Fendangelism
Mudguards (fenders) and saddlebags are two subjects that are sure to get our collective ire up as Cyclists. When I wrote in one of my columns for Cyclist that saddlebags should never be used, my editor told me that he received a record number of emails threatening to cancel their subscription on the basis that my column was a “black eye” on an otherwise sterling publication. I don’t disagree with the premise; but the fact that it was this statement that brought it about brings to light how much people love their saddlebags. The Pros use them in training, so how dare I claim that we should not.
The fact is, we’re not trying to look like Pros; we are trying to Look Fantastic at All Times and just because the Pros do it doesn’t mean it looks good. In fact, the Pros often look as rubbish as the typical cyclotourist; they just go faster than us. But Fournel’s Theorem is not commutative; just because you’re fast doesn’t mean you look good.
And so, saddlebags are banned on the premise that they are ugly, no further discussion required. Mudguards, on the other hand, are banned for the fact that are ugly, noisy, and are an implied contravention of Rule #9. The Nine is about submitting to the deluge, about embracing the misery of training in the cold and wet; it is about dedication and discipline above the creature comforts found at home. Post-ride, the bicycle is carefully and lovingly cleaned and made ready for the next ride. Rider and machine bonded together through mutual commitment.
Mudguards protect the frame and bottom bracket from road grit, it is true enough. But I don’t care. They also deflect the grime cast up by the tires as they carve their solemn trough over the wet tarmac. Still don’t care. On group rides, Fendangelists preach to anyone who appears to the ride without mudguards about how rude they are, forcing the others to chew on their rooster tail while riding in the bunch. To this I suggest that if you’d like to avoid a rinsing with Belgian Toothpaste there is usually an open spot for you on the front of the bunch..
Half the satisfaction of a hard Rule #9 ride is your appearance upon your return home, further mystifying The Cyclists to the rest of the world. I lovingly admire my mud-spattered bicycle and take in my flemish tanlines as I remove my kit. To ride with noisy mudguards would not only be a violation of the Principle of Silence, but more importantly I would be depriving myself of this greatest of pleasures.
At the Carrefour.
@TommyTubolare
Not my wheelset, didn’t have time to notice, or care.
I’m 51, and yes, have had back/neck/arm issues recently. The stem has been dropped 20mm from when that photo was taken, that was my 3rd or 4th ride on the bike and was still tweaking it. And I couldn’t really give a fuck about drop now, just want to be able to ride again without my arm going numb. Maybe I’ll put a +20º stem on it. And flat bars.
@Sparty
And then they all went out for chicken burgers…
@Ron
Oh boy.
The only concession I make on my rain bike is a set of flashers front and back. It also has black bars, but the fizik tape stays white so that’s not why they’re black. They’re black because white tape only goes on #1 these days.
My initial approach to inclement weather is rather cat-like: (an extreme aversion to getting kit or bike wet), but once the rain/sleet starts falling I transition rapidly to the mindset of a 12 year old (my inner Jens Voigt). The dichotomy can be striking.
@brett
Yet you had time to make sure the valvestems were bottom-most and the chain was in the big ring before you took the shot. So what you’re really saying is, you didn’t have time to notice or care you were violating Rule #2, and therefore guilty-by-association of a Rule #40 violation. Got it.
Hold on… lemme get some more stones to throw!
@frank
Am I smoking crack, or did your post originally say ‘not cumulative’ ? Because it totally is. The more (and more often) you Look Fantastic, the Faster you Go.
@frank
Ordered Newbwaum’s Dark Gray cotton tape to wrap my 3ttt Super Competezione bars. And planning to wrap them as often as necessary. Eventually I’ll get myself feeling it for white cotton tape.
Newbaum’s
@Sparty
Fertilized with wretched chickenshit you were? I think that that makes you organic.
And just to repeat seeing as how original post was quickly lost on another thread and this thread being far
more appropriate. I love this photo. Spring classics are for badasses.
@litvi
Well I may have checked the valve stems, but the chain never left the big ring.
@Neil
…of the highest order? No. That level is reserved for the Texan.
But being a bunch of pedantic cycling fetishists who enjoy making others “suffer” on a ride… Yup. That’s us.
I was recently forced off my bike by a combination of an immovable object, gravity, and speed. I was using an EPMS prior to disembarking my bike. In the process of disembarking my bike so too did the EPMS. I threw that EPMS into the orange grove I crashed next to and carried on my way, and haven’t gone back to using one since. Therefore, for fear of what Merckx would do to me should I affix fenders to my steed, I have not affixed fenders to my steed.
@brett
Redeemed.
