is more understated than his shirt!
@Daccordi Rider
is it possible to win the TdF without a oversized ego?
I have just today developed a man crush on Wiggins in spite of my one eyed support of Cuddles over the years. I love what he said, and how he said it. Those are the words of an honest and deserving man should he eventually win.
@Chris
Better add Tjallingi to that list (Dutch seem pretty tough lot, withhold judgement on Gesink) for waiting til he had ridden to the finish before getting some screws put in his fractured hip….
@mouse
Was that the bit where he called his detractors (those who say Sky are all doping), a bunch of “lazy c**ts”?
I’m still hoping it gets so hot in the Pyrenees that he shaves those sideburns off