Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@eightzero
Not sure if I’ve seen a V-moment yet. How about being on the floor twice, dislocating a shoulder, getting back to the group, getting to the front of the peleton and then only just failing to win the sprint? I think he gets called The Gorilla.
How about Marc Madiot? Putting dents in the team car while screaming at Pinot yesterday.
Was it the Director Sportive at Garmin that got the Anti-V Moment of the Year Award? I’m unable to find that article right now, just thinking out loud.
Found it under Awards.
@Dr C Only if he did it himself with a Black and Decker and no anaesthetic.
Tjallingi and his hip that is. Not Wiggo and his sideburns.
@mouse Indeed. +1. Unlike Nibbles who wrote a nice long article suggesting Wiggo could neither climb or descend the day before he couldn’t quite keep up with Wiggo, Cuddles and Froome on the way up and the compound it by failing to escape on the way back down.
Nibbles seems to have lost the plot completely. He was reported to have said that he was working for Sagan yesterday and only started to think of himself after Lotto upped the pace. NO NO NO. You work for me. There are some nice shoes at stake. Break cuddles at all costs and come second. No more, no less.
Just heard a report that T Martin has suffered his second flat tire in as many TT’s.
Not looking good for Spesh and their hopes of marketing their new product. This woud be about the time for @minion to chime in…
Those Ag2R booties look shite.
@mouse
Yep. Expect a specialized stamp to be on whatever tubular tires he goes for. Are they still clinchers?
I’d love to be a fly on the wall of the team bus after that one. And I’ll take wagers on what tires he runs next tt not being speccy ones.
http://www.bikeradar.com/road/news/article/new-specialized-clincher-tt-tire-at-the-tour-de-france-34432/
dammit you’ve got me going now I can’t believe Bikerdar’s allowed to publish this nonsense. Speccy claim their tire has lower rolling resistance than tubulars, but they use the Continental Competition as a reference. A) it rolls like a log because of the puncture protection B) the customer version has a butyl tube, while the one the pros get has a latex tube: Speccy’s exploiting the fact not many people would know that and C) they’re comparing a clincher with Latex to a tub with Butyl (not like for like). Latex is going to account for improved rr without the tire having anything to do with it. Fuckers.
Martin punctured after just 2km. Faboo has just taken 38s out of him at the first check.
@Adrian
again? I have a feeling the team mechanic is in the least gonna get a chewing out.
Cancellara is going like a train, poor Mollema couldnt even hold his wheel as he passed by
@Adrian
Drafting isn’t allowed in time trials.
@snoov I think UCi rules give 1km for the overtaken rider to drop back to a 25m gap so there is a little room for cheeky drafting.
@snoov Could be wrong, seen many people take advantage of this in amateur races
@Adrian
You could be right, someone with more experience will let us know. I was told at the start of my first TT last month that you weren’t allowed to do it, but I’m no pro.
@snoov I’m no TT expert either.
Well, moving on I didn’t hear who it was speaking but he explained why Wiggo doesn’t abide by the Goldilocks Principle.
It’s all about aero advantage, modern materials are more aerodynamic than skin so especially in TTs the riders try to cover up as much skin as possible. I suppose they don’t care that it looks shit if they save a couple of seconds.
@snoov just googled it and looksKline your supposed to stay at least 2m laterally away from other riders. Cheating bastards were all grabbing a wheel for a few meters as someone passed them down our way….
@RedRanger
That is so rough on TM – soldiered on with a broken wrist for 6 days, so he could do the TT and this happens – let’s hope he has better luck in the Olympics
Crikey, TJvG just beat Faboo…. gordon bennett, whatever next!
@Adrian
you should see the pro triathlons – the front group will be a line of 20 riders all ‘not-drafting’ exactly three metres behind the one in front.
@snoov
Cadel has his entire arms covered where as Wiggos sleeves stop at the elbow…….any advantage?
@Dr C
Oops, only to the midpoint, Faboo still in pole – big guns rolling down the ramp now – gonna be a tight one
@Dr C
not quite…..
@Adrian
Wiggo sharpening his tan lines
@Dr C really? he was 2nd on my version of Sky by 9 seconds.
@Dr C
Have to love listening to you Oirish sometimes… Kelly just saying that Frank Schleck had lost two-tirty-tree at te tirty-one-point-five kilometre mark.
We just need a Kiwi commentator with him to talk about Wugguns being suxteen suconds ahead at the funesh.
Froome is going a bit quick as well.
@Chris
must be all the doping going on in the Sky team…..
We have a winner yet?
@Adrian
Who gives a shit, they all do it.
According to Cyclingnews.com Wiggo’s got a minute on Cuddles in the GC on the road. The again the commentator maybe overexcited:
I could have sworn I just saw a giant pink bunny cheering the riders along….
@RedRanger no wiggins, Evans, Nibbles and Froome all still out on the road
@Dr C
The guy said that there’s a trade off between aero advantage and heat loss.
Marcus – I think our boy may have just lost the tour.
A third of the way through the course Wiggins and Froome are a minute up on Cadel.
Cadel is BEHIND Nibali!
@Chris
Justa tongue in cheek after yesterday’s press conference
@snoov looks like Nibbles read my earlier post. Now I just need Froome to slow down a bit and Westra to make up 28 minutes.
@Marko
Still a long way to go….
@snoov
yes!!!
@Chris
I’ve only the cycling news live updates to go on, but tell me, when viewed from behind, does Wiggo not look like a yellow snake slithering along hunting down a little red and black teddy bear? Sorry @marko, I know you don’t like snakes
@Adrian
Perhaps in terms of distance but not in terms of taking time into Wiggo in a TT.
@Adrian ditto.
Having seen the state of Wiggo and Froome, they’re both so skinny that if someone stuck a needle in them you’d be able to see exactly where the drugs were.
TJ gets the White jersey back.
@RedRanger
Bit of a shock if he was ahead of him to be fair….
@Chris
Not sure you could actually get a needle in without straight away hitting bone
@Dr C I’m only dipping in and out but last thing I saw was Cadel out of the saddle sprinting. He may have sensed that whatever the yellow thing is behind him is, it doesn’t want a cuddle.
Wiggo is looking imperious. Stock still on the bike bar his legs. Aerodynamics that my sensei would sell his soul for.
@Dr C Good thing I’d just finished my tea. That would’ve been messy. nibble lube.