Categories: Awesome Swiss GuysRacingThe Hardmen

WWSD

What will Spartacus do?

When it comes to hardmen, there aren’t many tougher than this guy. That he manages to mix massive amounts of V with similarly massive amounts of Casual Deliberation only serves to heighten the man-crushes of a bunch of older, fatter, balder men who see a visage of Spatacus looking back at us in the mirror every time we don lycra. We wish we could be him.

So I put myself into the mind of Fabs after his huge crash/broken back/ride anyway/forced to retire sequence the other day. The guy has had a lot of bad luck over the last few years, and as he gets to the twilight of his career, decisions need to be made. What Will Spartacus Do? Well, I don’t know, but I do know what Spartacus should do.

The only way for Faboo to go out is thus:

Take a break in the sun, drink rum, heal the injury and ride a scooter without a helmet. Try not to fall off.
Work off the fat from all the Mojitos and get training again.
Target the World Champs road race and win the bloody thing.
Look completely awesome in the rainbow bands (with black shorts) and win Lombardia.
Have a rest over winter, then train for one last Classics campaign.
Win Het Volk, E3, the Ronde and Roubaix while looking awesome in the bands.
Retire on the velodrome with a cobble in hand.
Un-retire. Break the Hour Record.
Replace fucking Jens on whatever commentary team I had to put up with listening to his shit the other night.

Shouldn’t be too big an ask.

Brett

Don't blame me

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View Comments

Chris says:

Jul 9 2015 at 1:13 pm

@unversio

@SteelCamp

@ChrisO

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I’ve worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde – about 20 years out of date.

That’s a professional, not cycling opinion.

I am open to being corrected

Don’t attempt to use the term “meanies” within a semi-intelligent dialogue — around us (period).
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 1:36 pm

@Mikael Liddy

@Oli interesting, I’ve heard nothing but praise for Keeno. What’s the issue?

Not a Keenan fan either. Heard him call Fabs "Cancerella" for most of a Tour a few years back. He switched to Cancellara for a day or two but then was back to "Cancerella" for the remainder.

Phil was just embarrassing on the cobble stage the other night... @Bianchi Denti and I were practically shouting at the TV as he called rider after rider wrong. It really is time to move on, he's had a great career but has been out of touch since, oh about 1999.
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 1:45 pm

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don't think I'd be kissing Phil's shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night... Us: "there goes Boom."

Phil: "That looks like Nibali" No Phil, Nibbles isn't 6'2" and he's wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 1:48 pm

@Owen

How big of an ask would it be to get V-themed WWSD bracelets made? Seems like an anti-Cantankerous Texan move. All proceeds go to a Keeper beer fund.

How about no bracelets, and you set up a Keeper Beer Fund?
shaun-kellyvivid57-co-uk says:

Jul 9 2015 at 2:06 pm

@Meanie

@unversio

@SteelCamp

@ChrisO

@davidlhill

@SteelCamp

Wow what a bunch of meanies. Love the sport Love the BIKES and the Riders and Love the people that bring it all to us. The biggest problem I have had in cycling is interacting with a bunch of snobs who can’t ~~probably couldn’t~~ do any of it better.

I’ve corrected your post. Apologies for feeling the need to.

David

Actually you two I’ve worked nearly thirty years in television, launched multiple programs and even a sports network. I know shit when I see and hear it.

Ligget and Sherwen are shit and the French coverage of the Tour (which is what we see with their commentary on top) is also merde – about 20 years out of date.

That’s a professional, not cycling opinion.

I am open to being corrected

Don’t attempt to use the term “meanies” within a semi-intelligent dialogue — around us (period).

Owned. Well done that man.
Matt says:

Jul 9 2015 at 2:53 pm

@Harminator

@ChrisO

Hope Tony Martin doesn’t go the same way as Cancellara. Bit of a curse on the yellow jersey this year.

Also having slightly mixed feelings about Teklahaimanot. Nice for a young rider to get the polka dot jersey but bagging three minor bumps has the same points as winning on Mur de Huy? Get out of here…

Agreed. Panzerwagon looked phucked at the finish but he’s total pro so might be precautions for a scan.

No such luck. Put his collarbone into a few pieces, and it's an open fracture. Cool as a fucking cucumber during the Yellow Jersey ceremony while probably in an immense amount of pain.
Mikael Liddy says:

Jul 9 2015 at 3:34 pm

@Matt

@Harminator

@ChrisO

Hope Tony Martin doesn’t go the same way as Cancellara. Bit of a curse on the yellow jersey this year.

Also having slightly mixed feelings about Teklahaimanot. Nice for a young rider to get the polka dot jersey but bagging three minor bumps has the same points as winning on Mur de Huy? Get out of here…

Agreed. Panzerwagon looked phucked at the finish but he’s total pro so might be precautions for a scan.

No such luck. Put his collarbone into a few pieces, and it’s an open fracture. Cool as a fucking cucumber during the Yellow Jersey ceremony while probably in an immense amount of pain.

yup, he landed flush on the point of his left shoulder. Perfect recipe for a shattered collarbone. Nice of the ASO to put the jersey on him before the presentation so that you didn't have the Contador/Giro sight of him holding the jersey in his hand.
piwakawaka says:

Jul 9 2015 at 3:39 pm

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

just get the name right, you had ONE job, FFS one job!!
brett says:

Jul 9 2015 at 5:52 pm

@piwakawaka

@brett

@SteelCamp

But if you’re bashing someone from your computer chair who’s shoes you would kiss if you met them in person I have no respect

Don’t think I’d be kissing Phil’s shoes if I met him.

And I could do a better job than him, so could most people who can identify a rider and call his name correctly. Shit, we were doing it the other night… Us: “there goes Boom.”

Phil: “That looks like Nibali” No Phil, Nibbles isn’t 6’2″ and he’s wearing a National Champs jersey and has No. 1 on his back.

just get the name right, you had ONE job, FFS one job!!

*I may have used these names as an example and that may not have happened, but there were numerous occasions where it was just as fucking obvious.
Minnesota Expat says:

Jul 9 2015 at 6:02 pm

@Mikael Liddy

@Matt

@Harminator

No such luck. Put his collarbone into a few pieces, and it’s an open fracture. Cool as a fucking cucumber during the Yellow Jersey ceremony while probably in an immense amount of pain.

yup, he landed flush on the point of his left shoulder. Perfect recipe for a shattered collarbone. Nice of the ASO to put the jersey on him before the presentation so that you didn’t have the Contador/Giro sight of him holding the jersey in his hand.

To quote the EQS team doctor Helge Riepenhof, "Unfortunately, the collarbone is a lateral fracture. "The collarbone is in lots of pieces, so it was a major impact. One of the pieces came through the skin, which means it's an open fracture." I've spent a lifetime as an Army infantryman, so I'm no stranger to strong language. I just don't like it, typically don't swear, but. WHAT THE FUCK, OVER?!

So then Tony tweets: “Collarbone is broken. We will discuss further steps.” Is he REALLY thinking of starting tomorrow?! So, after Cancellera's crash, finishing the stage up the Mur de Huy, and the other assorted injuries and broken bones can we put to rest the mythology of the 1970's Belgian hard man and that the modern peloton are a bunch of pussies?! My god.