@Vince
Probably the best reason of all not to trust an EPMS to be any part of your ride.
If you’re going to race in the shit, you need to train in the shit.
Mudguards/fenders are not permitted while racing. So…
TBH all I’m seeing in the photos people are posting of their rides are reasons to use fenders. Riding in snow and mud and grinding all that shit into your bearings? I have a bike that permanently wears fenders. So much less cleaning and less crap getting into the drive train.
@minion
Don’t be so offendersive!
@brett
And THAT is just one of the reasons that Brett is a Keeper.
@RobSandy
YES! Train as you fight!
Well said, @RobSandy.
@RobSandy
reminds me of riding in PA with all the Amish horse and buggies, never road through so much crap in my life.
@frank
We need to do an article on the thrill of jumping behind trucks for some moto-pacing.
@hudson
Yep. Which is precisely where I live. We have some splendid riding here in the Appalachian range.
All this talk of training in shit reminds me of the time that being able to retrieve bidon – drink – replace, all without looking was not such a great idea. On a particularly inclement ride………
Hmm that didn’t taste like mud.
Looks at bidon.
Cow shit does have that unique green tinge compared to mud……….
@Sparty
wow, i’m jealous, that was a great ride (this past weekend), beautiful country (other than the loads of horse crap) and them hills were a pleasant change than what i’m used to (Delaware). I already told the VMW were moving there when the kids are gone.
Here we go . I have 4 road bikes . 3 of them drool worthy,spotless and looking fantastic .One under 15lbs with pedals ,the other 2 steel and under 17lbs. The 4th is a 25lb steel Norco with full Portland Design works fenders. Guess which bike I ride when its raining or below freezing with wet salty roads . Guess which bike has taken me through more shit than any bike I have ever owned. Guess which bike is a work horse . Guess which bike keeps my feet and body relatively dry in wet conditions. Guess which 3 bikes have minty clean drive trains . Guess which bike keeps me strong with its 25lb heft . Guess which bike makes my others feel like rocketships with their light weight.Guess which bike has served me well through mud and grime with its blessed fenders . Guess which bike has become one of my favorites .I could go on and on . Its ok to love your beater bike with its full fenders rules or not .
@minion
Fenders are a no brainer when the time is right .Those of you without ,check your brain …
@frank
Yup, fizik tape is truly incredible. I have it on three bikes and yes, it’s easy to clean. But, I also have some perforated Deda tape on another bike and it’s not easy to keep it white, even without rain. I like having at least one bike that is just a workhorse and that I don’t *have* to meticulously clean immediately after a ride. It’s a nice way to live.
And yup on the lights. Though there is no telling when a text will get in the way of not ending my life, I feel better having front/rear lights when I’m riding on open roads.
@litvi
No, you are not. Don’t you know, everyone smokes meth these days…
@Ron
Not having lights is like not wearing a helmet in my opinion, at least a rear light, something small but with the power of the Eye of Sauron.
@litvi
Sorry, you are smoking crack. But you’re right, it is cumulative. But it is not commutative; just because you’re fast doesn’t mean you look good.
@brett
Haha! Nicely played. I was on a wet ride with some mates Sunday after a wet ride on Saturday where I never rode in the 39 all day. On Sunday the chain made an awful sound in the 39 because of all the grit on there, and I said it was an anaphylactic reaction my bike had to using the little ring.
@Vince
Penance was paid, I’m glad to see you’ve seen the light.
@hudson
Sounds like Belgium.
@Neil
Glad I’m not alone in this. Back in the day when we would train all winter in Seattle, if you showed up to a team ride without fenders and mudflaps in off season, you either got sent home, or had to ride at the back, but far enough off that you werent getting a draft.
@Gianni
Indeed we do!
breaking away highway scene from Louis Renna on Vimeo.
@hudson
I’ve been using the Cateye Rapid X2 front and rear lights. They connect by rubber band, are rechargeable, and light the wheels up like a fucking disco ball.
http://www.cateye.com/en/products/detail/TL-LD710-R/
http://www.cateye.com/en/products/detail/TL-LD710-F/
@hudson
Except during peak summer/daylight, most of my riders (after work) carry over into the waning hours of daylight and sometimes into darkness. Plus I live in and ride in (or transit through) a dense, urban area with a lot of cars/traffic. So lights have become a “must have” for me. I have a Bontrager Ion 700R front light. Three steady state modes (250/450/700 lumens). 700 lumens is actually too bright at night in an urban setting (blinds oncoming traffic), but 450 provides both enough light to see and be seen. The 50 lumens irregular strobe is great to use to be seen during daylight (there’s also a regular flash mode).
