Plight of the VMW
He didn’t really want to be awake at this hour, but it was the only way. Or one of them, at least. Because he wanted to spend more time with her, he would rise before the sun, making use of the small window between their entwined slumber and the dirge of another day at the office. But still she saw those stolen hours as time he could be spending in her company. She never said it, but he knew…
He didn’t want to give her up, nor the bike. Why should he have to choose? He loved them both, of course, in different ways. She never asked him to make a choice, she knew how much it meant to him, and she knew how much he meant to her, and her to him. There would never be one or the other. There never could. He would always be shared between her and the bike, though in the literal sense, he truly only loved her. In some strange way, she felt lucky for this.
He had made concessions, a ride conveniently forgotten, waylaid, postponed. Still, it seemed to her that he was always flitting off to the trails, always managing to squeeze in another loop. There was never enough time in the day, he would lament. Always tired, both of them. His energy used for the ride, legs and back dully aching, mentally drained, too fatigued to do anything but sleep.
They were not interested in fighting. I don’t want to fight, she said. He didn’t want to either. Rather than fight, they simply wouldn’t talk. When he told her that he could never give up his bicycle to another man, her reaction was one of bemusement. It’s just a bike, she said. His contemptuous retort indicated otherwise; he would never give her up to another man, it’s just not done. Same with the bicycle.
She accepted, if not understood. How could he compare her to a bicycle? He couldn’t, she was the most important part of his puzzle, one that had taken an age to find all the right pieces and fit them together. Some pieces could be interchanged, but not that one. She never wanted to be a Velomiwidow. He would see to it that she wasn’t.
Flesh and blood, steel and rubber, heart and soul.
beautiful writing. I will have to share this with the wife.
Wow Brett. I didn’t know you’ve been peeking in my house windows all summer. It’s kinda creepy.
I’m sure there are others who will chime in on the similarity of feeling after reading this post (and some who will chime in after reading just the comments :smiley:), but for me it’s this sort of similarity in life choice, life style, and life balance that creates the intangible connection between patrons of this site. It’s why I keep coming back.
Powerful stuff, Brett. I paraphrase Raul Duke in saying: “Hell of a thing to lay on a man with a head full of acid.”
In seriousness, though, I hope to get past this with my fiance. If I can’t get her to assimilate, then hopefully she will at least accept it.
Nice Brett,
“She never said it, but he knew…”
30 years on and our dance, which started when I was racing (her voice on the side lines still echo) meant that sometimes I say I’ve done too much and sometimes she says go, you need a ride, you’ll be better company when you come back.
Now as our work schedules mesh in a new way I find that the monster early a.m. Saturday and Sunday ride, while the teacher grades papers sets me up to be a patient semi zombie, happy in the mall, to sit in the chair holding the purse.
@Rob
A-Merckx brother.
@Rob
This rings so true. I count myself truly blessed to have a wife that not only supports but encourages the lifestyle I have chosen.
Very nicely written Brett. Maybe I’ve just missed it in the past, but I had never seen the ‘VMW’ term used here before. Very appropriate for those of us with a significant other that doesn’t fit in to the VMH category since she doesn’t ride.
@Gianni I don’t know if you remember that little but high pitched and powerfully carrying “Go Robbie” that I could hear every lap of a crit or on top of the highest of hills! It would always make me smile.
@DCR Yes I am lucky. Some times I wonder what it would be like to have a partner who rides as much as I do… And when I meet them I wonder does it really work?? What happens when one can no longer ride or keep up?
I am currently riding on the weekend with such a couple and they are impressive. She is as much a leg breaker as he. They are the first I have encountered since my youth when young couples often rode together. These 2 are mid life, post kids and professionals and they ride hard and well.
Nicely done Brett.
I’m also happy to testify to my velomissus’ tolerance and acceptance of my steel and carbon mistresses.
As she says, they’re cheaper than cars and less trouble than blondes.
The line about sharing the bike rings so true to me. When I was in college I had my #1 bike in my dorm room at all times when not riding it. My roommate was not a cyclist. I also had a really good friend who was actually racing for a small pro team in the US who went to my college and was friends with my roommate as well. One day I came back to my room after class and found my pro racer friend sitting on my bike in my room. We both just looked into each other’s eyes and he quickly and respectfully got off my bike and deeply apologized. I said it was okay but you could tell it was wierd. My non-cyclist roomamte looked at us like we were from outer space or something but both my racer firend and I knew that he had done wrong.
My roommate never got it and never could. Truthfully only true cyclists understand. Bikes are not for sharing.
