Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France
While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.
Admit it, July trumps May every time.
Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.
Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.
Brett’s Take:
As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.
Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.
It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.
Marko’s Take:
Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races. All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world. But it isn’t climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us. If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan. So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong? Panache. What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider. Rather what we’ve lost is panache. If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it. But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.
So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go? Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.
So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.
The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race. Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.
Gianni’s Take:
Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama: Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.
I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.
I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.
Frank’s Take:
Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.
With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.
This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.
I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.
@Marcus
He’s french. It’s one of four things french people do, and only two of which you can take photos of.
minion – Hmm, not sure I can name all four, but that’s okay. You’ve given me a riddle to ponder.
As for Tommy V’s bike, I’m not a big fan of yellow in the first place. I realized this yesterday when trying to find a new shirt for my alternate athletic pursuit of soccer. I was slogging through a rack and came across a yellow shirt and realized I don’t really like yellow.
That being said, I put in around 140 kms this weekend on a borrowed Colnago. Damn, it was a sweet ride. That’s really saying something considering I just jumped on a foreign bike without any adjustments. Al main, carbon front rear with Cinelli Ram bars and tubulars. First time putting in that much time on tubulars and first time on a Colnago. Damn, I thought I hated Al bikes, but the ride quality was quite nice. Ram bars are cool, don’t know if I’d like them daily, but I did like them.
But hell, my bike needs list just blew up: tubulars, Colnago, maybe some Ram bars. Thankfully I can’t get any more bikes until I move into a new place with more space for the whips.
Hopefully spelling Voeckler’s name right doesn’t count as a swap… Otherwise SSG in for Martin.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. SchleckA
2. SchleckF
3. Voeckler
4. Contador
5. Samuel Sanchez
I’m not going to switch anyone in the VSP. Now I just need the Schlecks to look at JENS and do the right thing.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. A. Schleck
2. Contador
3. Evans
4. F. Schleck
5. Voeckler
if the current weather predictions hold true, and Tommy V has a Paris Nice flashback to his rain soaked final stage win, he could actually extend his lead if the others don’t put some V into their efforts.
Do I go into minus points for not having had a pick before? Anyway, there goes…
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Grimplette
2. Grimpleur the Elder
3. Cuddles
4. Basso
5. Contador
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cadel
2. Contador
3. Andy
4. Basso
5. Sanchez
@Gianni
Exactly. And as for predictable results, lets not forget that televised sport is entertainment, nothing more. They get paid because of the entertainment value of the sport, not for winning. It just so happens that, for the most part, winning = entertainment. But entertainment value always increases when competitions are closely fought. So, if the entertainment is harmed by predictability, then yes, there is someone to blame – absolutely.
Just not sure if it’s Cav’s fault or Farrar’s; they are are both responsible for making it exciting – Cav by being beatable, and Farrar by being better.
@Marcus
Have you read Willey Voet’s book, Breaking the Chain? A lot of spectacular cracking was done because riders were mixing juice from different sources. The doping plans are carefully constructed, and medling with them cause some serious problems. Zulle in the ’98 Giro is a case in point from the book, where Zulle was under Voet’s “care” and then got something new from a doctor that turned the cocktail from martini to molotov.
@Oli
You were like a week ago, when Kloden dropped out. You only get 24 hours to do a DNF change. Sorry mate!
@Jonny
It does count to the software, which only can see a change. Spelling doesn’t impact your scoring unless you spell so badly we don’t know what you’re talking about. Please dispute your pick and we’ll correct it.
@ralasdair
Nah, the lowest you can score is 0 points…
@frank
Thanks for the info, but I swapped my number 5 pick completely so it shouldn’t make any difference as I was only on 4 points to start with.
@frank – “martini to molotov”. Great title for next James Bond movie!
@frank
I certainly have read that book – quite an eye opener and it certainly confirmed my disdain for M. Virenque. I was only just raising sh-t for the sake of it on a Monday morning (our time). No point ever speculating about who is on what – just ruins everything.
I just prefer to take bicarb of soda for races under an hour. Its what the racehorses use to hold of lactic acid production…
I’m standing pat… switching out Levi at a four point penalty ain’t worth trying to put someone else in. Once Tommy V gaks I’m looking right as rain.
Delenda Est Alberto
@All
The Inner Ring has an interesting post about a possible Movistar tactic to get Rojas into verde; it’s a fine line to walk, but given the tempest in a teapot about Cav taking pulls uphill, it could make the Alps a bit more interesting…
@Marcus
I like this… bicarb plus a little antihistamine / decongestant for that extra oomph… They dont call him “Speedy” for nothing!
Interesting story on Cyclingnews.
Armstrong claims victim of character assassination.
http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/armstrong-victim-of-character-assassination
Seems not to worry him when the subject is Frankie Andreu or Floyd Landis.
Note to COTHO; in order for something to be assassinated, it has to exist first.
@sgt
I AM SO GOING TO TRY THAT. Plus, I’m an asthmatic, like 99% of all Pros.
New superteam in the making?
