Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012
We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domestique Sponsor (think Big George without the shoe covers because who’d want to cover those beauties up), while the leadout train is being rounded out by DeFeet, Pavé Cycling Classics, and Malteni Beer. As we all know, fizik gets a lot of love around here as the Contact Point Supplier, and for good reason. So we thought now is as good a time as any to announce that DeFeet has agreed to come on board as Flandrian Best Supplier, the Pavé boys, our trusted guides over the stones and bergs, and Malteni Biere which fills our bidon and keeps us making bad decisions like teaming up with the Pavé boys.
So what does Super Domestique Sponsor mean? Free shoes to the winners – that’s what it means, dillwhips. Free R3’s, yup the Aristocrats, to the three winners of the VSP: TdF GC Winner and the two Stage VSP’s. As you watch this year’s race, look for the likes of Jeremy Roy and Richie Porte riding the R3’s in complete Rule Compliance. As Leadout Sponsor, Defeet is providing a full Flandrian Best Kit including a base layer, Armskins, Kneekers, and Slipstream Belgian booties for the VSP: Tdf GC second place as well plus two pairs of D-Logo socks to each runner-up of the Stage VSP’s. The Pavé boys (also Leadout Sponsors) are putting up a limited Pavé Cycling Classics wool jersey awarded to third place. We can’t ship Malteni (also Leadout Sponsors) legally, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re in Belgium to guzzle some of that lovely nectar or join the Pavé boys for their Worlds Weekend tour with Johan Museeuw where they’ll get you stupid(er) on the stuff.
Gianni’s Ruminations
Finally, the date has arrived. We have all done our training through the winter, contested the Spring Classics, The Ardennes Races, Romandie, Oh the Giro, The Dauphine, Tour de Swiss. Not all were in the VSP schedule but I know most of you wrote down your picks for the others and tucked them under your pillows. It’s training. There has been time to taper down before Saturday’s prologue start in Liége, Belgium. A young neo-pro, The Fish, is leading in points. The hardened veterans have seen these youth come and go, the season is long. A touch of wheels, a moment of youthful idealism, Vladimir Karpets is picked to podium, The Fish goes down, he panics and by the time he is back up he will never see the front again. Or he will continue to mock us all with his astute choices and lead all the way to Lombardy.
I have staked my claim on the yellow kit ownership some time ago and still see this as an epic Cadel-Wiggo battle to the death and if not death, until one of them sits up. But this year might be the time the youth start to fill up the other three places in the top five.
The Shack’s team car has been crashing into every static object all spring and now Bruyneel has been yanked out of the driver’s seat. The ride can only get smoother but with the reluctant leader Frank Schleck staring at over 100km of prologue and time trialing, as was said in the bunker, they are going stage hunting. I could go on for hours about the 2012 TdF but we have other Keepers who need to vent.
Please check the VSP page for the rules, keep an eye on the awesome VSP countdown timer, don’t Delgado your picks. Here is the start list.
I have to give a shout out to a brave group of Velominati who are heading to the Vermont/Canadian border to draft behind a massive dump truck full of Awesome all the way to the Massachusetts state line. It’s a Cogal only deranged people would attempt and as luck would have it, we supply them here. I hope they get their picks in soon as they may be in no kind of shape on Friday to think about such important things.
Brett’s Misconceptions
It’s all about Fränk. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to hold him back. Deliberately sucking all year so far, crashing and quitting, a hint of form, Bruyneel slinks off to deflect attention (and suspicion), Fränk suddenly can time trial and a couple of Pharmy style attacks later he wins in Paris by two minutes, taking the sprint on the Champs Elysees for good measure. Maybe not the last bit. Fränk will, however, finish in lil bro’s favourite position. Or suddenly leave with a stomach bug.
Cadel will take this. It’s perfect. All the pressure’s off. No lil bro to worry about in the mountains. Deliberately almost sucking so far, but not. Hints of form, staying low, deflecting attention. Look after the time trials and command the mountains. Safe, not exciting. Or he’ll step on someone else’s dog, breaking his elbow and decapitating the dog.
Wiggo could take this. It’s perfect. A lot of form. A lot of km’s against the clock. Not too many big hills. Too tall socks. Cav left to fight alone. One bad day is waiting there though, the sort of bad day that not even winning the final TT by 2 minutes can alleviate. Or he’ll crash in the first week, breaking both elbows after getting a sideburn caught in his crazy bio pace chainrings.