@Buck Rogers
Great story! If my brother ever comes over from the UK to visit me in the US, I’ll lend him a bike (helpfully, we’re aout the same size). Beyond that, no way. Maybe it’s because, as Velominati, we cherish our machines, have often painstakingly assembled them piece by piece, (rather than simply off the rack) and have spent hours fine tuning them to fit our bodies to within milliimeters. Such attention to detail cannot be trifled with as a loan might see the borrower “adjust” things and generally mess things up. I have four road bikes and could tell you every component on each one as well as the height of the saddle to the BB, the reach from saddle tip to bars, length of stem, etc, etc.
We had an understanding when vacationing in CO with insane riding all around. The bike: 6 am until 2 pm. The VMH: 3 pm until whenever. It works.
The picture made me smile; we also had a bike wheel arch at our wedding back in May. Not because I was about the become a VelomiWidow, but because we are both cyclists :)
In a funny way, we both understand each others need to ride (or not); he is fast and I am not, so we don’t ride/train together very often, which is fine; we have different goals. Our place is full of bike related stuff – and yes, the 2 nicest “his & her” bikes are in the living room. If I get a new bike, he wants one too and vice-versa – which is why we have an average of 12 bike at any point in time… (and a trike, don’t ask me why!). We very rarely sell a bike – last time I did, years ago, it was to a friend who still sends me update of where she goes on the bike!
He surprised me with new pink bar tape AND colour matched pink cable housing. Beat chocolate and flowers anytime (but hey, I’m human and love chocolate too!).
Beautifully written… It made me realize how lucky I am to share my love of bicycles with my husband!
Long time lurker, to to weigh in officially.
When I think of all the feed zone handups on some god forsaken wind swept mountainside or plain, the freezing cold cyclo cross races, my pissed off car ride home because I rode poorly, and all the promises that we’ll do something together after the race/ride but being so exhausted that I fall asleep on the couch, I’m reminded that who else would have put up with me all these years. Cheers to all the VMWs everywhere.
“sets me up to be a patient semi zombie, happy in the mall”
Very familiar with the weekend semi zombie state.
My VMW tests me every now and then, it’s always the weekly bunch ride, it’s always formed as a question, “why don’t you take the day off, and spend it with me instead?”, it is really an instruction and one I always heed, she just wants me to choose her over that fuckin bike, Oh well guess it’s a recovery week then!!
I had to laugh too. My wife is usually the one to push me out the door for a long overdue ride. Apparently I turn into Hyde when it’s been too long between rides and only return to Jekyll by getting some time in the saddle.
Re: the lead photo. Maybe it’s only in Belgium, but you’re asked to show up to a wedding with a wheel to hold above the bride and groom’s heads in a semblance of an arch, and you bring just a rim and the tubular you’re gently stretching on it. That’s hardcore right there. Not some regular full wheel with tire, but a rim and tub. Nice!
@zwigli
Chapeau! I’m glad there is one bride happy to see a bunch of guys holding up bike wheels (and a guy in a skirt) at her wedding. Yes, it’s much better to be married to a cyclist, as I am too. It defuses the whole thing and Rule #12 has to be observed where if your mate always has to have a slightly nicer bike than yours. And you can spend time together cycling and drinking malted recovery beverage afterward. It’s perfect.
@Rob also well put. Thought provoking and especially true as the wife covers my sons basketball practice so I can attend our weekly LBS nighttime gravel road road ride.
Long suffering wife at my end also.
Never complains, always ferry’s kids to dance and swimming on the nights I have local after work rides and Sunday’s.
I can also tell that she doesnt quite “get it” but none the less accepts that after neck injury, the bike is the only sport left for me from a life full of almost every sport.
For that, I love her even more !!
Well written piece and rings true on many levels.
Nice writing, Brett!
Thankfully, I put together my stable before I got married, less oversight that way. However, 1.5 years in, the Velomissus is very understanding and knows cycling (and other exercise) keeps me balanced and happy. Another good thing is that I had my heaviest riding years a few years back, now am more balanced with work, cycling, time together. I’m okay riding less, as other parts have gotten better.
Wedding anniversary for me = June 17. Not bad!
Also, I loved from Half Man, Half Machine how Fotheringham explained that the language used for the Merckxian vows was a huge issue in Belgium – who can stake claim to Eddy?
@piwakawaka
YES! Well said and great thought process! I fear the day of maybe turning her down once too often and then she doesn’t bother to ask anymore.
Very well written, Brett. Chapeau!
Mrs. KW spent this entire summer as a VMW. After I rode my first century in early September, she decided she wanted to start riding. Last weekend, we bought her first road bike. (I got a new bike out of the deal too!) Now she’s thinking more and more about riding, lamenting the ever shorter days of fall.
