Rule #5: Racing Hoogerland-Style

Photo: The Atlantic

Johnny Hoogerland, on receiving the Tour de France Rule #5 Award:

I normally don’t drink that much beer anymore but having my first off-season beer in this glass makes it taste great. I moved to my new home and will find it a great place because it honors my way of racing.

Fitting words from the man on track to take over the mantle of Hardest Man In Cycling from Jens Voigt after he retires. I’m shocked, however, at the claim that he doesn’t drink much beer. Partly because beer rules, and partly because I’m flummoxed by what kind of post-ride recovery drink he has if not beer.

 

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48 Replies to “Rule #5: Racing Hoogerland-Style”

  1. …because I’m flummoxed by what kind of Post-Ride Recovery Drink he has if not beer.

    Does pouring a nice, tall, cold glass of organic chocolate milk count? Or does it instantly curdle and cause the class to cleave in two?

  2. @RedRanger

    I’m confused based on the fact that he is Belgian. Thanks for sharing his reply.

    I thought @frank would have something to say about this.

  3. While I have never been slammed into barbed wire by a car at 55 kmh, my recollection of continuing to race after a nasty crash is that after you restart you have overflowing adrenalin for the next 60-90 minutes. But then the reality of the injuries start to set in and it the pain levels start to climb and one must really apply Rule V to the vth power. in reality the next day of a stage race following a crash is the most difficult.

  4. This goes without saying, but I cannot look at pictures or videos from that stage without thinking, “Jesus H, that guy is fucking incredible.” No exclamation points, no excitement, just a simple, breathless statement of fact dripping with awe.

  5. @mblume

    That’s what makes it crazy! Bandaged, stitched, and without anesthetic he actually attacked in the stages that followed.

  6. @RedRanger

    I’m confused based on the fact that he is Belgian. Thanks for sharing his reply.

    I thought he was Dutch….they are the only cyclists on the planet who don’t wish they were Belgian

    I shall casually and deliberately wear my Hoogerland Heroes T-shirt today in due reverence

    I see he wears the same shoes as me…..of course, mine aren’t smeared in blood like his are – hardest of Hardmen

  7. Doh! read the last post first DC numbnuts

    I think we should be honoured that he took his FIRST post season beer from the hallowed vessel – especially, though I don’t believe him, he doesn’t drink much beer – maybe he only drinks bull’s blood?

    Talking of big drinkers, I was surprised to read just what a boozer Twiggo is, or was – sounds like he drank the Atlantic Ocean after his 2004 Olympic Gold and didn’t sober up for 7 months, whilst soaking up the glory – the depression this instilled in him (maybe combined with coming last, nursing his hangover, in all the races he did during that binge), was driven home by attending the BBC Sports Personailty Awards that winter, as one of only three triple medallists from the GB Team, only to be ignored as they interviewed the other two sitting beside him, and was then ordered to go and sit at the back of the auditorium…..

    Suffice to say he seems to have learned his lesson – though things didn’t improve immediately, as his obsession for collecting things in his cellar – he has 8 awesome guitars, and endless priceless boxing memorabilia – then moved onto collecting Belgian beers – he reckoned he had over 365 (the alleged number that exist) different brews, which he felt was better value and more affordable than wine collecting, after a trip to Belgium with a van, only to discover several months later, that he had drunk them all

    I do like him, even though he is an awful bollocks

  8. Thanks @frank for letting us know he responded. Johnny was so full of awesome and magnanimity in the post stage interviews I had tears in my eyes. In fact the interview I have in mind should be the definition for magnanimous and to my ear, Dutch people speaking English sounds great (actually so do most foreigners to my ear).

    To me it’s no surprise to hear that he doesn’t drink much beer. Alcohol is a toxin, although due to the history of Europe where our ancestors sanitised their drinking water by distilling we have developed a tolerance to it. In the Far East where their ancestors made Tea instead, they don’t have the same tolerance for alcohol. The toxicity of alcohol draws me to the conclusion that any truly dedicated professional sportsman, while involved in some sort of tournament like a Grand Tour or Rugby World Cup for example, would naturally avoid alcohol in order to perform at their absolute best. Take the poor showing of England’s rugby team just a few months ago as an example, some of them were drinking too much.

    Of course we are not pros, and we don’t represent our countries and have the hopes of millions watching and supporting us. We love bikes, we love riding them to the best of our abilities and having a few beers after. It’s all about the bike for us and the fitness might not even come second. For Johnny and his professional peers the fitness is obviously far more important.

    Saying that, he probably drinks wine instead of beer.

  9. It was given to him in honour of his TDF Rule #5ing of the ultimate kind and it will now find a place in his new home to honour his style of racing; just how fitting is that? Mr. Hoogerland….respect.

  10. You know, frank you may have persuaded me on something here. That is a great photo. I have not ridden white socks in a over decade, but I may have to go back now. All because just in case I crash, and have blood all over, it just looks damn tough on white socks.

  11. @Dr C

    … he reckoned he had over 365 (the alleged number that exist) different brews, which he felt was better value and more affordable than wine collecting, after a trip to Belgium with a van, only to discover several months later, that he had drunk them all
    I do like him, even though he is an awful bollocks

    Clearly a man fashioned after Northern Ireland’s most famous son. “I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars… the rest I wasted.”

