Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France

The Badger stomps to the win in 1985. Photo: Presse Photos

While a good number of Velominati get all uppity around May and make rash statements like their preferred Grand Tour is the Giro d’Italia, because it has more and bigger climbs, beautiful white roads and crazy tifosi, there’s no denying that Le Tour de France is the real grandaddy of them all.

Admit it, July trumps May every time.

Maybe it’s because of the greater media attention, or the fact that there’s bound to be a controversy, but I for one look forward to this time of year with a fervour that has myself and others residing in the lower half of the world consuming inhuman amounts of caffeine and staving off sleep deprivation for 21 days on end, without question or cause for concern. It’s all about the bike (race) and nothing else really gets a look in. Job? Ah, we can do that blurry-eyed and with concentration levels that are probably below safe standards if operating heavy machinery. Or even computers. In fact, operating a computer becomes the central task of the day, as we check results, reports, the topography and distance of the next stage, and of course our VSP standings.

Which brings us to the Blue Riband event on the 2011 Velominati Super Prestige; Le Tour de France. Who will be resplendent in the Maillot Jaune after three weeks of high-pressure tipping, rest-day swaps and bonus stage picks? Have we seen the last of Steampunk’s yellow reign of terror? It’s time to peak, to climb well for your weight, and move Sur La Plaque to the top of the VSP. Study the guidelines (with a grain of salt, as whatever we say here overrides the guide, so ask if you’re not sure), respect the Piti Principle, and enjoy the next three weeks of the greatest show on earth. As usual, get your picks in by 5am Pacific time on Saturday morning. If you wait until the last moment and bugger it up, don’t come crying, just wait until the first rest day with all the others who pulled a Delgado.

Brett’s Take:

As a Keeper, my own tips don’t count to any jerseys or prizes, so this Tour I think I’ll tip with my heart rather than my head; it’s let me down enough this season anyway, so any ‘logic’ or ‘knowledge’ is to be discarded and replaced with ’emotion’ and ‘taking a stab in the dark’. In fact, I might even target the KOM this time around, try and get in some long breakaways and pick up points over the smaller cols while none of the big contenders are paying any real attention. Yeah, channel the spirit of JaJa, Reeshard and the Chicken. Better get me some juice.

Taking the heart over head approach, I have to say that this is going to be the year of an upset. It’s there for Cadelephant to take. The cards are all falling for him; Cont Of The Highest Odor will fade in the last week, spent from his Giro and without a reliable supply of prime beef to call upon; Grimplette, while he may have been foxing in Switzerland, just doesn’t have the firepower to match it with Cuddles or COTHO against the clock, and hasn’t got the mental capacity to attack in the mountains. Wiggins, Gesink, Grimpelder… they’ll be fighting for scraps.

It’s a three horse race, this one, but at last count there’s only three steps on a podium.

Marko’s Take:

Recently on these pages we’ve at once lamented the loss of the all-rounder GC contender and derided the formulaic predictability that “well-rounded” riders in the modern peloton employ to win races.  All the names at the top of the Giants of the Road list, however, excelled  at one thing, winning the biggest sporting event in the world.  But it isn’t  climbing prowess, time trialling efficiency, tactical sense, and winning ability alone that endear riders to us.  If it was it would be way easier and really boring to be a cycling fan.  So what is the difference between a guy like say, LeMan and a guy like Armstrong?  Panache.  What we’ve lost isn’t a type of rider but a style of rider.  Rather what we’ve lost is panache.  If, in the modern day, being a douchenozzle or belladonna means panache, so be it.  But if doping scandals and bro-mances make you yawn, keep in mind there is a lot of bike racing going on in le Grand Boucle.

So I ask, where’s the panache as far as GC contenders go?  Cuddles (may have blown his panache wad last year), Le Petit Grimpeur (no panache), Sammy Sanchez (panacheicito), Basso (panached-out), Horner (Mcpanache), JVDB (panache-a-be), CVDV (pa-crash), Veino (panachenozzle), and Ryder (trying to get all the Canadian panache that Don Cherry has been hogging for the last 30 years). For me, other than Cuddles, Veino, and Ryder it’s hard to get really excited about any of the GC contenders. But alas, I will not vote solely with my heart like my Aussie bro in New Zealand. I will do my best to garner points for no other reason than pride as I don’t get shit for winning either.