She is slowly but surely making the transition to being my VMH, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
@MJ Moquin
Ha! This also happens to me as well! My amazingly lovely VMH will say, “When was the last time you rode? Why don’t you head out for one?” That’s when I know that I am being an a$$ around the house!
Ummm… Woohoo single guys! (?)
@Gianni Agreed. Ironically, my VMW has become a frequent ride companion this summer. Having no prior riding experience she logged over 5000k this summer and we shared many of those rides. It was fantastic and I would often ride with the ‘go-fasters” later the same day. The highlight was recently I took her out to show her the local ‘wall’ (18% grade) and upon seeing it, she promptly proceeded to ride up it!! Never so proud!
Yes, exactly… only change “her company” to “her & the kids company”. Still I am always home for breakfast, even if Saturday is later (8am) but yes, it works.
@wiscot
No one’s even holding that one in the rear. It’s actually a halo.
@brett
Nice bit of prose, there, mate. Made me feel yet more gratitude for my relationship with my second and forever spouse. So unlike my old days, which still haunt me even though they feel like a lifetime ago and kind of were.
@zwigli
Ohmygod how sweet is that?! Great post and great photo.
@brett Well done. The lead photo is particularly enlightening. All these years it never occurred to me there was a Mrs. The Prophet. I just assumed Axel was born from Eddy’s sweat having been ceremonially sprinkled on a Super Record gruppo.
The VMH read this, stared at me coldly started playing this song.
The key lyrics here are:
@frank
Clarity is good.
It’s way better than untreated syphilis.
Ughh…Seattle CX champ, LBS mechanic, and super nice guy Jason Williams was severely injured while riding home from work. I think I might have talked to him in the shop a few hours before it happened.
Broke 5 ribs and shattered his shoulder.
Donations being taken for his recovery.
http://www.mfgcyclocross.com/2013/11/call-for-help-for-jason-williams-our-friend-mfg-cyclocross-champ/
@frank Brett’s used to responses like that from women.
I’m a far better velomi-spouse when I’m riding. I a fat sack of shit at the best of times, but at least then I’m a fat SOS that rides a bike.
@frank
Holy shit that was so bad, I only made it to 40sec and had to gouge my ears out.
To all the above commenters: I am most impressed by the way you talk about your spouses, be they a vmh or vmw. And I do mean that as a compliment.
@frank
When I read it I also thought first how lucky I am and second it reminded me of the Kevin Bl***y Wilson song Ollie and Olga. I was going to post a link to it but when I listened to it again I thought it risked offending too many people so you’ll have to hunt it out yourselves – if you don’t know it…….
Oh and re previous – if you are in work – do not play it with the speaker on!! You might get fired.
@Buck Rogers
+1 to this, I am the same. My missus is often quite happy to get rid of me for a few hours.
She admitted to me that she likes me riding my bike as it keeps me slim, fit and healthy unlike some of the fat slobs around town.
Nice to have that support – a friend of mine hid his new bike in his workshop for a month before owning up!
Great, great stuff @Brett. Like so many of us, I’m blessed with a wonderful VMW who knows that I’m just a better person for riding a bike. We’ve got two young kids but she encourages me to ride to work, knowing there’s a risk I’ll be back late, to get a 4 hour ride every weekend and woe-betide me if I ever sit on the couch on a winter evening rather than getting on the turbo. She’s my wife and sports psychologist all in one fantastic package.
I’m loving the term VMW. It gives us all a chance to show our respect for those ladies that help make us who we are, whether they are cyclists or not. Merckx bless every one of them!
The top photo is worth an Anatomy Of A Photo discussion all to itself. I’ve just realised that everyone in the picture is looking away from The Prophet and in the case of the three gentlemen in the bottom left corner, are actually bowing before him. Other than His, there is one smile that I can see. Maybe his gaze was enough to reduce mere mortals to pools of lactic acid.
@pistard
Fucking brilliant post!
If one was scoring at home, that is two dodgey music videos and one “romcom” reference this week from the Leader.
I’m the victim here. My VMH rides more than me and gets a bit grumpy when I get a TT in while she’s at the boy’s cricket game.
but on the positive side we have matching BMCs and both got a set of C 24 s for Christmas.
She’s keen to replace her bike already and insists we upgrade together.
@Rom
Have you got matching anoraks? Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Anyone know what has happened to a pretty darn good site, http://ildolore.cc/archive?
In a sea of reblogged rapha photos and custom neon team kits, those photos were a nice change and retrospective on the beautiful pursuit.
@Ron
http://ildolore.tumblr.com/
Be thankful she includes you in her psycho-lusts. The chivalrous thing to do, of course, is accept that n+1. Share the love!
@G’rilla
Jesus, Jason is such a cool guy, too. I hadn’t heard. Will be donating for sure.
God fucking damnit.