Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

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The Rules, of course, are a sort of reference guide for those of us who may need a little bit of help making sure we act and look Fantastic at all times, whether on or near the bike. However much they are steeped in the history of our sport, they are by their very nature incomplete and always evolving, subject to the continuous development of the sport. They are also greatly influenced by the little things the Pros do, mostly because they invariably look better than any of us and, due to the immense number of hours they spend on the bicycle, have figured a thing or two out that we can learn from without having to interrupt our beer drinking or stop critiquing them from the comfort of our sofas.

However influential the Pros may be in determining The Rules, their actions are still subject to Good Taste, and should they violate that ever-important element, their actions will never find their way into the cannon. Conversely, they may also – through the sheer volume of the V they are able to channel – transcend The Rules and venture into Velomitopia despite any garish choice of aesthetics they may choose. Il Pirata’s bandana comes to mind, as does Gilbert’s up-flipped cap; if we are to try such things ourselves, we would be damned to an eternity of indoor windtrainer intervals.

Which brings me to the subject of the Carrera Jeans bibshorts. Taken out of context, these are perhaps the worst idea anyone has ever had since putting an ejector seat in a helicopter with no detachable rotors. But put in the context of Il Diablo and his 232 km escape to Sestriere, those fake denim bibs are, in my mind, some of the coolest bits of cycling kit ever created. Rule Violation? Absolutely. Looked all kinds of Awesome on Chiappucci? Fuck yeah. Horrible helmet notwithstanding.

You just won’t be seeing me sporting a pair, is all.

 

// Anatomy of a Photo

  1. @mouse… Lisa’s mum is awesome… NOT what I was expecting when I clicked that link… I thought, since the article was about painted on denim shorts, it would take me through to some MILF heaven… And actually was way better.

    @all… Come on, playtime is over. Put the taste specs back on and start talking about racing and shit. It’s a given, since we all don tight Lycra regularly, that we have no fashion sense whatsoever… Let’s just not boast about it. Hoping this article is a one-off aberration

  2. I thought Carrera was something Halfords made…?

  3. Perfect timing, as I have just started a retro build project in homage to my teenage hero Il Diablo.

    Unfortunately, extensive Googling only seems to yield recent photos of the great man with various models slash p0rn stars. All attempts to find the decals are coming up with donut. Anyone?

    I must say I can recall the denim nicks, but for some reason don’t recall Claudio being in anything but the royal blue nicks (like a ’70’s Roos jumper, if any Aussies like me remember). The Carrera Vagabond Jeans jersey was a much treasured part of my kit back in the day.

    Apart from his fantastic exploits in ’91 and ’92, there was a story about Chiapucci in a fairly decent race heading off on a breakaway, but jumping off into the bushes for a leak. He got the idea that it would be funny to stay there and watch the peloton chase past. Story is he rejoined quietly, no one noticed (including DS’) and the bunch wound up a fairly desperate chase before the jig was up.

    Suggest you look up the 2011 model Carrera Phibra, Teeceboy. It’s a pretty aggressive looking bike, very schmick to my eyes.

  4. I hear Rock Racing will make a kit using Rock and Republic jeans

  5. ok ladies, go ahead and drink the purple kool-aid, but I am not….pass it on down the line and pass an espresso please, I’m donning my Castelli’s and heading out to race

    Its a dark secret, but I am going to tell you one, even PRO’s make mistakes. Its the unwritten Rule. There are not many mistakes, but it happens and denim kits are the equivalent of JimJones dose of cyanide laced kool-aid…a big mistake

    Oh, you don’t think, go ahead mary, put’m on, go down to your Thursday night world championship crit/race/ride and see what your buddies say….go ahead.

    I just can’t believe it has generated so many ‘cool’ comments or ‘yeah, I’d like some cause I ride steel too’.

    I’m w/jeff on this one, somethings are best handled w/a turn of the head for a moment til it passes like when your buddy who slept with the ugly girl at the bar the night before, turn your head, give him some dignity for a moment, he’ll realize what he did and shake her off.

    Thats what we should do to the denim kit

  6. You notice who’s conspicuously missing from this discussion? Mr. Frank. Like one of those guys who gets folks all riled up at a bar or dinner party, then stealths off into a corner and watches the mayhem slowly unfold.