So then, now that I’ve gotten all pessimistic about the GC, what am I looking forward to? Panache, fucktards. I wanna see Faboo tow Frandy through the TTT for Leotard Schleck (thanks Dr C) and then make some perfect amount of dumb remark afterward. I wanna see Cavenisgrowingonmedish win some sprints. I wanna see Farrar beat the Manx Mouth in some sprints or cry trying. I wanna believe in the Rainbow Jersey again. I wanna see if Tomeke still has what it takes. I wanna see Jens hurt EVERYBODY. I wanna see some Russian or Spanish dude I’ve never heard of have the ride of his life and shed some tears on the podium, and I wanna see Gilbert on a long solo break on his birthday get himself a stage win and maybe even the yellow jersey for a bit.

The reason this race is so cool is there are so many races within the race.  Sure, you betcha, get drawn into to GC drama but don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees.  There’s a shit-ton gonna happen in the next three weeks and it’s gonna be good.

Gianni’s Take:

Burned from the all too predicable days of Pharmy, I just don’t care that much about the yellow jersey, Contador or a Schleck – ahhhh, who cares, skinny little bastards. I’m all in for the drama hidden within each day’s race. A stage win in the Tour can make a rider’s career and every stage has unscripted drama:  Stuey O’Grady finishing the stage within the time limit, riding in from 100km out with a broken collar bone. Or Magnus Backstead riding in by himself, dropped in the small mountains, finishing beyond the time limit, his number peeled off his jersey and he is ruined. These things happen every day in the Tour.

I like a good spoiler, like Eros Poli on Mount Ventoux, or the spoiler small break that stays away when the last 40km is a high speed tailwind run, ruining a day for the sprinters. I like Rik Verbruggen, flat back, so aero on his bike, hauling ass, a crazy solo bid for glory. I want to see more of that. I would be thrilled to see one of the Garmin roulers win a stage, and I’ll be thrilled if HTC doesn’t win the TTT.

I can schleckulate about a few things: unless Contador and Cavendish get their front wheels tangled up together resulting in a horrendous career threatening crash, both Andy Schleck and Tyler Farrar are doomed. I’m sorry, Andy can’t go fast unless it’s a steep hill (up) and no one is as good a sprinter as Cav, by a lot. Then again, if my schleckulations were worth anything, I wouldn’t be down in the boggy hole that is the low end of the VSP results.

Frank’s Take:

Every year, it happens. Every single year. It has a bitter taste, Disappointment. It sits on the front of your tongue like a small black weight that is surprisingly heavy for its size. Even though you’re not swallowing it, the taste spreads throughout, slowly – into your jaws first, then the rest of your being.

With one exception, I have never had my chips down for a rider who ended up winning – not since 1990, when I was all-in for Greg LeMond. 1991-1995 was Indurain: I favored first Bugno, then Rominger. 1996: Virenque. 1997: Virenque. 1998: Pantani; it was a long shot, but the awesome little dude pulled it off for once in my life. 1999: Zulle. 2000-2004: Ullrich. 2005-2006: Basso. 2007: The Chicken. 2008: Frank Schleck. 2009-2010: The Grimplette. But I continue to favor the dark horse because I know that when I am redeemed, it will be glorious beyond articulation.

This will be that year. Not because I will change my tactic, but because this is the one for les Fréres Grimpeur. It’s a hilly enough race with enough uphill finishes – we all know the skinny boys have a challenge when the road points down. (You’d really think that with all that practicing they do going uphill that they’d occasionally get a chance to practice going down one as well, but those boys descend like first-year amateurs.) Bertie blew the guns at a very difficult Giro and all the Spanish Beef in the world can’t help you recoup from that kind of effort in time for a similarly difficult Tour. Cuddles is a pipe dream borne from the understandably optimistic thoughts from our antipodal brothers and sisters in Oz and Newz. Wiggo, Vande Velde, Gesink, and Van den Broek will all learn how hard it is to pull out a good Tour ride for a second (or first) time when the pressure is truly on.

