Chain-Gangstaz

Chain-Gangstaz

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As an ex-muso and DJ, I thought my days of rockin’ out, layin’ down some beats and droppin’ tracks were well behind me. Then, last week I received a curious email from our esteemed community member, Geof. Curious, because he was now referring to himself as the “G’Phant”, and informed me that we (meaning him and I) were booked into a recording studio in a few days time. What. The. Fuck?

Of course Frank was replying to the emails in his usual manic manner with all kinds of “fucking RAD dudes” as is his wont. A further scroll revealed a set of lyrics in the rap vein, which soon had a huge grin splitting my dial. Of course I was in, you don’t have to ask me twice to embarrass myself.

G’Phant flashes the Sign o’ the Merckx

I rolled up to the studio on the Tricross, as G’Phant arrived in style in his flash red V8 Commodore (a Pontiac GTO kinda-thing for you Yanks), in true Lawyer-Ghetto stylez. Mike the engineer played a few drum tracks, and we picked an appropriate beat for our vocal meat. The Notorious G informed me he had arranged a female vocalist to sing (as opposed to our caterwauling and grunting) the chorus, and the bombshell soon-to-be-dubbed Newz took over the room with her outstanding pipes. We needed someone to make us sound good, and Newz certainly delivered the good news. G’Phant laid down some bass grooves on the synth, and we were starting to sound like we knew what we were doing. Or maybe that was Mike weaving his magic.

BrettOK in full compliance with Rule #37

It was a blast! We couldn’t stop grinning, from the brilliant interpretation of the key Rules by Geof, the passable imitations of ghetto rappers by a couple of skinny white boys (well, old men really), and the general good times that creating music brings. Beware; Frank is arranging a video shoot as we rap, I mean speak, and Merckx knows what he is capable of…

*Thanks to Mike at Trident Studios, Wellington for his time and patience, to Newz for her time and talent, and Geof for being a freakin nut and writing the awesome lyrics, booking the studio and making this happen. Loved it.

Presenting: Obey The Rules (Welly White Boy Edit) by GangstaPhant featuring BrettOK and Newz.

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Download: Obey the Rules

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// General // The Rules

  1. @Pedale.Forchetta
    Grazie mille!

  2. A-MERCKX!

  3. Took a looooong while to listen to this. Like a lot. Good work, guys.

  4. Yeah!

    “Play it again Sam…”

  5. Great work!
    There is also a German band called “Schlammbein” (= mud leg).
    Check it out (even if you don’t understand a single word):
    “Dunkel, kalt und hart”, “Mann ohne Gang”, “Penis of Steel”.
    But it’s all about cycling!
    And you probably know already: “Performace” & “Get Dirty”(?)

  6. @grumbledook
    Gonna have to to take your word for it re the subject matter. As is my wife. Lying n bed, catching up on a week’s worth of Velominati (we’re in Queensland for a bit), and now having to explain why I am listening to a song in German about a penis of steel. Apparently it’s pathetic. And maybe childish, too. Strong work.

  7. LOL. This is the Babelfish translation. It is ridiculous but gives you an idea:

    You say „downtown “, but you mean only „city center “, you drink Energy drink. The jeans tucked up and you look like a dork, on your head a Brooklyn Cap thront. You are so mad and convinced of you, but there is something, that has only we. We’ve got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, we’ve got A penis OF steel. We’ve got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, we’ve got A penis OF steel. With whatever in your Messengerbag sweats you through ‘nen themselves to Alleycat After drinks work already times a Alco Pop, are uniform as from the CoPy shop. Who knows so actual one it understands, that drives also motorboat on excavator lakes. Without A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, without A penis OF steel. Without got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, without A got penis OF steel. Fixed is fucked – and you know which that is, a nincompoop on its free-wheel shits. Fixed is fucked – and as much is clear the road without you were marvelously. You eats Tofu and we drink beer, because there is something, that has only we We’ve got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, we’ve got A penis OF steel. We’ve got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, we’ve got A penis OF steel. We’ve got A penis OF steel – A cock OF rock, we’ve got A penis OF steel. We’ve got A cock OF iron – A thickly OF brick, we’ve got A penis OF steel.

