Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
@Nate
NOT attached to an antipodean ewe, that is.
@Blah
Yeah, but I didn’t.
@brett Jeez, calm down man!
@itburns
Although the big upside to that argument is the Assos girl gets posted a lot too!
It’d b fun to do some swaps, but Horner only “troubled” pick, everything else would be a big gamble. And I still think Horner could mix it up. Right? Right?
Oh wait, screw it. I’m just going to claim pick purity. I meant to pick these guys and dammit, Buck, I agree with you, this time. Damn you, @versio(Sticking to your guns without the sense to reload.).
@TommyTubolare
I realize Bretto suggested you might be as dumb as intercourse (is that very dumb? because every time I’ve done it has been awesome and have been enlightened afterwards), but from what I’ve learned about Australians, calling someone dumb as fuck is the same as saying “jolly good, I disagree, lets have a cup of tea, shall we, and talk this through”.
Joking aside, this site is the creation of all of the Keepers; it wouldn’t be anything if it weren’t for all of us. The same goes for the community – each and every member, no matter their contribution, helps make this place what it is.
I’d encourage you to remember that The Keepers work tirelessly day and night, juggling full time jobs (sometimes more than one), family, riding, and writing to keep this community up and running and to continually provide people like you something new and fresh to talk/argue about. None of us get paid to do this; this is supposed to be fun for everyone.
Your comment to Brett escalates way beyond the trash talk that it started as and displays a shocking level of disrespect. As a fellow Dutchman, I know you can take it as well as you can give it, but this one goes beyond the limits.
On a personal note, Brett is in fact terribly bright. Annoyingly so, actually.
@PeakInTwoYears
Actually, everyone who has met anyone else has gotten along amazingly well – kindred spirits, I’d say. This little tussle is nothing; people are always at least one or two shades gruffer online than they are in person. In person, there’d be two pint glasses (at least) on the table and a mischievous glint in the eye, and everything would be fine. The Internet just sucks, is all. I’ll note that at the Seattle Summer Cogal, we counted around 100 pint glasses on the table. We pretty much rule.
As for Minipumps up the Ass (MutA), look into Keepers Tour 2013 when we announce it – you’d love it!
@Mikael Liddy
I love you guys. That’s not a minipump you’re feeling!
@Marcus
Just curious, how is employing a tactic like changing picks as a calculated risk of taking penalty points vs. the reward of earning more points different from riding wheels to take the win in a race?
I find it curiously ironic that you and I stand on the oposite sides of both issues, which are inherently contradictory. I would think that with my “dog out the window” love for riders who take the race in their own hands and ride in the would align with a disgust for picks swapping (and therefor, as is my nature, banning the concept in the VSP) and that you’d be all for it.
We are complicated creatures, you and I.
@Xyverz @Oli Not me, but Frank dispatching his flying monkeys that you should be worried about.
@all
Stand by for a Stage VSP and a chance to win a pair of Fizik R3’s…we are teeing one up for Thursday’s stage. (That’s Friday in the half of the world that doesn’t matter as much.)
Yeah, got to play the numbers…Or just got to dump some erstwhile hopefuls… Either way there’s no apron in it for me.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Bradly Wiggens
2. Vincenzo Nibali
3. Cadel Evans
4. Denis Menchov
5. TJ Vangarderen
@TommyTubolare (and to a lesser extent @brett) If you can’t get close to Rule #43 compliance, then the ad hominem attacks really should be left for whatever chat groups your high schools are doing their cyber bullying on. Opinions are like arseholes – you always think that someone else’s stinks worse than your own. People will disagree with you. Rule #5. The great thing about this site is the extremely high standard for insults and personal attacks. So if you don’t think that what you’re writing has at least a fighting chance of causing coffee to be spat over a monitor somewhere in the world, then keep your lame attempt at wit to yourself. It doesn’t have to be complicated:
@brett
Absolutely. I’m just messing around. Good to keep a lid on it and not let it too out of hand.
@brett
Well played @brett.
FWIW I like it when I am reading an article, realise that I didn’t take note of the author and then trying to guess according to the style, perspective and subject matter.
@frank Oi, fuck you buddy, you’re just annoyed we are going to have the TDF winner two years in a row.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadel
2. Nibbles
3. Wiggins
4. Sammy
5. Gerrans
@frank easy – you dont change horses mid-stream.
My racing style track record – if any could be ascribed to me – is firmly in the Fucking Dumb Moves Early in the Race Camp. And my favorite rider of all time is Vino. So we arent so far apart. My difference is that i dont think less of racers who do it smart, sit in and win – whereas you denigrate these types. It is just not within my impulsive nature to do so myself.
As for your disparaging remark on the part of the world that matters less, we get the stages starting on the same day – they just finish an hour or so into the following day.
Sammy out dammit.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadel
2. Nibbles
3. Wiggins
4. Froome
5. Gerrans
Too bad about Hesjedal – I guess I could have swapped him the other day already… Oh well, just minor adjustments.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. Wiggins
3. Nibali
4. Froome
5. Van Garderen
I don’t have anything to add right now.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. WIGGINS
2. NIBALI
3. EVANS
4. MENCHOV
5. FROOME
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Nibali, V
2. Evans, C
3. Wiggens, B
4. Froome, C
5. Valverde, A
Will try to report back when I have more miles in the legs.
@frank
(snip) I’d encourage you to remember that The Keepers work tirelessly day and night, juggling full time jobs (snip)
(snip) On a personal note, Brett is in fact terribly bright. Annoyingly so, actually. (snip)
I’ve met Bretto, who the hell are you talking about?
