Does this twat make me look fat?

Anatomy of a Photo: Michelin Man

Anatomy of a Photo: Michelin Man

by / / 41 posts

I’m trying my best to stay thin this winter, but I’m nowhere near where I was when it was warm and the days were long. I keep flashing back to the last time I felt genuinely skinny and declared to myself, “This time, I’ll keep it off!”

This photo is a metaphor. Winter me is on the right, Summer me is on the left. Minus the good looks and soul-crushing engine.

Also please note the whole lotta WTF that’s going on in this here photo.

// Anatomy of a Photo

  1. Somehow the Michelin Man has grown a second eye since the. And clearly The Prophet is not into cross species mating.

  2. @RedRanger think you’ll find if you look very closely that MM’s 2nd eye is running parallel with the line of the photo on the very front of his face toward the back of the photo (on what would be MM’s left).

  3. For fucks sake and for the love of all things Gallic, let us call him bt his proper name: Bibendum.

  4. @Nate see, this is what I think of you when you mention that word… http://www.bibendum.com.au/

  5. @Mikael Liddy they need @frank to perform a little magic on their “about us” copy.

    Apparently Bibendum’s name comes from the Latin phrase, nunc nest bibendum, meaning “now it is time to drink.” Here, here. Source: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibendum

  6. Michelin Man, was, is, will always be.

  7. Bibelobis was blazing a fatty while pulling elephant trunk skids on his fixie about a century before it was uncool. Serious bike handling skills considering his avoirdupois:

  8. Think on of the coolest Bibs is the running one seen on the front mudguards of scary 90’s 500 gp bikes(usually seen launching riders into the stratosphere);

    As for the winter bulge it hasn’t affected me yet despite the decline in mileage over the last couple of weeks;I’m shure christmas will change that.

  9. I have been spotted sprouting a spare tire by my VMH recently.

    A month off for meditation over Xmas and New Years is next.

    So February will truly be the cruelest month in terms of getting back to fighting form for 2015.

    Prophet looks ready to annihilate Mr. Stay-puft there.

  10. It’s the beers for me.

  11. Still sticking with the PoW diet here – grim.

    On the upside Frank has stopped baiting me about my size in recent photographs.

    If you live in the PNW please keep feeding him so that I can crush his soul on the pave in April.

  12. I think The Prophet looks a bit guilty because he accidentally rubbed against the Michelin Man and his nipples went hard.

  13. @pistard

    Bibelobis was blazing a fatty while pulling elephant trunk skids on his fixie about a century before it was uncool. Serious bike handling skills considering his avoirdupois:

    Ha! Excellent!

  14. This is me too, Frank. Every year: November arrives. I make promises to myself about what a hardman I am, how my weekly mileage will not decline. Fuck the rain and cold, who cares? I ride ride ride, no mercy.

    Along comes a nice case of bronchitis, and I’m off the bike for two weeks while consuming copious quantities of vino and comfort food to fend off the crud, and before I know it it’s Christmas and I’m 10 pounds heavier. Fuck the rain and cold, I’m staying in where it’s warm. Pathetic.

    By February 1, I’ll get it all turned around and be on the Path of Righteousness, but December and January are shot out of a cannon.

  15. I can’t do it because I’m pathetic at computers, but I’m sure somewhere out there has the skills: Take a look at Michelin man from long ago and today – he has become less fat and more “sculpted” like he’s been working out. Interesting how the marketers have morphed his body shape . . . In the early years the tires were more plentiful and thinner and he and his wife looked like they were from outer space – now they are fat and friendfy whereas back in the day they were kinda creepy. Now he’s ditched the wife and bulked up with fewer tires. Mid-life crisis or marketing ploy?

    And if Frank’s the size of MM over the winter, then I have a shot of winning the tour next year FFS.

  16. There’s also this terror…

    He appears to be condemning the man to a life of rolling the boy in the inner tube for eternity.

    Re: seasonal bloat…I was on my rollers for the first time this season. They’ll burn calories, but being less enjoyable than being outside, I’ll use them less. Alcohol consumption spikes for me this time of year, too. I can’t ride, don’t ski, what else am I supposed to do?

  17. I love how you get the dual glare of the Prophet’s eyes…but only one from Bibendum. What a photo!

    Winter weight is a huge pain. This year, this year I won’t let it happen. Tough when the mother-in-law lives 2.5 hours away, loves cooking for you, and her cuisine is Memphis and eastern NC based. Bring on the butter.

  18. Cross season ended Sunday, and I’m already up a couple kilos. I’ll allow this to continue through week’s end, then it is time to get ahold of myself.

    Re: The Michelin Man, that guy is why I ride Contis.

  19. That is a profoundly strange picture. Makes me feel glad about riding mostly Continental. I can only imagine the horror of a German tire mascot.

    Winter bloat is real. I just like to think that it’s letting me gain muscle and increase the stored potential energy in my stylish pot.

  20. @fenlander

    Think on of the coolest Bibs is the running one seen on the front mudguards of scary 90’s 500 gp bikes(usually seen launching riders into the stratosphere);

    As for the winter bulge it hasn’t affected me yet despite the decline in mileage over the last couple of weeks;I’m shure christmas will change that.