Sagan will win the first twelve stages, then leave with a stomach bug. Gossy will gratefully step into the vacant green in the greatest heist since Gerro won San Remo. And the Rug Salesman will be all spotty, due to getting in a long break and not sucking as much as even he expected. That’ll help him to 5th and Zubeldia level evanescence.
None of this may actually come close to happening, but whatever does I hope it’s an exciting race. Good luck to those battling hard for three weeks in the VSP race too, it could just turn out to be the main point of interest a couple of weeks from now.
Marko’s Reckoning
The Fish loses two spots on the G.C. but manages to eek out a pair of R3s in a sub-VSP as G’phant peaks in le Grande Boucle and walks away with le Grande Bouprize. Sad thing is, G’phant is legend but nobody remembers him because he only shows for races, not group rides anymore. Fausto rides a calculated, if not boring, race to move up a spot but just misses out. Gianni gets a glimpse of the podium going into the 16th stage and the Tourmalet but drowns in a lactic acid and caffeine soaked bath in that stage’s VSP. Marko Delgados virtually the entire event while he continues building his family a house in direct violation of Rule #11, which is more than we can say for Brett and Frank who were last seen going in the opposite direction with Bruyneel in a Radiotreksanshack team car dragging a muffler through Liege on its way to a USADA hearing near Austin.
In the meantime, two dudes from the Commonwealth – one with sideburns approaching muttonchops and another with an ass on his chin – duel it out in France. There will be some Italian, Spanish, and Russian dudes there too in an epic the likes of which hasn’t been seen in years. Fuck Yeah people, Vive le Tour.
Frank’s Delusions
It happens every single time. I get all weepy-eyed about the Giro and how it’s the Velominatus’ choice for a Grand Tour. Less crazy, better terrain, a comparatively weaker field usually yielding a closer race. But come the Tour, I get all starstruck as the big names line up in the best form they could muster for the season.
I also had decided to pick Twiggo for the big win, but now I’m not so sure. I love that the guy is tall and can get over a mountain, but there is one irrefutable fact that I can’t get over. He looks much too much like Gianni’s avatar, only not as well-kept. The sardonic look on his face along with those whispy sideburns are just too much for me to take. I’m back to rolling with my heart and my questionable sensibilities to favor Grimpelder this time round, now that he’s out of the shadow of his little brother and will be able to put the swivelnecking energy into the pedals instead of looking behind him.
The good news is that the racing always winds up being awesome. And that’s what its about: panache. So long as Wiggo doesn’t pull an Indurain and take 6 minutes on an early TT, I’ll be happy.
Epilogue
Pick carefully, don’t Delgado, and think twice about those rest day swaps; they come at a heavy price and there are some nice prizes on the line which make the Velominati Shop Apron look like a Schleck’s chamois during the descent of the Peyresourde.
The Fine Print: each contestant is of course encouraged to enter all VSP events, but everyone is eligible to take the prizes on only one VSP. If a contestant takes more than one VSP event (GC or Stage) the prize for that VSP will then be awarded to the player with the next highest score. In the event of a tie we’ll do our best to find the fairest way to break the tie. If something doesn’t make sense, please ask; we’re making this up as we go along.
Get your picks in by the time the countdown clock goes to zero, and good luck. Vive le Tour.
My daughter was born three years ago in Qatar. She’s lived two years there and one year in Singapore.
She has Australian citizenship by descent and is certainly Australian, despite never living there.
So of course she’ll ride for Australia in the 2028 Olympics.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. evans
2. wiggins
3. nibali
4. jurgen van den broek
5. menchov
@Adrian
I certainly will do, I’m going to study the maps and the road closure stuff on the surrey council website later. May even take a trip up there to see if I can work out where to go.
@Smithers Not a lawyer in any shape or form but I spend a lot of time working with them so I need to be able to understand how they think.
@minion There were several point in there but your excellent point about nationality of players not having any bearing because of the amateur status of the game trumps them all. Chapeau.
@Chris
Understanding or following points would require me concentrating, and that’s not my strongest attribute.Making ill informed generalisations about sport, on the other hand, comes as easily as breathing.
@Chris
what are you? A defendant?
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov
@minion The perfect solution, you carry on on making the generalisations and I’ll ignore the odd article that doesn’t suit my purposes.
Wiggo on Cav, not sure if it’s an acknowledgement that Cav’s been under orders not to do anything other than help out or a smokescreen to cover up poor form.
“Mark has been fantastic these last two and a half weeks,” said Wiggins, who will also ride in the London 2012 time-trial on August 1.