Cuddles, GilBear, god of thunder…
http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/gilbert-to-bmc
@frank, when do rest day swaps close? When the next stage starts?
Missed the opportunity to swap Klodie, but other picks are solid enough I don’t want to take the chance of a 20 point hit on changing.
Let’s get this rest day over and see some climbing!
@sgt
Intriguing. I say go for it Movistar. Make Cav climb. You can be a specialist, but you can’t just be a lump of lead and not deal with climbing as well.
Damn you Kloden… SOFT! I had you aiming for a top 5 easy…
I would hate to see cuntador win it from here but I think the next couple of days will be a smash fest for the crafty spanian. Cuddles will break and andy will hold on by seconds.
GO CUDDLES!
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. A.Schecktacular
2. Cuntador
3. Cuddles
4. Voekler
5. Franky Schlecktacular
@Collin
If Movistar do that they will deserve everything that comes to them.
After much agonizing, flipping the places for COTHO Jr. and Cuddles.
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Cuddles
2. Schleck le Jeune
3. Clenberto Clenbutador
4. Schleck le Vieux
5. Basso
@Collin
Some perspective on Cav’s climbing ability from The Inner Ring:
You can bet that Cav will get up and over; that’s how Bernie & Co. make their money on non-sprinting days.
@Steampunk
and their arms will be just as sore as their legs from pushing the midget fat fucker over the cols
Like many of you I have been thoroughly impressed with how Voeckler has ridden in the Maillot Jaune, but I couldn’t get too excited for him as I just didn’t believe that he could win. Plateau de Beille was an eye opener for me however, and while I still don’t know if he will win, I now at least believe that he’s got a shot. So I’m going to go all in for Tommy Velominati to make it to Paris in yellow. Out goes Conti and maybe any chance at VSP glory, but I do know that I’ll have more fun rooting on Voeckler to stay in yellow then I would for Contador to gain it. Vive Voeckler!
VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):
1. Voeckler
2. Cadel
3. Schleck
4. Sammy Sanchez
5. Frank Schleck
@LA Dave
Yuss! Attaboy, this thing gets more entertaining when the favourites go out the window and the scrappers and the bolters get a chance to shine.
Question: Do I watch Friday’s stage to L’Alpe or do I go on what’s now become our annual group gravel epic (100mi – 5000 plus feet of climbing painful bliss)?
@Marko
Tivo that shit and do both. Just avoid Facebook, Twitter, the TV, or this site in the meantime…
@Marko
To me it’s not the same watching it delayed. I just have a need to know the results in realtime. That said, I believe you are in the same situation as me, with a long snowy winter staring down the barrel at you. I will be arriving late to work.
You must ride.
@Marko
No question: Ride the gravel. You can always youtube or, if you have the ability, Tivo (or whatever they call it–I do not have cable), but that ride sounds EPIC!!!
@Marko
2 things. 1. that ride should have been described in KM and meters. 2. do both as Versus usually has a late replay of the stage, look it up on the TV guide.
@ralasdair
@pakrat
@Buck Rogers
@RedRanger
Nice. You guys all pass the test. Sort of like the friendship test.
@Oli
Rest day swaps? We don’t need no stinking rest day swaps. :)
(Although I might have swapped Dirty ol’ Sanchez out for Schleck the Elder if I had had computer access on the rest day!!!)
@Marko
Can the group ride depart immediately after the stage? From your pad? Should be at like 10am, no? Have them come over an hour early to watch the climb together as a group, have espresso, possibly a biscuit, and then use the motivation to lay down the V in extra dosages.
Have cake, will eat it.
Took the day off and I am watching this for the first time in HD(and on a TV screen). gotta say I miss the Eurosport commentary.
It just got a little more interesting.
That was a fun little dig. Can GarmVelo get the win? Two men up the road.
I feel a bit terrified for what Tommy V is going to try on this descent.
THOOOORRRR!!!!
Thor Rocks!
Go Cuddles!
FUCK YEAH! What a stage, Contador coming back strong after the rest day…
Wow, Cuddles showing a clean pair of wheels! Nice!
The Schlecks should really start doing whatever Bertie does on the Rest Days. That was quite a change of form since the last mountain!
In all seriousness, the Schlecks really have to learn how to descend. Poor time trialist paired with being bad at going downhill are two massive talies against a rider who wants to win the Tour.
@frank
I like your thinking but we’re leaving from Grand Marais.
@all
That’s what Frandy gets for getting caught looking at eachother on the Bielle. Conti is gonna kill it this week. Man, I hope Cuddles can dig deep and hold off Contador. Either that or Voeckler can continue to ride out of his mind. And whoever said Dirty Sanch would help Conti pegged it.
“ingen gaver”
that’s Norwegian for “NO GIFTS”.
“Love you, EBH, but BOOM GOES THE THUNDER”
Shakeup on the GC. Evans made a great move, Contador made up some time, Fränk limited his losses, and Andy showed some serious weakness. Crazy action for what was expected to be only a minor mountain stage.
LA Dave takes over the lead in the VSP. Nice work.
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