  12. @ChrisO

    @Dr C

    … he reckoned he had over 365 (the alleged number that exist) different brews, which he felt was better value and more affordable than wine collecting, after a trip to Belgium with a van, only to discover several months later, that he had drunk them allI do like him, even though he is an awful bollocks

    Clearly a man fashioned after Northern Ireland’s most famous son. “I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars… the rest I wasted.”

    That’ll be same chap who was caught canoodling on a bed covered in £10 notes (in the 70s) in a hotel, with the, at the time, Miss World – the janitor, being a United fan just tutted at him, “George, where did it all go wrong?”

  13. @frank AWESOME that you got a response, and very cool

    @Dr. C one of the many reasons I love the Modfather is his quote that “when I’m on, I’m really on; but when I’m off, I can go seriously off the rails”. A man after my own heart: no in-built ‘stop’ button

  14. A hardman who writes a thank you note. I was impressed before this but now I’m stunned. And Frank you are a stud for having made and sent him the glass. Nice work all around.

    @Dr C
    Nice Twiggo story. Yeah, one has to love him for all his wrinkles. His bad haircut is canceled out by his love of guitars. It would be fun to see him finally kill it in the TdF which he might do this year with all the TT going on. And fun to see the trouble of having Cav on the same team.

  15. Hmm, now I’m curious – does he not like beer? Has he stopped to focus all his efforts on reaching his best form? Does he love beer and simply realize it might prevent him from being on form?

    While I ride daily and think about cycling a lot, the focus the PROS must have is just staggering. Then again, so is there talent & power, like the watts discussion in the other discussion.

    For me, it’s hard to believe never drinking beer, never eating ice cream, training with that much focus. But then again, I can’t put out 1400 watts.

  16. @Dr C

    @RedRanger

    I’m confused based on the fact that he is Belgian. Thanks for sharing his reply.

    I thought he was Dutch….they are the only cyclists on the planet who don’t wish they were Belgian
    I shall casually and deliberately wear my Hoogerland Heroes T-shirt today in due reverence
    I see he wears the same shoes as me…..of course, mine aren’t smeared in blood like his are – hardest of Hardmen

    Pretty sure the Irish are happy not being Belgian……..

  17. Hoogerland T. F. U.

    On another note, I can’t understand how Wiggo is such a good time trialist while being so skinny. Usually the bigger guys rule TTs, no?

  18. @brett
    A+1. One of my all time favourite films, despite having no bikes and lots of Australians. I am reminded of if every time I try to be first to the top of the hill on a bunch ride: ‘Tell him he’s dreamiing.’

    Very good to have got such a nice reply from Johnny H. Respec’.

  19. @snoov

    Thanks @frank for letting us know he responded. Johnny was so full of awesome and magnanimity in the post stage interviews I had tears in my eyes. In fact the interview I have in mind should be the definition for magnanimous and to my ear, Dutch people speaking English sounds great (actually so do most foreigners to my ear).
    To me it’s no surprise to hear that he doesn’t drink much beer. Alcohol is a toxin, although due to the history of Europe where our ancestors sanitised their drinking water by distilling we have developed a tolerance to it. In the Far East where their ancestors made Tea instead, they don’t have the same tolerance for alcohol. The toxicity of alcohol draws me to the conclusion that any truly dedicated professional sportsman, while involved in some sort of tournament like a Grand Tour or Rugby World Cup for example, would naturally avoid alcohol in order to perform at their absolute best. Take the poor showing of England’s rugby team just a few months ago as an example, some of them were drinking too much.
    Of course we are not pros, and we don’t represent our countries and have the hopes of millions watching and supporting us. We love bikes, we love riding them to the best of our abilities and having a few beers after. It’s all about the bike for us and the fitness might not even come second. For Johnny and his professional peers the fitness is obviously far more important.
    Saying that, he probably drinks wine instead of beer.

    Absolutely agree (it was a joke). Alcohol – especially beer – has the additional double-whammy of containing loads of calories and slowing your metabolism down. So the calories you’re consuming are also harder to burn off. Back to that “don’t get fat” thing.

    @brett
    GOLD!!! Never seen that before…

    @Ron
    I think its just the little things you need to do as a Pro – you’re already at 1% body fat and you need to cut that in half. So, out goes the beer.

  20. @DerHoggz

    Hoogerland T. F. U.
    On another note, I can’t understand how Wiggo is such a good time trialist while being so skinny. Usually the bigger guys rule TTs, no?

    I actually think the tall skinny guys tend to be great TTers. Millar is another of those guys, so is Tony Martin. Indurain was another great example from yesteryear. Faboo is also taller than you’d think, because he has such massive guns he looks shorter.

    I think you can generate watts two ways: through sheer power (thats how Sprinters do it) and through the wicked leverage you can generate with long legs. While Twiggo won’t come up to speed too quickly, once he’s there, he can maintain it for ages and in the end, that’s what a TT is all about. Remember what Merckx said (paraphrased): In a time trial you want to start as fast as possible and finish as fast as possible. As for the middle, ride it as fast as possible.