I’ve also vowed not to get caught up in my propensity to dwell on the fact that Contador should not be in the race. The fact that a rider who failed a dope test in last year’s Tour has been allowed to start is a reflection of the ineffectiveness of Cycling’s governing bodies, not on Bertie. True, I hate him and would be happy to see him not start, but if I were in his shoes, I admit that would start if I was allowed to. And, lets face it: Andy’s win will mean more when it comes with the defeat of Alberto than with a nonstart.

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1,407 Replies to “Velominati Super Prestige: 2011 Le Tour de France”

  1. Holy Crap. Lost my feed and then work interrupted and I rejoined for the last 6KM to find the race blown apart. Fantastic finish. Got to watch it on HD tonight.

  2. @frank

    Wow, Cuddles showing a clean pair of wheels! Nice!
    The Schlecks should really start doing whatever Bertie does on the Rest Days. That was quite a change of form since the last mountain!
    In all seriousness, the Schlecks really have to learn how to descend. Poor time trialist paired with being bad at going downhill are two massive talies against a rider who wants to win the Tour.

    And lack of aggression. I want to charge them with violating Rule #5.

  3. @RedRanger
    Holy Merckx! My eyes, my eyes! On the other hand, white seems to be a flattering colour for him. Is this evidence of Winbone?

  4. @JPA
    Just seen an interview with Andy Schleck where he has a little moan about the finish being on descent and it being dangerous because it was wet. Hmmm, all the others seemed to do ok?

  5. @RedRanger
    That’s an awesome article. It really covers the reasons why he’s so respected. And 6 kids too? He really knows how to HTFU.

  6. @Jonny

    @RedRanger
    That’s an awesome article. It really covers the reasons why he’s so respected. And 6 kids too? He really knows how to HTFU.

    Don’t get me wrong, I like the WSJ(it’s one of 3 newspapers I will actually read) but I was super skeptical about the article before I read it. but the did a bang up job.

  7. I reckon Good Cadel passed on the whinging virus to Schleckels after he won the world champs. Frandy better bring some serious attacks in les Alpes, otherwise that’s 3 straight years without fireworks…
    C’mon Cadel, Dai Basso!

    Gilbear tomorrow?

  8. LOVING Cadel right now!

    But bugger me – yet another instance of fucking Spanish riders on different teams (understandably) combining against Cadel. Just lucky Valverde wasn’t riding today.

  9. On a re-watch of the stage Cadel covered Contadors moves with relative ease today. And Alberto still didn’t have his trademark kick. Even though the Alps are a different story (which Cadel traditionally hasn’t liked) unless there is a massive form reversal (eg f schleck getting set up by Andy and actually going- or (more likely) Steakelero suddenly climbing a LOT better in 48 & 72 hours time – or Cadel cracking, ofwhich he has shown no signs), CADEL WINS!

    Yes, I am biased.

    Aside: Imagine the heartache and angst if Alberto takes the Tour from Cadel in the TT…

  10. I’m confused about the scoring… I’ve got both Schlecks, Evans and Sanchez (Sanchez in the right position) but zero points. How does that work.

    Also, while I’m at it, I saw a note further up that a spelling correction would count as a change – on the first rest day I added S to Sanchez just to clarify I meant Samuel not LL so does that mean I would have been penalised – or penalized even ?

  11. worryingly I actually found myself egging on Contador this morning, and Evans of course – while I had thought I would be happy to see the Schleksters do some winning, but they haven’t really shown any V, and have been whinging far too much, and their tactics a re a bit boring to be fair…. and secretly that Voeckler makes it to the podium…. :O)

  12. @Gerard
    I was just happy to see someone have a go. I always harass the Andy for poor descending, and then today the camera stayed on him for a bit. I believe poor should be changed to terrible. Get him out on a mountain bike for a few months. A taste of the singletrack will force him to get better. Or perhaps instead he’ll complain about whoever put all the rocks and roots on the trail?

  13. @Collin
    yes indeed. lets hope for more attacking to come – a friend of mine did Leadville last year and was somewhat bemused by all the road cyclists shouting ‘rock’ on the off road trail lol :O)

  14. @RedRanger
    Not sure it makes a difference. Moving into awkward territory, but I don’t think we can blame the white shorts (this from last year’s stage 3 on the cobbles.

