Tour de Blast – 2010

  1. Awesome. Someone in the parking lot reads the Velominati blog?!? %#%$! Awesome. I wish I was there. That calf tat on Michelle(?): awesome. But, frankly, hearing all of you whine about the rain and the cold reminds just how necessary constant meditation on Rule #5 is for all cyclists. Sheeit. I didn’t even see any frost out there. And, after your ride, y’all look dry to me. If the water isn’t pouring off of you after a ride, you didn’t really ride in the rain. Harden the fuck up.

  2. Cool! Great report and pics. Looks like a fun ride – in typical Pacific Northwest weather as the added bonus.

  3. You guys fuckin rock! Watching the video brought a huge smile to my face which I still have typing this. Wish I was there.

    I love how Frank didn’t really say much because his mouth seemed to be constantly chewing. I love the fact that Michelle was concerned with making sure I wouldn’t pick up YVA or arm warmer violations. And her accent is hot (“yah”!) I love how Beth asked if the fucking rain would stop. True Velomihotties right there. And I loved Josh’s one leg warmer tribute to Col (even though he wouldn’t have known it at the time).

    Despite the weather, and some displays of softness (I’m looking at you Big John) it seems like you guys had a great time, plenty of laughs and shit talking. Can’t wait to be a part of that. Bring on Belgium, bitches!

  4. @david
    Dude, it took two wash cycles to clean our clothes, and three days for my shoes to dry. You get your “two layers of tights” California ass out there next year, and we’ll talk Rule #9 (and Rule #5).


  5. @brett
    Dude, Brett, we really missed you. Belgium!! We’ll have some serious ground to cover and some seriously bad weather (I hope) to contend with! Can’t wait!

  6. Beautiful, lads & lassies. Some great pics and some good times, it seems, had by all. Every appearance of Frank in the video is screaming Christmas morning. And that’s one sweet-looking kit: where can I snag me one?

  7. @brett
    It’s fun to finally see what all us fuck ups look like, eh? Hawaii has turned me into such a Big Pussy, I’m guilty as charged.
    Be warned, these guys don’t seem fazed by savage drinking, riding in the cold and more savage drinking then more riding then guess what, yeah, more savage drinking.

    @david It actually was dry after the ride. The reason my lame-ass video contains no actual riding footage is it was so wet and nasty I couldn’t get the camera out of my jersey to shoot anything. Still, I did not fully embrace Rule #5 as some(Frank) did.

    Trust me, we did ride in the rain, maybe the descent air-blasted some of the water out of the lycra. Speaking of lycra, jesus it sucks, I would have killed for my wool long-sleeve jersey. Maybe we need a wool Velominati jersey, retro looking. I’ll leave it with Frank for the next time I ride in the Northwest.

  8. @john

    Savage drinking, I can do…

    Wool ‘minati jersey, fuck yeah! Get onto that shit Frankie boy!

  9. @david
    I’ll take frost over 40F/wind/rain any day. I’d happily ride in 10F over that crap as it’s way more reasonable to regulate your heat. It seriously wasn’t the riding that was the issue, it was the descending. Doesn’t matter how hard you think you are man, at some point you begin to lose control of your body. That’s what was happening that day. If you don’t think peeps were wet, look at Josh’s chamois. Spirits couln’t have been warmer though.


    One day guys we’ll all meet up and ride together. You and all these other crazy mother fuckers on this blog. It’d be Christmas, Kwaanza, and Festivus rolled into one epic day.

  10. Thanks all in the TdB- it was like being there – I felt the pain with you and the joy! It was fun to meet the crew through the magic of technology. Lets hope there will be a repeat or an East coast edition? And on the wool thing I am all for that!

  11. @Jim – magnificent sentiment expressed in your regrets. If I reach the summit of a climb without significant breathing through the harris, I feel a distinct sense of underachievement.

    My only cycling this weekend was turning a gently inebriated, post bbq ride home into a chunder-fest, 9 miles of pure TT pain.

    @All – The kit looks magnificent!

  12. @all
    My favorite bit is the corroboration between the photos and the video. Like, for example, that Michelle is constantly trying to get her calf in the picture to show off the HTFU tattoo that a genius reader had sent us prior to the ride.

    And picture 7 of 23? A hammer?

    And in the main pic, what are John and I doing? Singing a nice little aria?

  13. @Marko:

    I’ll take frost over 40F/wind/rain any day. I’d happily ride in 10F over that crap as it’s way more reasonable to regulate your heat.

    Hehe. Why do you think I wear two pairs of tights. I ride in that all winter long.

  14. @Marko
    I’d like that. Glad you guys didn’t let the weather dampen your spirits.

  15. @frank
    That’s not a faded yellow bracelet on your right wrist in a couple of the shots (including the main pic), is it? Because that would be very disappointing.

  16. @Steampunk
    Are you kidding me? That’s a reader-supplied “HTFU” bracelet. The Magnificent Stroke had one on, too.

  17. @frank
    Okay: my apologies. Just wanted to make sure.

  18. I think we need some sort of ruling as to whether Coors qualifies as “free beer” or cruel and unusual punishment.

  19. @Cyclops

    Good observation and normally it decidely would not. At that point in the ride though any beer would have done, and did.

  20. Josh showed up to the start with bacon in his jersey and beer in his water bottles…

    I want to have Josh’s babies.

