Anatomy of a Photo: The Shoulders of Giants

Anatomy of a Photo: The Shoulders of Giants

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The question tackled here is of carrying the bicycle, should it require carrying. The non-cyclist is perhaps more inclined to consider carrying their bicycle than is the Cyclist. Examples that come to mind include the navigation of a giant mud pit or a steep twisty narrow snowy descent, where the uninitiated may erroneously contemplate the likelihood of survival between riding the bike as opposed to walking or carrying it. Other examples might be bunny-hopping a 1 meter vertical wall where a slight miscalculation may result in going from being Awesome to merely being OK.

But if one thing is certain, should matters come to carrying the bicycle, it is the shoulder that should be employed for this task, as time-tested by cyclocross riders for well over a century. No further research is required to resolve this matter. And, should the question of leather handles come up, I put it to you thusly: are you a giant hipster douche nozzle, or are you a hardman with Ultimate Rule #5 Leg and balls so big you could wear a sun visor with a gauze stocking cap?

Thanks to KRX10 for making me aware of this abomination of a leather handle.

// Anatomy of a Photo // Cyclocross // The Hardmen

  1. @Cyclops

    Speaking of Hardmen – I met Jens at the Tour of Utah yesterday.

    did you tell him that you ate the JENS of Velominati?

  2. Sorry – “are”…

  3. @sgtSeen very clear in the photo!

    Hans Landa shooting out tyres with a Luger.

  4. @Cyclops

    Speaking of Hardmen – I met Jens at the Tour of Utah yesterday.

    Outstanding work man. On video. We’ve done all we can here. Our work is done. Site closes at midnight.

  5. @unversio

    @sgtSeen very clear in the photo!

    Hans Landa shooting out tyres with a Luger.

    Mad skilz, man, mad skilz!!!

  6. @unversio FTW!

  7. @sgt

    @unversio FTW!

    “You must be meaning What the Fuck eh?”

  8. For The Win

  9. @ChrisO

    Imagine having that in your hand luggage…

    For real, take that through airport security today and receive a one way ticket to cavity search-ville.

  10. At a cyclocross workshop two weeks ago I learned the importance of grabbing the downtube in a spot appropriate for the length of your forearm.

    Grab too far down and your elbow won’t clear the seat tube.

    Grab too far up and your balance will be off.

    Take 5 minutes to figure out where the right spot is and you’ll be able to grab it, stab your elbow through the triangle, and sprint away.

  11. G’rilla – that’s awesome. I’ve never really practiced the skills involved, more of a “let’s go out and ride cross fast…”. I just try to keep up with dudes who’ve done it longer. Never really had to shoulder or carry or run much in my races.

    I was hoping a few guys I know would be the Cross Sensei I need, but they seem oddly reluctant. Either they’re too lazy to teach a new guy or I sometimes feel as if they don’t want to show me what’s behind the curtain.

    Anyway, right now only having time for about an hour of riding a day. That’s too short for me to get into the rhythm of road riding. But, reading that I see I can use the hour-long cross rides I’ve been doing not just to ride, but also as a bit of running, shouldering, skills practice. Then I’ll really feel like I’m getting a lot of cycling squeezed into that hour.

    Cool.

    And don’t want it to get lost, so to be clear – it’s Founder-approved to ride/race cross in a V-jersey?

  12. @Buck Rogers Well, since it’s not a gun, anyone can buy it – it’s just a camera with a telephoto lens, and a dedicated mount to hold them steady. The idea was that the gun-shaped bottom would allow you to stabilize the long lens against your body, supporting it similarly to how a tripod would. Wouldn’t take it as a carry-on, though, judging by the reaction a kid’s water-pistol produces when they screen the luggage.

  13. @tessar

    @Buck Rogers Well, since it’s not a gun, anyone can buy it – it’s just a camera with a telephoto lens, and a dedicated mount to hold them steady. The idea was that the gun-shaped bottom would allow you to stabilize the long lens against your body, supporting it similarly to how a tripod would. Wouldn’t take it as a carry-on, though, judging by the reaction a kid’s water-pistol produces when they screen the luggage.

    My bad.  I thought you had lne mounted on a working pistol.  Now THAT would be cool!