    All that is holy, The Prophet please bless me as a sinner. I had this image on a jersey at one time. Needless to say, I was asked where I got my jersey and was my ego so large I needed to have myself on the front…..

  21. Not sure what the problem is here (apart from the fact I have to login 8 times to get to post – someone trying to tell me something?) Winter is the ideal time to get out and ride. No hiding in a bunch as the roads are clear because all the fair-weather cyclists are hiding – just you, the weather and the terrain.

    If you can’t face that and feel like a sissy-boy, get on the turbo trainer. 2 hours of that will numb your mind so much that you’ll dream of being out in the real world.

    There is no excuse for getting fat, accept you’ve chosen to do it and sit there stuffing your drooling gob with shit.

  22. The Prophet looks none too thrilled to be suffering this indignity.

  23. @SamV

    There’s also this terror…

    He appears to be condemning the man to a life of rolling the boy in the inner tube for eternity.

    Re: seasonal bloat…I was on my rollers for the first time this season. They’ll burn calories, but being less enjoyable than being outside, I’ll use them less. Alcohol consumption spikes for me this time of year, too. I can’t ride, don’t ski, what else am I supposed to do?

    Thanks for posting! If the one with the Prophet wasn’t weird enough, imagine that scary bastard showing up on a podium these days . . .

  24. from Wikipedia: Première affiche représentant Bibendum par O’Galop 1898 (First appearance of bibendum man) Note the nail and glass in his drinking glass, he laughs at it while his fellow drinkers are left out of air. Always liked the image. Nunc est bibendum e.g. let’s have a drink (of that Belgian recvery drink). Cheers!

  25. Rollers.

  26. @Carel

    from Wikipedia: Première affiche représentant Bibendum par O’Galop 1898 (First appearance of bibendum man) Note the nail and glass in his drinking glass, he laughs at it while his fellow drinkers are left out of air. Always liked the image. Nunc est bibendum e.g. let’s have a drink (of that Belgian recvery drink). Cheers!

    Damn, posters were just so cool back then, weren’t they? I mean, even movie posters suck ass these days.

  27. @the Engine

    Still sticking with the PoW diet here – grim.

    On the upside Frank has stopped baiting me about my size in recent photographs.

    If you live in the PNW please keep feeding him so that I can crush his soul on the pave in April.

    Whoa! This is gonna be something to watch!

  28. @brett

    @the Engine

    Still sticking with the PoW diet here – grim.

    On the upside Frank has stopped baiting me about my size in recent photographs.

    If you live in the PNW please keep feeding him so that I can crush his soul on the pave in April.

    Whoa! This is gonna be something to watch!

    I only just met him at the Heck of the North, but it appears that he will soon be all engine and no cargo.

  29. The Michelin Man in more modern attire.

    Hopefully I can work it off during the spring.

  30. hehe, while you’re all whining about getting cold & adding winter weight, I’m using a dual attack of Australian summer conditions & a bout of food poisoning to ensure I’m at a weight where climbing relatively well is actually the same as climbing well!

  31. @wiscot Gladly. I work in marketing and have dabbled in advertising. I can’t imagine a meeting where an idea like this was pitched and got the green light…different times, different worlds.

    The worst part is, there’s more of them. A quick image search for ‘Michelin Man’ yields a dozen or so lumpy effigies of fear itself.

    Though maybe they could replace the models on the podium, as seems to have happened here.

  32. Not sure about these cleats, nice blunt, tho

    bibendum

  33. @Mikael Liddy

    @RedRanger think you’ll find if you look very closely that MM’s 2nd eye is running parallel with the line of the photo on the very front of his face toward the back of the photo (on what would be MM’s left).

    It was so exciting to think that MM only had one eye back then…

  34. I love having a rest after eating, even if it’s not a siesta but at night. Alas, I’m going to be hungry these days. The good thing is how light you feel on the morning cross ride. And, how nice it is to eat breakfast.

  35. WTF is skinny?

  36. @gilly

    WTF is skinny?

    This is pretty close,

  37. @sthilzy

    @gilly

    WTF is skinny?

    This is pretty close,

    Aaah The Chicken. That is not a good look @sthilzy

  38. @gilly

    @sthilzy

    @gilly

    WTF is skinny?

    This is pretty close,

    Aaah The Chicken. That is not a good look @sthilzy

    I’m suprised all those melenomas haven’t killed him yet (unless they’re supernumeray nipples).

  39. @Ccos

    @gilly

    @sthilzy

    @gilly

    WTF is skinny?

    This is pretty close,

    Aaah The Chicken. That is not a good look @sthilzy

    I’m suprised all those melenomas haven’t killed him yet (unless they’re supernumeray nipples).

    Do chickens have nipples? Can you milk a chicken? I only learned about milking cats from ” Meet the Fockers.”

  40. I won’t post the chicken pic again, but I have one question: has his torso ever seen a ray of sun in his life? As for the moles, I think they’re tattoos of the stars in the northern sky – which is where he was when he said he wasn’t because he was somewhere else training.

  41. @wiscot

    “…which is where he was when he said he wasn’t because he was somewhere else training.”

    Brilliant remark

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