  21. @Cyclops
    I just threw up in my mouth.

  22. @Cyclops, @john
    Josh: Women want to be him, and men want to be with him.

  23. @frank
    I’m not sure I got that right.

  24. Massive Respect to Beth for a Textbook Combined Breach of Rules #35 and #37 coupled with a Yellow Vest of Authority – at about 2:16.

  25. Hey Marko,
    I parked next to you at TdB. Your Rule #5 commentary for my video was perfect, I’ll send you a link when I post the video. Apparently part of “Team Issaquah Climbers” needs to HTFU. We are climbers as in “rock climbers”, and are biking newbies but love Velominati’s old school, hard ass take on biking. Sorry about the seat bag, err… saddle bag :)

  26. @frank: so Josh is the anti-Reacher? cool. Great ride. Rule #9 applies to all of you (particularly since you headed off the Rule #23 infringement – It wasn’t that cold or that wet) Love the HTFU calf-tat

  27. @Bob
    I was wondering if you would reveal your identity. I ride Cougar Mountain regularly for a lack of anything longer, so perhaps we’ll cross paths one day.

    Rock climbing is a worthy sport; hard men indeed. But for the record, we are cyclists, not bikers. Bikers wear leather jackets and big beards and discuss soap operas at the bar. Or at least I am guessing that’s what they talk about. I’ve never been in a bar. I only frequent pubs.

    We look forward to seeing the video.

  28. @Bob
    Right on Bob. I too was hoping you’d show up here. You certainly set the tone (well you and Josh’s bacon and beer filled bidon) for the day and were brought up often. I’m looking forward to the video. Hopefully you guys had a decent ride that day, as decent as it could have been at least. See you around.

  29. Yes “cyclist”, my faux pas. I traded a throttle for a DA shifter, but old habits die hard. None of TIC live in Issaquah anymore, but a few of us get out to ZH once in a while, I’ll keep an eye out. Are any of Velominati going to do the Zoo Hill time trial?

  30. @Bob,
    “Biking Newbies”? Sounds like a breakfast cereal or punk rock band. I would gander that we are cyclists Bob and damn proud of it.
    Gentlemen, it was indeed good news to hear Bob parked next to one of you at the start of this ride. Velominati and their rules where good to have on the mountain.
    Rule #5 kept me sane on the decent otherwise I would have been a whimpering house eunuch such as our friends are who bailed on the ride.

  31. @Dave Westby
    “Whimpering house eunuch”?!! Brilliant. I nominate it for entry in the Lexicon – or perhaps as a note to Rule #5 (i.e. as an example of what people will call you if you do not have sufficient regard to Rule #5).

  32. @Bob
    There’s a TT up ZH? As always, I accept the shallange (anyone an Inspector Clouseau fan? The funny, pre-Steve Martin version, I mean?).

    I’m in. It’s on like Donkey-Kong.

  33. Nice, its August 17th:

    A lot of “tweaser butts” with fast times if you check out the results section.

    I believe the complete lexicon is “whimpering, coupon clipping, apron wearing house eunuch”.

    Definitely a IC fan, we’re also big on MP’s The Holy Grail

  34. sorry, ZH TT on Aug 7th

  35. Hey guys, here’s a link to the TdB video. It picks up after the first few minutes :)

    Tour de Blast is a great ride with superb scenery and lots of climbing to the Johnston Ridge Observatory, it has become a Team Issaquah Climbers classic! The weather didn’t cooperate on the 2010 edition, but riding with your friends is always a great way to spend the day!

  36. @Bob

    A cold, wet, miserable ride, but totally fun!

    Dude, you nailed it. A day on a bike with good mates (and some Velomihotties, from the looks of it), it’s never a bad thing.

    Great vid, and thanks for the shout-out. We’ll see you there next year!

    (Oh, and I registered for the Climb of Death up Zoo Hill, you bastard.)

  37. @Bob

    Wow far out Bob. Thanks for posting that and well summed up. I couldn’t agree more.

  38. Sweet video.

  39. OK, who’s up for Tour de Blast 2011? I’m in, wx looks a little better than 2010. Gonna make the call on gear at the startline. Merckx willing, the destination is Johnson Ridge and back.

  40. Disappointed in myself. Cold, continuous rain in 2011 as well. Broke the will of the man, and I didn’t take the start. Forgive me Merckx, for I have sinned.

  41. When my wife is taking her Sunday afternoon nap and I’m being too lazy to go ride I like to peruse old V-Articles. I read this one again and I got pretty jealous that I wasn’t there. It seems that wet and cold isn’t nearly as wet and cold as when others, especially good friends, are there too. As they say – misery loves company. Having said that, I must call our lord and master, his Fronkness, onto the carpet. You let an entire riding season go by without some sort of (contiguous United States) cogal happening. I am deeply disturbed by this matter and want to know what you plan on doing to placate my wrath?

    On the note of Velominati riding together I plan on being in Seattle and Portland sometime within the next 30 days so somebody in a V-Kit better be around so I have a wheel to suck. I know Portland rather well since I lived there for about 11-12 years but I need some escorting in the Seattle area.

    By the way, can any PDXers tell me how late into the season they race out at PIR? If they’re still going I wouldn’t mind getting my first Cat 4 race in over there.

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