Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

The Rules, of course, are a sort of reference guide for those of us who may need a little bit of help making sure we act and look Fantastic at all times, whether on or near the bike. However much they are steeped in the history of our sport, they are by their very nature incomplete and always evolving, subject to the continuous development of the sport. They are also greatly influenced by the little things the Pros do, mostly because they invariably look better than any of us and, due to the immense number of hours they spend on the bicycle, have figured a thing or two out that we can learn from without having to interrupt our beer drinking or stop critiquing them from the comfort of our sofas.

However influential the Pros may be in determining The Rules, their actions are still subject to Good Taste, and should they violate that ever-important element, their actions will never find their way into the cannon. Conversely, they may also – through the sheer volume of the V they are able to channel – transcend The Rules and venture into Velomitopia despite any garish choice of aesthetics they may choose. Il Pirata’s bandana comes to mind, as does Gilbert’s up-flipped cap; if we are to try such things ourselves, we would be damned to an eternity of indoor windtrainer intervals.

Which brings me to the subject of the Carrera Jeans bibshorts. Taken out of context, these are perhaps the worst idea anyone has ever had since putting an ejector seat in a helicopter with no detachable rotors. But put in the context of Il Diablo and his 232 km escape to Sestriere, those fake denim bibs are, in my mind, some of the coolest bits of cycling kit ever created. Rule Violation? Absolutely. Looked all kinds of Awesome on Chiappucci? Fuck yeah. Horrible helmet notwithstanding.

You just won’t be seeing me sporting a pair, is all.

 

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77 Replies to “Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts”

  1. @Bianchi Denti
    +1

    @Ron, I’m still looking at you.

    @mouse
    That picture has me on the verge of putting forth the “-1” badge…although a probationary period in the Moderation queue is probably a better place for people who post pictures of fat people with not nearly enough clothes on, especially ones who have “The Circle of Life” painted on their rotund bellies with themselves painted as tigers. The only thing worthwhile about it is thinking of them actually getting eaten by tigers, thus demonstrating their message in the most ironic and satisfactory way possible.

  2. @mouse
    With your user name, does that couple chase you round the house and bat at you with their paws when you try and steal their cheese?

    I was about to comment that 99.5 per cent of the population think cyclists look like fuckwits in Lycra, and the carerra shorts only convince the remaining .5 per cent. Then I saw that and changed my mind. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.

  3. @brett

    I think we are all missing the real point of the photo; Mig rocked a cap like no-one else could.

    Funny you stated this because the hat is what jumped out at me and just how damn cool it looks on his mug! I had to read the post to get “the joke.”

    fasthair

  4. @brett
    I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

  5. @brett, @fasthair, @Nate
    I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.

  6. @Nate

    @brett
    I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve never really liked Big Mig. Looks great on the bike, had an enormous motor, quiet and dominate. Just no panache. Even the two douche- nozzles, Pharmmy and Clenbutador, attack(ed), mixed it up a bit.

  7. @frank

    @brett, @fasthair, @Nate
    I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.

    Christ.

  8. @frank @brett
    Another thing that sticks out is that silly little grin he has on his face while the two behind him have a dazed and confused look. Kind of reminds me a the photo here of Cyclops racing with the same smile and reactions from the all-so-rans’ following.

    fasthair

  9. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    @frank
    @minion
    @scaler911
    It seems my “Shock and Awe” campaign though ultimately successful in enabling @Ron to see the error of his ways was viewed as being unsavoury to the rest of the population.
    I’m sure there’s a greater lesson in there somewhere, but I can’t be fucked paying attention long enough to work out what it is.
    @frank, I pledge not to post any more fat people in body paint (unless it’s really, really funny).

  10. @mouse

    @Jeff in PetroMetro
    @frank
    @minion
    @scaler911
    It seems my “Shock and Awe” campaign though ultimately successful in enabling @Ron to see the error of his ways was viewed as being unsavoury to the rest of the population.
    I’m sure there’s a greater lesson in there somewhere, but I can’t be fucked paying attention long enough to work out what it is.
    @frank, I pledge not to post any more fat people in body paint (unless it’s really, really funny).

    What I’m wondering (not much mind you), is WTF you type into Google to find a photog like that.

  11. @fasthair
    It’s not a silly grin, it’s a rictus of pain. He wore that a lot as he kept pace on the steepest climbs with the best climbers of the day, despite giving away 10-20kg to them.

    Indurain may not have been flashy but he was as solid as a rock and his Tour wins were crafted out of a legendary ability to eke the most from his huge engine and his sheer guts.

    Aúpa, Indurain!

  12. @minion

    @scaler911
    Page six of the family album, I thought… cards to send to grandma?

    Good one.
    Rest assured, you don’t go searching for an image like that. It finds you.

  13. @Oli

    @fasthairIt’s not a silly grin, it’s a rictus of pain. He wore that a lot as he kept pace on the steepest climbs with the best climbers of the day, despite giving away 10-20kg to them.
    Indurain may not have been flashy but he was as solid as a rock and his Tour wins were crafted out of a legendary ability to eke the most from his huge engine and his sheer guts.
    Aúpa, Indurain!

    +1

    Big Mig did wonders for the dreams of us Big Fellas. Power and then more power, all the while giving nothing away…

  14. @scaler911

    @Nate

    @brettI was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve never really liked Big Mig. Looks great on the bike, had an enormous motor, quiet and dominate. Just no panache. Even the two douche- nozzles, Pharmmy and Clenbutador, attack(ed), mixed it up a bit.

    Who needs to attack?

  15. @brett
    The nonchalance of the legssassination Big Mig delivers to the entire peloton is truly terrifying. His stroke and body make the effort so effortless. I can imagine him saying to the Lampre rider he overtakes, and then causes to blowup, “Oh, you’re racing? I was just out for a spin up this here mountain. Buy you an expresso at the top.”

  16. @brett
    No, I watched that stage (and again now). I’m not saying that the man isn’t a absolute master at just fucking crushing anything in his path. His Vo2 max, his resting HR, his ability to recover after going uphill with itty bitty folk (esp at his size) are legendary. Just not my guy. No offense to you, Oli or anyone else.

  17. The first two minutes of that clip are the most awesome. Where one by one they try to stick to his wheel and then just pull away and say “Nope, I’m f*cked, you have a go.”
    Until finally there’s just nobody left. And he never even gets out of the saddle.

    I did like Indurain – he was my introduction to pro-cycling. It was during his era that I first got into watching the Tour, mainly because I had moved to the UK from Australia in 1993, and it just hadn’t been viewable in Oz.

    It’s one of the things I dislike Bjarne Riis for – ending Indurain’s run when he was cheating. Having said that, Banesto and Once were not renowned for being ultra-clean so I don’t have too many illusions about it.

  18. I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama?   Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

  19. @Forza

    I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

    Castorama loved them – always good for the sponsors. And they stood out, as they were meant to and designed to by Fignon himself. For that alone, I love them.

  20. @Forza

    I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

    Forza,, Yup, plenty of discussion on good and bad kits on past posts. The Castorama fell into the bad kit category I’m afraid. Not even the awesomeness of Fignon can avoid that.

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