Velominati’s Sock Height Calculator: Refining the Goldilocks Principle

Start Measuring

Firstly, all you kids, kindly get off my lawn. Especially you kids who wear too tall black socks with white cycling shoes. Get off my lawn and stop racing in my favorite bike races. There’s no call for that. Why should my Milan-Sanremo enjoyment be ruined by this? It’s a sunny day, no snow, no rain, white socks not good enough, eh? Riding along the Ligurian coast from Milan to Sanremo without two seconds consideration about sock selection, eh? Just thinking about Sock Height not good enough, EH?

Winnipegcyclechick’s stellar treatise on sock height should be required reading for everyone, even non-cyclists. People should have this knowledge. Mongols on the Steppes; Тийм ээ, тийм, би энэ оймс өндөр мэднэ.*

While we have lost the battle on sock color the final battles on height continues. We can use the VSP generator between VSP runs to work on other important 1st world problems. To this end, straight outta the Velominati bunker we have this: the sock height calculator.

S = A/π – √B ± (B/A) / (1/CS¹)

Where:

A= Lower leg length measured from inner ankle protuberance to top of the inner tibia in cm.
B= Distance between inner ankle protuberance to bottom of calf in cm.
S= Sock height measured above inner ankle protuberance in cm.
CS¹= Calf Shame factor on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 equals no shame (some pride) and 10 equals great shame (seppuku or calf implants are fantasized about equally).

The term CS¹ has become most controversial in peer review but most agree a correction factor should be available for individual taste.

*In English: Yes, Yes, I know of this sock height.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Mar 26 2016 at 7:42 am

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.
Julio says:

Mar 26 2016 at 8:03 am

Assuming A=45 cm; B= 25 cm...

http://fotos.subefotos.com/4e139939e06b990641df4938a6e9815co.png
Winnipeg CycleChick says:

Mar 26 2016 at 8:04 am

Gracias for the shout-out G. With your scientific prowess and my keen ability to colour things, we are unstoppable.
Teocalli says:

Mar 26 2016 at 8:06 am

@mach_Bar @Gianni

@Teocalli

Love your comment :-) made me laugh so much. You could try different colours as well to balance the imbalance.

This is troubling as I fear the consequence will be that I can only climb clockwise spirals and will now be pouring over maps seeking out such climbs.
fignons barber says:

Mar 26 2016 at 8:44 am

@Buck Rogers

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.

Must we also wear terry cloth head bands and sport our cables with at least a 14 inch radius above the bars as well? Evolution of fashion. Socks between 9-12cm. If your legs are longer, pull the socks up. Shorter legs? Calf stretches and drink more milk.

Sock color? GQ states in fundamental dress: socks should always be as dark or DARKER than shoes. The only reason they wore white socks with black shoes is because colored athletic socks had not been invented yet. The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact.
Major VVald says:

Mar 26 2016 at 9:25 am

@fignons barber

"The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact"

Too true, too true. I remember the first time we saw a rider out wearing colorful socks - we pulled him over and jabbed him with an epi-pen so as to prevent anaphylactic shock. The poor guy pulled through, but it was touch and go for about 30 minutes there. He just started hyperventilating and screaming incoherent obscenities, ranting about why'd we do that and he wasn't allergic to bee stings. The dye was evidently too powerful for his immune system, we got there just in time.
Teocalli says:

Mar 26 2016 at 9:51 am

@Major VVald

@fignons barber

“The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact”

Too true, too true. I remember the first time we saw a rider out wearing colorful socks – we pulled him over and jabbed him with an epi-pen so as to prevent anaphylactic shock. The poor guy pulled through, but it was touch and go for about 30 minutes there. He just started hyperventilating and screaming incoherent obscenities, ranting about why’d we do that and he wasn’t allergic to bee stings. The dye was evidently too powerful for his immune system, we got there just in time.

After all it's why the Druids died out - all that Woade did them in.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 26 2016 at 10:24 am

@fignons barber

@Buck Rogers

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.

Must we also wear terry cloth head bands and sport our cables with at least a 14 inch radius above the bars as well? Evolution of fashion. Socks between 9-12cm. If your legs are longer, pull the socks up. Shorter legs? Calf stretches and drink more milk.

Sock color? GQ states in fundamental dress: socks should always be as dark or DARKER than shoes. The only reason they wore white socks with black shoes is because colored athletic socks had not been invented yet. The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact.

Bullshit! When fashion reaches its apex, one should not try to change it. The discussion is socks, not head bands. Stay on target, Mate!
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 26 2016 at 10:42 am
wiscot says:

Mar 26 2016 at 10:44 am

And while we're on the subject of socks and sock color (white always, unless hidden by overshoes or Blgian booties) I've just ordered a pair of shoes so black they suck light into them. I'll be wearing them with white socks. I'm not a savage after all.

As for length @litvi has it right - and I'd say his height is the maximum.