“He’s been so committed to my cause – to the yellow jersey – and he’s a great champion and a great friend.
“Obviously there is still the stage to Paris for him and we’re going to lay it down in Paris for him and try and get him the win there.
“He’s also got the Olympic road race which he’s been quite open about. That’s his main objective this year.
“It’s a shame that he hasn’t had the chance to race for more stage wins but in the end we’ve got a difficult task on our hands to try and win the yellow jersey.
“So far, he’s played a big part in that. We’ve seen him going back for bottles and, yesterday, he tried really hard to get over that first climb with us. He’s also been an absolute gentleman this week.”
@Marcus +1. No, I’m a quantity surveyor and spend my time working on construction disputes.
@Chris It’s definitely the first option. Cav winning stages was always secondary to taking yellow to Paris; Brailsford, Wiggo and even Cavendish stated that many times heading into the Tour.
Evans out, froome in…
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Wiggo
2. Froome
3. Nibali
4. Van den Broeck
5. Hesjedal
@Oli That would be my take on it. I think his freedom to contend the sprints was severely curtailed after they lost Kanstantsin Siutsou.
My only worry would be that his domestique duties combined with the effects of the crash early on had affected his form adversely. He seems to have struggled to get over a couple of lesser lumps over the last couple of days that you would have hoped he would have made it over if he was to do hill reps at Box Hill before sprinting triumphantly down the Mall whilst Liz sets the corgis on Sagan.
Frank. Have you posted an update on the VSP stadnings in a bit? Haven’t seen one lately, although I guess they haven’t changed in days since the top 5 on GC has not changed in days.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Ender's Game
2. Froome
3. Frankenshleck
4. Nibbles
5. Dirty Sanchez
@Dr C
Haven’t got a Scoobies to be honest. Am on holiday at my parents house which is near the course. My Dad said we’ll try to go see the race but neither of us really have a clue about where and how?
@minion
Methinks Wiggo has been watching In the Loop and The Thick of It a lot lately and copying Malcolm Tucker at his press conferences. Would certainly explain the “salty” dialogue. As the Malc would forcefully point out, his nationality is not in question.
No swaps for me. No swaps.
I stick to my picks. Except Menchov. But I’ll just have to accept that, won’t I?
Hmm, huge penalty but also don’t think Leipheimer has any chance at all of top fiving it. Wonder if it’s best just to stick with the picks and hope or take the penalty. Will have to think about this.
@gaswepass
You know, I thought long and hard about adding that to the post and then decided that it was just wrong. Glad someone had the balls to do it! (although my signing off on foreheads is just plain NOT sexy compared to Sagan’s lot).
@Harminator
Reminds me of Jim Kelly in Enter the Dragon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRjOB4qy4zo
@Buck Rogers
Such a great movie.
@Buck Rogers
Yeah, you did take the high road. I was pretty tired and feelin a bit crass. There’s nothing materially funny about site verification. but the need to call you out was undeniable… fix your knee yet?
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. wiggo
2. nibali
3. froome
4. cadel
5. tejay Van G
@gaswepass
I hear you! Not sure about the “high road”, more like the whimpy road.
My knee SUCKS! I have ridden about five times this month but it hurts everytime. Seriously going crazy trying to rehab it slowly. Left knee is great but I think i seriously fucked the right one up. But, no regrets, I’d do it again in a heart beat but it is getting old pretty fast. Trying to figure out how to exercise without beating up the knee. I have almost considered going to the pool to swim laps for Lord’s sake (now THAT is getting desperate!)
Well…. time for a VSP swap for some of you. Bye Bye FrankenSchuck
http://velonews.competitor.com/?p=230297
@El Mateo Holy Crap. Unbelievable. Any liking I had for Schleck was fading anyway, but it still sucks to see any rider get kicked out of the Tour.
Anyway, on to the important stuff. When do we get to swap our picks???
Caught with a “masking” agent Xipamide. Guess its up to the team to decide his fate. Can’t time trial, can’t climb and not even good at doping.
@Frank, I made one swap today (Froome for Cuddles), and now it says I can’t do any more because I already used my swaps on the first rest day, but I didn’t use any swaps on the first rest day…?
Ugh, lame. I can’t swap out any more because I did so once already.
Damn you Schleck! That’s what you get picking a guy with the name Frank…
So disappointing about Schleck. I don’t really care about him as far as the race goes, but it just sucks that this is what will be all over the news for the rest of the tour. Here in the States every blowhard sports writer and commentator will now be going on about what a dirty sport cycling is and that it is “irrelevant”. This while they continue to idolize the professional Baseball, football and basketball players who aren’t tested any where near the level of Cyclists.