  7. @Marcello

    Don’t forget a preshaved head Pantani making Indurain all nervous in the Giro. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OKum8MHWrFE/SaBjUsBLKDI/AAAAAAAADdU/YEU7GYj07dU/s400/pantani_carrera.JPG

    Yeesh. Looks like a skinny Bjarne Riis.

  8. Coincidence is a funny thing. As if anyone reading this site was contemplating buying a pair of vile “denim”-look shorts, I have a suggestion that will help you look shit for less. And let’s face it, if you’re going to deliberately look like shit, there’s no point spending $$$$ doing so. This morning I was at a popular high-volume mass market retailer. In the clearance section were “denim”-look leggings. Printed on seams, pockets and all. $4.50. They were in the knicker-style mode, but with fall just around the corner they could be just right if you are so inclined. Just sayin’ . . . .

  9. OK people. FOCUS now…!
    There’s a grand tour on you know. Lets not let this herring suck up all the oxygen.
    Its a mountain stage and Saussler’s in the break goddamit!

  10. wiscot – I’ve seen some curvy well-built gals in those faux denim tights/leggings. Dual thumbs up from me. Now, if we can just get the muffin-topped tubbies to quite wearing leggings in public…

    Alright, back on topic. How many of you had ever heard of Elia Viviani before yesterday? He’s news to me.

  11. @eightzero

    @Jeff in PetroMetro

    Merckx would never be caught dead in those. Look to him for guidance.

    Indeed. Look deep into your soul, then look to Him for guidance. Channel The V. That is all.

    By the way, this article in NO WAY sanctions the purchasing of this item. See the below for any questions.

    @Ron
    I’m looking at you.

  12. @Jeff in PetroMetro

    Oh, oh, oh. Whoa is me. My friend, Ron, is lost.
    Seekers, what constitutes an exorcism for a Velominatus?

    I’m surprised you have to ask. Hill Repeats. Preferably 25 reps of Haleakala.

  13. @Abdu

    Perfect timing, as I have just started a retro build project in homage to my teenage hero Il Diablo.
    Unfortunately, extensive Googling only seems to yield recent photos of the great man with various models slash p0rn stars. All attempts to find the decals are coming up with donut. Anyone?
    I must say I can recall the denim nicks, but for some reason don’t recall Claudio being in anything but the royal blue nicks (like a ’70″²s Roos jumper, if any Aussies like me remember). The Carrera Vagabond Jeans jersey was a much treasured part of my kit back in the day.
    Apart from his fantastic exploits in ’91 and ’92, there was a story about Chiapucci in a fairly decent race heading off on a breakaway, but jumping off into the bushes for a leak. He got the idea that it would be funny to stay there and watch the peloton chase past. Story is he rejoined quietly, no one noticed (including DS’) and the bunch wound up a fairly desperate chase before the jig was up.
    Suggest you look up the 2011 model Carrera Phibra, Teeceboy. It’s a pretty aggressive looking bike, very schmick to my eyes.

    Chiappucci, in spite of my inability to spell his name without looking it up, was also one of my childhood heros, starting with his rockin’ shades in ’91 and being solidified by the break I mentioned in the article, up to Sestriere. I hated him in 1990, though, probably because he wasn’t wearing the blue jeans.

    Assuming you’re only talking about doing the build on the bike, that era of Dura-Ace (with DT shifters, not STI) was the only incarnation of Shimano that rivals Campa for beauty. Those brake levers were a work of art. Absolutely top shelf. Just don’t put the DT shifters on SIS and attach them to a Cannonwhale’s massive down tube; each click from a shift might as well have been a gun going off, signaling that you were shifting. CLICK!!

    But the shape of those brake levers, with the metal trim on along the hoods, and the single-pivot brakeset…be still my beating heart. I’ll look forward to seeing pictures of your rebuild on The Bikes.

  14. @Ron
    Elia Viviani, born in 1989…

  15. @Teeceboy
    that’s true, however there is a big difference between the Italian Carrera and Halfords; one was handmade Eyetalian with a pedigree, the other mass prod MOR shite. The thing is the Yanks wouldn’t know about Halfords.

  16. The guy ho owns a pair and rocks them out around here, LBG (Little British Git) is a very strong rider, rips the legs off it more often than not and rides either a Carerra or De Rosa. He does it a bit tongue in cheek (wears them to Sunday rides, when everyone else is in their sunday best. You’ve gotta be in the front tier of riders to pull that shit off is all.
    BTW, merino? that stuff’s a revelation.

