Anatomy of a Photo: The Shoulders of Giants

Anatomy of a Photo: The Shoulders of Giants

by / / 119 posts

The question tackled here is of carrying the bicycle, should it require carrying. The non-cyclist is perhaps more inclined to consider carrying their bicycle than is the Cyclist. Examples that come to mind include the navigation of a giant mud pit or a steep twisty narrow snowy descent, where the uninitiated may erroneously contemplate the likelihood of survival between riding the bike as opposed to walking or carrying it. Other examples might be bunny-hopping a 1 meter vertical wall where a slight miscalculation may result in going from being Awesome to merely being OK.

But if one thing is certain, should matters come to carrying the bicycle, it is the shoulder that should be employed for this task, as time-tested by cyclocross riders for well over a century. No further research is required to resolve this matter. And, should the question of leather handles come up, I put it to you thusly: are you a giant hipster douche nozzle, or are you a hardman with Ultimate Rule #5 Leg and balls so big you could wear a sun visor with a gauze stocking cap?

Thanks to KRX10 for making me aware of this abomination of a leather handle.

// Anatomy of a Photo // Cyclocross // The Hardmen

  1. @Adrian

    I carried my bike on and off like that for 10km the other day after my chain broke…..serious sense of humour failure I can tell you…..

    I carry a spare Master Link in my EPMS for just this reason.

  2. @Xyverz

    @Adrian

    I carried my bike on and off like that for 10km the other day after my chain broke…..serious sense of humour failure I can tell you…..

    I carry a spare Master Link in my EPMS for just this reason.

    (Said EPMS is soon to be replaced by a Lezyne pouch or something similar)

  3. There’s no way in hell that any of those barriers that are being hopped are 100cm high. No way.

  4. @frank

    @TommyTubolare

    Hey, I see we (Nederland) made it into the final for the 4×100 relay. Did someone tell the team that the Nazi’s were in that heat? The last time I saw the Dutch run so fast was during the invasion.

    I think they hinted that authentic stroopwafel was at the finish line.

  5. @frank

    @TommyTubolare

    Hey, I see we (Nederland) made it into the final for the 4×100 relay. Did someone tell the team that the Nazi’s were in that heat? The last time I saw the Dutch run so fast was during the invasion.

    Given their origins, a greater threat would have been the Dutch West India Company.

  6. @frank

    @The Oracle

    For road cycling?  The only time you should be carrying your bike on your shoulder is if you lauch off the road on the descent of some Alpe in France after overcooking one of the hairpin turns.  Otherwise, what the fuck are you doing off the bike?

    You’ve obviously never been to the Koppenberg in the wet.

    I’m not saying you should go about carrying your bike. I’m saying that should some tragic turn of events conspire to cause you to need to carry your bike, do it Properly. Frame over the shoulder, holding the handlebar.

    Okay, fine.  You can carry your bike after flying off hairpin turns in the Alps, OR when riding the Koppenberg in the wet!

    (And yes, holding the bars to keep the wheel from flopping about is the proper method.)

  7. @The Oracle

    @frank

    @The Oracle

    For road cycling?  The only time you should be carrying your bike on your shoulder is if you lauch off the road on the descent of some Alpe in France after overcooking one of the hairpin turns.  Otherwise, what the fuck are you doing off the bike?

    You’ve obviously never been to the Koppenberg in the wet.

    I’m not saying you should go about carrying your bike. I’m saying that should some tragic turn of events conspire to cause you to need to carry your bike, do it Properly. Frame over the shoulder, holding the handlebar.

    Okay, fine.  You can carry your bike after flying off hairpin turns in the Alps, OR when riding the Koppenberg in the wet!

    (And yes, holding the bars to keep the wheel from flopping about is the proper method.)

    It’s an awfully wee picture, but unless I’m mistaken, that’s Mr. Sherwen and Monsieur Fignon enjoying a stroll upon the stones.

  8. @wiscot  Good call!!!  I had not noticed it but I think that you are absolutely correct!

