A study in Rule 1, 2, 3, and 43.

On Rule #43: Notes for Bike Inspectors

On Rule #43: Notes for Bike Inspectors

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This week’s Guest Article comes from our friend, @blacktoolpower (l) and our editor Drummond Moir (r). In anticipation of our book’s imminent release, these two donned their lab coats and headed out to the streets of London to assess the state of Rule Compliance in the city’s commuter crowd. Always remember: leave this kind of inspection to professionals and should you find yourself in such a position, take special care to observe Rule #43.

Yours in Cycling, Frank

Friday 24th March was a day of reckoning for the cyclists of London. In anticipation of the imminent publication of The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple, we took to the streets, vigilante-style, to assess whether the Cycling population of the capital were Rules Compliant, or Rules Violators.

We were ruthless. We were professional. No fool was suffered gladly.

Do Not Complain If, During Guerilla Bike Inspections, You Get a Cold.

It was rather wet. And cold. And I didn’t have a jacket. But to complain of the subsequent pestilence would be to fail, pure and simple. To Cycle is to suffer; to seek out Rules Violators during the coldest Spring in over 30 years is sheer bravery and dedication. What sort of Bike Inspector would I be if I couldn’t follow that most basic and fundamental of Rules, Rules #5?

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Do Not Fear the Common Man

I had minor reservations about Dr. Spackman’s wellbeing should our benevolent intentions during assessment be misconstrued. Fortunately, I was being over-cautious. From the very first Cyclist we flagged down, to the final pair of socks we measured, London’s Cyclists were as accommodating and as friendly as we could have hoped. Rule #43 was adhered to at all times.

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Do Not Succumb to Wrath, or to Despair

There were moments of pain. Of hopelessness. Of despondency tinged with impotent fury.

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So many EPMSs!

But Dr Spackman and I pressed on, strengthened by sheer conviction in our mission.

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// Breaking The Rules // Etiquette // Guest Article // The Rules

  1. @Ron And you win the Rule #3 merit badge for the week.  Well done!

  2. @Steampunk

    @G’rilla

    Evaluating commuters for rule violations? Cruel!

    Velominati: alienating the Brits one cyclist at a time…

    Couldn’t agree more.

    -Dinan

  3. the Rules polizia……..great idea.

    Read the teaser last night,going to be a cracking read. Not sure i have ever seen mr Kelly smile though even in retirement.

  4. @blackpooltower

    It just makes you sound more impressive. And I mean, look at the size of you! You’re a giant, assuming Drummond isn’t a pygmee.

  5. Fan-fucking-tastic! I wouldn’t have the Jacob’s to do that in Portland.

    (replace “walking” with “riding”).

  6. @scaler911

    I think with the US release we need to do one in Seattle, Portland, SFO, and NYC.

  7. @scaler911

    In Portland, people would just take their clothes off in protest, and you’d damned well better have a big tub of brain bleach handy.

  8. @frank

    @scaler911

    I think with the US release we need to do one in Seattle, Portland, SFO, and NYC.

    Awesome idea and execution.  I know just the place(s) to do it in NYC if you’re serious.  And I’ve never known you not to be serious. (said in a teenage voice that always turns declarative sentences into questions)

  9. The image capturing the sock measurement made me howl!  Awesome work!

  10. @PeakInTwoYears

    @scaler911

    In Portland, people would just take their clothes off in protest, and you’d damned well better have a big tub of brain bleach handy.

    After our local “World Naked Bike Ride” rolled past my office last week I heard a mother on the sidewalk seizing the teachable moment; “See, that’s why we wear clothes.”

  11. @frank

    @scaler911

    I think with the US release we need to do one in Seattle, Portland, SFO, and NYC.

    I’m in for the SFO event.

  12. @pistard

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @scaler911

    In Portland, people would just take their clothes off in protest, and you’d damned well better have a big tub of brain bleach handy.

    After our local “World Naked Bike Ride” rolled past my office last week I heard a mother on the sidewalk seizing the teachable moment; “See, that’s why we wear clothes.”

    I am truly, physically laughing out loud.

  13. @frank

    @blackpooltower

    It just makes you sound more impressive. And I mean, look at the size of you! You’re a giant, assuming Drummond isn’t a pygmee.

    Bit of both …

  14. Can’t beIieve you are still pushing Rule #29, even after writing an essay on how foolish it is.

  15. Well, that’s what I call work on the ground! What’s more it’s a perfect example of fulfilling of the Rule #3

  16. @Ken Ho

    Can’t beIieve you are still pushing Rule #29, even after writing an essay on how foolish it is.

    that was just the view of one heretic…

  17. @Ken Ho if you look at his most recent rambling tirade he tries to make the case for abstaining from eating meat.

  18. @harminator

    And Drummond? I always wondered what Where’s Wally did for a day job.

    and is that House just popped off set to check for the rule violations as well?

  19. I imagine @blacktoolpower used the voice from the Nighttime/Daytime animal.

  20. What a great idea!

  21. Awesome! Well done gents!

    Now get Drummond to return my email so we can fill the empty space we are making for The Rules in the studio!

    Yeah, its my fault, I lost the Canadian contact….

  22. @frank

    My oh my oh my that is fine looking book…It was laying on the table in the light yesterday evening and I couldn’t resist taking a shot of it!

    Yes, that is a very fine design…and I can’t help but think it would make a great kit graphic, in my daydreams while sitting in front of my computer I envision this:

    Matching stripes on the collar, sleeves and leg openings, “Obey the rules” script emblem on the chest above the stripes, V – logo down the legs; and a couple of V-Cogs on the sleeves, right upper chest and center rear pocket? Solid black bibs with both black and orange based options on the jersey.

    Not that I’ve been thinking about this or anything…

     

    Could be a “classic” version to go along with the original?

    I’d buy one for sure…

  23. @frank … make the cards available ……   would be quite amusing to whack some on some bikes post ride at coffee stop here

  24. @Barracuda

    @frank … make the cards available …… would be quite amusing to whack some on some bikes post ride at coffee stop here

    Oh god…we’d need some pretty significant stock levels!

  25. @iansansom

    First time posterhere… Just got a shipping notice from Amazon to say my book is winging it’s way to me as I type.

    S T O K E D

    Ditto…looking forward to living by the code, the gospel, the bible to all things PRO!!  If I can’t go fast, I may as well look the part.  As the automotive guys say, “If it don’t go, chrome it!”

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