My rear light is a Bontrager Flare R, which in bright mode is supposed to be visible in daylight from 2km. I can’t say for sure if that’s true, but the first time I ever used it on a small group ride and got out ahead just for fun (maybe a kilometer), when we re-grouped everyone said you could see the flashing/strobe and quite a distance (there’s also a steady state mode). In bright mode it’s actually too bright if you’re riding in close quarters. My wife has asked me to “tone it down” when she rides with me. And when it gets dark out, the less bright setting is definitely more than enough to be seen.
@chuckp
my commute in is dark year round, and my ride is mostly rural, I’ve had the bejesus scared out of me numerous times by deer i haven’t seen until the last second (who at this point have got to be doing it on purpose). I’ve yet to find a front light i’m happy with that doesn’t eat batteries like crazy. My rear is a Specialized Stix Sport Tail light, and it fulfills a tall order for such a tiny thing, the USB charger is a big plus. I’d like a nice bright wide headlight. open to suggestions.
@frank
Thats actually really impressive. I may have to outright copy your lighting style.
Sunny day road ride: C40
Rainy day road ride: C40
Snowy day road ride: C40
Gravel dirt road crap ride: C40
There are lots of lights out there, but I love talking lights so…
Rear: Planet Bike Turbo on the bike, Planet Bike mini on rear of helmet, with small basic Velcro strap. I like two levels for low-light winter riding.
Rear: I don’t like mounting anything on some of my bikes. The Serfas Thunderbolt is GREAT for bikes that have odd tube shapes, those with many bikes, or those who don’t like a light mount.
Front: A Serfas USB-5 for being seen. Bright, very light, easy on-off. If I need to actually see a bit…the Lezyne Hecto 300 is pretty amazing for a small-ish light. Built-in usb stick too. Enough to get you around in urban areas with street lights (I’ve also easily mounted this onto my helmet for long, dark commuting, paired with a light on the bars). For dark riding I’ve also got one of the big-boy Lezyne front lights. It’s overkill for anything but darkness riding away from street lights.
@frank
@frank
Jump behind a bread truck heading Downtown on Columbus Ave and enjoy an easy 80+ kmh. Just watch out for that short light at Lincoln Center.
@frank
Blimey, @frank uses a doped front wheel.
@hudson
Both the Ion 700R and Flare R are USB charged lights. Here are some reviews of the Ion 700R.
https://www.bikelightdatabase.com/bontrager/ion700/
https://www.bikelightdatabase.com/bontrager/ion700/
This YouTube vid will give you an idea of how bright the Ion 700R is, as well as the beam pattern. Go to 6:33 mark.
[IMG]http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c332/wazgilbert/bikes/DSC_0942_zpsu7ldxvic.jpg[/IMG]
Commute or winter training – this bike cannot be added to enough to avoid the shite coming off the roads, the front mudguard is extended to protect the BB even more, and I wrapped some plastic around the rear wheel at the seat tube to protect it from the rear wheel and the mech.
USE Exposure Flash/Flare all the time and a Strada for seeing where I’m going when it is properly dark.
[IMG]http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c332/wazgilbert/bikes/FC09348F-E37D-4153-864C-C7127DD72E4F_zpsdmogzdcf.jpg[/IMG]
those little lights are surprisingly good, especially on the pulse style flash setting.
@hudson
@Waz
newfangled comments options. tsk.
Jeez, this is only my second post here, but I’m already going to get into trouble. I had a lovely purpose built Rando style bike with fenders and dynamo lights and all. It was absolutely amazing in the wet. I’ve done my share of hardcore rides, but after realizing fenders exist, it seems pointless to suffer needlessly. That and properly installed fenders are not at all noisy. Careful shopping results in fenders that aren’t absolutely hideous, but I’m not going to pretend they’re optimal in the looks department.
I guess it depends on the ride, as well. For truly nasty rides that involve a little gravel and dirt, fenders can actually become a hazard. But for winter training rides on damp roads? That just means I get colder faster and do less miles. Not interested.
But a huge no to the saddle bag. Utterly useless and ruins the lines of a bike. Jerseys have pockets for a reason. If you can’t put your flat kit in a jersey pocket with room to spare, you’re carrying too much crap.
@chuckp
That’s a bontrager product.
@Waz
We scienced the fuck outta this place, son.
@Jonathan
I found that despite how carefully they are installed on a racing bike, the clearance is so low that if they don’t make noise themselves, then they at least will make noise when road grit gets in there.
Or you can get colder faster and do the same distance because of Rule #5.
Finally some sense!