  9. Wait, shoulder it on the top-tube? Doesn’t work out for me, for some reason. I always hang the saddle on my shoulder (the Arione is quite comfortable from that side, too!), wrapping my arm around the entire triangle, with my hand holding the downtube and front wheel to stabilize. Maybe it works out easier for shorter people with smaller frames? Plus, when you have two bidons in the cages and the brake-cable running below the top-tube, it’s quite uncomfortable.

    @sgt

    @unversio

    Yeah, that rifle thingy is called a “camera”.  It used “film” to take a “photograph”.  Kids these days.

    The Russians used to produce this little piece of awesome. Talk about rifle thingies…

  10. @tessar Fuck me!! That’s cool!  Sure that is not from a James Bond movie?

  11. Imagine having that in your hand luggage…

  12. @tessar

    Wait, shoulder it on the top-tube? Doesn’t work out for me, for some reason. I always hang the saddle on my shoulder (the Arione is quite comfortable from that side, too!), wrapping my arm around the entire triangle, with my hand holding the downtube and front wheel to stabilize. Maybe it works out easier for shorter people with smaller frames? Plus, when you have two bidons in the cages and the brake-cable running below the top-tube, it’s quite uncomfortable.

    If you’re walking, I doubt it makes much difference. If you’re running up a hill in CX or MTBing, that approach won’t have the back wheel high enough for you; in order for your feet not to slam into the bike, you need the back wheel up by your ass at least.

  13. Fuckin’ timely…now that I’m a proud owner of a V-jersey…I can wear it when cross riding & training, right? Feel a bit bad subjecting it to mud, but it’s too awesome to save just for the road. (I’m asking due to the Rule on mtn v. road kit…)

  14. And regarding shoulder. I have dreams all the time that I’m as smooth as a PRO. Those guys are just bonkers. They go faster in sand than I could go on pavement! They dismount, shoulder, run, mount with a ease. Then crank out major power. All while looking so fucking Casually Deliberate. Damn impressive. I guess it’s because if you push it too hard in cross you go haywire. Just gotta stay smooth, in control, and…smooth!

  15. @Ron

    Refer to Bill Fucking Murray above for smooth and in control. The university advancement team wanted a couple of pictures of me on my commuter as part of a bike project I’m coordinating here. I’d love to get them one of me in full Bill Murray pose here, but I’m lacking the panache to pull that off. I might just send them the Bill Murray pic and call it a day.

  16. @Steampunk

    @The Oracle

    For track-bike riding hipsters?  Who cares?

    There’s an app for that:

    That is about as smooth as rhey come.  Man, what a photo.  Might have to make it my wallpaper.

  17. @Steampunk

    @Ron

    Refer to Bill Fucking Murray above for smooth and in control. The university advancement team wanted a couple of pictures of me on my commuter as part of a bike project I’m coordinating here. I’d love to get them one of me in full Bill Murray pose here, but I’m lacking the panache to pull that off. I might just send them the Bill Murray pic and call it a day.

    I’m sure the U can find someone around who wouldn’t mind photoshopping your mug on there. The wire cutters top it off. So awesome.

  18. @Buck Rogers I’ve actually encountered one – Russian immigrants brought many Soviet cameras with them after the wall fell. It’s unbelievably cool, although the camera itself is quite shit; the East German or Japanese camera bodies for that mount (M42/Pentax Screw) were miles ahead. It also weighs like the brick it actually is.

  19. Speaking of Hardmen – I met Jens at the Tour of Utah yesterday.

  20. Crap, I thought I could embed a video.

  21. Click Here to see it.

  22. @Cyclops Did he know what the Rules are?

  23. @tessar

    @Buck Rogers I’ve actually encountered one – Russian immigrants brought many Soviet cameras with them after the wall fell. It’s unbelievably cool, although the camera itself is quite shit; the East German or Japanese camera bodies for that mount (M42/Pentax Screw) were miles ahead. It also weighs like the brick it actually is.

    Are you serious?  Are you IDF or something?  That is cool as shit!

  24. @RedRanger

    Not consciencously, but I think we can all agree that Jens transcends the Rules

  25. @frank Indeed, I don’t tend to run with a bike on me. Not enough rain and mud here to justify cyclocross as a separate activity, and I can’t afford the minor injuries that come with MTBing. But, just to check it out (and in the absence of my road bike), I lifted my TT frame – a size 60 Felt B2 – and while I couldn’t figure out a way to elegantly stick my arm into the frame, hanging it by the saddle resulted in the rear wheel being just around ass-height.