  15. @Marcus
    I think today was a bit of a test. Contador wanted to see where everyone actually was. He learned that the Schlecks are dead in the water (if the TT was tomorrow, I suspect he’d finish ahead of both of them). Which leaves Cadel & Voeckler. Voeckler looked pretty good today and matched a number of Contador’s attacks; Cadel looked very good and BMC looked strong in support. But the hills are only going to get steeper and I suspect Contador will keep stretching the elastic out to see how far Evans can go. The Alps are going to hurt. But we could see a more animated week in the mountains…

  16. @sgt
    Sorry. I find myself less appalled by the white shorts on the world champion in general, though. I think they stand out a bit (I’m still talking about the shorts).

  17. @RedRanger
    Interested to note that the chain is on the big ring and in a pretty high gear. I remember @Frank stressing the merits of stabling the bike in a lower gear and the smaller ring (which I do, too).

  18. @Steampunk

    @RedRanger
    Interested to note that the chain is on the big ring and in a pretty high gear. I remember @Frank stressing the merits of stabling the bike in a lower gear and the smaller ring (which I do, too).

    to what end? to save the cables? still new to all this. It may not matter for a Pro rider since those bikes are getting worked on by a mechanic after every race.

  19. @RedRanger
    I’m sure it doesn’t matter to the pro””and more to the point to the mechanic who is racing to tend to 9+ bikes a night (watching the hose come out still hurts my sensibilities)””but I think it had to do with stabling the chain with less stretch in it (I started largely because of a sore knee and I needed to start out in a pretty low gear until I got going; knee’s better but the aesthetic of a fairly straight chain appealed to me, too). So: preservation of chain.

  20. @RedRanger
    In the Jens article it mentioned the kids bike he finished a race on – I had forgotten that one – classic!

    My optimistic/naive hope (I’m with Marcus here) is the Schlecles will ignite in the real hills to drop Contador but Evans will hang on to add yellow to his palmares after the time trial…

  21. @G’rilla

    @RedRanger
    The article reports that the best man at Jens wedding was Thor. Must have been back in the CSC days?

    I’m guessing the Credit Agricole days; they both rode together on that team.

  22. @Steampunk

    @RedRanger
    Interested to note that the chain is on the big ring and in a pretty high gear. I remember @Frank stressing the merits of stabling the bike in a lower gear and the smaller ring (which I do, too).

    Yeah, I always stable in the lowest gear, but I think technically the word on the street is that it’s best to cross little to little to minimize cable stretch. Storing on the big ring doesn’t make much sense to me. But neither does riding an all-yellow bike, so its not the only issue I have with Tommy’s ride.

  23. @Steampunk
    I think it’s more the cables than the chain – but I forgot to mention it’s also done as a courtesy to the mechs who will likely remove the wheel at some point while servicing, and then the mech leaves it in that gear afterwards.

  24. @Minion
    I guy I work with was recruited out of Viet Nam into the CIA to assassinate dangerous leaders out in the field. (The op has been declassified.)

    He was issued a hang gun, a knife, and a list of names. His mission was to find the people on the list and assassinate them. He completed his mission and said he rarely used his gun.

    Scary as shit reporting to him after hearing that story over beers.

  25. Man I hope Evans doesn’t pull a Hincapie. Sure was nice to see a serious podium threat put some V into a wet descent.

    On the opposite end of that spectrum, I’m losing respect for Andy as this tour goes along. He might want to drop out now and enjoy some fromage along with his ever louder whine. I just read his post race interview in Cycling News.

    Andy said “I’m really disappointed. Is this what people really want to see?” he asked.

    “I think the parcours was badly chosen today. We don’t want to see riders crashing, riders taking risks. Everyone has got a family at home. A finish like this should not be allowed.”

    Does anyone here share his opinion?

    Nobody wants to see these guys injured, but you descend at the rate of your ability. While I don’t race, I sure enjoy seeing my descending skills improve as the season passes. Does he hop in a car after climb in training? No TT ability and no downhill skills makes for a pretty lousy basis for a GC contender.

  26. @frank
    After that story, I assume you offered to pay for the beers?