I’ll hold any final judgement on Big Scheck until all of the details come out, but the damage to the sport is already done.
@The Oracle
We’ll have to wait to see how this plays out. If he does in fact withdraw, we may elect to allow for a swap of Schleck; he hasn’t withdrawn yet, though, and as it’s not compulsory at this stage (which means he’s not being thrown off the race), I’m not sure if we’ll invoke the rule or not. The boardroom will need to have an emergency session and make a decision.
If we decide to allow a swap, we’ll do so tomorrow; for those of you thinking about swapping him out anyway will have to take a gamble and decide if you want to risk it. Once he’s swapped, the penalty sticks and you don’t get a freebie out of it.
Per the UCI, this offense does not mandate a suspension at this stage and is leaving it up to the team:
@Buck Rogers
So, the question is, have you done what most middle-age, non doctor types would do when confronted with a knee swollen to multiple of the original and painful- go see an orthopedist? Have a colleague in another silly but necessary specialty not unlike yours find, after being despondent about their infirmity-filled fate, a simple torn medial meniscus. 15 min operation, back to basketball. FWIW.
@The Oracle
Looks like the message is wrong; your swap did register on the back end. Did you want to make more swaps?
@The Oracle
Have a look, you should be OK to continue swapping and continue accumulating penalties now. Good catch, there was a little bug in the way it figured out if you were eligible to swap.
@frank BBC says Radio Shack say he’s withdrawing. Probably not a bad idea as I can imagine some clowns giving him a tough go over the bumps tomorrow
well, this VSP deal is as close to the Boucle as I will ever get, in that I have shot my chance for GC by doing stupid crap, a lack of training and discipline and can ONLY hope for a single stage win.
Chapeau for you podium dudes, otherwise, i am sucking hind-tits back here
but if I were redeemed by a solo win tomorrow, wow, those R3’s would be damn sweet
@El Mateo
AHHHHHHH, NOOOOO! Fuck! Say it ain’t so, Joe. So bummed! I guess he is still innocent until proven guilty but this just sucks no matter how you look at it. Oh man, let’s hope he’s innocent (doubtful), but if not, let’s hope he is the only one (once again, doubtful). Sooo bummed.
@gaswepass Nah. I’ve done what most dumbass doc’s do when injured: Take a few days off and then try again, then take a few days off and then try again, repeat ad nauseum, resort to my own inadequate knowledge of ortho, try some ibuprofen, take a day off, hurt it again, you know the story. Guess I really should hit up the ortho guys since they only work a few doors away, huh?
Diuretics are known to improve piss-poor performances.
@Buck Rogers only at the risk of listening to an anesthesiologist. but don’t worry, I won’t tell…
@frank Looks like they’ve pulled Frankie boy and are preparing a contamination defense. Reported here and here.
Never had him down as a doper. Piss poor personal and team management of diet and treatments possibly.
Franky Schleck has form when it comes up doping… Maybe he fucked up his dosages when he didn’t have Andy there to hold the spoon?
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov
@xyxax
my thought exactly, if he was masking something, he needs to go back and get his money back, as it evidently worked pathetically little
@Marcus
High and mighty Mr. I Would Have Won the Vuelta VSP If I’d Have Swapped Marcus goes for a rest day swap. Almost as bad as testing positive for roid maskers.
@Buck Rogers
I saw the video of this. The “lady” didn’t ask for her boob to be signed – she proffered a poster. The Boy Wonder just went ahead and signed the willing and available flesh. Cheeky boy!
Why can’t I make a swap? I’ll take the penalty, but I want Menchov out.
@wiscot
Like I said earlier, the guy just keeps going up and up in my estimation of him!
@wiscot
It’s your subconscious holding you back, making you do the right thing.
As for me, BABY, I’m riding with Menchov right out of the money!
@Chris
Yeah, they’re in the back room right now with Frankie’s already-opened can of Accelerade dumping the Xipamide in by the spoonful. “Yup, look at that, cross contaminated. God damn companies fault.”
So what is Frank’s new monikor? Xiperhead?
@Buck Rogers
Frank Xleck.
@frank
no swaps there douchebag. It’s just your fucked website which publishes my unchanged picks. Which of my picks do you think I changed there? Cos they aren’t too flash!
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadelephant
2. Valverde
3. Wiggins
4. Nibali
5. Menchov