  26. @Cyclops

    Speaking of Hardmen – I met Jens at the Tour of Utah yesterday.

    did you tell him that you ate the JENS of Velominati?

  27. Sorry – “are”…

  28. @sgtSeen very clear in the photo!

    Hans Landa shooting out tyres with a Luger.

  29. @Cyclops

    Speaking of Hardmen – I met Jens at the Tour of Utah yesterday.

    Outstanding work man. On video. We’ve done all we can here. Our work is done. Site closes at midnight.

  30. exception 'ImagickException' with message 'unable to open file `/nas/wp/www/cluster-40013/velominati//wp-content/plugins/dm-albums/php/image.php?degrees=0&scale=yes&width=600&height=700&quality=85&maintain_aspect=yes&rounding=nearest&image=/home/frankdstrack/velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/readers/UNPULL/2012.08.11.22.41.58/Landa.png' @ error/png.c/ReadPNGImage/3667' in /nas/wp/www/cluster-40013/velominati/wp-content/themes/velominati/generics.php:1269 Stack trace: #0 /nas/wp/www/cluster-40013/velominati/wp-content/themes/velominati/generics.php(1269): Imagick->__construct('/nas/wp/www/clu...') #1 [internal function]: dm_replace_image_embeds('

    start_el('?display_element(Object(stdClass), Array, 1, 0, Array, '?@unversio

    @sgtSeen very clear in the photo!

    Hans Landa shooting out tyres with a Luger.

    Mad skilz, man, mad skilz!!!

  31. @unversio FTW!

  32. @sgt

    @unversio FTW!

    “You must be meaning What the Fuck eh?”

  33. For The Win

  34. @ChrisO

    Imagine having that in your hand luggage…

    For real, take that through airport security today and receive a one way ticket to cavity search-ville.

  35. At a cyclocross workshop two weeks ago I learned the importance of grabbing the downtube in a spot appropriate for the length of your forearm.

    Grab too far down and your elbow won’t clear the seat tube.

    Grab too far up and your balance will be off.

    Take 5 minutes to figure out where the right spot is and you’ll be able to grab it, stab your elbow through the triangle, and sprint away.

  36. G’rilla – that’s awesome. I’ve never really practiced the skills involved, more of a “let’s go out and ride cross fast…”. I just try to keep up with dudes who’ve done it longer. Never really had to shoulder or carry or run much in my races.

    I was hoping a few guys I know would be the Cross Sensei I need, but they seem oddly reluctant. Either they’re too lazy to teach a new guy or I sometimes feel as if they don’t want to show me what’s behind the curtain.

    Anyway, right now only having time for about an hour of riding a day. That’s too short for me to get into the rhythm of road riding. But, reading that I see I can use the hour-long cross rides I’ve been doing not just to ride, but also as a bit of running, shouldering, skills practice. Then I’ll really feel like I’m getting a lot of cycling squeezed into that hour.

    Cool.

    And don’t want it to get lost, so to be clear – it’s Founder-approved to ride/race cross in a V-jersey?

  37. @Buck Rogers Well, since it’s not a gun, anyone can buy it – it’s just a camera with a telephoto lens, and a dedicated mount to hold them steady. The idea was that the gun-shaped bottom would allow you to stabilize the long lens against your body, supporting it similarly to how a tripod would. Wouldn’t take it as a carry-on, though, judging by the reaction a kid’s water-pistol produces when they screen the luggage.

  38. @tessar

    @Buck Rogers Well, since it’s not a gun, anyone can buy it – it’s just a camera with a telephoto lens, and a dedicated mount to hold them steady. The idea was that the gun-shaped bottom would allow you to stabilize the long lens against your body, supporting it similarly to how a tripod would. Wouldn’t take it as a carry-on, though, judging by the reaction a kid’s water-pistol produces when they screen the luggage.

    My bad.  I thought you had lne mounted on a working pistol.  Now THAT would be cool!