@ten B
Damn straight we adhere to a higher standard of insults around here. Hilarious video by the way.
@minion I have tickets to see them in the ‘gong tonight, but my VMH is down with the flu. She’s got The V to the core, but I fear we might not make it.
@frank
Wrong Frank – I am twice as much of an obnoxious cunt in person (oh yes, gratuitous swearing, like little black dresses, never goes out of fashion). I make Wiggo look like a gentleman with manners.
Speaking of meeting Velominati, I cant wait to one day come across @minion as I will surely do in the street one day. I keep asking every guy who tries to clean my windscreen in traffic, ” Are you Minion?” One of them has to be him.
And when I do meet him Imah come at him like a Spider Monkey.
NB. In that clip, Chip reminds me of Brett.
@TommyTurbolare – shit name, shit post. If you are going to insult Brett, you need to be funny. And there is plenty of material. The guy is a loser Australian MTBer who moved to New Zealand. What more do you fucking want?
@Marcus
Now that’s what I come here for! And an Anne of Green Gables reference to boot. Way to fly those colours!
urrrgggh
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. Wiggins
3. Valverde
4. Nibali
5. Voeckler
@ten B
I used to live up the street from the Brett in that video, and would have loved to tell him to fuck off. Grumpy prick.
Because of that I never watched the concords, must be the only one in the country who didn’t.
@Bianchi Denti
great stuff worth a listen for sure
@frank
Ahhh, it really doesn’t matter in truth.
But, to try to explain my neurotic mind, there is a sense of honour of staying loyal to your picks, almost like a cause if you will, and switching riders seems like selling out. At the end of the day it just does not sit right with me.
It seems that in life there are not that many times when honour and integrity can be defined in pure black and white and when I do see something that, to my warped mind, can be so defined, it almost seems criminal to let it pass.
I, also, honour the breakaway riders, the ones who kill it on the front, as a pureness of the sport but I also understand the intelligent rider who calculates and times his move. I think that for racing, the sitting in is a necessary evil most of the time.
A warped analogy that always bothered me but was incredibly true was when we were downrange it was my units motto that if you ever found yourself in a fair firefight,you had done something incredibly wrong. Everyone would love to be John Wayne or Gary Coopper at High Noon but when it is for real, you use your night vision and million dollar satelites and every advantage you can to win.
I see the VSP as a place where I can honour that belief of being pure.
Ya, anyways, I know, I’m seriously fucked up. Now where is that Assos girl photo anyways???
@gaswepass I been damned. Damned! My soul feels all Black in thru. Like a doll’s eyes. Might be good for riding with the road group tomorrow?
@Buck Rogers
Do as you do. Not as they do. And you know it will be done.
Rest day swaps
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadel
2. Wiggo
3. Nibbles
4. Menchov
5. Froome
@frank
I think ten B nailed it: “The great thing about this site is the extremely high standard for insults and personal attacks.” I’ve certainly been enjoying that since arriving. The standard surpasses that of the climbing sites I frequented in the past.
I’ve never had a minipump up the ass, and while it’s not an experience I aspire to having (not that there’d be anything inherently wrong with it, given enough Chamois Butt’r and attention to safety), if the connection you make with the Keepers’ Tour is metaphorical or analogical, well, I confess to a certain curiosity.
@Marcus
I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for you
Oy Ryder,,,,,darn you JV! It’s against my nature to do the swap, but I guess we know the price of my VSP values is a sweet pair of shoes. Thus just swapping out Ryder for Froome.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Wiggins
2. Nibali
3. Evans
4. Menchov
5. Froome
@Buck Rogers
Damned straight Buck. Nothing is fair in a firefight. CAS is good. My old 1SG, who was my formative mentor as a young LT, always said that going down that two-way range you gotta cheat. Cheaters live, rule followers die. Obviously, he was not a bike racer.
One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine…
“The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis.” This. is. no. shit. Even in 2012.
@minion
Surprisingly close to home Minion. I too, love the mighty Magpies.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov
@minion
God Damnit! I request the Assos girl and this is what I get? Frick’en ipads, useless. Cannot even load my strava data into the thing or post photos.
Swapping hesjedal for menchov and sticking with rest. Tempting to swap voeckler for froome or van gardern but I knew the risks going in. Rest days suck, i might as well have watched paint dry tonight.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Wiggins
2. Evans
3. Menchov
4. Voeckler
5. Nibali
@minion
@Buck Rogers Does this help? Ms Pendleton in two very attractive outfits
@Marcus
ahhhh! Now I feel much better! Thanks!
@versio
you’re welcome!
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Good Cadel
2. Wiggo
3. Froome
4. Nibbles
5. Vulvarde
Collingwood, for fuck sake. That’s even worse than @tommyturbolare’s swipe. I got nothing except a triathlete. But she is on the rivet.
VSP PICKS (1st Rest Day Swaps):
1. Evans
2. Wiggins
3. Nibali
4. Menchov
5. Van den Broeck
Why the fuck are we posting pictures of try-athlete’s here??
Really people. Come on.
@mcsqueak really? You go for convict gags and 5 minutes later you are posting photos of a Melbourne chick. Hands off. She is one of ours!
And she would kick your arse on a bike.
@Marcus
What can I say? You guys can’t field a Pro Tour team worth a rip but your civilian cyclists are quite all right.
@Marcus
You and @minion need to organize a Cogal. You can call it Cuznors’ Cogal.