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Lock, Sock, and Two Smoking Barrels

Classic witte socks

It used to be that you could choose any color shoes you wanted, so long as they were black and any color socks, so long as they were white. Easy times, those. Then Gianni gave me his White Ladies and all of a sudden my life was complicated.

First of all, the shoes were so beautifully white in their gleaming patent leather that only the whitest of white socks looked white enough. Wear them twice and into the “rain sock” pile they went. The real “rain socks” were even worse, because they were actually dingy and I simply couldn’t deal with the contrast. So then I started wearing black socks in bad weather. Fortunately, white shoes with black socks looks much better than you’d think, although it looks worse than white on white or black on white.

So then I was changing sock color depending on the weather.

The great thing about a pair of White Ladies with white socks is it turns the foot/ankle into a single visual unit, almost like a perpetual pair of overshoes, and everyone knows overshoes always look rad. Very good for motivation when the V-Bank is running a little low on funds.

Then I got my custom orange Bonts, and things really became a mess. Somehow, the extra orange means I have to match my socks to my jersey, otherwise it all looks out of balance; white socks with the Witte jersey, and black socks with the Zwarte jersey. Which is practical because I always wear black in the rain.

But what about that perpetual overshoe look for which I’ve declared my undying love? Orange socks and orange shoes, is it too much? Apparently the answer to that question depends on my mood and how tan my guns are, because I really dug it yesterday but some days I can’t take it because it might be a tad too fluoro. Except I’m kind of liking fluoro again.

So now I’m matching my socks to my jersey unless I match them to my shoes. To make matters worse, my socks are a bit long, I’m afraid. But with my tan line in full swing, I’m committed to the length for the remainder of the season at least. At which point I’ll probably like the sock length.

Somebody call a doctor.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Haldy says:

Jul 10 2015 at 12:15 pm

Ahh..the varied choices of sock length...at this time of year..I pull the old school trackie card and go with the ultra low socks...
@BacklashJack says:

Jul 10 2015 at 12:22 pm

With my bike being black/white/gray, it is important to consider that blood can also be introduced at random points during the ride and should compliment and not besmirch the overall aesthetic of the rider and machine. Hence, red highlights on the socks and kit just in case you have a week like I did this week.
VeloVita says:

Jul 10 2015 at 12:32 pm

I've found the secret to achieving a 'single unit' shoe sock combo with socks that aren't the same color as the shoe to be to match the base sock color to the color of the shoe's sockliner. In Frank's photo above that would mean a predominantly black sock. I have bright red Bont's similar to Frank's above and had a hard time for a while because of the contrast with white or any other color sock. Now I rock them with different pairs of patterned socks that are black at the sock/shoe interface and love the look.
bob says:

Jul 10 2015 at 1:31 pm

I keep waiting for people to come to senses and make this high sock aborant trend come to an end!
gilly says:

Jul 10 2015 at 2:15 pm

Fuck me Frank, with the turmoil you clearly put yourself through in dressing correct it's a wonder you get out the door. I'm a black sock/ black & white shoe guy with white socks only guesting when I'm sufficiently tanned.
Teocalli says:

Jul 10 2015 at 2:47 pm

@gilly

Fuck me Frank, with the turmoil you clearly put yourself through in dressing correct it’s a wonder you get out the door. I’m a black sock/ black & white shoe guy with white socks only guesting when I’m sufficiently tanned.

I think he has to prepare the day before for each ride. So there could be an explanation when he comes up with something nuts when the day before prep gets confused with the following day's prep on the day or the ride and he goes out wearing a split preparation. If you catch my drift.
MangoDave says:

Jul 10 2015 at 3:05 pm

@bob

I keep waiting for people to come to senses and make this high sock aborant trend come to an end!

A-Merckx. I'm with you on that, bob.
Matt says:

Jul 10 2015 at 3:13 pm

I don't get it. Black and/or VVhite shoes with VVhite* socks. 4 inch cuff. End of fucking story for me. Black shorts. Only thing that absolutely must match are the cap and jersey.

I could make an argument, however, that socks with matching color accents look the business, as long as the base color is white.

*For extra cold rides I will deploy my Defeet Woolie Boolies, which are dark grey and warm and awesome.
frank says:

Jul 10 2015 at 3:17 pm

@@BacklashJack

With my bike being black/white/gray, it is important to consider that blood can also be introduced at random points during the ride and should compliment and not besmirch the overall aesthetic of the rider and machine. Hence, red highlights on the socks and kit just in case you have a week like I did this week.

Was your crash caused by your mismatched bidon cages?
@BacklashJack says:

Jul 10 2015 at 3:27 pm

@frank Goddammit, you beat me with my own shame. Going to the LBS today for new gloves, pro check on if my wheels are still true, and a new bidon cage.