It’s not difficult to understand that climate change, global warming, call it what you will, is real. If you’re still in denial about this fact then you are probably one or more of three things: ignorant, complicit or a complete moron. You can cite all the statistics you want, read the reports, or just stick your head out of the window and realise it’s fucking hot, but the only evidence for the environmentally aware Cyclist is this:

It hasn’t rained at Paris-Roubaix for thirteen years.

Not since The Lion soloed in from 40k’s out to take home his last cobblestone paperweight in 2002 has there been a proper wet Hell Of The North. The preceding year was even worse, or better depending on your perception of Rule #9 conditions and whether you take pleasure in others’ torment. I guess most of us here have a foot firmly in both camps, enthusiastically summoning the rain gods to take a piss on Northern France on the second Sunday in April. The resulting lack of precipitation only confirms that gods don’t exist, or don’t bloody listen.

In a final act of desperation, I’ll be buying some gumboots, Wellingtons, Alaskan sneakers when we hit Lille for Keepers Tour 15. Hopefully this will draw some moisture from the sky and add to the spectacle that will be Tommeke gunning for his 5th, Faboo trying to equal him, and Wiggins having a laugh. This has all the ingredients for an all-time classic Classic. Just add water.

*Why would you miss this opportunity to be part of history? Keepers Tour is the best value cobbled week tour available. Sign up now. Bring your Wellies.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • I'm surprised by the talk about Wiggins as a contender. Sure, he did really darn well last year. But, to dive in late and ride strongly when you're an interloper and to name your race and pull off a podium is quite different. Unknown quantity vs. staking your territory four months in advance are very different.

    I'm looking forward to seeing how he does, but I can't imagine he'll repeat a top 10. Not now that folks will watch his wheels much, much more closely.

  • @Ron

    I'm surprised by the talk about Wiggins as a contender. Sure, he did really darn well last year. But, to dive in late and ride strongly when you're an interloper and to name your race and pull off a podium is quite different. Unknown quantity vs. staking your territory four months in advance are very different.

    I'm looking forward to seeing how he does, but I can't imagine he'll repeat a top 10. Not now that folks will watch his wheels much, much more closely.

    Agreed. It's going to be really tough for him. But then it's going to be tough for all the main contenders. Everyone knows them.

    I don't think a win or podium is likely, but I'll be cheering him on.

  • I understand Wiggins is getting all excited about a crack at P-R, but is this really a race to put so many proverbial eggs in a particular basket? Let's face it, perhaps more than any other race, P-R requires luck - no punctures, no mechanicals, no one falling in front of you.You could be at 100% fitness, have a great team, then have a mechanical in the Arenberg. Team car? Nowhere in sight. For reference, see Tommeke a few years back - jammed chain. Race over.

    As always, I wish Wiggins well, but he'd better eat his lucky charms.

  • @brett

    @Barracuda

    @brett

    Don't forget the timeless and ever popular " washing of the car " to ensure it pisses down.

    Works for me every time.

    Tried and true. I wonder if it works with bikes?

    It does, dammit, it does. Every time I clean it really thoroughly the gods conspire against me. I once spent a few hours cleaning it completely, polishing and greasing and stripping the chain of any speck of dust ahead of a race, forecast dry and sunny. Reality? Race shortened because of floods, and it was raining and hailing from 30km out until the finish.

  • @wiscot

    As always, I wish Wiggins well, but he'd better eat his lucky charms.

    Yeah, it's not just like smashing a TT. I don't really understand how you could plan to win P-R. I assume it's just a case of reacting to what happens around you and having plenty left in the tank.

  • @wiscot

    I understand Wiggins is getting all excited about a crack at P-R, but is this really a race to put so many proverbial eggs in a particular basket? Let's face it, perhaps more than any other race, P-R requires luck - no punctures, no mechanicals, no one falling in front of you.You could be at 100% fitness, have a great team, then have a mechanical in the Arenberg. Team car? Nowhere in sight. For reference, see Tommeke a few years back - jammed chain. Race over.

    As always, I wish Wiggins well, but he'd better eat his lucky charms.

    Reminds me of this great video... http://www.wheelsuckers.co.uk/page/the-back-of-hell-paris-roubaix-2013

  • @brett

    @Champs

    The gods of Rule #9 are not summoned with gumboots. To prepare is to prevent.

    Beautiful. +1 to you my friend.

    Indeed. I'm bringing no overshoes, no gloves, no cycling caps, nothing but bibs and jerseys. I'm not even bringing arm warmers.

    That ought to do it.

  • @frank

    @brett

    @Champs

    The gods of Rule #9 are not summoned with gumboots. To prepare is to prevent.

    Beautiful. +1 to you my friend.

    Indeed. I'm bringing no overshoes, no gloves, no cycling caps, nothing but bibs and jerseys. I'm not even bringing arm warmers.

    That ought to do it.

    Don't forget the credit card though...................

  • @Ron

    I'm surprised by the talk about Wiggins as a contender. Sure, he did really darn well last year. But, to dive in late and ride strongly when you're an interloper and to name your race and pull off a podium is quite different. Unknown quantity vs. staking your territory four months in advance are very different.

    I'm looking forward to seeing how he does, but I can't imagine he'll repeat a top 10. Not now that folks will watch his wheels much, much more closely.

    One one hand I see what you're saying, but you can't tell me that no one marks Boonen or Cancellara and they continue to perform year in and year out at P-R.  Its definitely a race where luck plays a much larger part than many other races, but in Pippi Longstockings defense, he really does tend to do well with those races he targets and prepares specifically for.  There aren't many guys that can transform themselves these days from track champions, to TT specialist, to Grand Tour Contender the way he seems to have.  If its his one road goal for the season and Lady Luck doesn't kick him in the balls, I don't see why he can't be right up there when its time for the final selection.

  • @Wiscot @Ron @RobSandy

    I take your point about luck in P-R but with Wiggo past experience has shown that once he puts his mind to it, he does it. To a certain extent he transcends luck, other than the most egregious variety.

    You don't get four Olympic golds, a TdF and a World TT championship any other way.

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