  17. Just was able to watch the racing in CO. Damn, Elia does it again! Nice, very nice. I think watching some racing has pulled me back to earth. I’m not saying I don’t want the Denim Shit Kit, but as cx season nears, there are a bunch of needs far ahead of faux denim.

    Frank, thanks for that visual tutorial!

    Oss might have the biggest mouth in the PRO peloton. And is it me or does Leipheimer just not look PRO? I know he is and all, but he just does not look cool nor Casually Deliberate. Maybe it’s the black shoes, maybe his pasty skin, maybe his egghead.

    Oh, and is that a pink computer on sitting atop the Cinelli forged quill stem? Just spotted that; I’d been blinded by the bibs for so long.

  18. Perhaps this abomination will quell the debate about the Carrera jeans shorts, but making them seem inconsequential in comparison.

    Of course, I will admit a secret love of the Lion King’s outfits, but I know never to actually wear one.

  19. And really, that’s just the top of the slippery slope that leads to this…

  20. @mouse
    Wow. In a bad way.

  21. Oh my word. Forgive me Keepers, for I have sinned. If I had known it was going to unravel into this, I’d never, ever had started this.

  22. @all
    You’re welcome.

  23. @scaler911

    @Ron

    Would wearing them with a hi-vis neon green Performance jersey, club fit, of course, be the equivalent of wearing a denim button-up with jeans?And sheeit, I’m worried now with all this press there is going to be a run on them; better order mine tomorrow.

    I implore you. Save your duckets and get one of these. I understand what Frank is saying, but I don’t think his holiness would be impressed.

    I think some of us need to pin this photo somewhere so it’s the last thing we see before heading out for a ride. One look in those eyes will tell you whether (a) your kit/general cycling aura is acceptable (b) you need to change (c) you should just give up and take up some sort of ballsports.

  24. @Bianchi Denti
    +1

    @Ron, I’m still looking at you.

    @mouse
    That picture has me on the verge of putting forth the “-1″ badge…although a probationary period in the Moderation queue is probably a better place for people who post pictures of fat people with not nearly enough clothes on, especially ones who have “The Circle of Life” painted on their rotund bellies with themselves painted as tigers. The only thing worthwhile about it is thinking of them actually getting eaten by tigers, thus demonstrating their message in the most ironic and satisfactory way possible.

  25. @mouse
    With your user name, does that couple chase you round the house and bat at you with their paws when you try and steal their cheese?

    I was about to comment that 99.5 per cent of the population think cyclists look like fuckwits in Lycra, and the carerra shorts only convince the remaining .5 per cent. Then I saw that and changed my mind. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.

  26. @mouse

    And really, that’s just the top of the slippery slope that leads to this…

    And y’all are giving me shit.

  27. I think we are all missing the real point of the photo; Mig rocked a cap like no-one else could.

  28. *which is just my way of averting my eyes from denim shorts, Cipo and @mouses parents…

  29. @brett

    I think we are all missing the real point of the photo; Mig rocked a cap like no-one else could.

    Funny you stated this because the hat is what jumped out at me and just how damn cool it looks on his mug! I had to read the post to get “the joke.”

    fasthair

  30. @brett
    I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

  31. @brett, @fasthair, @Nate
    I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.

  32. @Nate

    @brett
    I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve never really liked Big Mig. Looks great on the bike, had an enormous motor, quiet and dominate. Just no panache. Even the two douche- nozzles, Pharmmy and Clenbutador, attack(ed), mixed it up a bit.

  33. @frank

    @brett, @fasthair, @Nate
    I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.

    Christ.

  34. @frank @brett
    Another thing that sticks out is that silly little grin he has on his face while the two behind him have a dazed and confused look. Kind of reminds me a the photo here of Cyclops racing with the same smile and reactions from the all-so-rans’ following.

    fasthair

  35. @Jeff in PetroMetro
    @frank
    @minion
    @scaler911
    It seems my “Shock and Awe” campaign though ultimately successful in enabling @Ron to see the error of his ways was viewed as being unsavoury to the rest of the population.
    I’m sure there’s a greater lesson in there somewhere, but I can’t be fucked paying attention long enough to work out what it is.
    @frank, I pledge not to post any more fat people in body paint (unless it’s really, really funny).