  8. @grumbledook
    Absolute fucking GOLD! I could take massive amounts of recreational hallucinogens for many years and still not come up with phrases like ‘drives also motorboat on excavator lakes’ or (my favorite) ‘Fixed is fucked … a nincompoop on its free-wheel shits’. Apparently, though, it is still childish. Sigh…

  9. And here is Babelfish on “Dunkel, kalt & hart”:

    MUD LEG – dark, cold & hard
    The truck driver likes the vices, the raster investigator loves its raster. The Indian likes his horse, Darth Vader loves its laser sword. The butcher likes the dead animal. And which we like? Pork sausage, beer and afterwards with the bicycle through the wood. Dark, hard & cold. Roads are for girls, over the field goes the trip. Dark, cold & hard. The researcher likes secret ways, January Ullrich loves the pharmacy. The Peeping Tom likes it only from a distance, the rabbit, that likes carrots. If one believes the Hinz, he likes the Kunz. And which is with us? Pork sausage, beer and afterwards with the bicycle through the wood. Dark, hard & cold. Roads are for girls, over the field goes the trip. Dark, cold & hard. … Pork sausage, beer and afterwards with the bicycle through the wood. Dark, hard & cold. Roads are for girls, over the field goes the trip. Dark, cold & hard. Pork sausage, beer and afterwards with the bicycle through the wood. Dark, hard & cold. Roads are for girls, over the field goes the trip. Dark, cold & hard.

  10. note: should be “truck” instead of “vices” (in German “DER Laster” vs “DAS Laster”)

  11. @grumbledook
    ‘january ullrich’ Marvellous. ‘february pantani’? ‘march virenque’?

  12. Babelfish makes it even funnier :)

  13. @grumbledook
    unreal, I always thought Babelfish was inaccurate, but seems they have really got it sussed now

    must copy and paste that 99 Luftballon track into it and see what Nena was actually twittering on about back then

    …..sure you didn’t just write that yourself dude? ;o)

    (no harm in it, a cock of rock, and a bicycle through the wood are entirely worthy principles)

  14. How can I get that on iTunes!!!????

  15. You should be able to download this and load it right into iTunes! It floats up on my playlist pretty regularly, and always brings a smile to my face.
    http://velominati.com/wp-resources/audio/Obey_The_Rules.mp3

  16. @frank

    You should be able to download this and load it right into iTunes! It floats up on my playlist pretty regularly, and always brings a smile to my face.
    http://velominati.com/wp-resources/audio/Obey_The_Rules.mp3

    does that only work on macs? when i open the link it just opens a new tab with the track playing on quicktime.

  17. @RedRanger
    use whatever option let’s your browser “save link as…”. Right click in Chrome.

    BTW – not sure how I missed this until now. Classic! The Starbucks slam had me rolling.

  18. @Mike @frank
    Wait, what? iTunes? You mean we could be selling this for 99c a pop? Damn. Shoulda thought of that. I could’ve been $1.88 richer by now.

    @itburns
    NZ is a land of coffee snobs. Those of us who live in Wellington are coffee snobs even by those standards. Woulda been wrong to leave Starbucks unscathed.

  19. Another song for the playlist.

  20. @Steampunk
    Great, now I need to add ukulele to my bike skills.

  21. @itburns
    What else are you going to do with the frame pump holders on that old steel bike? Perfect holster for a ukulele. And nothing says casually deliberate quite like plucking on a ukulele while Rule V’ing up some steep climb…

  22. Fucking awesome. Not sure how I missed this.

  23. Just stumbled across this….BIG BUMP!

  24. In the middle of a leg searing climb last week the mantra came into my head, “…The V-Cog is the sign, the bike is a tool, Eddy is the prophet, Obey the Rules…,” which was the perfect climbing cadence.

    A coincidence? I think not.

  25. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
    I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;
    ) Cheers!

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