  14. @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    To prove that Merckx does indeed watch over us – at the very microsecond I read this one of my unenlightened friends was calling me a “TWAT” in capital letters on TwoFacedBook for pointing out to him that that riding recumbents in public in any cycling event (in this case an audax) requires at least a beard, poor personal hygiene and that the rider should have no concept of actual cycling (hardcore paralympians, military veterans etc of course being exempt).

    He had posted posted a picture of a machine so vile I required brain bleach but it appears one of his fellow audaxers wishes to acquire one.

    The five seconds of Jensie “suggesting” that the Rules should be Obeyed was immediately shared with him in the hope that his cycling soul is not completely lost but rather mislaid temporarily.

  15. @Nate

    @the Engine

    @frank

    @frank damn dyslexia. I’m talking about the brilliant bloke on the far RIGHT.

    This chap.

    He’s pouring black powder down the barrel.

    Definitely.

    Almost but not quite.  He’s getting ready to launch a mortar round.  After all, we’ve already established that this is a ‘cross race, and cross fans love doing sillystupid stuff for shits ‘n giggles.

    It’s some kind of “hand-up”

    Sometimes it’s beer:

    Sometimes it’s bacon:

    And, hopefully for this bloke, an appropriate helmet:

  16. @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    Fan-freaking-tastic! That gave me a Jensbone!  Although, not recognized in the lexicon the “Jensbone” seems to work because that video made me that excited!

  17. @scaler911perhaps an appropriate helmet like this:

     

    “Ehhh, I was going to be working on my secret project.” -Bret

    “Your helmet that looks like your hair?” -Jermaine

    “Yes.” -Bret

  18. edit *jemaine*

  19. I’m gonna try this embedding thing again:

  20. @graham d.m.

    @Cyclops

    Click Here to see it.

    Fan-freaking-tastic! That gave me a Jensbone!  Although, not recognized in the lexicon the “Jensbone” seems to work because that video made me that excited!

    I think it’s called “voigty”.

  21. Well, it appears as though I will be living on the fourth floor this year.  Combined with my bikes rear brake cable be on the bottom of the TT biased to the non-driveside means shouldering won’t be an option.  Can’t wait to look like an addled duck going up all those stairs.

  22. @Nate 

    because, because, because, because of the wonderful things it does…

    First race here (for me) in the mid-Atlantic is 9/9. Time for drills and getting the CX groove back on.  Things should [hopefully] go better this year for my first* full CX season.   Can’t wait.

    * Lat year was to be my first full season – bought a new bike and everything. Then tore my right calf and was off the bike for nearly two months. Killed my conditioning though I still managed a few races just for the experience.

  23. @Ron

    G’rilla – that’s awesome. I’ve never really practiced the skills involved, more of a “let’s go out and ride cross fast…”. I just try to keep up with dudes who’ve done it longer. Never really had to shoulder or carry or run much in my races.

    I was hoping a few guys I know would be the Cross Sensei I need, but they seem oddly reluctant. Either they’re too lazy to teach a new guy or I sometimes feel as if they don’t want to show me what’s behind the curtain.

    Anyway, right now only having time for about an hour of riding a day. That’s too short for me to get into the rhythm of road riding. But, reading that I see I can use the hour-long cross rides I’ve been doing not just to ride, but also as a bit of running, shouldering, skills practice. Then I’ll really feel like I’m getting a lot of cycling squeezed into that hour.

    I have this theory on skills drills and the like with CX. Now I’m not saying they’re unimportant and can’t make a difference – but what I am saying is they strike me as similar to swapping out road components for a few grams of weight savings. They will both help to some degree or other but they’re attacking a shortcoming (doing well/winning) with minimal effort (and in the case of road components, maximum cost) when the real problem is the engine. Again, not coming to a full stop for barriers or being able to shoulder and remount on the run is certainly helpful – but until you’re off the podium b/c of a botched remount, spend more time hammering and less time working on your stutter-step remount that’s costing you mostly nothing but style points.

  24. @brianc

    I guess if you are in the large parts of the country that has had a summer from hell I can’t blame you for looking forward to fall.

  25. Efrain Forero during the first stage of the first Vuelta a Colombia (1951). Shouldering a bike how it’s supposed to be done.

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