  36. @mouse

    @Jeff in PetroMetro
    @frank
    @minion
    @scaler911
    It seems my “Shock and Awe” campaign though ultimately successful in enabling @Ron to see the error of his ways was viewed as being unsavoury to the rest of the population.
    I’m sure there’s a greater lesson in there somewhere, but I can’t be fucked paying attention long enough to work out what it is.
    @frank, I pledge not to post any more fat people in body paint (unless it’s really, really funny).

    What I’m wondering (not much mind you), is WTF you type into Google to find a photog like that.

  37. @scaler911
    Page six of the family album, I thought… cards to send to grandma?

  38. @fasthair
    It’s not a silly grin, it’s a rictus of pain. He wore that a lot as he kept pace on the steepest climbs with the best climbers of the day, despite giving away 10-20kg to them.

    Indurain may not have been flashy but he was as solid as a rock and his Tour wins were crafted out of a legendary ability to eke the most from his huge engine and his sheer guts.

    Aúpa, Indurain!

  39. @minion

    @scaler911
    Page six of the family album, I thought… cards to send to grandma?

    Good one.
    Rest assured, you don’t go searching for an image like that. It finds you.

  40. @Oli

    it’s a rictus of pain.

    Great expression. We inhale wasps. Pros display a rictus of pain…

  41. @Oli

    @fasthairIt’s not a silly grin, it’s a rictus of pain. He wore that a lot as he kept pace on the steepest climbs with the best climbers of the day, despite giving away 10-20kg to them.
    Indurain may not have been flashy but he was as solid as a rock and his Tour wins were crafted out of a legendary ability to eke the most from his huge engine and his sheer guts.
    Aúpa, Indurain!

    +1

    Big Mig did wonders for the dreams of us Big Fellas. Power and then more power, all the while giving nothing away…

  42. @scaler911

    @Nate

    @brettI was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve never really liked Big Mig. Looks great on the bike, had an enormous motor, quiet and dominate. Just no panache. Even the two douche- nozzles, Pharmmy and Clenbutador, attack(ed), mixed it up a bit.

    Who needs to attack?

  43. @brett
    The nonchalance of the legssassination Big Mig delivers to the entire peloton is truly terrifying. His stroke and body make the effort so effortless. I can imagine him saying to the Lampre rider he overtakes, and then causes to blowup, “Oh, you’re racing? I was just out for a spin up this here mountain. Buy you an expresso at the top.”

  44. @brett
    No, I watched that stage (and again now). I’m not saying that the man isn’t a absolute master at just fucking crushing anything in his path. His Vo2 max, his resting HR, his ability to recover after going uphill with itty bitty folk (esp at his size) are legendary. Just not my guy. No offense to you, Oli or anyone else.

  45. @scaler911
    Absolutely none taken mate… c’mon, not even Cam offends me, and he said I wear nappies.

  46. I’m not offended in the least, but someone has to stick up for the poor guy!

  47. The first two minutes of that clip are the most awesome. Where one by one they try to stick to his wheel and then just pull away and say “Nope, I’m f*cked, you have a go.”
    Until finally there’s just nobody left. And he never even gets out of the saddle.

    I did like Indurain – he was my introduction to pro-cycling. It was during his era that I first got into watching the Tour, mainly because I had moved to the UK from Australia in 1993, and it just hadn’t been viewable in Oz.

    It’s one of the things I dislike Bjarne Riis for – ending Indurain’s run when he was cheating. Having said that, Banesto and Once were not renowned for being ultra-clean so I don’t have too many illusions about it.

  48. I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama?   Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

  49. @Forza

    I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

    Castorama loved them – always good for the sponsors. And they stood out, as they were meant to and designed to by Fignon himself. For that alone, I love them.

  50. @Forza

    I’m kinda new on these posts, so maybe you already discussed funky kits of years past.

    But anyone remember Laurent Fignon or Bjarne Riis when they rode for Castorama? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make their team kits look just like their French painting company employees uniforms. OMG that was horrible!

    Forza,, Yup, plenty of discussion on good and bad kits on past posts. The Castorama fell into the bad kit category I’m afraid. Not even the awesomeness of Fignon can avoid that.

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