  21. @snoov

    @frank
    You guys are full of it – even if you were joking. You don’t joke about temperance. And beer is definitely performance enhancing, especially on the cobbles. Evidence: Peter Van Petegem and Stuey O’Grady to name but two.

    And still my favorite cycling photo of the year. Apres Chrono!

  22. @Marcus
    Damn you you’ve got me with tears in my eyes again. I was so happy for Cadelephant when he won the tour, and in this photo his humility really comes across, but boy did he work for it. His lone chase … the TT.

    I bet you though @Marcus, that he wouldn’t have been drinking a beer on any of the first 19 days. However I take your point and think more study needs to take place, when it’s warmer I’ll try the bidon filled with beer!

  23. @DerHoggz

    @frank
    Ah, I guess I am confusing sprinters with time trialists. Holy carp, Spartacus is like 82kg.
    I just saw this video and wanted to share, 55.152km/h prologue time trial, then he blows his team away on the TTT.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjJ60Kx2j8I

    Boardman was such a fucking stud. LOVED HIM. I’m in love with Royce hubs not in a small part because of him. The next year, though, he crashed at the same speed. Not as good.

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4053370059753722614

  24. @frank

    I watched some documentary called Battle of the Bikes the other day on youtube, about Boardman and Obree doing the hours and then worlds. Pretty interesting, but Boardman came across as a bit of a douche. I kinda wish the UCI wasn’t so restrictive in bike design after watching those vids.

    How was Boardman shifting on that bike, I see a front derailleur, but no shifters?

  25. @snoov
    Egaads man. All good things in moderation. Too much of just about anything is toxic. Swearing off the suds is insanity!

  26. @DerHoggz

    @frank
    I watched some documentary called Battle of the Bikes the other day on youtube, about Boardman and Obree doing the hours and then worlds. Pretty interesting, but Boardman came across as a bit of a douche. I kinda wish the UCI wasn’t so restrictive in bike design after watching those vids.
    How was Boardman shifting on that bike, I see a front derailleur, but no shifters?

    He was using Mavic’s Zap groupset – electronic shifting that predated Shimano and Campy by a decade. It fell out of favor after Mavic upgraded to wireless shifting on a group called Mektronic, which really sucked because things like other bike with the same group, heart rate monitors, and other radio-based signals fucked with it. Zap was wired, though, and worked great.

    Boardman actually is not a douche. But he was a MAJOR tech freak, and was all about technical advantages; he’s the guy who came up with the notion of aggregation of marginal gains, which is what the entire British track program is based on, as well as Team Sky (he’s a consultant for both groups now.)

    Interestingly, he feels personally responsible for destroying the sport. He feels his obsession with technology killed the greater nuance of the culture of cycling, which is why he petitioned the UCI to restore the original rules for the Hour Record and established the Athletes Hour.

    I’m looking for his quote to that effect in my favorite issue of Rouleur, Issue 12. But I’m not seeing it just now. I did, however, find this – which is such a wonderful story of how the Hour Record kills you.

    The Hour record was a horrible experience…The third one…after about five minutes it was a nightmare. You look up and you think, anything else and I’d stop now, because this is horrible. I knew how hard it was going to be…you’re breaking muscle fibres all the time, so your engine size is going down and down and down, but you still have to produce the same amount of power to keep going forward at the same speed. So you can see, half an hour out, that it was going to come down to going anaerobic at the end.

    He broke Merck’s Hour Record by a whopping 10 meters. Previously, using a superbike and the Superman position, he’d set it north of 56 kmph.

  27. I definitely think that it is good that they changed to Merckx – style bikes. It shows that we really haven’t gotten much better.

  28. Even though it was outrageously negligent and totally avoidable, the Hoogerland incident will surely go down as a genuine hardman legend. Time will never diminish it. Straight after the crash he seemed calm and collected, even as he got untangled from the fence then treated. Check the fat stitches. What a man!

  29. @Harminator

    Even though it was outrageously negligent and totally avoidable, the Hoogerland incident will surely go down as a genuine hardman legend. Time will never diminish it. Straight after the crash he seemed calm and collected, even as he got untangled from the fence then treated. Check the fat stitches. What a man!

    Absolutely. And, and American would have sued the driver’s pants off and retired in Southern California. Instead, he says something to the effect of, “Ah, hell. I bet he didn’t mean to…” and just gets on with his job.

    Class act.

  30. Yeah, I should be right to ride a couple of thousand more K’s through the Pyrenees and Alps…

  31. @Harminator
    Aside from how bloody and badass he looks, that picture gives me serious Gun Envy. I mean, lets be realistic: if it wasn’t for this crash, we’d really not be able to pick Johnny out from the rest of the bunch…but check out his guns. Even as a “regular” Pro, those pipes are amazing.

    I’m ashamed to be proud of my guns, given how pinner they are.

  32. This year’s TDF was one of the main thing’s which really got me into road riding and watching Johnny get knocked off was sickening but so inspiring to see him jump back on the bike after being ripped to shreds.
    A massive dose of Rule #5 to the power of V.

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