Until I started wearing the sacred threads of the V-Kit, I believed firmly that Assos produced the finest clothes in cycling. Their winter clothes are toasty-warm and lack the bulk of most winter garb, while no epidermal cell has ever been lost to chaffing while wearing a pair of FI.13 bibs.
For a company who has such a stellar reputation in the construction of cycling clothing, I can’t understand why they have hired a sullen-faced body-builder who would look less out of place delivering lines like, “Hello, I understand your pipes need to be checked” than he does modeling cycling clothes. That said, it does appear he has a talent for flexing every muscle in his body simultaneously – including those in his toes, and I suppose I can admire that.
That talent aside, take the photo in this article, which I found on The Google. I assume he’s demonstrating how to ride the Batcycle projectile, but that’s not really a bicycle and is also fictional; as such I can’t see the relevance of wearing a pair of bibshorts while pretending to ride one. Besides, everyone knows you need a cape to ride any of Batman’s gear. It’s protocol.
I also don’t understand why a company like Assoss would hire a guy with a shirt allergy to model their clothes. After all, since I am to understand Assos also sells jerseys, I would have thought it a sound business decision to find a candidate who, in addition to pulling off an excellent Blue Steel, should also be able to occasionally drape a garment over his chiseled abs. But, as they say, hind-sight is 20-20, and since I wasn’t there, I shouldn’t pass judgement on their decisions. Besides, they seem to have repeated the decision when choosing the model for their womens line, so maybe it’s part of their strategy.
In any case, for a company who makes the worlds second-best cycling kit, I recommend they shift to a marketing scheme that involves using people who occasionally ride bicycles to model their clothes.
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@frank
if it's not Castelli it's one of the other big brands*, was looking for kit for the velomihottie the other day...hence her comments
*I just checked and it's Giordana
Frank, I'm glad someone has taken on this Assos guy as he really is a douchnozzle(thanks, Josh). He needs a beating. But, but, but the Assos girl is such a minx, it's taken me a while but she has worn me down, certainly no cyclist but she does look good in Assos anyway.
Here is my vote for cycling model, a real cyclist with fab legs and tan lines...schwinggggggg
@Cyclops
For fuck's sake man, did you have to post that? I threw up more than a little in my mouth.
Luckily, Ken and John administered the antidote promptly.
@Frank
With Cyclops at one end of the spectrum and the douchebag below at the other, we have two great examples why Assos should not use real cyclists to model their clothes.
Oh and whilst I'm on a roll here, this shot of the Chicken, who looks like he has coated his arms in Colonel Sanders secret recipe and stuck them in the deep fryer for 30 minutes, reminds me why this particular Rule Holist cannot subscribe to Rule 7.
p.s. great site by the way ...
@ken
My arm tanlines look very close to the same as the Chicken's. I show them off as much as possible, if only to see the horrified looks on people's faces. My thigh line is similarly defined. I place Rule 7 on equal terms with shaving. Crisp tanlines and smooth legs are part of a cyclist's identity. A badge of honor, as it takes a helluva a lot of time in the saddle to attain such glorious tanlines.
It is clear that the Chicken rides mostly without gloves though. I always wear gloves and during better times, I have a strip of tan from wrist to mid-bicep, while my hands are whitish, similar to Mickey Mouse.
I maintain a figure similar to that of the Assos Guy. Looking like either Grimpeur is not something I'd be proud of.
He adds something to the brand that others don't have, whether it's douchebaggery or notoriety. Everyone knows him as the "Assos Guy." Bring him up in a conversation while on your weekend hammerfest, and everyone instantly knows who you're talking about. Brand recognition. I think he's great. The body of most professional cyclists are not ideal for marketing any type of clothing.
Truth be told, I'd rather look like him than most pros.
Either way, the first time I threw on a pair of Assos bibs, I knew there was no going back. In fact, my Assos kits were in the hamper, and I had no choice but to wear my old team kit made by Castelli. It just wasn't the same.
@Omar
You should try Castelli's new stuff. I perviously had the same experience (as an Assos guy) until I went to the Aero bibs. They are incredible.
Please review John's contribution and tell me if you still feel that way.
While I adhere to the tan line Rule, I've often wondered if it wasn't a cyclists' rule to divert attention away from the absence of delts.
I'm also waiting for someone to evoke the image of Tom Boonen the Gladiator.
True dat, but I'm still not buying anything she's wearing.