  39. @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    To prove that Merckx does indeed watch over us – at the very microsecond I read this one of my unenlightened friends was calling me a “TWAT” in capital letters on TwoFacedBook for pointing out to him that that riding recumbents in public in any cycling event (in this case an audax) requires at least a beard, poor personal hygiene and that the rider should have no concept of actual cycling (hardcore paralympians, military veterans etc of course being exempt).

    He had posted posted a picture of a machine so vile I required brain bleach but it appears one of his fellow audaxers wishes to acquire one.

    The five seconds of Jensie “suggesting” that the Rules should be Obeyed was immediately shared with him in the hope that his cycling soul is not completely lost but rather mislaid temporarily.

  40. @Nate

    @the Engine

    @frank

    @frank damn dyslexia. I’m talking about the brilliant bloke on the far RIGHT.

    This chap.

    He’s pouring black powder down the barrel.

    Definitely.

    Almost but not quite.  He’s getting ready to launch a mortar round.  After all, we’ve already established that this is a ‘cross race, and cross fans love doing sillystupid stuff for shits ‘n giggles.

    It’s some kind of “hand-up”

    Sometimes it’s beer:

    Sometimes it’s bacon:

    And, hopefully for this bloke, an appropriate helmet:

  41. @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    Fan-freaking-tastic! That gave me a Jensbone!  Although, not recognized in the lexicon the “Jensbone” seems to work because that video made me that excited!

  42. @scaler911perhaps an appropriate helmet like this:

     

    “Ehhh, I was going to be working on my secret project.” -Bret

    “Your helmet that looks like your hair?” -Jermaine

    “Yes.” -Bret

  43. edit *jemaine*

  44. I’m gonna try this embedding thing again:

  45. @graham d.m.

    @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    Fan-freaking-tastic! That gave me a Jensbone!  Although, not recognized in the lexicon the “Jensbone” seems to work because that video made me that excited!

    I think it’s called “voigty”.

  46. Well, it appears as though I will be living on the fourth floor this year.  Combined with my bikes rear brake cable be on the bottom of the TT biased to the non-driveside means shouldering won’t be an option.  Can’t wait to look like an addled duck going up all those stairs.

  47. @Nate 

    because, because, because, because of the wonderful things it does…

    First race here (for me) in the mid-Atlantic is 9/9. Time for drills and getting the CX groove back on.  Things should [hopefully] go better this year for my first* full CX season.   Can’t wait.

    * Lat year was to be my first full season – bought a new bike and everything. Then tore my right calf and was off the bike for nearly two months. Killed my conditioning though I still managed a few races just for the experience.

  48. @Ron

    G’rilla – that’s awesome. I’ve never really practiced the skills involved, more of a “let’s go out and ride cross fast…”. I just try to keep up with dudes who’ve done it longer. Never really had to shoulder or carry or run much in my races.

    I was hoping a few guys I know would be the Cross Sensei I need, but they seem oddly reluctant. Either they’re too lazy to teach a new guy or I sometimes feel as if they don’t want to show me what’s behind the curtain.

    Anyway, right now only having time for about an hour of riding a day. That’s too short for me to get into the rhythm of road riding. But, reading that I see I can use the hour-long cross rides I’ve been doing not just to ride, but also as a bit of running, shouldering, skills practice. Then I’ll really feel like I’m getting a lot of cycling squeezed into that hour.

    I have this theory on skills drills and the like with CX. Now I’m not saying they’re unimportant and can’t make a difference – but what I am saying is they strike me as similar to swapping out road components for a few grams of weight savings. They will both help to some degree or other but they’re attacking a shortcoming (doing well/winning) with minimal effort (and in the case of road components, maximum cost) when the real problem is the engine. Again, not coming to a full stop for barriers or being able to shoulder and remount on the run is certainly helpful – but until you’re off the podium b/c of a botched remount, spend more time hammering and less time working on your stutter-step remount that’s costing you mostly nothing but style points.

  49. @brianc

    I guess if you are in the large parts of the country that has had a summer from hell I can’t blame you for looking forward to fall.

  50. Efrain Forero during the first stage of the first Vuelta a Colombia (1951). Shouldering a bike how it’s supposed to be done.

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