    @Steampunk
    If Thor did nothing in the white shorts (a la Ballan), then I’d be wondering if he was just an exhibitionist. But he has done plenty in those white shorts, so can be excused. Did anyone else notice that he attends the podium ceremony in black shorts? Perhaps ASO asked him to tone things down a bit.

  27. @Bianchi Denti
    I thought riders generally changed into a clean kit before taking the podium, particularly on Rule #9 days. The riders want to get dry and warm as fast as possible, just like the rest of us.

  28. The Schlecks are a joke. Maybe if Faboo was able to climb, he could get to the front on the descents and do his arm-waving schtick to neutralise the race coz it’s too dangerous for the Useless Bros to look back at each other dreamily.

  29. @brett
    I actually liked his arm-waving when he’d dragged the Schlecks back up after Contador’s first attempt to breakaway. He got them there, held on for a bit, and then waved them on. Job done: now do it yourselves.

  30. @Steampunk

    I have a vision of Riis sitting in his car, chuckling, and thinking “I dodged a bullet when you expensive pussies walked out on me!” And then thinking again “But I would like Faboo back…”

  31. Your cables won’t stretch if you leave your bike sitting in the big ring or any other gear. Nor will your chain or derailleur spring. Certainly not in the reasonable lifespan of this equipment, even if there is a minimal effect (which I would dispute). Let’s face it, most of you will upgrade long before you ever wear anything more than your chain and cassette out anyway.

  32. @Bianchi Denti

    @frank After that story, I assume you offered to pay for the beers?

    And politely declined when he suggested pushing on to a steak house. Holy crap.

    @brett @Bianchi Denti Very good.

    @pakrat
    Andy’s mind is a bit like Thor’s shorts: we all know what’s in there, and don’t really want reminding.

  33. AS: “Is this what people really want to see?”

    What, awesome descenders descending awesomely, gaining time on their opponents, in Rule #9 conditions, while looking so aggressive it make one’s guns hurt just thinking about it?!

    He’s obviously talking about danger, and to take a large step of compassion back, Leopard Trek did lose WW this year on a descent (not that any of us need reminding), so sensitivities have to be acknowledged.

    That being said–genuine question, as I don’t know–did anyone crash today on this descent that “should not be allowed?” If 15% of the peloton went down today, he has a point. If no one did, well, perhaps my disappointment in him is warranted.

    Of course, one massive attack that blows the race apart by Andy would most likely instantaneously one-eighty my opinion of him, no questions asked.

  34. What is it with the Schlecks complaining that descending should not be part of the Tour? The winner of the Tour is the person who is the best all around, not uphill. There already is a price for the best uphill performance, and it’s not the Maillot Jaune.

  35. @frank

    Yikes. I was thinking more along the lines of the classic Brit Gangster movie lock, stock and 2 smoking barrels where a wannabe gangster with no idea about what he’s doing wants to sound tough. Replace “gangster” with “cyclist” and you’ve pretty much described me down to the ground.

    @Oli

    Awww c’mon Oli everyone knows this is the internet, not traditionally a fertile ground for common sense and reason.
    This sounds stupid but I think my bikes are, well, relaxing in this gear combo, recovering from the last ride like me. And once they’re all rested they’ll be able to get up and go again. TBH on my rain bike I have been changing wheels a lot lately, and the gears need adjusting when I change so it makes sense to store them in that gear combo (on the back at least)

  36. Oy, I feel so discombobulated with this race right now. Having no internet for five days puts you behind quite a bit. Gotta try and catch up, fell asleep watching stage 11 last night while trying to get laundry done at midnight. I doubt I’ll get caught up before the race is over at this rate.

  37. @Seth!
    Yep – FDJ guy leading the Voekler/A Schleck group.

    Can’t believe any of you negative bastards haven’t given massive V Credits to Cadel for his comfortable climbing and ballet descending. Putting time into Sammy Sanchez on a wet downhil is pretty good (unless Sanchez was waiting for contador – and who would know with those Spaniards?).

  38. @Marcus
    Sanchez didn’t eat enough this stage. Rookie mistake.

    And to be honest, I thought the Alps weren’t Cadel’s terrain?

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